I don't own Twilight at all.


It was the only song I listened to that night. When it was over I found myself hitting the last button. Every time it ended I would just replay it again. My lullaby. I had to listen to it; it was a part of me. Actually a huge part of my, but I wouldn't let anyone know that. After about two hours of listening to it nonstop, Nathan knocked at my door and came in.

"Are you okay? You looking like you are going to break down at any second," he said hurrying to my side. "What's this song that you're listening to?"

I sighed as he sat down next to me on my floor. He put his arm around me and I laid my head on his shoulder. He's so good at comforting. "I'm okay. I'm just really, really shocked right now."

Nathan leaned us against the wall then looked down at me. "About what?"

I shrugged. "I guess it's because of what happened tonight. Also the whole gift thing was kind of overwhelming. Especially Edward's present."

"What did Edward give you? I hope he didn't buy you something. We all know you hate when someone buys you something," Nathan said chuckling while he pushed a strand of hair out of my face.

I giggle too. I soft and quiet giggle. "No, he knows I absolutely hate when people buy things for me. He learned that on my… well he learned that when we were together," I said. I never did tell them about my birthday. I just told them something went wrong one night that changed everything. I never spoke of my 18th birthday.

"Hmmm, ok interesting, but you never did tell me what he got you. Also you never did tell me what you are listening too."

I was hoping he wouldn't remember to ask me about the song. I don't know if I could explain it to him. "Well Edward got me a CD. That's what I'm listening too. His CD that he made me."

Nathan sighed. He didn't get the answer he wanted. "Ok, that was a nice present for you. I know how much you like music, but why are you listening to this song over and over again? I've been outside your door for, oh, probably 25 minutes and all I have heard is this song. Why is that?" he asked, his voice teasing me.

"I'm listening to my lullaby. Happy?" I asked getting irritated.

Nathan pursed his lips. He didn't really understand. "What do you mean by 'my lullaby'?"

I lifted my head off of his shoulder and put my head on the wall behind us. "This is the lullaby Edward wrote for me my junior year of high school-"

"Meaning the year you guys started to date," Nathan pointed out.

"Yes okay? The first night he stayed with me he hummed this to me so I could fall asleep. Then the next day when I met his family for the first time he played it on the piano for me telling me that I inspired it. From then on it was known as my lullaby. I haven't heard it since the day he left, even though I already had this CD."

Nathan shook his head turning towards me. "What do you mean you already had this CD? I've never heard this before. Why would he give you a CD you already had?"

"Well the day he left he told me something I will never forget, no matter how long I live and who I'm with. He told me it will be like I never existed. And he made it that way. He gave me this CD for my birthday. He took it from me before he left; also he took a picture I had of us and himself. He made it so he never was in my life."

"Why on earth would he do that? I mean he has a right to remember you when you left, but you don't have the right to remember him when he left you. That's not right. That's not fair. I'm going to kill him. He caused you so much pain and now he just thinks he can come back into your life like it never happened? That's wrong," Nathan said with his anger rising.

"Nathan," I hissed, "stop. This wasn't a way to get of him trying to get back into my life. I really don't know what it meant, but he gave it to me and I'm happy he did. I missed my lullaby. I missed hearing it every night. Also you will not kill him! You will do no such thing!"

Nathan sighed and his face relaxed. "You're right I won't kill him. It would cause you too much pain if I did anyways. I still don't like that he gave you that CD. I mean he could have just got you a Cheap Trick CD or something. He didn't have to make a CD of his own songs. It's like he's trying to get you back to quickly."

I laughed at my silly brother. "He is not trying to get me back. And definitely not too quickly because he's not even trying. So just let it go. Try to be friend with him, or one of his brothers. I think you and Emmett could be great friends."

Nathan smiled. "The only way I would be friends with him is if you guys got married. I will, however, try to be nicer to them. I think they can understand us very well. Although, I do hate when Jasper uses his powers. It's like I'm stuck in whatever he thinks and then I get frustrated after he stops!"

"Welcome to my world," I said messing up his hair. "This will happen a lot if we hang around them more often."

"Fun," he said with a smile. "Just what I want to do all night long."

Nathan left after that. My CD went through probably five of the songs. So I turned it off and headed downstairs. Nathan was in his room and so were Charlotte and Austin. I could hear them, yuck. I was alone, again.

I walked out the door and started to run. It was nice to get away from everything for an hour or two, but by that time I may be in Phoenix.

I ran around Forks for awhile. I stopped by La Push's border line, hoping Jacob would be on his patrol so I could say hello. I haven't seen him since I changed and I wondered how he was doing. I only stayed for five minutes though. I didn't feel safe there alone. I felt like someone would come out and hunt me.

I went back to the clearing, but left quickly knowing Emmett liked to hunt there. I didn't want to see anyone right now. I just wanted to alone with my thoughts of Nathan and I's conversation. He gave me a lot to think about.

I ended up at a stop that was no happy memory. Our meadow. Why would I come here? I hate this place. This place was where life ended for me, but it was also the place where Edward and I fell in love really. He was so beautiful when he came out into the sun light and his skin was sparkling.

I laid down in the grass and looked up into the stars. Tonight was a rare night because there was not a cloud in the sky. All I could see were the stars. It was nice. It felt like all my problems could go away by just laying there. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Something about the air I breathed in wasn't right though. It was too sweet.

I sat up. In the distance I could see someone watching me. Someone so extraordinary it made me feel insufficient. Edward. "Edward, come out. I know it's you," I called to the trees.

He walked out, human pace, with a sheepish smile on. "Sorry, I just came here and I saw you. I didn't want to disturb you because you looked so peaceful."

"I was very peaceful," I agreed, "but then I when I took the deep breath the air was too sweet. I knew someone was here so I panicked a little. Surely you understand why."

He nodded coming over by me. He sat down across from me, but close enough to touch. "I'm really sorry about that. I didn't mean to frighten you. I forgot that you would be able to smell my scent that far away."

I smile weakly to him. "Oh, thank you for the gift. I really do love it."

He smiled his crooked smile. "You're welcome. I didn't want to seem too forward with you, but I thought you might enjoy it. I figured you wouldn't find anything that I hid from you whenever I… left," he said wincing at the last word.

"What do you mean I wouldn't find anything that you hid from me?" I asked completely confused.

He looked down at his hands and then back up to me. "I'm sorry, but when I left I couldn't bring myself to actually stealing those things from you so I hid them under you floorboards."

I stared at him in complete shock. I would have never looked there. "Wow. I would have never known."

"I know. I'm sorry that I did hide them from you, but I thought it might be easier for you to forget about me if I did that. That way you wouldn't have to be reminded of me everywhere you looked."

I looked down studying my hands. "Even though you did I was constantly reminded of you. I don't know exactly how or why, I just was."

Edward shift a little. "I figured. Can I explain some things to you now that we are alone?"

I nodded knowing there was no way out of this one. "Okay, thank you. I wanted to explain why I left you that day in the woods. You see-"

"Edward, you really don't need to explain. You told me why. You didn't care about me anymore. You didn't love me anymore. I had to let you go then. I wouldn't force you to stay with me whenever you didn't love me anymore."

Edward looked angry. Well at least to me he did. I couldn't really tell; it was pretty dark out. "You don't get it do you, Bella? I lied to you. I said all those things because I wanted you to have a normal human life. I wanted you to live your life to the fullest, so I lied to you. I was willing to be in pain every day of my long existence just so you could be a human. I loved, well love, you so much that I did that for you. I had to see you have a life that none of us had. I wouldn't let you change and miss out on everything. So I lied. I told you all those things, even though it killed me, so that you might be able to forget about me and grow up. So you could live your life without vampires interfering. I always cared about you and I always loved you. I never stopped loving you actually. I just thought if I left it would be for the best, when really it was the complete opposite. But there wasn't a day that went by where I didn't regret my decision. Bella, I never meant to hurt you as much as I did. I never like seeing you in pain. I had to do it though, and I hoped that you would move on for the sake of your life."

I sat there in shock. He lied? He couldn't have lied. He was so convincing that he just couldn't have. His face that day was so different. It was like he didn't care if I lived or died, but he did. Or so he claimed he did. "You lied?"

He nodded. "Yes, Bella, of course I lied. How could you think differently? I told you every day how much I loved you. I told you every day how much I cared about you. I was just so 

surprised how quickly you agreed with me. I thought I would have to keep lying with you. I thought you would be shaking your head and telling me, 'No you're wrong you told me you loved me,' but you didn't. You just let me go, and it shocked me that it was that easy to convince you."

Wow, so Charlotte was right, I thought to myself. I couldn't think of anything else to say about that incredible speech. He said it like he had been rehearsing it ever since he left. I knew better though. I knew that he came up with that off the top of his head. He really was good at everything.

"Bella, say something," Edward's voice pleaded.

I snapped out of my daze. I still couldn't find anything to say to that. What do you say when someone tells you they still love you after you went twenty-three years of thinking otherwise. "I can't believe you lied," was all I could think, and apparently I said it.

He sighed looking down. Suddenly he grabbed my hands and pulled me closer to him. I, still having my head in a fog, scooted closer to him. "Bella, love, I had to lie. I thought if I lied I would protect you from this world. Instead I had you become a part of it-"

"Edward, really, I don't blame you for what happened to me. It wasn't your fault. You weren't here when it happened. You couldn't have saved me. No could have really," I whispered.

"No, I should have been here. I should have saved you. This shouldn't have happened. It is my fault. I should have never left you here by yourself. I knew that you were a magnet for trouble."

I laughed softly. He did always tell me that. "Edward, I don't blame you. I don't think it's your fault, and I will not have you beating yourself up thinking that it is."

He smiled looking into my eyes. I fell under his spell when he did that. I just want to curl up into his arms and have him hold me, comfort me, love me. Though technically he said he did love me; I still wasn't sure what to say about that.

"Bella, I am truly sorry though. I still should have never left you. I was so selfish. I never thought of what would truly be best for you. I only thought about what I thought would be best for you."

I smiled at him, barely hearing a word he just said. I was still looking into those perfect topaz eyes. "Thank you for explaining that to me Edward. I really needed to know that."

He chuckled. "Then why did you have Austin whisk you away when I was going to tell you that yesterday?"

I laughed with him. "I was afraid you were going to tell me the opposite. Like I thought that's what you were going to do minutes ago. I never thought that you did that because you loved me."

"Love," he corrected with my crooked smile. "I did that because I love you."

Oh no. I was going to leap on him soon. I had to leave. I need to. I did the safest thing for something like that. I smiled at him and then slowly, and unwillingly, go up off the ground and away from him. "I should really get home," I whispered.

The smile vanished from his face. He nodded. "Yes, and so should I," he turned to leave, but then stopped and turned back to me. "Bella, I will wait for you. I've gone this long without you, and a few more weeks or months I could survive. Just as long as you stay here, I'll wait for you."

"I'm not going anywhere," I said out loud, even though I meant to only think it.

He smiled at me and then headed towards his house, as I did also. This was going to be difficult. He now had a goal. Once Edward has a goal, he never shy's away from it.

"Bella, there you are! We have been waiting for you for an hour!" Charlotte said pulling me into a hug as soon as I came through the door.

I laughed. "I'm fine. It's not like I could die." I stepped out of her hug and then walked over to the living room crushing onto a couch. I had no intention of moving for awhile. This night just kept on going and going. I wondered if it would ever end.

"Did you run into someone on you, well run?" Charlotte asked picking up my feet as she sat down onto my couch and the put my feet on her lap.

I nodded. "Who?" she asked.

"I'll give you a hint. You were right about the whole lying thing."

"Edward?" she gasped. I nodded again. "Oh my, I can't believe you ran into him! I can't believe you actually let him talk to you about what happened that night. I figured you would just call for Austin again. What did he tell you?"

I stared at the ceiling. I really didn't want to repeat it. I had too much going through my head right now. I had to think about what he said. "Pretty much that he lied about not loving me or caring about me. He said he did it so he could see me have a normal human life without vampires."

She looked at me like I leaving some things out, which I was. "You're leaving things out. Did he say he loved you and cared about you, or did he say it differently?"

I sighed. Austin, get down here and control your wife. I really don't want to tell her these stories right now, I thought. With that Austin came strolling down the stairs. He came over to where Charlotte and I were and then looked at Charlotte.

I hated when they had a quiet conversation. It made me feel left out again.

"Bella, he came and explained everything to you? He told you he lied? Did he really say he did it because he loved you? Wait I agree with Charlotte, did he say loved or love?" Austin asked sitting down on the floor.

I sighed. I really hated them right about now. "What does it matter?"

The stared at me like I was speaking Latin, even though Charlotte would be able to understand me. Charlotte shook her head and then spoke, "What does it matter? It matters so much Bella! Now tell us what he said!

"Well I said thank you, if that matters, that he did it because he loved me, but then he said because I love you."

Charlotte squealed. "I knew it! I knew he still loved you! He seemed like he did tonight when we told him about our past. Also when he saw you in that dress, wow, he was like head over heels for you! It seemed like he wanted to kiss you right then in front of everyone!"

I blushed. This is embarrassing. "Charlotte calm down. Don't make me call Jasper," I threatened. "Look, I really don't know what to think of all this and you guys aren't helping."

"Well you know my vote," Charlotte said holding up her hands. "I vote you give Edward another chance."

Austin didn't look quite convinced yet. "I don't know if she should rush into it just yet. I mean maybe he's just in love with the idea of being in love with her. You never know."

"Well thanks for making it easier for me," I said sarcastically.

"Wait on minute Bella," Charlotte said sternly. "What did he say after that?"

I rolled my eyes. I really just wanted to curl up on my couch upstairs and listen to my lullaby. "Well when I said I should get going home, he said he should too," I said leaving out the part about him grabbing my hands. "He stopped though, before he left, and turned back to me. He told me he would wait for me. I guess he means to come around and let myself love him like I know I do. He said he would wait weeks or months as long as I stay, he will wait," I said pretty much quoting him.

Austin's eyes went wide open. That's not what he thought any man would do, well at least he wouldn't. He would have fought for me, out in the open. Making sure I knew he really 

loved me. "I can't believe he said he would wait for you. He didn't say he would fight for you, or shower you in gifts or something? Isn't that what most men do?"

Charlotte slapped him on the arm. "Yes, and that's why most men don't have a true loving wife," she hissed at him. Then she turned to me. "Bella that is the most romantic thing any man could do. I can't believe he said he would wait for you until you were ready. No normal man would do that, you know? Only the extraordinary."

I smiled at her. She was helping me now. "I know, and he is truly extraordinary. I just don't know how long it's going to take for me to be ready for him. I don't think my heart can stand getting broken again."

Austin sighed. "Bella, be serious. He left because you were human. Now that you are a vampire there is no reason for him to leave you, is there?"

Charlotte shook her head, but I just looked away from them both. "What if he doesn't like me as a vampire? You know, like if he was only really attracted to me because I was human and because of my blood," I said with them wincing at the thought of it.

Charlotte put up her hands to stop my thinking. "Bella, he wouldn't have told you that then. He also wouldn't have escorted you around his house again. He wouldn't have taken you to your room to play you music on your piano, and he wouldn't have given you a CD with your lullaby on it."

Nathan, he would tell them all about that. "Maybe you're right, but maybe you're not."

"Bella, has Charlotte been wrong before?" Austin asked me. I shook my head. "Right she hasn't. She was right about Edward all along, and we barely knew each other then, and she never saw him in her life! She never saw how he was with you. Believe me she will never be wrong."

I wanted to believe them. I really did, I just couldn't get over that nagging feeling that I was so different now that he may not like me as much. "Thanks for the advice guys. I'm just going to go and think."

I ran to my room and grabbed my CD player, and then I went to my favorite spot on our property. The roof. I laid down on it, putting on my CD with my lullaby, and waited for the sun to come up to finally get rid of this long night.

The weekend went on forever! No lie. It seemed like Saturday went even slower then Friday did! All I did was go in my room, listen to my lullaby, and think. Mainly my whole weekend after the Cullens was thinking! I had so much to think about. Was I going to let him back into my life? Was I going to tell him I'm not ready and it's stupid to wait for me? Or was I going to tell him if you wait I'll come back to you; you just have to be patient?

Nathan was no help. He refused to talk to me about. He said, "I told you what I thought about him a long time ago. I don't like him. I think you're too good for him. Maybe if he fights for you to show you he loves you then I'll believe him when he says he will never leave again. Till then I just don't like him."

Charlotte said, "I think it's so great that he said he would wait for you until you're ready. Most men would never do that. You know that. Austin would have been like whatever and gotten over it. It shows you that Edward can't live without you in his life. He's willing to wait a century for you!"

Austin just shrugged and told me to follow my heart. Well that's no help because I don't even know what my heart wants! It goes back and forth. Go to him, don't go. No you love him go to him. No, you don't. He left you don't go back to him without a fight!

Neither really made any sense. I did, however, decide that I will see if he was willing to fight for me or just simply wait. Whichever was good with me.

When Monday finally came around it was raining, like always. Though I was pretty excited for the rain. It hasn't really rained in a long time here. It was just foggy and cloudy. No rain, just miserable outside.

I went into my closet and pulled out a green cameo pants, flip-flops, and a black shirt. I didn't really know what to do with my so I put it up in a bun with black chop stick in it, with a piece of my hair hanging down.

"Bella, you ready?" Nathan asked tapping on my door and walking in.

I turned around to face him and nodded. "Yea, just about. Just let me find my bag."

Nathan held it up and handed it to me. "I found it downstairs on the kitchen table." I smiled as we walked out of my room and started down the stairs. "Have you thought about what I said?" he asked.

"Yes, and you were no help at all! You told me one thing, and then Charlie would tell me another. Austin, however, was worse than both of you guys. He told me to follow my heart, and I don't even know what my heart wants right now!"

Nathan chuckled putting his arm around my shoulder. "Don't worry sis. I'm sure you'll heart will decide once you see him again. Your head has been cleared, somewhat, and now you'll have a new look on things. You'll think of him totally differently. Trust me."

I sighed as I hopped into my mustang. The rain wasn't heavy, but it still could get you wet in a matter of minutes of standing outside. I turned on the car and started backing out of the driveway before I answered him, "I hope so. I'm getting sick of this debate that's going on with myself. That may not make sense but it does to me."

Nathan nodded. "I know what you mean. Well sort of at least. Don't worry, you'll figure out what you want soon enough." He paused for a second. "Oh and Charlotte told me to tell you that she and Austin would be back by Wednesday."

"What? They said they would be back tomorrow!" I said as we pulled into the school parking lot.

"I know, I said the same thing, but then Charlie was just like 'we need some alone time and it seems like the only time we can be alone.' I told her it doesn't sound like they need alone time-"

"Nathan!" I exclaimed.

"But she just told me they wanted to talk about some things alone without people being able to hear what they are saying," he finished.

"What would they need to talk about?"

"Your guess is as good as mine," he said stepping out of car.

I got out and leaned against my car. The rain stopped, but I knew it was going to start up again. Maybe by third period it would start to rain again.

Josh, an admirer of Charlotte and I, stared at me and Nathan as soon as we stepped out of our car. He seemed to notice that I was staring at him, he winked at me. I heard a low growl from behind me and Josh looked down quickly.

"Nathan that wasn't necessary," I said still looking at the students by the building.

"What? I didn't do anything," Nathan said coming up in front of me with his hands in the air. "Though someone did," he said raising his eyebrow.

I turned around and knocked into a hard body. I almost fell backwards, but he caught me and steady me out. "Edward, what are you doing here," I asked amazed.

He laughed. "I go here, remember?"

I blushed and smiled at him. "Well thank you for not letting me fall. It would just be added into Nathan's story box of my clumsiness."

Edward smiled his crooked smile at me and then looked at Nathan. "Good morning Nathan. Thank you again for sharing your story with us."

Nathan nodded and then looked at me. "We should really head to class, you know?"

I gave him a stern look and then nodded. "I guess I'll just see you later then, Edward. Say hi to Alice for me."

He nodded as Nathan put his arm around my shoulders again and led me to our Trig building. "Why did he growl? I didn't see anything out of the ordinary happen. And what's up with that steadying thing he did with you? Seriously," Nathan asked.

I patted him on the arm. "Well one, Josh Green winked at me. So Edward growled at him. I just figured it was you because I didn't realize he was behind me. And two, he didn't want me to fall. I knew you just would have watched me fall to laugh at me."

"You're probably right about the last part," he teased. "But why did Josh Green wink at you? Why would he think you're interested in a human?"

"Because he thinks I'm human, and all the girls all over him. Well actually most are all over you and Austin, but they don't know that you're not human. Otherwise I think they would keep their distance."

Nathan shrugged. "Probably, but as far as they know we are human. And Josh should understand that you're not interested in him, you're interested in Edward," he said more like a statement instead of a question.

"Yes, I am interested in Edward," I agreed as we walked into our Trig room for first period.


A/N: I hoped you liked it! Yay, Edward finally explained everything to Bella! Next chapter, EPOV or BPOV or someone else's? You tell me.