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This chapter is for MyWillow, thank you for your reviews and welcome to fanfiction!
Chapter Five
Why do you hate me?
By the end of my second month at Hogwarts I knew that everything I had first thought about it was completely wrong, there was nothing bad here and from what I could see there was no darkness. I loved every part of the old castle and before long it felt more like home then Nott manner ever had done to me, I pushed the thoughts of the up coming Christmas holidays to the back of my mind when every I could and spent many nights laying away and thinking about how I was going to tell mother that I would not be coming home for Christmas this year. Theo hardly ever came home in the holidays but I still found myself feeling bad about it, even if she did not show it a lot I knew that she loved me and the thought of he being alone at Christmas made me frown and feel guilt that gravelled through my whole body.
Little did she know that I was already turning out to be a disappointment to her and my father baby becoming good friends with Hermione, Ron and Harry, the very people who had gotten my own father a life sentence to Azkaban. I should of cared more really, I should of stayed away from them and scowled at them like my brother did but every time the thought came to mind I would dismiss it within seconds, they had been kind to me since the day I had gotten here and unlike most people they had not judge me on where I came from, they had stood by me, became my friend and welcomed me into their small group of friends along with Neville, Luna and Ginny.
Things seemed to get better from that point on and I worked on getting my head around all of my class's rather then thinking about my brother and his harsh words all the time, Draco and Blaise had helped more then I could of asked for and I was amazed and filled with hope at the thought that there were some Slytherin's out there who had not gone over to the dark side so soon.
In fact it was not in till one late night that things started taking a turn for the worst. I had been going over millions of plans in my mind as to how I could pass this "test" that the girls had been asking me to complete and still I found myself coming at dead ends where ever I turned. I was laying in bed, looking up at my ceiling and thinking about it once again before I finally gave up and sighed. With sleepy eyes I looked over at the clock on my bed side table and groaned, it was half one in the morning but knew that there was no way that I would be able to get to sleep again.
Ten minutes later, with my night cloak rapped around me and my slippers on my feet I was walking down a random corridor silently with nothing but my own thoughts to keep me company, at times like this I found that walks always seemed to help me think more clearly. It was way after curfew and I made sure to keep my ears open for any teachers that could be coming my way.
In some ways I hated the fact that I had to be the one to find her but looking back on it I would of hated it if she had stayed there all on her own. I froze in place as I heard a light sound coming from in front of me, without really thinking about what I was doing I slowly started to walk forward, something was telling me to keep walking.
I turned the corner and stopped in my tracks.
Pansy Parkinson was sitting there on the floor, her arms rapped around her legs as her shoulders moved up and down with small but meaningful sobs, it must have been her that I had been able to hear. For a second I thought about turning around and walking away, I understood that she hated me and it was likely that she would only be mad at me if she knew that I had seen her this but I found that I could not.
I could not leave her on her own.
"Are you alright?"
She jumped slightly at the sound of my voice and her head shot up as she reached for her wand, her hand froze when she realised that it was only me although she quickly jumped up and wiped her eyes, trying to hold the evidence that she had been crying even though I had already seen them.
"What the hell are you doing out of bed?" she asked in a thick voice while trying to sound mad, her voice was quiet and it ruined the effect slightly.
"I was just taking a walk, trying to think"
She nodded and turned away.
"Go back to bed"
I nodded even though she could not see me but my feet would not let me move, I wished that there was something that I could do to make her feel better. She looked around and saw that I was still there, her eyes narrowed and I noticed that the years were completely gone, as had any evidence that they had even been there.
"I said go back to bed child"
I decided to ignore the insult.
"Pansy…"
"Don't" she hissed "I don't want your sympathy, anything but that, not from someone like you."
I frowned as I felt my temper starting to get the better of me, I never done anything wrong to her and she had hated me from the moment that we met and I had no idea why.
"Don't worry" I said coldly "that was the last thing that I was about to give you"
She scowled at me and I tried to look like I did not care. I was not about to give her something that she could work with, I did not want her to know that she was unnerving me.
"Oh just go away will you! I don't have time for a child, why don't you just go running to that no good brother of your and play dolls!"
"No good" I laughed coldly "that is rich coming from someone like you, you can go around lying to yourself all you want but we all know what kind of person you really are, you will give in and be like you family you Slytherin, say all you want about me but I am braver then you, I'm a Gryffindor, I made my choice and I am better for it"
She looked startled for a second and I felt embarrassed for my out burst, it was not like me to be so mean to people. She turned away and started to walk from me before calling over her shoulder.
"Your not even worth it child"
I scowled and started to walk after her, not liking the way that she was talking to me.
"Why do you hate me, what the hell have I ever done to you?"
Pansy swung around and glared at me and I noticed that she had her wand in hand, not wanting to get into any more trouble I took a step back to try and get away from her but it seemed to make no difference, she still had her wand in hand and I would never have time to reach for my own. Some times I wished that I could just keep my mouth shut and think before I talked.
"Why do I hate you? I hate you because you walk around her with your head hung low like your life is so much worse then everyone else's just because your family hate you, well guess what princess, you are not the only one and you are not going to be the last. But you are eleven years old and while you have the right to hide under your bed and act like nothing is happening some people out there don't, some people have to fight and they are scared but none of that matters to you, I can see it in the way you act and talk, you think that this is some big game, well its not. It's war and its scary and unkind and…confusing, life changing even" She was barely looking at me anymore and I wondered who she was talking to now, me or herself. "You have to decided what to do, what would be right for the people around you, to stay and endanger them with information that I could never tell them to walk away from everything that I ever worked for"
There was a moments silence and I watched as she stood there and looked at nothing, anyone else would have thought that she was going to cry but I understood that she would never do it in front of me, maybe when I left but not now. The thought crossed my mind to give her some privacy but I found myself unable to move, I wanted to help her, to make her feel better and know that even if she hated me I was going to be there for her.
"Pansy?"
I started to walked to her but with out looking at me she held out her hand, telling me to stop, the look of hate still on her face.
"I worked hard to get here, to become part of the girls and to finally get it felt like the best thing in the world and then there are people like you who just get it all without having to work. I had to wait in till my third year before I could get it, I had to wait three years and you, you are here for a small few weeks and you get everything that I wanted. Everything that I am leaving behind" She finally looked up and as her eyes made contact with my own I felt a shill go up my spin and goose bumps run up my arms and her voice wavered as she spoke "That's why I hate you because you have everything and in return you have to do nothing! One day you will understand but it will be too late by then, the time to stand up for the light or dark is now. How lucky for you"
She turned once more and started to walk away and this time I did not try to follow her, I just stood there with my head spinning and tears threatening to fall, I had no idea why I was so sad and why what she had said had hurt me so much all I knew was that I was in the middle of something that was bigger then me.
I had wanted to do something that was good, just like them but getting your own back on boys or playing games was not enough anymore and everyone but me was starting to see that. The war and family that I had been trying so hard to run away from was catching up with me and I could tell that there was nothing that I could about it.
And that was when I had to face the same question that I had been asking myself since I had started school, who was I going to pick, my friends or my brother who used to love me like I still love him?
I did not sleep that night, I found that when my head hit the pillow I was thinking too much to close down, there were too many things that I still had to think about.
---*---
Dennis Creevely sat in front of the burning fire and watched as his brother messed around with his much used camera, he had had the same one for the last three years and he made a promised to himself that he would buy him a new one for Christmas, the poor thing looked like it did not have that much longer left in it. While he thought about this there was something else that his mind was wondering about, something that his brother had never talked to him about and something that he had never had much time for himself.
Girls.
One girl to be correct.
He had never really thought about any girl as anything other then a friends before and Bella was his friend, eh liked being around her, to see her smile, to see her laugh and the way that she would mess around with the end of her hair when she was worried or nervous about something…
He shock his head and frowned to himself, this whole thing was getting out of hand and while he wanted to think that something would come of it there really was no point, he could see it in her eyes when she looked at him, he was her best friend.
But she would never think of him as anything other then that.
"Who is she then?"
Dennis jumped slightly at his brothers voice and turned to look at him, Colin was not looking at him though in stead he was looking down at his as he carefully changed the film with loving care that only he could show, for a second he wondered if his brother had even spoken.
"Well?" Colin asked when Dennis did not say anything without looking up "Who is she?"
Dennis felt his mouth open as he watched his brother in amazement, it was not in till now that he fully realised how well his brother knew him.
"How did you know?" he asked when he finally found his voice.
Colin smiled lightly but did not look up from the camera that he was working on
You're my brother" he answered with a shrug like it was the most simplest thing in the world "I know everything about you, besides" he added with a cheeky grin "you have a look on your face like your thinking about someone special, so who is it?"
Dennis sighed and leaned back into his chair, he had not talked to anyone about his feelings for Bella but if he could not talk to him older brother about this then he had no idea where else he could turn to for help.
"Bella" he finally muttered while staring at his folded arms in embarrassment "Bella Nott"
There was a horrible silence in which Dennis cringed, while there was nothing wrong with Bella herself he was not sure how his brother was going to react to him liking the daughter of a well known Death Eater. Finally Colin looked up and locked eyes with his brother but still did not speak and Dennis knew that he was thinking carefully about what to say next, his brother would always stand by him not matter what he wanted to do or who he liked.
"Are you sure that this is something you want?" Colin asked slowly and calmly.
"Yes" Dennis answered without even having to think about it "I know that her family history is not the best in the world but there is something about her, something that I can work out and…I think I really want to know what that thing is"
"It'll be hard, she is a pureblood and her family would not take too kindly to it, in these times pureblood and muggleborn relationships are not easy you know"
"I know what hey, if Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger of all people can pull it off then I think that I stand a chance"
"And your willing to fight for it?"
"With everything I have. I really like her. She's different. She falls over nothing, talks about the most random things in the world and I love that she does that"
His brother looked thoughtful for a second before he finally sighed before smiling and nodded.
"Then go for it" he said as he turned back to his camera "if you think that she is worth it then it's the only thing you can do"
"But what if she does not feel the same?" he asked before he could stop himself "what if she is still thinking of me as nothing more then a friend and I make a complete arse of myself by putting my emotions out there?"
Colin remained silent as he stood up and started to pack away his things, it was getting late and he had class first thing in the morning. The last thing he needed was another detention for falling asleep in another class.
"You'll never know in till you try. Sleep well"
"Yeah" Dennis replied with out looking at his brother "Night"
If you have time…please?
Haraldzidla xx
