Sleep Science 2/3

CJ and Danny

Disclaimer: as if!

Kinetic Molecular Theory: States of Matter

Santa Monica, California. March 2007

There are days when she wonders if this will ever work. Days of feeling crowded by his presence. Days of feeling if he defers to her one more time she's going to bite his head off and leave his body on the curb. When every straight line motion is a collision course. There are evenings when after a bitter round of accusation she stalks away to sleep in the other bedroom, wrapped in a vapor of self righteous indignation.

She can't stay there. She can't stay angry. She can't really even sleep until she goes back to their bed, and silently slips in beside him. An act of contrition. Never really sure whether he's awake or asleep, until his arm closes around her, solid and secure.

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There are days when he wonders if this will ever work. Days of feeling like he's moving underwater. Trying to speak, and making only low sounds that can't be understood. Sliding past each other, but never connecting. Longing for a breath of fresh air. He's not about to let this go. There are evenings when he sees so clearly the kinetic energy overcome the attraction. When the prospect of going to bed alone is such a foregone conclusion that he wishes she's just cut to the chase and say it. It would be so much less damaging than he argument he sees coming.

The first few times it scares him, but there's always a point in the early morning when she slips back into their bed. Quietly, as if he won't waken. As if he hasn't been awake. He wraps an arm around her and feels her melt against him. There are never any words spoken. Just the sound of their breathing is apology enough. A vibration that proximity allows.

In the morning it will be the distant past. An argument that seems so long ago it doesn't bear review. As if the sun coming up brings a change in temperature and a different state of matter.