Summary: She's living in a world of sex, drugs, depression, self harm, and more just trying to get by. There's only one person who can save her from this life...and from herself. Can he? Loe.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.


There aren't words, in my personal vocabulary at least, to describe how good the feeling of Joe's hands felt as they roamed my body; touching as much of it as they possibly could. My mind is screaming stop, but I can't physically get the words out; they just come out in the form of a moan.

I have to do this.

"Joe…" I manage to choke out, "Joe…please, you n-need to s-stop." His eyes find mine and we lock gazes. "What's wrong Lilly?" he asked, concern lining his perfect face. I sigh at the sight of him, shirtless, in his boxers, and best of all on top of me. I swallow…how do I put this?

"Joe, you're the one guy I've ever felt is different, I…I just don't want to screw that up," I whisper, unable to look into his eyes any longer. I felt him shift and then press his lips to my forehead before getting off of me. No words were necessary.

XoXo

I need a blade, its official. I'm not quite sure why, but it's like an itch that I need to scratch. And I need to scratch it immediately. I stand in Joe's shower, letting too hot of water beat down upon my body but I don't feel it, I can't feel it. I feel like a CIPA patient; the only difference is that I'm just numb, not medically unstable.

Unable to finish my shower, I step out and immediately regret it; my head spins, vision blurs and blacks in and out. I collapse and fall to the floor, clutching my head the whole way down.

"Lilly?" I hear beyond the shower running and the banging of the door, "Are you alright babe?" I reach into the depths of myself to find my voice, and I muster up enough strength to answer, "Yes."

I doubt he believed me, but he left so I didn't need an excuse to explain this to him. Sometimes when my pain gets too bad to handle, that happens. I fall to the floor and get uncontrollably dizzy. Ugh, I am a freak. I clutch the rim of the toilet seat and pull myself off the cold tile floor. Careful not to slip on the water I left, I stumbled my way over to the small wooden medicine cabinet above the sink, my mind set on one thing; a razor.

No luck. Fuck my life.

I wrap a towel around my violently shaking body and exit the bathroom, only to collapse down on Joe's bed; completely unaware that he was sitting there.

I barely heard his sweet, worried voice say my name "Lilly!?" I tried to answer, but my body refuses any sound to leave me. "Are you alright!?" I heard him say again. Help me Joe, help me.

I woke up an hour later tucked under the blue covers of his bed, fully dressed. He must've dressed me while I was passed out. I wished with everything in me that I could feel embarrassment, but I've been too widely exposed to care. Sad, isn't it?

"Lilly? Thank God you're awake!" He exclaimed. I open my eyes again to look in his direction, but immediately look away due to the searing pain in my head. He must've noticed this move because he was at my side very fast. I felt his lips press to my forehead then pull away, taking all the pain with him. "What happened?" he softly asked me. I don't know how to answer that; I can't answer that.

"Joe, get my purse please," I whisper, careful not to strain myself by talking to loud. He quickly got up, retrieved my purse, and then returned to my side. I reach in the depths of the purse and pull out my cigarettes and a lighter. I watch his face scrunch up as I light it up.

"Why do you smoke Lilly?" He asked me seriously. I took a drag of my cancer stick and stared him in the face for a good, long time. "For the same reason I do this," I finally reply, rolling my sleeves up. I hold the cig in my mouth and hold my wrists up so he can see them. For once, I knew I was crying, it must've been very violent sobs. I watched him stare in horror at my wrists, and then his expression softened. He grabbed my left hand and pulled it up to his face. He pressed his lips to a scar, then another, then the rest of them; then he did the same to my right arm and pulled my sleeves back down. He started to pull me into a hug but I shoved him away.

"STAY AWAY FROM ME JOE!" I screamed unwillingly, unable to control myself for much longer. "What? Lilly…" I shook my head, "NO! JOE SERIOUSLY, CAN'T YOU SEE? I'M A MESS, A FUCKING NIGHTMARE! I AM A LOST FUCKING CAUSE, THERE'S NO HOPE FOR ME. I'M FUCKED JOE, YOU'D BE WISE TO STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME." I felt my body lose control completely to the sobs that wrack my body.

He stared at me then said nine words I will never, ever forget: "I'll never leave you, I want to save you."

I don't remember much after, just collapsing for the third time that day, but into my saviors arms this time.

XoXo

The word 'boyfriend' sounds weird to me, seeing how I never truly had anything besides a fuck-buddy, but that's what Joe called himself for me so I go along with it. He's my boyfriend, I'm his girlfriend, but somehow it doesn't seem enough.

I can't explain it, but I have feelings for Joe I've never had for any other male figure to come into my life. My body doesn't recognize the emotion, but I'm assuming it must be good because my body is not rejecting it. Miley gave me a suggestion but I'm having a hard time registering it; I love Joe. What is love? My definition is simply a strong emotion shared between two people who want nothing more than their partner's every affection. That sounds close to how I feel about Joe, but even so I could never say anything; I don't know if he feels the same about me.

"You love him," My best friend said to me, reminding me for the thousandth time today, as we sat on her couch. "I don't know what love is Miles, not yet." She shakes her head, "You love him Lillian Marie." I sigh. "I do," I whisper, admitting it for the first time well, ever. Miley turned her head to stare at me, mouth wide open, and let out the biggest squeal. "My best friend's in LOVE! Ah! We need to celebrate! Want to get drunk tonight; my dad's going out of town?" I smile at her excitement and nod my head, "Sound's good, I don't want to be alone anyways." She might as well be jumping up and down, "I'm so happy for you, it's about time you have someone good in your life…well besides me, hah, well bring Joe tonight! Tell him tonight!" she nearly screamed. I shook my head, "Joe can't do anything tonight, family stuff." I watch disappointment replace the excitement in her eyes. "Aw, man." I smile at her.

I love him; I'm in love with Joseph Adam.

XoXo

We got drunk that night, and I woke up to my cell phone blaring in my ear. "What the fuck?" Miley mumbled before rolling over and shoving her head under her pillow. It was Joe. "Hello?" I whisper before quietly slipping out of Miley's room into the bathroom.

"Hey baby, did I wake you?" He asked, a little louder than I would have wanted.
"Yeah, but it's alright. What's up?"
"Today starts the first day of recovery."
"What?"
"If I'm going to save you, we have to start somewhere love."
"Joe, not today, I'm very hung over and-"
"Looks like you need me now more than ever." I could basically hear the smile in his voice.
"Ugh, fine. How could I say no to that?"
"You can't. I'll see you later on baby."

He hung up the phone and I couldn't help but smile. Even looking in the mirror at my reflection couldn't make me want to slit my wrists today.

My savoir. I i'm really beginning to truly like the sound of that.


Anyone else wish they had a guy like Joe? Review(: