A/N: Hey guys! I'm back, and completely exhausted. The most sleep I got this week was 6-ish hours. And I worked all day on rebuilding a roof and putting up a gutter. Hard stuff.
I'm going to say this in every one of my stories, but please, please, don't give me a hard time about not updating my story like every day. It's getting sort of annoying. It's just hard to update 5 stories with all the stuff I have going on. I mean I now have soccer and basketball preseason workouts so it may be awhile. Just hang in there please. It would be great. Anyways, enjoy the next chapter…
June 24, 2008
I still don't own anything…
We were running through the forests leaving Forks High School far behind. We never did leave Forks, well at first. We went to our meadow. A place that either of us didn't go too often. Probably because it held to many memories, but I think I agreed with him, it was time to make new ones. Happier ones, for me at least.
"Edward, why are we here exactly?" I asked him whenever he stopped and let go of my hand as he walked over to the middle of the clearing and sat down.
He looked up to the sky and took a deep breath. "I don't know, I needed to find a place where I knew we wouldn't be disturbed, and this was the place that popped into my head. It just holds so many memories." He paused, and then chuckled to himself. "The first time you saw me in the light. Also the first day we spent together."
The time I got changed into a vampire and spent three days in mortal pain in this place, I thought. "Yea, it seems like another life time ago that all those things happened."
He looked over to me, who was still standing at the edge of our meadow. "That's because it was, Bella. It was another life time ago that all these things happened to us, which is my fault. It should only be another life time for me, not you."
I sighed, and walked over to Edward, but I didn't sit down. "Edward, stop blaming yourself. I was planning on being changed at some point. I was just hoping it would be by… you."
"I know you did," he said. I was about to ask how he knew, but then he said, "Charlotte told me whenever she found out that I could read minds. Bella, love, I never wanted this life for you. I probably wouldn't have changed you."
"I know you wouldn't have. But a girl can dream," I said shrugging as I sat down next to him.
He chuckled as he put his arm around my shoulders. "So girls dream about becoming a monster, but only after going through an unbarring pain for three days?"
I giggled and nodded. "Only the really weird ones like me."
"Bella, you were never weird. You were, are, extraordinary. If you never tried to find out my secret and just stayed away, I never would have experienced real love. I would have had this hole in my heart that could never be filled because you are the only thing that can fill it. I never would have known it if you didn't try all you could to be with me, or if you worried about dying every time you were with me. No one would have done that for a vampire with no soul and no beating heart."
I turned my head so I could see his eyes. They were worried, searching almost. Like they were looking for an answer that he knew he would never have. "How many times do I have to tell you? Edward, I have always believed that you have a soul. Otherwise you would have never felt all the hurt, pain, and love that you have felt throughout your long, long life."
He looked down sheepishly, but when his beautiful topaz eyes looked at me, I saw happiness, and adoration. "You are amazing, love. You are my angel, my beautiful angel."
I sighed, but this wasn't just any old sigh. This one was the one you gave whenever a hero in a movie got the girl, or when a celebrity gives a look at the camera that makes girl's knees go weak.
He fell back into the grass pulling me with him so that my head was on his chest. Just like the first time we were here. We were looking up into the sky, but this sky wasn't bright and blue. It was gray, but just as lovely. It was like I feel in love all over again.
I missed this. I missed him. I missed us. It seemed like I haven't felt like this since he left me all those years ago. I felt whole. Like I was finally one person, and no longer someone looking for my other half. It was right here. My other half was with Edward. No one could have filled that spot. Only Edward himself. Not my family, not Jacob, not Charlie or Renee, only Edward. I couldn't be without him.
And I realized that now.
I turned my head slightly so that I was looking into Edward's eyes. He was watching me think everything over. He slowly bent down and kissed me on the lips softly, hesitantly. When I kissed him back, his kiss became wanting, more passionate.
His hand went to my elbow and lifted my up so that my face was right next to his. Then he slowly brushed my cheek with his fingertips. And since neither of us had to breathe anymore, this kiss just kept going. His kiss still had that wanting feeling in it.
I was the one who broke it off though. When I did I stood up quickly. What was I doing? This wasn't what I was planning on happening today! How did this happen? I mean it was very romantic, but I didn't think that we would actually kiss. I'm still not ready for this. Not yet, not now.
"Bella, love, I know that was too fast," Edward said softly still sitting on the ground looking up at me. "I understand that, but you can't say that didn't mean something to you. That that wasn't what you wanted."
"It wasn't what I wanted!" I said quickly and nervously. "Edward, I didn't come here with you thinking, 'Oh maybe I'll just kiss Edward today'! No, I just thought we would hang out. I didn't want that at all. It's too fast for me. I'm not ready to let you back into my life."
He looked down and sighed a deep sigh. He then nodded, put his hands on his knees and got up slowly. "I understand Bella. Believe me, I do. I don't blame you for thinking that this is going too fast. I'm sorry."
I groaned. "You shouldn't be sorry. I should be sorry for snapping at you. It wasn't right. You didn't deserve it."
"Love, if anyone should be snapped at it's me. I shouldn't have done it. You don't need to apologize for anything." He walked over to me and cupped my face gently. I could have backed away, I should have backed away, but I suddenly felt calm again. "I'm sorry, love. Do you forgive me?"
"Of course I forgive you."
Edward's expression went from calm and relaxed to urgent and worried. "Bella, we need to leave. Right now."
"Leave? Leave to where?" I asked urgent too.
He took my hand and pulled me closer to him. "Anywhere, we just shouldn't be in this spot anymore."
Before I could respond he started to run forward and took me along with him. Before you could blink an eye we were right in front of my house on my porch. "Edward, what's wrong?"
"I can't explain now. I need to get home though. I'll call you when I know more, I promise," he said as he started too turned around to leave again. He took a glance back and saw my confused and worried eyes. He smiled sadly. "Everything will be alright, love. Nothing will harm you or your family," he said kissing me tenderly on my forehead before leaving me.
I turned around love struck, to say the least. I took a deep breath and opened the giant oak doors that led me into the house. As soon as I got into the house I noticed everyone was in the living room watching a movie.
Act casual, I thought. So I calmly walked into the living room and sat down next to Nathan on a couch. "What movie are we watching?"
"Mystic Pizza, but who cares," Austin said. "What happened to you and Edward?"
Crap. "Nothing, nothing at all. We just went to a place where we used to go a lot whenever it got sunny here in Forks. You know when Edward couldn't come out into the sun. Anyways we went there and then came home. Sorry I didn't pick you up. Is my car still there?"
"Yea," Nathan said rushed. "Now tell us exactly what happened between you and Edward."
"Well we went to this place-"
"Wait, what place?" Charlotte asked.
I shifted uncomfortably. I really didn't want to talk about it. I just wanted Edward to call me and tell me what was going on. "I told you a place where we used to go a lot back then. I can't tell you though because it's our spot. Sorry. Anyways, we just hung out talked a little and relaxed. Just stuff we used to do when we were together decades ago."
Nathan laughed. "If that was the case then you guys would have been making out or something."
My eyes went wide, while I stayed silent. That was a mistake.
"You guys kissed?" Charlotte squealed. "Finally! I thought it would never happen! You know Bella; you can be very stubborn about things. So does this mean you guys are, like, back together?"
I rolled my eyes at her. She got excited about things too quickly. "No Charlie, it doesn't. We kissed; I broke it off and told him I wasn't ready to let him back into my life like that yet. He was, of course, a gentleman about it and blamed it on himself and apologized."
"Well that's good that you aren't rushing into things, I say," Austin said proudly.
"Bells, why would you do that? I thought you were in love with him again," Charlotte said not as excited anymore.
"I don't know. I'm just so confused. My heart just isn't ready to get hurt again."
"Bella, when are you going to realize that he really doesn't have any reason to leave you this time?" Nathan said. "Last time he did the right thing, even though it wasn't the best thing. This time he is in love with you still, and won't leave you. Even I can tell that."
I sighed. This was tiring. "Guys I know that, I just, I just don't know if I'm ready for him. To remember everything that I used to feel with him, but also to remember what if felt like to know that you needed someone that bad. It's just too hard whenever they disappoint you."
"Bella, listen to Nathan. He's not going anywhere. He's not going to disappoint you, and if he does, well, he'll have to answer to all of us," Austin said brotherly like. "But you have to feel comfortable and you have to be ready. No one will force you."
I smiled gratefully at his speech. "Thank you Austin. Anyways, I should probably finish what I was saying before. Um, anyways, after we kissed he must have got a scent of something unfriendly or something because he told me we had to leave immediately. I didn't get the scent because he really didn't give me much time to think."
"Do you have any idea what it could be?" Charlotte asked.
"No I don't. The first thing I thought of was a werewolf, but the only once that would come close to Edward and I would be Jacob most likely and Edward won't have left that easily. He didn't even tell me, he just told me he would call me as soon as he could."
They all just sat there, pondering about what I just said. Maybe they were wondering who could possibly make Edward run away. That's what I was wondering at least. Edward would have faced anyone who would be a threat to me, mostly. What made him run? Who made him run?
"Do you think it was another vampire?" Charlotte asked.
"If it was wouldn't Edward just face him then?" Nathan asked. "You know make sure he doesn't come near his family or ours."
"No, he would have talked to him, or just read his thoughts to see if he was a threat to anyone here. If he was he would have talked to him first and if there was no other way, he would have taken him out," I said looking at the rug on the floor.
"Maybe it was someone from his past. Like the Volturi's?" Austin asked holding Charlotte closer.
"Doubt it. I mean what business would they have here?" Nathan asked.
"None, because nothing has happened. Well as least that we know of. Ugh, this is going to bother me. I don't know who it could be. The only person I would think of is the werewolves, which are out, and Laurent, who is dead," I said.
They all nodded.
Charlotte suddenly stood up and paced the room. She seemed to be calculating something in her mind. "Who was in that group?"
"What group?" I asked.
"You know the first vampire coven you met besides the Cullens. At the clearing, and then it became a game to that one guy… Jack?"
"James, I said. James, Laurent and Victoria," I said. "Why do you ask?"
Charlotte stopped in the middle of the room. Her face was frightened. "Didn't you say that Laurent came to find you for a mate for a mate type of thing with Victoria? What if Victoria came back…"
I stared at her blankly. No she couldn't have. She wouldn't. I mean what's the point now? I half-ly dead, no pulse, no need to breathe. Why would she feel the need to kill me now? Unless she just realized I wasn't dead, or if she just found me after searching for twenty-odd years. "No, she can't be. She just can't be."
Nathan came over to my side instantly. "Don't worry Bells, we won't let anything happen to you, trust me. Besides she's probably not back. Maybe Edward just over reacted about something. He has a tendency to do that, or so I've heard."
I shook my head and got up off the couch. This can't be happening. The one reason I was glad that I was a vampire is I wouldn't have to worry about other vampires coming after me. Now it looks like the other good thing, minus Edward, is gone.
I ran upstairs to my room. I couldn't deal with my family trying to consul me at a time like this. Charlotte was probably right. I mean why else would Edward run to try to save me? Maybe he forgot I wasn't human anymore and that I could take care of myself now. Maybe he has some weird feeling that he needs to protect me always. No that wouldn't be it because if it was then he wouldn't have left me decades ago. He would have stayed here and protected me from Laurent.
I paced up and down my room wondering what the Cullens where doing if I was right. Would they be going out to track her? Would they call the werewolves for help? Would they even tell me the truth?
Why hadn't Edward called me yet? Was he just trying to compose himself so that he didn't have to tell me the truth, so that he could just lie to me so I would be safe from worry? Or was he not ready to face the truth that someone was tracking me again? I could barely come to terms with it. I thought this would never happen to me now that I don't smell so appealing to some vampires. I guess I was wrong.
UGH! I wish I could sleep right now. I know it's really not the time to dwell on that fact, but I really would just love to go into a dreamless sleep and not think about any of this. I could just forget about everything that is happening for at least eight hours. That would be so nice.
I wish I never told my mom that I want to visit Charlie halfway through a school year, that way I would have never met Edward and I would have never known that vampires and werewolves existed. I would have been in my forties right now, hopefully with a husband and some children of my own. I wouldn't have to worry about being tracked by a crazy vampire.
I stopped and rolled my eyes. I knew that wasn't true. Ever since I did find out that vampires existed all I wanted to do was be one. Sick I know, but that was me. I wanted that and now I have it. I just didn't want this.
"Bella, are you okay?" Austin's voice called from the other side of my door.
Wow, that shocking. Austin was never into making sure people were okay. He just wasn't into dealing with heartache and tears and all that. That was normally Nathan's job for me, my job for Charlotte and Nathan and Charlotte's job for Austin (which wasn't really a job because nothing ever happened).
Austin opened my door and walked in slowly. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why?" I asked still confused.
"I know I can't really say I know what you're going through because I don't. I've never been tracked by some vampire, but it would be nice to know what you're going through. You seem so scared right now and you don't even know it."
Damn, I thought I composed myself quiet well. "I'm fine, Austin. Really, I am."
"Bella, please, you're not that great of a liar."
Now that was a skill I really would have liked to be changed about when I was changed. I could have really used it. "I know I'm not, but it's nothing really. I'm probably just overreacting or something."
Austin rolled his eyes and stepped closer to me. There was probably only a foot between us now. "Talk to me. I know I'm normally not like this, but I've never seen you so afraid before. I've never seen you just run out of a room and then just pace upstairs in your bedroom about it. It's not the Bella I know."
Wow, he was really reaching out. I was just pushing him back when he was clearly trying everything he could to get me to talk, and it wasn't that much. "Austin, I've been tracked before as you know." He nodded. "I just thought that once I became a vampire I wouldn't have to worry about that anymore. I wouldn't have to worry about these crazy vampires coming after me because I smelled appealing or I don't know, maybe I knew too much about them or something. Then this happens and I just realize that I'm never safe. No matter what I am, I'll never be safe from the world that I used to have. There will always be vampires coming after me. Or at least it seems that way." I paused for a second and looked at him. He was studying me as I spoke. "I just wasn't ready from this. Not when everything was starting to look good again. I wasn't ready for something to scare me like this."
He nodded, but he was still studying me, or trying to figure out something in his head. I couldn't tell. I took my hand and rubbed it over the half moon scar that I still had on my hand. It was the only scar that wasn't taken care of. My only default with my physical appearance.
"I get it. I would be scared too. I am most of the time. I just don't show it because that was how I was raised. My father (who was in the navy) always told me that if I show my emotions about something them my enemy could be able to play that against me. So, I never showed them and it stuck with me. You know, I was scared that night that we went to the Cullens for the first time," he said.
"No you weren't," I said laughing at him.
"I was," he said nodding. "I was afraid that they may hurt you, just emotionally. Also I was afraid that Emmett would attack us. I don't know why though, I just was."
I smiled at him. He was good at making me laugh sometimes. "Austin, thank you for that. I really needed it."
He nodded. I took that as 'you better hug me 'cause I deserve it' expression. So I hugged him tightly, and he hesitantly put his arms around me. He was sort of tense at first, but he relaxed and really hugged me like Nathan would.
Knock, Knock.
"Someone's at the front door," Austin said shrugging out of our hug.
"Who?"
"I don't know."
We ran to the staircase together. He continued down the stairs to where Charlotte and Nathan were ready to open the doors. I stayed where I was. I knew who was on the other side. I just wasn't ready to face the truth.
Edward, Alice and Emmett came through the doors together. Edward was by my side in a flash. He quickly put his arms around me and led me back into the room from where I was I just at. Alice and Emmett, however, were telling my family everything.
Edward shut the door behind us and led me to the couch to sit down. When we did sit down he took a deep, deep sigh. He didn't want to face the truth either.
He looked into my eyes searching for some kind of emotion from me, and if he knew me as well as he thought he could see the terror in them.
He did, which made it that much harder to tell me what was in the woods with us. "Bella, love, I don't know how to say this. It's so hard to believe really."
"Edward, please just tell me. I have been sitting here wondering what it could be its driving me mad."
"Victoria," he whispered. "She's back."
A/N: I hoped you like the chapter. Tell me if I should do someone else's POV next chapter. I'm thinking Edward. We haven't heard from him in awhile…
