The Escapades of DARTH!! Maximus – Episode I

Disclaimer: Lookie here! Star Wars isn't mine!

Summary: Very AU! Darth Maximus is the reigning Sith Lord, with his loyal assistants servants Minion Secretary, Minion One, Minion Two and Minion Three. Oh no! What does this mean for our poor, poor galaxy?!

A/N: Here is the last instalment for Episode I, and then I can focus on Episode II!

Enough of my ramblings.
-Darth Maximus

Chapter Seven: Coruscant the Second and Returning Home

"It's still a wasteland," Darth Maximus said in shock as he stepped off the ramp of the Lamb.

"Of course," Minion Secretary confirmed, brushing a stray rubix cube off her shirt sleeve. "After all, it has been in control of the Hutts for so long."

"Maybe I should fix it!" Maximus suggested, scratching his head. "It was rather silly of me to import a Hutt to Coruscant and drop the rest of the Jedi in outer space, wasn't it?" He skipped over to what used to be the Senate building and peered inside.

"Yes, why not?" Minion Secretary mumbled, trailing after him. "I think they're near the Alderaan star system."

"Excellent, excellent!" Maximus rubbed his hands together in glee and jumped off the hovering platform. Minion Secretary gasped, the rubix cube bounced, a Hutt hopped into a hover car, and a bounty hunter fell of his speeder.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Minion Secretary screamed as she attempted to save Maximus.

"Why, I'm channelling Minion Secretary!" Darth Maximus called back up to her as he bounced off his bottom on the planet surface. Minion Secretary put her face in her hands and wept.

Three months later...

"I am pleased to reveal to all New Coruscant!" Darth Maximus announced, stepping off the large ship. Several Jedi spilled out after him and gazed in wonder at the planet. Maximus scratched his head.

"Of course, I may have overdone the decorations just a little..."

Pink balloons decorated the exterior and interior of the Senate chamber. Banners saying 'Welcome back, Jedi!' were displayed on top of the Jedi temple. Random geysers of flame appeared crackling around several of the smaller, seedier buildings of the planet. A bright pink glow enveloped the whole sky as people looked about in wonder.

"WESA HOME!!!!" Jar Jar Binks cried, rushing headlong into a brick wall.



"Shall we leave?" Darth Maximus enquired, poking his head around the door. Minion Secretary was practicing some obscure martial arts.

"Yes, sir," she replied, sheathing her sword and starting to clamber up the ramp to the Lamb. "Sir, do you know any forms of martial arts?"

Darth Maximus nodded sagely.

"Yes. I know Tae Kwon Do, Judo, Kung Fu, and several other kinds of dangerous words." He strode purposefully up the ramp and closed the door as they began the journey to The Computer.


"Where did the Cleaner go?" Maximus asked, plopping into his chair. He cranked it up so his electric blue hair nearly touched the ceiling.

"I have no idea," Minion Secretary replied, taking out her sharpening stone again. Darth Maximus stiffened, and glared at Minion Secretary.

"HOW DARE YOU?!" he roared, stabbing a finger at her. Minion Secretary straightened up fearfully, dropping her stone with a clatter.

"How dare I..?" she asked meekly, eyes wide open.

"Never mind," he replied, pressing Smoochums to him tightly and pressing a button somewhere, making the ship shudder slightly before returning to normal.

Minion Secretary breathed a sigh of relief.

"We are on course to planet Pie," Maximus noted as the ship accelerated into hyperspace. "Pie, here we come!"



Darth Maximus was bored. And when Darth Maximus was bored, strange things tended to happen.

"Where's my Cheerios?" he asked plaintively as he stirred around the Cheerios in his bowl.

"In your bowl," came the somewhat tart response from Minion Secretary, who was busy tidying shelves. "Minion Two says that there was a small scale riot on Pie, by the way." She glanced at Maximus, gauging his reaction.

"Tell the rioters that they have no reason to be angry," Maximus replied, waving a dismissive hand at Minion Secretary. Then he sniffed and turned around.

"Did you smell that?" Maximus asked, sitting up. Minion Secretary whirled around, a goofy smile plastered on her face.

"Smell what?" she asked, and suddenly her face returned to normal with a loud CRACK! Darth Maximus frowned in worry.

"I have a nasty suspicion..." he began, before the ship suddenly shuddered and a large planet looking rathe like a pie appeared outside the window.

"Look, Pie!" he shouted with glee.

The End.



And here is the end to The Escapades of DARTH! Maximus: Episode I! Soon to come, the new chapter in Episode II.