Hey people!

Don't you love the smell of New York in the winter? How the cold air burns your nostrils the way expensive whiskey burns your throat, the way delicate flakes of snow falls onto the ground the way La Perla panties fall to your floor, the way you see happy couples keeping each other warm on a bench in Central Park…ew.

The people who are in love who we hate

Maybe it's just me, but I'm so sick of happy couples. And as of 10 PM we have one less to deal with. You've seen them on park benches all over the city, on the steps of the Met, cuddling while looking at the penguins of the Central Park Zoo, trying to devour each other's faces on the corner between their two same-sex schools before the first bell, during lunch, before soccer practice…Blech. No longer will we have to watch as she stands tippy toes in her Kate Spade flats to reach his lips and clings to his baby blue Brooks Brothers button-up shirt. So girls, spring for the new sultry sex-kitten haircut you've been thinking about and treat yourself to the sexiest panties you can find whether they be from the all-new Stella McCartney collection or Victoria Secret's catalogue because the hottest boy in the city is officially back on the market. Don't spend too long rejoicing though, you never know when the Manhattan's stupidest girl will realize what she's done…or when someone else who's had their eye on him for years will decide to jump his bones rather than waste time being subtle. After all, I'm your competition, grr.

Our favorite trio to hold concert…

By now I'm sure you all know that our favorite trio, a certain G3 has arrived to spend some time working on their new album on the East Coast circuit. And I'm sure a lot of you obsessive fan girls out there are already camped out in their apartment in the snow waiting to try and touch them when they walk out to school. Why though? My sources tell me that they're holding a charity concert at a certain St. Judes School for Boys. If you aren't a certain beautiful brunette hunk with mesmerizing chocolate colored eyes…or even a hunk that may be blond and gorgeous but way too aware of it don't worry, it's also open to Constance Billard and Riverside Prep students…and, gag, L'Ecole, um,sophisticated young ladies…right. So double the request for new fancy panties because you'll need them to throw onstage, or for sneaking backstage after the show. Sometimes it's fun to be a groupie…

Q & A

Q: Dear Gossip Girl,
Are all girls in the city psycho or just the girls I know? Is there any way to tell or is it all just luck? Are you sane? Are you as hot as you lead on? Who are you?
-BeingStalkedByCrazies

A: Dear BSBC,
Sadly all of us get crazy sometimes. If you're lucky you'll find someone who's crazy in bed, if not, well, I apologize. I dunno if I'm your definition of sane or not…but either way. I'm worth it. And good luck finding out who I am. It's like Carly Simon says about who You're So Vain is written about: "Those who think they know…don't."
Love, GG

Q: Dear GG,
I heard that L and M went to tennis camp together years ago on Cape Cod. They had they're own cabin and totally spent the whole time having sex. Is it true? Is M a total lesbo? Is that why she's the only one in the state who doesn't jump at the thought of screwing O?
-LonelyGirl

A: Dear LG,
While I can definitely confirm that M spends her summers playing tennis on Nantucket, I can also confirm that L has never been there. And as to why she hasn't slept with O, even I'm not sure. I mean you've seen the boy, right?
-GG
P.S. They're=They are. Their is the possessive you wanted to use.

Sightings

O being kicked out of M's penthouse and checking into a suite at his mother's Alma matter, the Yale Club. V returning to Williamsburg minus little L. Has M found someone she's willing to play nice with for once? S on the balcony of her apartment in a terrycloth robe from Barney's puffing away on a Merit Light. J stumbling drunkenly into a cab with M's besties A and A. Well, if he can't get the real deal he might as well take an imposter. N's yacht pulling into Battery Park with both him and B looking under bathed and over sexed. Looks like some people had fun in the country of romance.

Well my pretties, I've got more people to watch so I can tell. I hate not sharing good news…and all news is good news, right?

You know you love me,

Gossip girl

AN: I am so tempted to put up a second chapter today because I have it done and its…gah. Can't though. It sucks. I'm not patient, never have been, never will be.