Summary: She's living in a world of sex, drugs, depression, self harm, and more just trying to get by. There's only one person who can save her from this life...and from herself. Can he? Loe.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.


Beep Beep Beep Beep

I smash the button down on my alarm clock and groan. It's five thirty in the morning now, which means I have to get ready for the most exciting place in the world! Not.

I roll onto my back and stretch, trying to remember what time I crashed last night. It was 3? 3:30? Maybe four o'clock, I don't remember, all I know is that I got only two hours of sleep. Fuck.

I force myself up off the warmth of my bed and drag my feet the whole 10 feet to the bathroom. The light hurts my eyes, but that's what I remember the cuts. They're coated with a light scabbing. Wonderful, just wonderful. I really have to make a mental note not to cut so early in the morning. Watch them burst open during math class, hah.

It wasn't until I was standing under the hot water of the shower that I realized I was aching all over my body. He really must have gotten into it yesterday. I scrunch up my face and frown. I can't remember, why can't I remember? I really think about this. Could it be the depression, my inability to concentrate, my numbness? But then I come to this conclusion: the déjà vu like memories. Well I mean it this way, how is it that our brains can remember something that doesn't happen too often, but can barely remember the every day things that happen to us? How do we make memories then? Are memories just solemnly based on the rare things we experience? Is what we do repeatedly every day, or all the time, not processed into your memory bank? I shake my head and clear those thoughts. Sometimes I think too much that I confuse myself.

I step out of the shower and I'm instantly pressed into the cold air, quickly I grab a towel. I'm scrubbing it out today, so I dry myself off really well and throw on my sweatpants and t-shirt. Then I dry my hair, straighten it a little bit, throw on some make up, you know make myself somewhat decent. Finally after all my lollygagging it's 6:15. Miley comes to get me every morning at 6:30. With fifteen minutes to spare what should I do? Eat. I grab a hoodie and head down the stairs.

I get a bowl out of the cupboard, some milk, and some captain crunch. I'm really nutritious I know. I hear the honking of a horn outside my house, so I glance out the window. "God damnit Miley…" I mumble to myself. I didn't get to finish my food.

I grab my backpack and my cigarettes and head towards the car. Miley greets me cheerily as soon as I shut the door. "Hey Lils!" I smile at her, "Hey Miles, what's going on?" She sighs; I hear exasperation in the noise. "Well Jackson decided to be a prick today and use all the hot water, so I took a fucking freezing cold shower…hey, are you okay?" I heard concern line her words now. I nod my head, "Why wouldn't I be?" I watch her shrug her shoulders, "Just making sure, you've got really dark circles. Sleep much?" She cares, and she's the only one. "No, not at all." I face forward now, but I see her shake her head a little out of the corner of my eyes. "Why not, what happened?" She asks. I pull out a cigarette and roll down the window to light it. I take a big drag before answering her, "Just thinking about some stuff…" She nods sadly, "You know I'm here for you Lils, even if it's four in the morning or whatever." I smile through the cigarette in between my lips. "I know Miley." I love my best friend.

Miley turns on some music. A few boring songs pass then our favorite song comes on, Disturbia by Rihanna. Don't even ask me why, because I couldn't tell you. So I crank the volume and hit the bass and we sing along. I feel happy; I wish the feeling would never go away.

XxXx

First period Biology definitely is a bitch. Just my luck I have to get stuck with the world's most boring class with the world's most boring teacher so early in the morning. Thank God Miley's here to suffer with me.

My teacher's name is Mr. Benson, if I had three words to describe him it would be old horny perv. He's always staring down my shirts and Miley's shirts, calling us beautiful and talking way beyond inappropriate to us. Ew, creepy much? We sit in the back right besides each other, but not like it matters anyways. The only good thing about this class is how we can do whatever we want while Bensons droning on and on, because he's like in love with us or something. Whatever.

I lay my head down on my abnormally large bio book and feel my weight shift towards the ceiling. Then everything starts going fuzzy; I know I'm drifting far away. What seems like five minutes later, I feel Miley shove me. I glare at her, "What?" She points to the clock; it tells me that the bell will dismiss us in five minutes. "Sorry…" I say and she smiles.

I had a dream. I hate having dreams in school, because I hate reliving the traumatizing things when I can't cut them back into my mind. Well, I could, but that's definitely a risk. Today's dream was about Blake. Shit, speak of the devil, I see him walking towards Miley and me.

"Hello ladies," he says smoothly looking directly at me. "Hey Blake," Miley says with a huge smile on her face. Remember, she knows nothing. Blake reaches over and grabs her hand. Oh that bitch. He's trying to make me mad. "You are looking beautiful today Miley," he says with his best fake little acting voice. "Thanks, you too," Miley responds looking into his gorgeous eyes. Asshole, fucking asshole. He smiles and flashes those too perfect teeth. "I got to run, sorry girls, I'll catch you around," He said as he pulled Miley into a hug, her back is towards me, and he grabs her butt. Then he leaves, but not before winking at me. God, I wish I could dream about him getting SHOT or something. Ugh.

"He is SO cute!" Miley giggles. I just shrug my shoulders in response. "What? You don't think Blake Goodman is fucking fiiiiine?!" She looks at me with surprise. "Oh he's definitely something Miles," I said, and without even hearing myself I know it was a whisper. "Oh I know!" Then she started going on and on about him, and I tuned my brain to a different station, something far from Blake Goodman. Maybe the blade…

School pretty much dragged on normally. I went to my second, fourth, and fifth hour with Miley, got hit on by the dozens, had guys cop cheap feels all over my body randomly in the halls, talked with my friends. Blah, blah, blah; nothing new ever happens around here. Now it's sixth hour, finally. Just boring trigonometry to go then I'm free. I walked to my classroom and let my mind wander, then before I know it I'm on the floor and I have a sharp pain in my side. "What the fuck?" I exclaim loudly. My books are scattered around me and there's some guy on the floor opposite me.

"I'm so sorry!" he says quickly, "Let me get those for you." I watch the boy scramble to pick my books up along with his own. Then he helps me up, it's not until then that I get a good look at him. Dark hair, beautiful chocolate brown eyes, nice build; he's really cute. "Thanks," I said, not breaking our eye contact.

"Yeah, sorry again, I'm new here and I'm lost and my mind just kind of went blank." Put a tally in the "things-in-common" box. "Mhm, same here, we really should work on that," I say with a smile. He laughs a gorgeous laugh and I barely hear the bell go off, screaming to us that we're late. But when do I ever care?

"So what's your name?" he asks me, staring into my eyes. "Lilly, you?" He holds out his hand, "I'm Joe." I take his hand and shake it. "Nice to meet you Joe, so you say you're new? Where are you from?" Our handshake drops. "I went to Pondview, I just moved and this school is closer." I nod my head, "Pondview eh? Is someone a rich boy?" He smiles. "I'll never say." I put on my best fake frown, "Boo." He laughs again.

"You've got a cute pouty face." I bit my bottom lip and smile. "Well, thanks." He smiles back at me. "Well, actually, your normal face is pretty cute too." I feel my tongue lick my lips, and I step closer to this boy. His scent is overwhelming. "You're not to bad yourself."

He leans toward me, and I let him get an inch to my lips before turning my head. "Well ten minutes have passed, and I'm probably going to get murdered by my trig teacher, so I should get going. I'll see you around Joe," Then I turn and walk the other way, but not before seeing him grin. "See you around Lilly," I hear him call from behind me.

XxXx

Meeting Joe seemed like a good thing at the time, but the more I concentrate on the scene in my head the worse it sounds. Judging by the way a complete stranger tried to kiss me, I'm sure he's going to be infatuated with me now. I'm going to get involved with another guy; I know it because that's how I am with the cute ones. I'll just end up getting hurt, I know it. I can't have any more stress in my life right now. I feel tears brim to my eyes, but I fight them back, I really need a blade.

For the third time today, I barely hear the bell ring. I realize it has when everyone around me is leaving, so I gather my things and join them. Joe…

The ride with Miley is different today, I'm being quiet, and she knows something is up. "What's wrong Lilly?" The concern is back. "Nothing, nothing…" I say, not really listening to her anyway.

She scoffs. "You think I don't know my best friend? Go on, tell me." I sigh. "I met someone today, well he like crashed into me, but I don't know…" I light two cigarettes, one for me and one for Miley.

She takes her and takes a hit before answering. "A guy then, oh baby, is he cute?" I nod. "Yeah, really cute, his name's Joe. He's new here."

She squeals, "New boy?! Oh damn he is cute, I have him in my econ class sixth hour." I laugh at her. "So when are you going to get with him?" She asks me with a wink.

My breath stops for a moment. I can't do this. "I'm not." She looks over at me. "Well why the hell not?" I take a drag. "I can't Miley; I don't know…I just can't get hurt any more."

Miley frowns and grabs my hand. "Not all men are assholes Lils, there's a few good one's out there in the obnoxious web of guys. You just have to give them a chance to show you." I sigh again, "I know, I'm just…afraid. God, I'm such a loser."

I watch Miley shake her head, "Definitely not babe…FUCK!" She let's go of my hand and honks the horn. "ASSHOLE!" she screams out the window. If I haven't said it before, I love my best friend.

XxXx

"Come over for dinner tonight okay?" Miley screams out the window as I walk up my sidewalk. I turn and yell, "Alright!" back. I hear her drive away as I reach the porch. I take a deep breath before opening the door to the emptiness. Before I know it, I'm running up the stairs like a serial killer is on my tail. I reach the blade.

I make a cut for Blake, A cut for hating school, a cut for my douche bag father, cut for my mom, and a new cut for the new boy Joe for all the pain he's going to cause me in the future. I already know it. He'll add to the list. I don't even bother cleaning the blood off, I like watching it flow; watching my pain leave my body.

I walk to the bed, and just collapse in it again. Setting my alarm for 5:00 pm this time so I can make it for dinner. I just want a little bit of sleep.

I get my wish, but I fall asleep thinking of him; him being Joe this time.


Let's review guys; I know you definitely want to. We'll have some intense Loe in the next chapter if you do, promise. Oh and for the record, you know who Joe is, but he won't have a last name because some idiot might report me. Kay thanks(:

-emergencyxx