Sorry on the long update, lost my USB and my Laptop went bust the next day, the only copy of my stories. Anyway after swearing a lot at HP, here it is at last, Chapter 7, my longest chapter – a massive battle and A LEMON WARNING. Yes, you read that right there is a lemon warning in this chapter I clearly labelled it, but don't let that put you off; I think you will be pleasantly surprised when you read it.

Chapter 7 – Norton Anti-virus

'As you where too busy fighting yesterday, I decided to postpone my announcement 'til today'. Legion Master Stressius shouted to the Chaos Legion sitting before him at the munch hall. 'You know that we are still orbiting the same planet we attacked 2 days ago. Scanners have picked up movement underground, remaining Imperial troops. They must be crushed. I want you pricks in Drop Pods by 1300 ship time!' He promptly turned and descended down the steps behind the table, to his private toilet. He deliberately made sure his was the only on board with toilet paper – just to see the others squirm.

As some of the faster eaters started to leave they help to mark an important note in the chapter-legion's combined history – it was the first EVER breakfast eaten with out a fight. Balloons fell out of hatches, party music started playing and robots rose out of the floor and started disco dancing in between the tables. One of the Terminators who had a headache, decided to shut the racquet up and slammed his Chainfist into the gut of an unfortunate scout that was walking past, sending him flying across the hall into other Marines seated there, blood pouring out of the gapping hole where the Chain had gone though him. The balloons immediately floated back up into their hatches, the robots descended the music stopped playing and the Terminator put on his helmet, muted sounds and fell asleep as a fight surrounded him. A number on Marines equal to 3 time the amount of Pi became infertile. A tissue was banned from breakfast, as was oxygen and naked Orks. Nobody noticed the Eldar Warp Spider warp in, wearing Ice Blue and White armour, with gold trim, create a damp patch in his crouch and warp out again

Stressius's Drop Pod slammed into the desert landing site that Intel had said was the easiest point to access the massive tunnel network below the surface. In fact the officer put in charge of the task had a bad case of CBA syndrome so just put a random set of coordinates into the computer, which just happened to be right. 2 scouts lay half naked next to a 30ft wide hole down into the tunnels below, shovels lay next to them, exhausted and covered in sweat one stood, saluted and mumbled '`sready sir' before collapsing to the floor. Stresssius smirked at them, that'll teach you to not to sell Pirate DVDs'. He turned to the TV camera that had appeared next to him suddenly and said seriously 'Piracy is a crime' before the red light on top of the camera flicked off and a man in BBC overalls gave a large bag of money to Stressius.

LEMON WARNING LEMON WARNING LEMON WARNING

About 3 hours later the legion was stationed at other similar holes around the tunnels system and posed to strike. 'Right ATTACK' Stresius shouted into the vox as he leapt to hole and fell down into it, his honour guard and Chapter Champion Amber following. Stressious landed and activated the night vision on his helmet to counter the low light levels deep below the surface, the hole didn't have much light to give. He instantly regretted it. What he was him disgusted him so much so that he nearly vomited into his helmet. Two glass fruit bowls sat next to each other, an even distance between each other and the wall. But it wasn't the bowls that disgusted him, it was what was inside them. Inside sat two yellow lemons, Stressius held down the trigger on his melta-pistol, not stopping when the rock around the bowls started to evaporate but only when the pistol it self started to melt.

Stressius exploded inside with anger as he thought of which sick person put them there and the honour guard joined hands to feet to form a sort of Marine bridge across the crater on molten rock the pistol had formed. He walked over it, as did Amber as the other men began using a very awkward way of getting themselves across without falling if they let go in the wrong order.

LEMON WARNING LEMON WARNING LEMON WARNING

END END END END END END END END END END END END

They had been in the tunnels system for around 20 minutes, following what seemed to be a main tunnels with smaller ones coming off of it at regular 5 metre intervals. On the walls where lots of tiny holes, barely visible as the group rounded a wide corner in the tunnel they where following. They dived behind one of the rock formations that jutted out of the walls that seemed to replace where the tunnels used to be in this area. 'Crap' Stressius mumbled before talking into his vox 'There are no Imperial Troops in the area repeat NO IMPERIAL TROOPS'

'Very good sir, I'll start evac of the troops immediately.' 1st Captain Jakius replied

'Negative, all troops to my position'

'Yes, sir – but why'

'Necrons' Stressius said as he dived over the rocks he was hiding behind to one about 10 metres ahead, the last one before the tunnels opened out into a gigantic void in the rock. Necron marched in organised 10 by 10 groups, Warriors, Immortals, Destroyers. All standing around a large pyramid that touched what Stressius presumed must be the underside of the planet surface the cavern was so big. In big letter on it where the letters ENERGY CORE FOR NIGHTBRINGER DO NOT PLACE MELTABOMBS ANY WHERE AS THIS WILL NOT WORK AND WE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO SUMMON THE NIGHTBRINGER THNKX.

Stressius pulled his Bolter from it's holder on his hip and emptied it into the nearest squad of Warriors, 3 collapsed but 1 got back up again after it repaired it self. 'Bloody resurrection' grumbled Stressius as he slammed home another magazine into his Bolter and squad formed around him, adding to the fire pouring out of the small cave entrance. One of the Marines deployed a Heavy Bolter and began firing into a nearby Destroyer squad, destroying the Destroyers, as he tilted it up to their head height. 'Fuck, Scarabs' Amber swore

'And, bigger problems hear' replied Stressius, firing into the remains of the same Warrior squad.

'No, behind us'

'What the WTF!?' Stressius turned round to see Scarabs pouring out of the tiny holes in the walls.

'The walls, they're coming out of the God damn walls!' screamed one of the honour guard as he saw what his superiors where talking about.

The Heavy Bolter began firing into the mass of Necromunda that was the Scarab swarm, while a different Marine ran up to a different rock formation and began melting them with his flame thrower, coating the walls and ceiling in flame.

'Backup needed, emergency code 1 – Amber in dangerous situation, Terminator teleport coordinates 15467-46734 elevation negative 1000.' One of the plasma gun wielding Marines yelled into his vox, panic clearly heard in his tone, as he held down the trigger on his gun, plasma streaming out of the barrel and into the Immortals that where advancing.

'At least they aren't in range yet, yeah we got about 3 minutes until they get within their weapons range.'

'Yeah, they've only got 24" range, unlike our 30", or the Heavy Bolter's 36, and they move really slowly.' Said one of the new honour guard standing up and getting a Gauss Cannon to the head for his effort.

Stressius began to fell a strange sensation as if the pressure was rising inside what he now knew to be Catacombs. 'Reinforcements are here' he yelled to the other Marines and 8 Squads of Terminators with all combinations on Power and Chainfists, Reaper auto cannons, Assault cannons, Cyclone Missile Launchers, Twin linked Bolters, Storm Bolters and Lightning Claws. Instantly the Terminator opened fire, killing hundreds of Necrons, but even this was only a minor dent on the vast amount of scrap metal on the floor and Necrons left in the Catacombs. The Terminators formed a semi-circle to allow the Chapter Master and his Squad to come out into the cavern safely, and one squad armed with Assault Cannons, Reaper Autocannons or Heavy Flamers moved to deal with the on coming torrent of Scarabs that threatened to out flank and destroy them.

'Low on ammo' was becoming a regular cry amongst the Terminators, an hour after they had arrived. 'What are these, fucking Tyrinids, you can't be low on ammo' Stressius said, kicking the Champion that had dared to bring him bad news in the crouch, making him infertile again. As he collapsed, Stressius spoke into his vox to the ships in orbit 'Supplies needed, lock onto my co-ords and teleport them, we need ammo for the Termies, now you bunch of twats.' Stressius felt the same strange feeling as when the Terminators had appeared as huge boxes of ammo where teleported down from space and into the semi-circle which had shrunk slightly as casualties where sustained. One landed on top of Stressius, forcing him onto his back before Amber pushed it off of him. 'Who did that?' he screamed into the vox 'um… I'm sorry sir' came a squeaky voice 'it was my first time'

'No excuses, you know where the airlock is'

'Please no sir, please it was an accident'

'You idiot, I don't want you to kill yourself, report to the Techmarine, he is actually working – on the airlock. You need to explain to him what you did and how you are going to make up for damaging his equipment.'

'Thank you sir'

'Stupid twat' Stressius grumbled as he cut the vox to the ships and replaced it with one to his captains.

'Oi, fuckers'

'Yes, sir' they groaned back in unison

'I want a hole in the ceiling of this cavern, where is the rest of the legion?'

'Most are off in combat in various places around the tunnel network, all we have near you for reserves are: 3 Landspeeders, 2 Squads of Raptors a Thunderhawk with a winch attachment to lower vehicles with a Landraider to go with it.' The 1st captain replied

'I want all of it'

'Sir, that would mean there are no reinforcement for any who need them in your area' a different captain said.

'I have a visual on the Necron energy core for summoning the Nightbringer, by the sounds we have picked up they maybe trying to activate it now get the Raptors to put Meltabombs on it NOW!!!'

'Yes sir, standby'

2 minutes later the Landraider was loaded up and all of the other force where hovering just the above where a hole in the ground was about to be made. 'Fire in the 'ole' said the Raptor Aspiring Champion as the directional explosives where detonated downward, blowing a hole twice the size of a Thunderhawk into the roof of the cavern. The troops flew down into the hole, the Landraider quickly dropped at the nearest side of the Pyramid where the Thunderhawk had used it's main cannon to clear a landing site. It began firing as the Thunderhawk started flying around shelling the Necrons, Heavy Destroyers returning fire often hitting but only on the heavily armoured front not the weak rear. The Raptors landed about 50 metres from the top, 950 metres from the cavern floor, where there was a flat surface. One of the squads began planting Meltabombs around the flat surface while the other squad assisted the ground forces get a clear picture on the amount of Necrons in the cavern.

They estimated about 1 million.

Gauss began flying up the Pyramid toward the Raptors, hitting one in the venerable neck joint who fell screaming to the ground. The others looked down and saw Wrath hovering up the side of the Pyramid and Warriors climbing behind. The squad sent Bolts from their pistols down, of the many that hit their targets, very few did any permanent damage, this close to the resurrection field. 'How long you going to be with those charges?' one Champion said to the other '5 mins' came the reply 'make it 2, it's all the time you got.'

The Thunderhawk dive bombed some of the Warriors on the Pyramid, trying to buy time for the Raptors at the top of the Pyramid. As it pulled up one of the Heavy Destroyers finally found it's target. The Gauss blot slammed into the Starboard wing, causing the fuel tank to explode, ripping the wing off. The port engine's pushed the Thunderhawk to the Starboard. The pilot tried to regain control as the craft smashed into the pyramid, the explosion ripped though the section of the pyramid it had hit. Taking out several Necrons that where climbing the exterior.

'Crap, the pilot was 2 days from retirement' Stressius swore into the vox to the Raptors 'How long until the charges are ready?'

'Cliché on the pilot, the Meltabombs are ready, but we're nearly over whelmed here, we need to get out.'

'Fine, get out and blow the charges when I say, be just out side the hole, we may still need you.' Stressius responded, then to the people surrounding him 'Fall back into the cave, that Pyramids going to blow.

About 10 minutes later they had pushed the Scarabs back, their swarm now significantly thinner, and had prepared for the pyramid to come down.

'Blow the twats up now' Stressius called to the Raptor Aspiring Champion over the vox.

'Fire in the hole' was all that was said, but Stressius clearly heard the glee in his voice. He would have to talk to him when he got back.

The Raptor flicked the switch on his detonator and massive explosions ripped through the cavern, almost the whole space was filled with flame as the explosion caused a chain reaction inside the Pyramid. One side was completely destroyed and the whole thing fell directly away from Stressius and his extremely large personal guard. The structure destroyed the wall of the cavern that it hit, forcing it to fall with it crushing most of the Necrons. The rest just suddenly seized up, as if they had had all power cut from them.

'What the hells happening, Werirdious?' Stressius said to his Prime Sorcerer and Chef of Intelligence. 'I'm not sure, sir' came the Scottish accent 'I'm just running some scans now.'

'Hurry up about it'

'Ah, eh?' said Weirdius, taken aback at his own test results.

'What is it you twat?'

'They appear to be running an anti-virus check, sir'

'What, since when do they run anti-virus?'

'It seems to be a scheduled scan, it's pre-set to run at 0000 hours every day. As they have very small 45435GHz 512 bit Decacore processors they can not do anything else at the same time'

'Does that mean they are all off line right now?'

'Yes, sir'

'How long for?'

'Well they're using Norton Anti-Virus version 545634799.0000000000001 so I'm assuming we've got a few hours and then they'll be just as slow. Norton never catches anything.'

'Norton Anti-virus'

'Yes sir'

'All units' Stressius hurriedly said into the vox to his entire Legion 'The Necrons will be off line for several hours, ATTACK!!!'

My hand hurts after typing that, hopefully my next chapter wont take as long as did to update.