Disclaimer: I do not own anything I write except the words I write but not even all of those. This story is has some similarities to the Truman Show and Bowfinger but it's a Simpsons version. Anyway I'm just writing here more to get this to 2,000 words to make myself feel good but I don't think it will work. Damn I just checked still short.
Springfilm
Homer is watching a football game on TV.
Announcer: What a game we saw today. Let's look at the highlights. The game started off with a very touching moment as 9-year old Jake Conner lived out his dream of receiving the opening kickoff of a football game.
They show Jake catching the kick and running only to get hit by one of the football players and get crushed underneath. When the players get off of him he is not moving and the ambulance comes out and puts him on a stretcher and leave.
Announcer: (Laughs) Hopefully Jake has life insurance. Now on with the highlights. In the second quarter Denver's star quarterback threw a touchdown only to be arrested for lying to the federal government about using steroids afterwards.
It shows the Quarterback celebrating a touchdown with his teammates when two Government agents walk up to him and inform him of his arrest. He resists only to get tasered and carried off the field to boos from the crowd who throw garbage at him. Denver's head coach puts in the back-up QB who is a little shrimp compared to the rest of the players.
Announcer: Finally Al Johnson became the first one legged player in the NFL to score a touchdown to win the game.
It shows a clip of a normal two legged player running towards the end zone when another player tries tackling him but only succeeds in taking one of his legs clean off and Al screams in pain and falls into the end zone for the winning touchdown. His teammates instead of helping him lift his leg up in the air and hold it above them in celebration and his leg gets a Gatorade bath.
Bart: (hurries over to the couch) Move over they're going to preview the summer movie season. (The rest of the family joins in to watch the TV)
Announcer: If you want well-plotted, original movies then don't go to the theaters this summer. If you are sick of pointless Disney movies then too bad. This summer will feature plenty of sequels that will ruin the first movie and just make us more money. This year's Disney movie is about a boy who was born with a disability. He was born with a cardboard box attached to him.
The boy has a cardboard box around him with just his arms and legs sticking out. He goes through school getting laughed at. Because his original parents didn't want him they gave him away to an orphanage. Finally someone adopted him and the boy gets delivered to a house in an ups truck. A woman opens the door.
Boy: Mom. (He smiles hoping for reassurance from the woman)
Woman: Son. (They hug) Hey honey our new son has arrived.
Man: Oh he's not quite what the picture shows. (The picture he has is a boy inside of a mailbox instead of a cardboard box) But he's still cute.
Announcer: This summer Disney presents Cardboard Boy. He can do anything a normal boy can.
He is at a doctor's office.
Doctor: Cough. (The boy coughs) Nothing. Let me try higher.
Marge turns off the TV in disgust.
Marge: Jeez Hollywood will make a movie out of anything. Wonder what those Hollywood sleaze balls will think of next.
Homer: I wonder what they are doing now.
Meanwhile over in Hollywood all seems well although there is a wildfire going on right behind the Hollywood sign but no one seems to care. In a nearby studio some Hollywood writers and Directors were meeting.
Director #1: Ok we have gotten approval for a new movie. The catch is we will film in a city starring everyone in the city. The thing is they won't even know we will be making a movie. This way we get the most realistic actions from everyone. Now the only question is what city will it be.
Director #2: We have narrowed it down to three cities New York, New York, Las Vegas, Nevada or Springfield.
Writer #1: What state is Springfield in?
Director #1: Good question let's just see here (He pulls out a map) Ok here it is right here. (He points to it and everybody starts smiling)
Writer #2: It's perfect.
Director #3: Then we have a plane ready to fly us there today so let's pack up and go. Remember no one must know this will be a movie.
Mr. Burns and Smithers are driving to the airport.
Mr. Burns: Now remember Smithers the Russian President thinks we are friends with him.
Smithers: Yes, sir.
They drive up to where Mr. Burns Private Jet was supposed to be but see someone else's plane there.
Burns: What is the meaning of this? My Private Jet is supposed to be here.
A Man walks up to him.
Man: I'm sorry this is restricted Land Space.
Burns: But my Private Plane is supposed be here.
Man: What is your name?
Burns: C. Montgomery Burns.
Man: Oh Mr. Burns your plane is right over there. (He points to a burning Plane)
Mr. Burns can't believe it.
Man: See good as new.
Burns: My Beautiful plane there was so many memories in there.
The Firemen finally arrive. They look confused.
Firemen: Fire we've never dealt with that before. Better read the manual first.
Smithers: What are you guys waiting for get your hoses out and spray?
The Firemen listen and spray their hoses and Burns and Smithers leaving them soaked.
A little ways off the cameras were all set and rolling.
Director: And cut. That will be the first scene in our movie. Now let's move to the Kwik-E-Mart.
They set up camera outside the Kwik-E-Mart and the Director sends one of his men inside.
Men: Hello I'm looking for some Candy.
Apu: Right here. Hey I don't recognize you. Are you new around here?
Men: Well yes I am.
Apu: Well then you are in for a treat because you are just in time for the 11 O'clock robbery. (He looks at his watch) 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1. (Nothing Happens) Something must be wrong he is never late.
Apu walks outside and looks around and noticed a bunch of guys beating up Snake.
Apu: Oh no no no he is supposed to be robbing me. Get away from him. (All of the guys stop and one points at Apu and they start coming after him)
Apu runs up to the man and asks for help but the man informs him that he's with them and Apu goes inside and dials 911.
Apu: Yes 911 help there are some muscular guys after me. No this is real my life is actually in danger. (They hang up on him)
Just when the guys were about to jump on Apu Snake returns and starts punching the guys all around the store. He grabs some cheese off the shelf and shoves it in one guy's mouth.
Snake: Say cheese Ha-Ha.
Apu: Snake look out. (Snake turns around and sees a guy coming and launches him through the window). Oh thank you Snake how can I ever repay you.
Snake pulls out his gun and points it at Apu.
Snake: You can start by giving me all of your money. And also some porn too.
Apu: The usual.
Snake: Yeah sure. (Apu hands him the money and porn) See you at six.
Snake runs off.
Back at the Director's camp everyone is getting bandaged up.
Director: Great Action Scene guys. Seeing that Robber has giving me a great Idea for our next scene.
At the First Bank of Springfield everything seems to be going normal when a group of Mimes come walking in. At first everyone thinks this is some kind of joke but then One Mime makes a motion of pointing a gun at the Bank Teller.
One Woman screams "look out he's got a gun" Everybody gets down on the floor when the other Mimes act like their pointing guns at everybody.
The Mime by the bank teller makes a hand gesture for money and the Bank teller does what he was told and pretends to open a vault and hand the Mime Money. The Other Mimes act like they have bags and are putting money in them. One guy tries running away but the Mime makes a motion of shooting a gun and the guy falls down in pain as he acts like he was hit in the leg with a bullet. One Mime picks him up and the Lead Mime makes a cut throat action.
Man: No don't shoot I don't want to die.
But the Mime pulls the trigger and the Man pretends to die. The Mimes then walk away in a fashion only a Mime can and leave the Bank.
The Director back where his camera is set up tells someone to take a note.
Director: Make a note on the DVD for this movie in the scene selections I want this scene to be called Criminal Mimes.
Later on the Director is shaking hands and congratulating everyone on a job well done.
Director: That was a great Job done for Day One but we have another long day ahead of us on Day Two.
The next day everyone is looking at the newspaper looking for places to go to and continue filming their movie.
Man#1: Hey look there is a Retirement Home nearby.
Director: Alright people let's go where everyone forgets your name because they are too old and the Average age is 90.
Man#2: Florida.
Director: No, the Retirement home.
They set up their cameras somewhere no one can see them. The Director is giving everyone last minute notes when someone rightly points out that Sen. John McCain is eating with the old folks.
Director: This is huge people. Roll film now.
Man: What do we say?
Director: just ad lib.
Man: Hi my name is Tony. Sen. McCain I will vote Democrat in November. What do you say about that?
John McCain: I don't blame you. I mean look at our country.
Man: By the way are you speaking here for your campaign?
John McCain: Uhhhh yeah speaking that's right.
Nurse: Alright John here are your pills and your glass of water to swallow them. After you are done it will be time for your afternoon nap. (The man looks surprised)
McCain: Oh don't look so shocked. Look at Obama out there. (He points out the window at Barack Obama standing by the road)
Obama: Change. Change. Change. Change. Change. Change. Change. Change. (He gets less enthused about saying as he goes along until someone passes by) Change. You got change for a dollar. (The woman just looks irritated and walks away) Fine be that way I'll get your money anyway when I raise your taxes. (Everyone looks at him when he says that) Uh forget I said that and- (Everyone still is looking at him) Change. Change. Change. Change.
