A/N: Hiya guys. Sorry it's taking me awhile again, but I was just trying to start up my newest story, Black and White. Yens should check it out. Anyways who liked the Twilight movie? I did, though I thought they should have had Edward sit by himself at the lunch table, and Bella find out that he was a vampire better… oh well.
December 3, 2008
I don't own anything! Never have, never will.
Have you ever thought about the happiest day of your life? I'm sure most people have. Probably their wedding day, or the day they got engaged to the one they loved, or maybe the birth of their first child. I, however, thought my happiest day was the day I found out that a vampire could love a human more than life itself, and a human feel the same way.
I walked around my house while Charlotte vacuumed the carpet on the first floor. Austin and Nathan were out hunting getting ready for the follow day of school. Edward was stuck with Alice, picking out a tux for our wedding, while Emmett and Jasper helped too. Carlisle was at the hospital and Esme and Rosalie were doing… something.
I was doing nothing for a change. It was probably the first time in a month that I had the day to myself. No wedding details or shopping to do. So, I just walked around thinking of the happiest day of my long life, and maybe the saddest day.
That one was easy: the saddest day.
It would be the day Edward left me telling me that he no longer loved me. That he was leaving me for good and life would go on as if he never existed. The day he gave me that look in the forest behind Charlie's house, and then ran off. The day I tried to follow him knowing I would never catch him. That was the saddest day.
I sighed as I walked into my room. I shut the door behind me and slid down the door until I hit the bottom. I felt like crying for some reason. Maybe it was because I couldn't share my wedding day with my mother because she doesn't even know I'm alive, or with my father because he's dead. It's a terrible thing to know that you have lost your family.
Yes, I have gained family, but they will never replace the people who brought me into this world. They may try to act like they know me, but the only people who know everything about me is Renee, and she thinks I've been dead for twenty-odd years. Edward didn't even know me as well as her.
He may be able to tell when I'm faking something, or when I'm lying, but he doesn't know my whole life. No one does besides her. And the worst part of this all is I won't even be able to say goodbye to her.
I slowly stood up, wobbly at first, and moved over to my new couch that Edward bought for me considering he broke my first one.
I turned on my stereo, but only for the CD player part. The only CD in was We the Kings, so I settled for that. I really didn't care what I listened to at the moment, I just need music. Silence was too loud.
I leaned back and put up the hood of my jacket and closed my eyes. It would have been nice to just fall asleep right now and maybe dream about Renee, acting like I could see her and say goodbye, but I couldn't. I couldn't do anything human, except for taking a shower. That was probably the only human thing I did anymore.
Sure I read and watched TV and listened to music, but that's not what I meant.
I could no longer sleep, or eat, or drink hot chocolate on a cold winter night because, let's face it, I was already cold but it didn't affect me!
I groaned and rolled onto my side so I could look out the window to watch the rain fall on the chilly March afternoon. I may have expected something like this to happen. The depressed stage whenever you realize that you will never see anyone from your human life again, but it should have been earlier.
Earlier I had only worried and thought about Edward and the rest of the Cullens. Then I found my family and never really thought much about my human life. I tried to get rid of all the pain from that life and just focus on this new 'life'. But when I saw Edward again, and I finally had all of him and he had all of me, life just started to slow down. Like everything was falling into place so I had to reflect on it.
I realized now that I missed Angela and Ben and wondered if they ever got married and had kids. I missed my sleepless nights because of the rain. I missed seeing Renee and hearing her crazy stories and just talking to her. I missed everything from my human life, and now that I was getting married it's all I could think about.
It's weird though, once you realized you've missed something, you just want to do anything so you can fix it. The problem is though, whenever people think you've been dead and you just show back up, they tend to jump off cliffs, or go into asylums. Or so I've been told.
I just wanted to see them again and tell them I was okay and goodbye, but I couldn't do that. I couldn't even tell Edward this because he would worry about me too much. Thankfully I could block Jasper so he wouldn't know how I was feeling.
Tense, worried, home sick, sad. But at the same time happy, excited, and ready-for-anything type of attitude. He would be so confused. Even I was confused on how I felt most of the time.
"Bella," Charlotte called knocking on my door before walking in, "Edward is on his way home. He called your cell phone, but you left it downstairs in the parlor. He said to tell you he should be home in five minutes, and that you guys are free for the rest of the day. Alice is going to take care of a few things for you guys."
I continued to stare out the window wondering if Edward would be able to tell if something was wrong with me, or maybe I was a better liar than he admitted. "Sure, that's fine. Thanks."
Charlotte was sitting next to me in a second flat. She place one of her icy hands on my shoulder. "Hey, are you okay? You seem sort of depressed lately. I thought you would be happy that you and Edward are finally getting together."
I sighed and rolled back over to look at her. "Charlotte, of course I'm happy that I'm marrying him. I wouldn't want to live the next century or century after that any other way."
"Then what's wrong with you? You seem like you've been the walking dead for weeks now. Edward is starting to worry."
Of course he knew. What was I thinking? "Well Charlotte, I am the walking dead," I teased. She rolled her eyes. "Look I don't really know why I'm thinking as much as I am, but I can't help it. All this wedding stuff just got me thinking about my human life and how much I wish my mother could be there and how much I wish my father could walk me down the aisle at my wedding. Now I'll never have that because my father is dead, and my mother thinks I've been dead for twenty-odd years! It just makes me confused and sad."
Charlotte nodded her head and rubbed my shoulder. "Bella, I understand where you're coming from. I went through the same thing whenever Austin and I got married twenty-two years ago. I started to think I should never get married to him because it just didn't seem right, but I knew I wouldn't be able to be happy in this life without him.
"Bella, you should realize that you've never been this happy in this life then you have been these past few months with Edward. He has made you alive again, and from what I understand, you've made him feel like he has a purpose in this life twice now. He loves you with all his heart and he just wants to spend every minute with you as his wife. But he also what's you to be happy, and he will do anything to make you happy. Bella, you have to talk to him about this. He's really worried about you."
I rolled back over to look out the window once again as a car pulled into our driveway. "Thank you Charlotte. I know I need to talk to him, I just don't want to hurt him."
Charlotte stood up and gracefully walked to my door. "Believe me, you're only hurting him by not telling him," she whispered as she walked through my door.
I sighed. I knew she was right; I just wasn't sure how I could put it without him feeling guilty for leaving me. Anytime I bring up my human life, I see pain go through his face because he feels guilty for leaving me and making me become this. It wasn't his fault, he just doesn't understand that.
My door crept open again and I was about to turn around to see who it was, but before I could Edward was next to me stroking my hair and kissing me on the forehead. "Hello love. How was your day?"
I quickly sat up and snuggled back into his open arms and breathed in his scent. "Lonely without you here. Did you find the tux you wanted?"
He chuckled. "Yes, I actually found the one I wanted a half an hour into the trip, but Alice made Emmett and I try on ten different ones in both white and black. I told her I only wanted a black tux for the wedding, but as you know, she wouldn't listen. Jasper, however, already knew which one he would be wearing because Alice picked it out for him two days before, so he just sat there and laughed at us. Emmett was ready to kill him about two hours into it," he joked darkly.
"Well, at least you don't have to go dress shopping with her for the second time. She told me the one I have now is perfect, but she wants to make sure it's the absolute perfect one for me. Then we have to go shopping for the braid maids' dresses."
Edward kissed the top of my head and sighed. "Alice has so much energy for a person as small as her. Who did you name your maid of honor?"
"No one. I don't have one. I couldn't pick just Charlotte because Alice would be crushed and if I just pick Alice, Charlotte would feel betrayed, not to mention Austin and Nathan would be hurt too. So I didn't pick anyone, they both are."
"Why would Austin and Nathan feel betrayed?"
"Because they would both feel like I'm selling out my family for… someone who left me all those years ago," I said softly.
"Ah."
There was a moment of silence, an awkward one to say the least. "Bella, has something been bothering you lately?" Edward asked me quietly.
I hesitated for a second, but long enough for him to make up his own conclusion. "No, why would you think that?"
Edward quickly got up and laid down in front of me with his head resting on my stomach. "Isabella, you know you are not the best lair. Please tell me what's wrong; it's driving me insane not knowing."
I quickly looked out the window to see the rain slow down. What I wouldn't give to be out there running away all my troubles. "Edward, I really don't know how to begin."
"Then just start from the beginning," he suggested.
"It's not that simple," I protested, but when I looked back into his pleading eyes, I gave in. "Ever since you proposed to me, I started thinking about everything I'm going to be missing on our wedding day. For one, I won't have my father walking me down the aisle because he died many years ago. Also I won't have my mother there because she thinks I'm dead. She was my best friend and she won't even be there."
Edward got up and pulled me into his chest so my head could rest on his chest. "I am so sorry to have to put you through this love. I was so selfish these last few months that I didn't even think of everything you would be missing."
I looked up at him and shook my head. "Edward, stop apologizing. It's not your fault that this happened to me. I've just been feeling like I should have gone to my mother after I found out that human blood didn't tempt me. I should have went to her and told her about what I have become. I shouldn't have left her broken hearted."
"Bella, you couldn't have gone to her. You would have been breaking all the rules," Edward said softly.
"But Edward, I am her only child. Now she alone with no one to take care of her. She should know that I'm alright at least."
Before Edward could say another word, his cell phone vibrated in his pocket. He rolled his eyes and answered his phone. It was Emmett, I could tell by the lower voice. I couldn't make out most of their conversation; it was just a bunch of:
Yes…
No I can't come right now.
What happened?
And on the other side the only words I could make out were:
…hurry…Edward you need to…listen to me for once in…just come…she'll be fine…HURRY UP!
The last words were clear because he was yelling them at Edward.
"I'm sorry love, but Emmett apparently needs me at this exact moment. Will you be alright if I leave you for fifteen minutes at the most?" he asked me with worried eyes.
I nodded my head, putting on my best supportive-looking face I had. "Yea, I'll be fine. Go ahead, Emmett must really need you."
He looked at me apologetically and kissed me softly on the lips before heading out the door.
I let out a deep breath and feel back onto my couch. What was I thinking telling him all that stuff? He's just going to worry more about me than necessary. It's not fair for him to take the blame on everything. It's just not right.
"Still thinking about that again?" Charlotte asked running to my side.
"Yea," I sighed.
"Look, you can't keep secrets from him and you know that. You had to tell him everything before he came up with some other reason to your unhappiness. Bella, you did the right thing."
I nodded and got up off the couch that was practically molded to my body. "Yea, you're right. I just hate to have him carry another burden like that. It's not his fault I am what I am."
"Exactly, and he may never realize that, but he'll help you now. He will make it all right," Charlotte said giving me a hug. "Now, Alice needs you for some more wedding things. Come on."
After one fitting, three different hair styles, and ten pairs of shoes Alice finally figured out everything she needed for my outfit for Edward and I's wedding. Now, Edward and I were finally together for the rest of the night, just the way I wanted it to be.
Edward had his arms wrapped securely around my waist, holding me close to him. My head was on his chest and we were just relaxing together just like we did whenever I was human. It was what I was waiting for.
"So," I whispered, "are you ever going to tell me what Emmett needed you for today?"
He chuckled. "Well, it wasn't just Emmett who needed me."
I lifted my head up and looked at him. "What do you mean?"
"It's a surprise."
"Edward, you know how much I hate surprises. Will you please tell me?"
He rolled his eyes and smiled my favorite crooked smile. "You know how you told my family that Austin can be talked to through minds if you call his name?" I nodded eagerly. "Well I decided to test that today."
"You mean you talked to him? Without fight?"
"Well, no not exactly without fighting. Luckily I had Emmett and Nathan on my side, even though Austin had Jasper."
"Wait, on your side for what?" I asked him not entirely getting where he was coming from.
He started to rub my back, with his teasing smile on. "My side for my wedding present for you."
"Edward, you're kidding right? You don't have to get me a wedding present! Just you wanting to marry me is good enough."
"Bella, this present is something I have to do for you. You'll see, it will be just what you need."
"Edward," I warned.
He sighed giving up. "Fine, it's not something that I can buy, okay? Love, this is something I have to do for you. Like I said, but don't worry it won't cost me anything to get."
He laughed and kissed the top of my head. "It'll be here hopefully in a week," he whispered into my hair.
I looked at him confused and worried it would be something very expensive. I was hoping he wasn't lying, but I could never tell anymore.
He chuckled again, but his kiss made me forget about our whole discussion. Its funny how even with my transformation, he can still take my breath away.
A/N: What's Edward's present? Find out next chapter! Thanks for sticking with me here!!
