A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I love them all. Hey, I've gotten some review-ish things about Nathan and Isabella. They won't be a couple because Nathan is mainly made after one of my great friends. He is as cocky as Nathan at times and more like a brother to me so they won't be getting together. Just to let you know. Oh and caww, I think I'm doing this right…
May 20, 2008
I don't own anything… sobs.
'Cause lately you make me weaker in the knees
And race through my veins baby every time you're close to me
Take me away to places I ain't seen
They say you've got a hold on me…
And I won't disagree
Tuesday morning and I can't get this song out of my head! It seems like it fits perfectly at times, but then other times it doesn't. I mean Edward does seem to have a hold on me, but I just don't want him too. Well at points I don't. Now I have to go to the dance with him, which will be interesting. Especially when I have to explain why I asked him in the first place to Charlotte and Austin.
Nathan said it probably wasn't the best idea to ask him, this morning. I told him if he would have heard what Edward had said he would have done the same thing. I wouldn't tell him what Edward said though, because they don't know that I have been forced for these past years. Nathan wouldn't like that.
"Come on, will you just tell me what he said already? I mean how am I not supposed to tell you that you asked him too fast unless you explain to me why you did it?" Nathan asked me as we walked to the lunch line.
"I already told you I can't tell you. If I were to tell you, you just wouldn't understand. So just drop it please. I'm getting sick of this conversation," I whispered back to him as I paid for the food I wasn't going to eat. "Why do we even bother getting this crap? I mean we would save a lot more money if we didn't buy lunch."
Nathan scoffed. "Yea and then just explain to everyone that we don't eat human food because we would rather drink human or animal blood."
"Why not, I mean they would probably run away screaming-"
"Unless that person is exactly like you," Nathan teased.
I sighed. "Yes, unless they are as insane as I was then they would fall in love with us. Probably you though. Guys would freak out more easily than girls."
"No we wouldn't."
"Um, yea you would because most guys don't put themselves in mortal danger for a girl when they can find another within minutes," I said sitting down across from Nathan.
"Oh please. Like a girl would do that too. They would be to be too afraid of breaking a nail," he said.
"Yea do you know who you are talking to?" He looked down. "Yea you can't really say any of that stuff when I was a girl who put herself in mortal danger and almost got kill once, and got changed the other time."
Nathan rolled his eyes. "Yea well you were just weird. Anyways, we were we before we got to this strange conversation."
"We were just about to change subjects like we just did."
"No, we were talking about why you wouldn't tell me what Edward said to you this morning."
"I'm not telling you for the twentieth time! I'm so sick of you asking. If you want to why don't you just ask him because I'm not going to tell you."
He nodded. "Fine, I will." He looked over to the Cullens table. "Yo, Edward, get over here."
Edward looked at him confused and then stood up and walked over to our table. I put my hand on me head and looked away. This was embarrassing.
"Ok Edward, since Bella won't tell me, what did you say to her that had her ask you to the dance so quickly?" Nathan asked staring at Edward carefully.
Edward looked down at me, who was still trying to hide, and let out a soft chuckle. "What can I say? She's just dazzled by me too easily. She's intoxicated by my very presence."
I let out a deep sigh and looked over to them. Nathan was sort of offended by that, for a reason I didn't know. "Look if we are done embarrassing me, can we just get back to our normal routine?"
Nathan shook his head. "No, this is more interesting. Ok since you are so great at this, I want you to show me in Spanish. Since that is the only class we have together."
"Ok you just name the girl and I'll show you that I am better at it then you are," he said.
Oh no, Edward had another goal. This will be interesting. "Edward, Nathan, don't do that! You're going to torture some innocent girl by dazzling her. She's going to have a heart attack!"
"Relax Bells, she'll be fine," Nathan said still glaring at Edward.
"Yes, and if I do it she'll know I'm not interested because apparently it got out that we are going to the dance together," Edward said smiling.
"It what? How?" I asked mortified.
"You may want to ask Rosalie or Alice. I think one of them might have let it slip to your friend Josh Green," Edward said looking at me.
"Ugh, you're kidding me? Why would they do that?" I asked.
"Because I thought it would let him know that you are off the market," Alice said sitting down beside me. "Apparently he was going to ask you if you were going to the dance this Saturday and he said and I quote, 'I'll go old school and ask her. That way she can't say no.' I almost started cracking up, but I decided to have a little fun. So I got Rosalie to walk around the football players and sit on a bench right in their little circle and I told her about it. You should have seen Josh's face. It looked like he just lost a championship or something," Alice said laughing.
"Alice, why did you do that? They are going to think something huge is going on between us."
Alice motioned me to get up with her and throw our untouched food away. I followed. When we were somewhat out of earshot she brought me in close so she could whisper something to me. "Bella, I don't mean to ruin this or anything, but I can say that something huge is going to happen," she said with a huge grin on her face.
"Oh whip that grin off your face. This is not happening! I don't know if I'm ready for something like this. It's all happening too fast."
"To be fair, you actually held out a lot longer than all of us thought, minus Edward. Seriously Bella, you can hold a grudge on someone if you really want to."
"I know I can. Ask Austin. Anyways, back to the problem. I don't think I can do this anymore."
Alice sighed and stopped to look at me. "What do you mean you don't think you can do this anymore? What can't you do?"
I looked down at the floor before looking her in the eyes again. "I can't do the whole Edward thing yet. Like I said before it's all just happening too fast for me. I can't get hurt again Alice. I don't think I could take it again."
"Come with me," she whispered for only me to hear. I followed her outside to the woods nearby the school. Once we were out of view from everyone she stopped and put her hands
on my shoulders. "Bella, when are you going to realize that we can't leave you again? We didn't want to go the first time, but we had to. We had to protect you, even though that didn't work out that well. Also, Edward definitely can't leave you again. I don't think you get that. He loves you too much. He can barely stand being away from you for more the 12 hours now. He won't let you go, Bella. Not after all these years of thinking you were… dead."
I looked away from my best friend. So they all thought I have been dead for twenty-two years? They were dead to me for at least a year before that. I know it sounds mean, but I never thought I would have to see them again and deal with this. "Alice, you have to understand what's going on through my mind. I'm just not ready, even if I said I was. That was just talk; I never thought I would be doing this," I said motioning to Edward sitting in the cafeteria, "this soon."
Alice dropped her hands, but never looked away from me. "I had a feeling you would say all of this."
"Well of course you did. You see the future remember?" I said nudging her a bit to lighten the mood.
She rolled her eyes and smiled. It worked. "Yes I remember, but I didn't see this because you only thought of it when I told you again the whole Josh Green thing."
I sighed. "I know. I'm still not sure though," I said looking towards the students leaving the cafeteria. "We should go, class is starting."
Alice nodded, but didn't move for a second. "Bella wait. I just want you to know that we aren't going anywhere. Even if some of us do go, Edward won't. I can already see that no matter what he won't leave you again. You have to believe that Bella. You just have too."
I sighed and nodded. "I have to go to class Alice. See you later?"
"Yeah, I think we have something to do tonight," she said nodding at my eyes.
They were almost black, but not completely. "Hmm, I think you're right there." With that I turned and started towards the Biology building where Edward would be waiting. Surprisingly I wasn't too thrilled to see him. I felt like I still needed to mull things over. This was too fast. Nathan was right.
Thankfully it was only a movie in Bio today, but Edward thought we should talk, of course. So during the movie I got paper passed right in front of me.
Bella, are you okay? Today at lunch you seemed distant, distracted and I couldn't tell if you were from Nathan's thoughts because you blocked him again. I have to say that is becoming annoying.
I smiled when he wrote he hated being blocked from my family's thoughts. Win for me.
Sorry about that Edward, but I feel like my family should be protected from all of that. They aren't really use to the whole expose of their minds thing. I promise I won't block them all the time in school considering Charlotte likes to tell you things.
I saw him stiffen in his seat. He didn't think I knew that the first day I told them Edward could read their thoughts, that I didn't notice Charlotte look at him and spill out her thoughts about me. I am over observant.
I had no idea that you noticed that. Though, that still didn't answer my question. Are you okay?
I sighed looking at the note. No I wasn't okay. I wanted to be with him, but I just couldn't. Now neither my head nor my heart would let me. This was all too fast.
I'm fine, (that was a lie), don't worry about me. I just need to go hunting. Alice and I are going to go tonight I think. It should be…fun. Wait are you ok?
He took the paper and tried to hind the smile when I said fun.
I'm perfectly ok. I mean I do have the most beautiful girl in the world coming with me to the dance this Saturday in the most beautiful dress. My life couldn't get any better at this point.
Ugh, why was he such a romantic? He was so good at it too. I bet he could even get vampires who weren't already in love with him to fall in two seconds flat! He made my knees go weak.
I looked down at the paper in front of me. What was I supposed to say to that? He just complimented me, but I couldn't find anything else to say about that. He left me speechless, which he did often when I was around him.
Thank you, Edward. Are you sure your life can't get any better? Like you could figure out the cure for cancer or something…
Ugh that was a stupid thing to say. He was just going to say if I married him or something then his life would be complete. I knew he would say that.
Hmmm… I think Carlisle would like to get that award more than me, but I might be able to figure a cure for this vampire thing. Though I doubt anyone could. That would make my life ten times better, but not complete.
The bell rang as soon as I read it. The last word stuck out of me. I knew he would say something along those words, but when he said a "cure for vampirism" would make his life ten times better, I was sort of surprised that that actually wasn't the first thing he wanted.
"Have fun tonight Bella," Edward said getting me out of my thought as we walked out of the room. "And I understand."
I stopped in my tracks, but I only saw him smile and kept walking. So not fair! How did he hear us? We were out in the woods? Could he hear Alice from that far away? If I knew that I would have tried to block her too, but I don't think I could have. I'll have to try that later tonight.
'Cause lately you make me weaker in the knees
And race through my veins baby every time you're close to me
Take me away to place I ain't seen
They say you have a hold on me...
And I won't disagree
Vampires suck.
Edward's POV
At lunch I could tell that she was distracted with something. She wasn't being herself, even around Nathan. Even Rosalie could tell.
Edward, Bella doesn't seem like herself. What did you say to her last night before she asked you? Rosalie thought.
I looked at her like she was insane because she never noticed anyone but herself, especially if that person was Bella. "That's private," I hissed at her. She really didn't care.
After Nathan's and I's bet I noticed Alice take Bella outside. I had to concentrate now if I wanted to hear what they were saying. Alice wouldn't be able to tell me before class. That much I knew already, even before she told me to pay attention.
I still sat at Nathan's table, but I never looked at anyone. I just stared at the table trying to concentrate on blocking everyone else's voices.
"…realize that we can't leave you again?" Alice said. Okay well that she should have already known.
"I'm just not ready, even if I said I was," Bella said.
I stopped listening then. That hurt me. She wasn't ready. I wouldn't push myself onto her if she wasn't ready for all of this again. I couldn't do that to her because she would just end up hurting herself. Of course I understood, but I needed her to know that I would wait for her no matter what the situation was. I wouldn't let her go. Not after this.
Biology was a movie, which gave me an opportunity to talk to Bella about everything. She seemed to be ok with passing a note during the class, but when I said my life wouldn't be complete even if I "found" a cure to the whole vampire thing she seemed stumped. Like she couldn't figure out what to say next. Like I said something that may help her understand that I couldn't be without her.
When the bell rang I knew I had one more chance to have her understand me. So I simply said "I understand." She just stopped where she was at that. I flashed a smile knowing I had her thinking, but I didn't stop because she would be embarrassed if I knew she was confused like that.
In my only class with Nathan, I took his bet and dazzled a poor human named Allison Davis. She fell in a few seconds proving to Nathan that I could dazzle anyone, including the one person he could. Bella.
"Well I must say, you are good at dazzling people. Considering you can dazzle Bella," Nathan said to me after class.
I shrugged. "I didn't even know I dazzled her at first, but one night she told me I did and I used it to my advantage some times."
He laughed at that. "If I could dazzle her I would do the same thing. I think the reason I can't dazzle her and you can is because she loves you, a way no one has ever loved anyone. I mean she put herself in danger of getting killed every day she was with you, but she didn't care because she had you."
I never thought Nathan could talk like that. It was civil and in total praise of his favorite sister, but it complimented me. "I know, and that's why I left," I said in a low voice. "I couldn't stand her being in danger like that, knowing that any day someone could kill her by accident."
"I understand. I would have done the same thing. No matter how much I say I would never leave her, but if I was in your position I would have left in a heartbeat as long as I knew that was for the best."
I stopped in the parking lot and looked at him. He was totally serious about everything it seemed like. "Thank you for that Nathan. It's nice to know that someone in your family agrees with my mistake."
He shook his head. "It was a mistake, but you had to do it. Austin and Charlotte agree with you. I was the only one who really had to think of it once Bella told us about what you said last Saturday." He turned to head to his car, but stopped. "Edward, fight for her. She may not be ready, but you can't let her go. Fight for her," he said over his shoulder.
I turned towards my car shocked that Nathan would say that to me. He supposedly hated me, but he was the only one in his family to tell me to fight for her. That's exactly what I was going to do.
I won't lose her.
A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update, but I kind of got kicked off the computer for a bit, but since I don't have school today I was able to get on the computer. Though school doesn't end for me until June 11, so in June you may find me not updating as fast as I try too, but that's because I'm studying for my finals. I hoped you like this chapter though!
