09

"My room at last!" I sighed after the long hours in the bath. My tears were finally dry, though I was scared they would pop out again – it was starting to be a nasty habit. I took out a simple black trouser and shirt, and proceeded with the hair drying next to the fireplace. I noticed with surprise they almost reached the end of my back.

The moonlight was beautifully brushing against my bed, making it look more inviting than ordinary. I was tired, but something told me I should take a walk outside. Most of my friends were probably at the inn, so I would be alone.

But I was wrong – I met Elanee on my way out.

"Hey Phael! I'm going at Sal's – are you coming?"

"Maybe later. I need some time to think." I said.

I made an abrupt stop when we reached the border between the keep and the courtyard. There, just next to one of the largest trees of the keep stood a shadow. It was him!

I made my way to him slowly, blinking as many times as possible, just to be sure it was really him. "Dae…" my words died in my throat. But he didn't seem to notice.

"I see the moon has been at your back – you look well Phael." Neutral tone as usual - didn't bother me at all.

"Thanks…" "Maybe darkness is hiding my rings?" "Where have you been?" I was so relieved to see him, yet sad that I still couldn't reach to touch him.

He told me he was helping other villages in the West Harbor area, but they all had to leave since something was obviously invading the nature. That's how he had missed our village's attack.

Daeghun explained that Elanee's circle of druids was still at the Mere and that we should ask their help against the dark lord. Lord Nasher had required of me to gather forces to defend the keep since the shadow soldiers were going to attack here first, and Daeghun seemed already up to date with the news.

He gave us the location of the druids and said he would stay around, helping as much as he could in the keep. Do I really need to tell you this made me ecstatic?

"We need a tracker if we are to go there. I can't find my way around in the Mere anymore." Elanee sighed. That tracker couldn't be Daeghun though – he had other things to take care of, and I knew him well when it came to duties.

At that precise moment, Bishop showed up with his best sarcastic smirk. He smelled alcohol, but I knew he wasn't that drunk. "I thought I heard a damsel in distress," he mocked, "well, someone obviously had to replace Shandra…"

My fist flew on the spot, breaking another of my friends' noses. "Curse you meet-bitch! How dare you speak of her?" I was about to punch him again when he backed up.

"Relax princess!" He spoke, hands on his nose. "I was just proposing to help since your father is clearly not going to do it."

I jumped on Bishop in a flash, whacking him as if he was my practice dummy. We fell on the floor and gripped at each other in a fight. It lasted at least five long minutes, till an arrow landed right between Bishop's head and mine. We stopped immediately, getting Daeghun's message clearly.

I must say I really needed the beating as well. Not that I hadn't enough if it by then, but this was simply animal – and relieving. We managed to sit, panting and giving quick looks to each other. We both tasted blood and our skin was reddish from the fight.

"Ok princess, I will never call him that again." Bishop smirked and went slowly towards the inn.

After Elanee left as well, I stood up and joined Daeghun under the tree. We sat on the wooden bench, when I realized my ribs hurt like hell – Bishop hadn't missed me at all.

"Didn't you come to see me at all? It had to be duty again… I hate you." I didn't sound convinced at all.

"I'm sorry you have to feel this way because of me." He sighed, and I swallowed hard. He really wasn't getting it.

"It wasn't true, man! I'm just pissed." I said.

"I came as quickly as I could. There were many things to do, many people to help."

"It's great you're helping people." I approved.

He took his time before letting out a shy "thank you", to which I mentally smirked. It was good to have reactions from him. We didn't spoke for a while, neither did we look at each other. At one moment though, I turned glance at his handsome features once again. It's true he was pretty mature for an elf, probably around 444 years old, but it didn't matter to me.

"Why is he so irresistible to me? It's madness!" I quickly looked away.

"Phael… something happened." Daeghun's tone was very weird. "I… well… your real father came to visit me."

"What? But he's supposed to be dead!"

"He is dead. He came in a dream to tell me something…" He stopped. This seemed to be another difficult subject to share. "He wanted me to tell you he was watching over you, unlike me. He also said I was a fool to live in the past and needed to let go."

I knew how he felt. If Bishop, Qara and I thought we were loners, we were wrong. Daeghun was lonelier than all three of us together.

"Your father also mentioned he wanted you to know you didn't have to worry about me – that he existed."

Daeghun obviously didn't know what exactly those words meant, but I did. I also knew he was more depressed than ever because he thought he had failed with everything. The message was very negative for him, though it wasn't it's real case. What my father was saying is… well, yours to guess!

Without thinking more, I took his hand in mine and put my head on his shoulder. I felt every muscle of my body relax, the rage go away and the sadness evaporate. His hand was bigger than mine, a little rough but warm. He didn't flinch.

"Tell me about him." I asked with closed eyes. I felt the tension in him go away slowly as he was getting used to my gesture. He smelled of the forest… "Green leaves…" He started to describe him, not daring moving with me so close. I surely disturbed him a lot.

My father was half drow, half aasimar. The drow is the dark elf race; they have mostly bluish, grey or even black skin with pale eyes and silvery hair. The aasimar on the other side are heavenly touched, which means that one of their parents is from the heavens.

His real name was Alvos. I repeated it many times in my head and tried to picture him while Daeghun went on with the description. Alvos had black hair and violet skin. His eyes were almost white and the clothes he had in Daeghun's dream suggested he had been a sorcerer.

With that father and a wood elf as a mother, I felt like a new race – and I loved it. Especially the color of my skin: slightly tanned, between light orange and grey violet. It made my lemon eyes look paler.

"Don't be sad because of what he said – I don't think you really understood his words." I slid through a yawn.

"Well, you almost killed your ranger friend for calling me "that" as you say. My guess is your father's message was pretty clear." He growled.

"Well, that really depends on you… I really don't hate you … but you could never be my father, even if all the skies tried to transform you into it…" I mumbled, feeling my body giving in for slumber even if I wasn't that tired. I was mentally exhausted though, and the fight with Bishop didn't help. Plus, Daeghun's presence and natural aroma was intoxicating.

But well, this was Daeghun after all, and he had to wake me. He told me to go to bed and left.

I slept well that night. My spirit was tortured by death, loss and grieving, but I was constantly thanking Mystra for helping me and keeping Daeghun close. I knew he would stay in the keep or in its surroundings and that was enough for now.

A luskan messenger approached me the next morning. He was shaking as he told me the new ambassador, Sydney Natale, wanted to show her good intentions towards Neverwinter by giving us crucial information about the shadow reavers. She asked that I would meet her in private along with Qara and Zhjaeve.

I smelled treachery – it was too well cooked to be true, especially coming from a luskan. We decided to go, still curious why the heck this Sydney Natale wanted Qara and Zhjaeve to be there. Before we left though, I used scrolls with special protection on the three of us and asked the girls to be on their guard.

It turned out Sydney wanted to kill us, but especially Qara. The headmaster of the academy had promised Sydney students if she was to defeat my friend! "Disgusting!"

As for Zhjaeve, the ambassador wanted her to translate the documents she had found – the true names of the shadow reavers. The only way to really defeat those creatures was to use their true names against them – or else they would come back to life again, stronger.

The fight didn't take long to star, but it lasted quite a while. Sydney was very potent with the magical spells she used on us: animal companions, elementals, fireballs… but the worst was Qara's double. How that witch did it was a mystery to us, but thing was exactly like Qara and had the same powers as well.

I was fighting against a hound when I heard Qara scream. I turned to see a dagger stuck in her chest. "Zhjaeve!" I yelled while slicing the creature. "The scroll!"

Zhjaeve immediately pulled Sand's gift and chanted the written words. A huge fire elemental erupted and sprang straight on Sydney. I teamed with it quickly since Qara was in Zhjaeve's hands. The elemental died at the exact same moment my blade stole the ambassador's life once and for all, and I fell on the ground, panting.

"I'm sick of fighting every frigging day!" I grumbled. My tension eased when I saw Qara was breathing evenly, though she wasn't conscious. Zhjaeve sat next to me and related her people's story once again.

"Know that on one side is Queen Gith, which chose the path of vengeance and violence." Zhjaeve showed the back of her hand, then turned it to show her palm. "On the other side is the warrior Zerthimon, who believed in peace, goodness and righteousness. That's how our people split in two: those who followed Gith are now known as the githyanki, while the ones with Zerthimon, githzerai. Know that since you are carrying my people's story now, you have to chose who to follow."

Tears fell off my eyes again. I knew she was telling me this because I was not in total control of myself – I was looking for trouble in the same time I wanted to avoid it. It was my way of stress relief, or so I thought.

"Know that your will is strong, and that is very important. Only that and the sword of Gith may be enough to defeat the King of Shadows. Know that if you choose the path of Gith, the path of vengeance, you will loose yourself. You will be enslaved in your own will of revenge and I know this is not something you want – you are not like the dark king." She added with soothing voice. Zhjaeve's speech always sounded very long, but maybe it was because she spoke slowly.

We left a while after, with Qara between us – she was still unconscious.

I left Zhjaeve with Ammon and, with the help of a strength potion, carried the sorceress in her room. I wanted to be alone with her for a little chat. Qara was getting more annoying with each new day since we moved in the keep and I wondered why. She was the person with which I had most difficulties getting along with. You probably think that should have been Bishop, but trust me when I say we could come to an understanding easily. This rarely happened with Qara and I was beginning to think she had something personal against me. "Which wouldn't be that surprising…"

When she awoke, Qara jumped in a sting position, touching her belly, arms and face. When she realized where she was and probably remembered the latest events, she became furious and looked at me with blame – the same look she had given me the day I announced we were moving at the keep. I had seriously no idea why she minded so much – she hated Neverwitner.

I didn't give her the chance to rant before explaining what had happened after her faint. When I was done, Qara looked like she was gathering courage to tell me something, though her features showed she was furious.

"Ok let me get this straight for you Phael." She began, hands still around her body as if she needed protection. "I don't want to be part of your group anymore. It's been fun and all, but I want to do other things and don't need to be following a knight Captain or executing orders or…" She barely breathed between words.

"I understand Qara." I shrugged. "I'm not forcing you to stay here. Your help is appreciated, but if you feel you need to leave, that is your decision to take." "I certainly don't want people to die because of me."

She was playing with her hands and avoiding my stare. I knew that body language very well – something was tormenting the young sorceress. I waited for her to speak without poking her bubble.

"I'm going back to the docks then… to work with Duncan." She said, and I scarcely noticed the blood that rose to her cheeks. "It's not as if I cared what you think or needed your permission Phael… I'm just warning you now and I'm not going to waste my time by informing the others."

"That's ok Qara, I'll do it later and you don't need to be there, don't worry." My voice must have been monotone, because she rolled her eyes.

I tried to ask her if she felt good there and if Duncan knew she was planning to return to his inn. I couldn't guess what was really going on of course – I was too blinded by my own emotional problems. I didn't have the time ask more questions as Qara stood up, more nervous than before. I think I annoyed her pretty much. She was still playing with her hands when she burst into tears, obviously not knowing what to do and where to put herself.

"What did I miss again?" I wondered as I made her sit back on the bed and stroked her back. Surprisingly, Qara didn't push me away – probably because I was respecting her wish of silence. Once she calmed down, she wiped her eyes and gave me a frightened glance.

"I'm pregnant." She said.

"Whaaat?" I let out as all the imaginable possibilities rushed into my head with phenomenal speed: with whom; when; why; was it sincere? I knew she didn't like any of our comrades, so it couldn't be one of them… unless she was drunk.

And then it hit me. Her constant bad mood since we were at the keep and the perpetual babbling about Sal's inn said it all. It had to be Duncan.

"You love him?" I whispered, asking myself the same about Daeghun. She nodded. "Lucky girl, at least she is sure." I decided to walk her there myself without telling the others what was going on. I needed to make sure she would be all right.

While I went to change my clothes, Qara was gathering her things hurriedly. We met at the back of the keep so no one would notice us and left swiftly. I had only warned Sand we were going out for a girl talk.

The travel went well. Qara talked about Duncan the whole time without even noticing. She was obviously excited to return to him, and I was happy for her. Someone around me had to have a normal life.

We arrived at the Sunken Flagon in the middle of the night. At first I didn't want to intervene, but my need of visiting the bathroom got the better of me. I hoped Duncan would be occupied so I could sneak without being noticed, but he was right at the entrance, looking outside.

He was clearly surprised and glad to see me, but his features changed when he saw Qara. He his his real feelings behind sarcasm though – there had to be a resemblance with his brother.

"You came just in time lass, the tables need some cleaning!" He winked. Next to me, Qara was growling. I left in a hurry for the bathroom.

Once I was done, I sneaked quietly around the inn to see where they were, seriously wondering what kind of relationship those two could have. I found them in the kitchen. Qara was sitting on top of Duncan, telling him agitatedly about her situation while playing with his ears. Duncan's attention was completely on her, as much as his hands. He was stroking her thighs, back, neck and ears, and then back again. Deciding their privacy had to be respected, I left quietly.

I walked more slowly than usual on my way back. My head was so preoccupied, that at one point I sat next to a tree and hid my head between my knees. I was finally alone. "Really alonemaybe if I would run away… or if I died, things would get better. Maybe the shard awakened the King of Shadows; maybe not… the new life in Qara promises sunshine… what if there is no more sunshine? What if I fail… It's sweet they're together… I'll probably stay obsessed with him forever… do I love him? But how will I succeed against the maniac? How many shadow reavers are left? What if my friends died? What if he died? What if I die? Does he need to know? To know that I…"

"We've got you!" A squeaky voice on my right disturbed my meditation.

"Can't I have a frigging moment alone?" I growled under my teeth while standing up to face the three colored creatures. "Pixies?" I grimaced. "What the hell you want?"

"There's a powerful magic item on you – give it to me!" The one dressed in orange responded. He looked like he was their leader.

I puffed in laughter – one I hadn't had for a very long time. It quickly faded away to leave place for intimidation. "I'll tell you what pumpkin," I approached it, "you get the hell out – NOW – or I'll cook a pixie-pie out of your sorry ass!"

His friends backed away immediately, but the little leader wanted to show courage. He was about to reply something when an arrow flew very close to his wings. Scared, the pixies left for good.

My heart wasn't beating like hell because I was scared. I turned around and tried to figure where he was. "Are you spying on me?"

"No." I jumped as the voice came from behind.

"You should have shown yourself earlier!"

"I didn't want to bother you. You seemed gone in your thoughts." He said. I remembered what I was doing before the pixies' interruption and blushed. "I just figured I could follow you from behind." He looked away and started to walk slowly. I followed.

Daeghun explained he had visited his brother and was leaving the city when Qara and I showed up. He had waited and followed me once I was on the road again.

"Thank you for telling me about my father." I decided to change the subject.

"That's what… he wanted. I don't know why he came to me since I never saw him before. When Esmerelle came with you the first time, she just said your father had already died." His voice was calm. I was trying to make a new life then – to live with the one I loved at peace, without more adventuring. I didn't want to see death again and I think you understand this better now. But, well, that never happened – there was always something going on… till the first attack on West Harbor." He stopped, sighing.

"I already understood you." I replied. "It's just my nature to be a little pest and say what's on my mind. But… unlike you, I accepted that our lives are entangled a long time ago."

At first, Daeghun made no reaction at all, but when I looked at him, he looked back and his eyes widened a little. It meant he was thinking about something. "What?" I dared.

"I don't know. You seem different when you look at me."

"Different how?" I asked, scared of what he would say next. Could he know? "He's not an idiot… you idiot!" My mind scolded.

He took his time thinking and walking with the same slow pace as me. I could see the keep was close and wanted to delay our arrival. I thanked Mystra for granting me another moment with him.

"You are different. People call you Knight Captain, and that keep," he gestured toward it, "is yours. You have come far, you should be proud."

I felt sickl. "Daeghun… this is not home for me. Not if y…" But he interrupted me.

"Forget about West Harbor or your childhood home. The village is no more, and the elders and students of the school took their things and fled."

I had to suppress more tears – I didn't want them to ravage my face in front of him. "You said I was different when looking at you. What do you mean?"

"I don't know exactly – it's just your stare. It's different. You tell me." He sounded a little upset.

"Euhhh…" what did he want me to say? I'm going mad thinking about you – you are taking the entire space in my mind AND heart. Oh, and of course, I just can't give myself to another, not even for fun! Did you know I haven't been sleeping with anyone since you savagely blew my mind off? No way… "Well… I'm glad you're here. I was scared to deat… scared when I discovered West Harbor… that you would be dead, I mean… oh, forget it." I was annoyed. I couldn't even make a sense out of my own words.

"Mystra helps me a lot." He simply said.

"I didn't now you liked her till you gave me the pendant." I was playing with the star between my hands, trying to think sanely.

"I do. Glad you still have it."

"Of course I do." "Silly! Didn't you know this is the most precious thing I have – yes, yes, because it reminds me of you and because you gave it to me and… "Tell me about it." I demanded.

"Well, as you're already aware of, I am a ranger. When I was younger, I was part of the Order of the Shooting Star, or rangers who are sponsored by Mystra's church to spy and deal with magical threats. I've always followed her and the necklace I gave you… well, I found it when I was a child."

"It will be hard for me to give it back…" I said, thinking I could only do it if he promised to stay with me. "…unless you decide to exchange places…"

He gave me the most questioning look his features could produce and I shivered. What was I going to say? "Damn! Me and my big mouth with gibberish words…" "Ehhh… dunno, was only joking." I tried.

"I don't understand you every time you speak." He sighed. "But I never asked you to give it back. It is yours now."

"I know, I know." I was still holding it in my hands. I closed my eyes for a second, inhaling deeply and savoring the moment. We were almost there and I knew the chitchat would end as soon as we crossed the front gate. I imagined he would go on with his own business and it saddened me.

I wished all were over. I wished the King of Shadow were already defeaded. I wished Daeghun could open up a little. But mostly, I wished to hold on, and face what I had to face properly, let it be enemies, circumstances or emotions.