So I haven't updated in what? Over a month? Okay make that two and guess what, I still don't have much to show for it! Sorry guys I've been really busy lately and this just hasn't been a priority. Anywho, here it is and as crappy as it may be, it's extra long! LOL! Well don't forget to review and maybe I'll remember to update ;) Love ya!

The Feelings We Hold

"Sadie, Aeryn, jammies," Brenda instructed her daughters that Saturday. She was already dressed in a beautiful silhouette sitting black dress stopping just above her knee. Her hair was draped over her shoulders and she was carefully putting in her diamond earrings she had been given for Christmas a few years ago.

Both Sadie and Aeryn nodded and disappeared into their room obediently giving Brenda some time to find some shoes for her dress. It had been a long time since she had been on a date with someone other than Mike. She had even gone to the extent of calling Dylan to tell him she was sick. Luckily Kelly was around to stop her.

She sighed, finally finding a pair of shoes and slipped them on only to find the twins standing behind her dressed in their pajamas. Sadie smiled.

"Mommy, you look very pretty," she said with her adorable smile. Aeryn just flashed a small smile but it quickly faded away as Aeryn left the room. Brenda sighed. She knew Aeryn was upset about Brenda dating again and it killed her that even her own daughter thought she was betraying her husband by dating again but it was just something she felt she had to do.

A door bell chimed and Sadie happily ran to the front door with Brenda trailing behind.

"Who is it?" Sadie called sweetly.

"The boogyman," Brenda could hear a teenager mumble from the other side of the door. She opened it wide to find both Dylan and Josh standing there.

"Hi," Dylan began awkwardly. "You look great," he complimented. Brenda smiled.

"Thank you. You must be Josh. Hi, I'm Brenda and this little one here is Sadie." Josh just nodded with acknowledgement. Brenda could tell her did not want to be spending his Saturday night watching two little girls. Dylan nudged him a bit and Josh perked up, but only slightly.

Brenda motioned for the two to come in and closed the door behind them just in time for Aeryn to join the bunch.

"Aeryn, this is Josh and Dylan," Brenda introduced the two to her daughter. Aeryn shared about as much enthusiasm as Josh did and she almost seemed to have a glare for Dylan. "Alright then. Well Josh, the girls have already eaten and they're to be in bed no later than nine since it's not a school night so you can put a movie on for them or something until then. Their room is just down the hall and they're already for bed as you can see so just make sure they brush their teeth. Aeryn will be rather helpful for you I'm sure. She's pretty independent but Sadie might need a bit of help so yeah, I think that's all." Josh merely nodded and took a seat on the couch.

Dylan sighed to himself with embarrassment. Had he known Josh would have been this bad, he probably wouldn't have volunteered him but he hadn't anticipated it to be this bad. He looked at Brenda hoping she would get the hint it was time to leave.

"Well, shall we go?" Brenda nodded and grabbed her purse. As the girls came running over to see their mother off, Brenda stooped down to kiss both of their heads.

"You girls be good for Josh okay?" They nodded as usual but Brenda didn't have to worry about them. They were always well behaved, even for her. "Okay. I'll come in and tuck you in when I get home. I love you!" she called as she walked out of the door.

As soon as the door was closed, Josh got up from his seat on the couch and looked down at the girls before him.

"Okay, so you wanna like watch a Barbie movie or something?" Aeryn just rolled her eyes and stomped off to her room leaving Sadie all alone.

"Mommy says she has attitude problems," Sadie stated. Josh merely nodded slowly and switched on the TV to a football game. Sadie jumped on the couch next to him. "This is what Daddy used to watch!" she exclaimed. Josh nodded again.

"Does your dad like live somewhere else?" he questioned figuring the kids' parents were divorced. Sadie shook her head.

"No, my Daddy died in a car crash when I was litteler." Josh gulped. He hated the way his parents were just being divorced. He couldn't imagine just not having them period, even though it tended to be a frequent wish whenever his parents pissed him off. And this kid was only five. He shook his head trying to get the thoughts out of his head then noticing that Sadie was now cuddling next to him. She was a pretty cute kid, he had to say and with that, he wrapped an arm around her.

"This is nice," Dylan commented as they sat at the table at the restaurant. Neither of them had said a word for five minutes and it was getting pretty awkward. Brenda just nodded. "Yeah….so what do you do for a living?" he decided to ask.

"I'm a secretary for Bob Taylor," she replied rather casually. Dylan nodded.

"How's that?" Brenda stifled back a laugh.

"It's…interesting but hey, it pays the bills right?" He nodded in agreement. "And you?"

"I work from home for the most part. I have a column in the LA Times and I really just go into the office about once a week to submit it so I guess not completely form home but for the most part." Brenda smiled a little more friendly as she started to warm up to him.

"I actually used to be an actress. Mostly theatre and stuff like that but when my husband passed away, I couldn't really afford to be away from the girls anymore and it doesn't pay as much or have as many benefits as this job which, if you ask anyone close to me, I'm NOT a fan of." Dylan's jaw dropped. He had no idea her husband had passed away.

"I…I'm so sorry. I really am. Oh god now I feel like an ass," Dylan confided. Brenda placed her hand on top of his.

"Don't be," she told him ever so softly. Dylan looked at her and stared into her eyes. It was like he was in a trance and Brenda could feel it too. They just couldn't look away from one another.

"I…" they both began as the stare ended. A nervous laughter then took over and Dylan looked at her with a sly smile.

"You wanna get out of this place? Take a walk by the beach? Suddenly a corndog sounds far better than whatever caviar they're about to serve." She smiled sweetly.

"You read my mind." Dylan left a fifty for the drinks then stood up and helped Brenda out of her chair, leaving the restaurant for the beautiful sunset awaiting them.

As they walked along the beach, Brenda could feel herself really loosen up feeling the loose sand between her toes, something she hadn't felt in a very long time.

"It feels good," she began while letting the breeze run through her hair. Dylan looked over to her.

"What feels good?" he asked.

"This. The beach, the sand, the breeze,…being here with you," she replied slowly. Dylan couldn't help but smile.

"I'm glad. That's what us men usually try and strive for," he replied. "You wanna sit?" he asked, pointing to a bench with a perfect view of the ocean. She nodded and walked over with him. They took a seat and just stared at the beautiful sunset before them.

"You know, you're a very beautiful woman," Dylan began in hopes of breaking the silence. She beamed.

"Thank you," she answered shyly. He smiled uncomfortably causing her to shake her head apologetically. "I'm sorry; it's been a while since I've been out with someone…else." He laughed at her nervousness.

"It's totally fine. To be honest it's been a while for me as well." She gave him a polite smile.

"May I ask why that is?" He nodded and continued.

"Well the last woman I dated, she almost became my wife and after she left me for one of my best friends, I just couldn't take anymore heartache like that."

"I'm so sorry. That must have been horrible." He nodded.

"Yeah, it definitely did but I think I would much rather have her alive no matter how much angst I may still hold for her."

"I wish I could too," Brenda said, her voice starting to crack even talking about him in such a way. "I'm sorry," she replied, wiping away most of the tears. "You shouldn't have to see me like this. It's just been very hard and talking about…losing people…" she trailed off seeing he was now staring directly at her.

"It's fine," he said softly wiping a leftover tear from under her eye. He let his hand linger for a moment. "I don't mind at all." She stopped and looked at him. It gave her butterflies even staring at the man and that was something she wasn't used to. She could feel the electric feel of his hand upon her bare skin buzzing through her body and it made even harder to resist the urge to kiss him. She smiled shyly at him.

"I kinda want to kiss you." Dylan couldn't help but laugh at the insecurity she seemed to have with herself. "Did I just ruin that?" she asked worriedly. Dylan continued to laugh but shook his head.

"Definitely not," he replied before pressing his lips against hers. Brenda's eyes widened with surprise but quickly closed as she indulged in the kiss. As they broke apart Brenda could feel the heat on her cheeks from the kiss but she didn't care. She barely knew this guy but yet she felt something for him; something she hadn't recognized in a while. Dylan smiled sweetly.

"It's getting late. I should probably take you home," Dylan began. She nodded in agreement and stood up off the bench, walking back to Dylan's car.

Brenda stared at him the entire ride home, still trying to figure out why she was so attracted to this guy. She didn't even realize they had made it back to her house until Dylan finally took his eyes off the road and looked back at her.

"We're here," he declared before turning off his SUV and walking to the other side to help her out, being the true gentleman he was. She took his hand and hopped out of the vehicle, walking very close to him as they made their way down the pathway to her front door.

As they walked in, Dylan nearly busted out laughing. Josh had fallen asleep on the couch with a tiny little Sadie sleeping on his lap with a blanket draped over the two. Brenda smiled lovingly. It was definitely a cute moment.

Dylan walked over and gently shook Josh while Brenda lifted a sleeping Sadie into her arms and made her way down the hall to Sadie and Aeryn's bedroom. Josh jolted awake and looked up at his uncle.

"What time is it?" he asked groggily as he tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes. Dylan pointed to a clock hanging on the wall which read 10:30. Josh groaned and Dylan just chuckled.

"Since when do you 'cuddle' with small children? That's so un-Josh like," Dylan commented. Josh shot him daggers.

"Can we just get out of here?" he asked. Dylan grinned but nodded. He looked around for Brenda who had disappeared but smiled when he spotted her again.

"Sorry about that. I just needed to get Sadie into bed," Brenda said upon seeing Dylan. Dylan smiled.

"No problem." They nodded together awkwardly for a moment until Brenda broke the tension.

"Well, I had a great time tonight. Maybe we could do it again sometime?" she inquired. Dylan beamed.

"I'll pick you up same time next week," he said turning around to leave. Brenda just nodded and bit her lip. She felt like a nervous schoolgirl not a grown woman and it kinda scared her. She smiled nonetheless as she watched him pull out of her drive way and drive on home. She closed the door then turned around and sighed. She was definitely looking forward to that date next week and with that she walked off to her bedroom and got ready for bed, her thoughts still centered around him until she finally fell asleep.

That was only the beginning.