Seeking Solace

Author's note: Sorry if you guys dislike Tani, but she is in this one. Not very much though, the focus is totally on McCoy for this one, she's just there to sort of shove it along. This is just another speculation of mine about McCoy's drinking habbits.

I looked up Startime to see how it differed from ours but couldn't find anything. So I just went with the terms we use to designate time. Sorry if it's wrong.


Doctor Leonard McCoy exhaled deeply, lowering his hands slightly before slowly setting his instrument aside "Call it."

Tanith swallowed, the adrenaline that always pulsed through her system during a surgery dropping to a cold, dead halt at the news "Ah… 10:17 P.M."

McCoy knew he had done all that he could. And he was quite sure that Tani knew it as well. But it didn't help the gut-clenching feeling on got in their stomach after the death of a coworker one bit. The thing was, as thick-skinned as she was on the outside; McCoy had caught glimpses of Tani's softer side a few times before. And you can try to bury it, but it never seems to work.

The doctor began cleaning up, taking the instruments and putting them away in their proper places and making sure they were clean. Moments passed before McCoy finished and turned back… only to find his student still starring with dim, melancholy eyes at their deceased coworker. McCoy knew she needed comfort. He also knew it was not the kind he could give her.

Tanith felt his gaze on her and felt stupid, her cheeks growing warm with embarrassment. "I'll get the paperwork." She murmured, eyes downcast and focused on the floor, while starting to pass McCoy.

He grasped her shoulder with a strong, firm hand as she started by, stopping her from going any farther. She looked up at him in surprise and she spoke while still looking straight ahead. "I'll take care of it." The hazel eyes then met her emerald green "You just go and get some rest."

She smiled wearily up at her mentor "Thanks Bones."

He watched her as she turned and headed out of the door, most likely to find a certain engineer to comfort her in the way that the gruff doctor had not been able to do. And part of him wished that he had been able to provide the consolation she needed. But how could he do so when he couldn't even placate himself?

The chief medical officer finished cleaning up and prepping the body for the commemoration to come the next day before leaving, deciding that the paperwork could wait until tomorrow. It's not like the dead cadet would be complaining. McCoy snorted at this thought as he made his way straight for his room.

Unlocking the door, he stepped inside his cabin. "Lights." He said tiredly while the door closed behind him. The black room was suddenly bathed in bright light and he blinked a few times to get his eyes adjusted. His room was in no way small. Being the chief medical officer did have its privileges. But gazing around the empty room, void of anyone to give him the same comfort that Tani had been seeking, he was well aware that there were just as many downsides to his profession.

Kicking off his plain black shoes, McCoy walked over to a sleek cabinet and opened it up. Inside was the only solace he'd ever been able to find. Rough-skinned fingers wrapped around the neck of one of the many bottles, the other hand snatching up a small clear glass. Flopping down in a chair, he placed the two items on the table. With hollow eyes, he watched the liquid comfort as it tumbled and rolled into the glass. On some nights he used ice. But on a night like this, he wanted-… needed the full kick. Not even remotely watered down.

He brought the glass up towards his lips, hazel eyes inspecting the vivid blue liquid it held. And in it, amongst the tiny bubbles, he could see the faces of all those he had failed to save. All those times he had failed them and himself.

Then he put the glass to his lips, tossed his head back, and drank away the pain.