A/N: I am SO SORRY that it took me this long to put write a second installment to this. I finally just sat down and did it. If anyone's still interested, it would surprise me, but also make me tremendously happy if you sent me a review. And I promise if you do I'll put up number 3 right away!
Disclaimer: It's all still owned by Chris Carter and 1013 and Fox. So don't sue an impoverished soon-to-be college student.
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What the hell just happened? That's the only thought swirling around my head.
First, my lovely partner shows what a superior being she is to me by breaking through the emotional cowardice that keeps us both from taking our relationship to a physical level. She admits exactly what I feel for her, and makes it damn clear that she means love in the romantic sense.
But, as I mentioned above, I got a little friend who goes by the name of 'coward' residing in my brain. And so I yet again attempted to give the both of us a way out. Which isn't noble in any sense: it's pure chicken-shit-ness.
Continuing in the "what the hell just happened" vein, there is also the incredibly frightening emotional storm that overtook my usually rock solid partner. I had never ever seen her like that. I hadn't imagined it possible. But seeing her rocking backwards and forwards on the floor, wailing and sobbing... it broke something in me. Especially the knowledge that I had caused that. Me being a chicken-shit had caused that.
And then... the wonderful, blinding relief of hearing at long last one of us expressing a fraction of our true feelings for each other. Yep, that was my cue, loud and clear, to become a shining knight in armour, spiriting away all of Dana Scully's troubles and woes.
Instead, I yet again tried to give her a way out, blaming it on her emotional state. Cock-a-doodle-fucking-doo. That was the moment, right after, when I realized what a complete idiot I was being. And so I started talking, stream-of-consciousness style, letting loose a long ramble of how much I loved her, how glad I was that she had told me she loved me, how I had longed for this since I met her, no, before that. And a tight, tight, gnarled, tangled knot that had long resided in the place where my heart should be, well, it was unknotting and melting away. I was feeling happier than I had in years, since, oh, before Samantha got abducted. As the beautiful Dana Scully allowed me to pour my heart out to her and hold her close.
And then I came crashing down to reality as she pulled away from me. "It's all right, Mulder. I'll just go," she says. What the fuck, Scully! Have you heard nothing?
That frightened me. But what frightened me a hell of a lot more was her eyes. They were two chips of glacial ice. I sat there gaping like a fish out of water as she strode out of my apartment.
So here I am, thinking how much I have utterly and completely fucked everything up. Again. Over and over. Poor poor me. First with Phoebe, then Diana. And now Scully. Except this time it's different. Because I discovered with each of these females that I could go on living with them out of my lives. But Scully... well, the last time she was out of my life, I ended up fucking a vampire and then feeling no remorse about her death. I was almost completely fucking insane by the time Scully was returned. But she was returned, and the sun came out again.
Speaking of completely fucking insane, I'm having serious problems with Scully's eyes. They were, as I mentioned before, frightening. She looked like she had lost all of her humanity.
It seems very clear what I have to do. Scully obviously didn't take in the fact that I told her repeatedly that I'm so in love with her I can't see straight. She also seems to be on the brink of psychosis; I don't need a PH.d. in psychology to tell me that.
I grab my trench coat and run out the door, not even bothering to lock it behind me. Damn me repeatedly to the seventh circle of hell if I allow Dana Scully to disappear from my life again. Especially for reasons that are completely my fault.
The drive to Georgetown is a nightmare. A constant rant is running through my head, and also out of my mouth: "You worthless piece of shit how did you let it come to this well obviously there were clear clues that you missed because you were too busy wrapped up in your own little world of cowardice and now you're just going to lose it all unless you GET OUT OF THE WAY YOU FUCKING MORON!" At least I think I yell that. Scully's eyes are haunting me. I need to banish that look from her.
I floor the accelerator.
Finally, FINALLY, I pull up outside her apartment complex. I'm out of the car at record speed. Someone's coming out of the building at that exact moment; I dodge under their arm and sprinte inside, ignoring their "hey". I jab frantically at the elevator button, before banging open the door marked stairs and throwing myself up the several flights.
And there I am. Outside Scully's door. I hesitate for one second, before pushing open the door. And what I see before has the exact same effect as a kick in the groin.
Scully is standing with her back to me. Her shoulders are shaking with silent sobs. Her hand is raised to her head. And it's holding a gun.
