Disclaimer: None of the marvelous characters (who are ooc) are mine.

When I say Seras I mean Seras in Alucard's body and when I say Alucard I mean Alucard in Seras' body. Just thought I should clear that up. Enjoy!

Chapter 1:

Seras Victoria stared with a horrified expression at Alucard. This could not be happening. She closed her eyes and shook her head, which did nothing but scare her further as she felt her new shaggy, black hair brush her new neck. She slowly opened one eye and peered out at her body. This could NOT be happening.

"Umm...Master?" asked Alucard (Alucard in Seras' body). Seras shivered at hearing her voice come out of her mouth without her saying anything...or even being in her body. "Can you by any chance...switch us back?" continued Seras...Alucard.

"No," 'Master' groaned, "I don't get the molecule change-backer until the end of next week.

"You mean we have to stay like this for two weeks!!!" exclaimed Seras

"I'm aware of that," said Integra her composure now regained, "I suggest that you do not inform the soldiers of what has happened here today. Now leave. I have paperwork to attend to."

Alucard gazed at her openmouthed. "That's it! 'Now leave. I have paperwork to do.' In case you haven't noticed OUR BODIES HAVE BEEN SWITCHED! I think that's kind of important!"

"Control you temper, Alucard," Integra snapped, "I know what has happened, but has I cannot fix it then there is no use dwelling on it. Now leave."

Seras and Alucard left the room with much grumbling and snide glances at each other. Once they were in the hallway and the door was shut behind them they turned to face each other. "Looks like we're gonna have to do some 'quality bonding' if the soldiers aren't supposed to know," Seras commented tentatively.

Alucard grunted in response. Seras sighed. "Come on. We'll talk in my room." She (he?) turned and walked down a flight of stairs and into the basement where she entered her room. Alucard shuffled along behind her. They both sat around the table in the middle of the room and stared around determinedly at everything but each other.

"Well…," Alucard began after some time, "You wanted to talk so let's talk."

"Ok then, I'll just tell you everything about me that you need to know,' Seras responded somewhat enthusiastically. Alucard just stared at her. "Ya…ok then, I don't swear, like never ever, I get up at 7:30 every night and go to the shooting range, my favorite color is pink..,"

"Police Girl?"

"Yes, Master?"

"How on earth is your favorite color relevant?"

Seras blushed, "Well, You wanted to know about me…"

"No," Alucard corrected, "You wanted me to know about you." Out of nowhere, seemingly, his face seemed to pale even more then usual. "Police Girl?" he said again, this time with a slight tremor in his voice.

"Yes, Master?"

"Um…well, it's wet….down there…," confided Alucard.

Seras almost started to laugh, but then she remembered who exactly it was in her body. "Well, Master, that would be your period."

"My what? That doesn't sound good. And besides, whatever it is, it's yours. I want nothing to do with it."

"Unfortunately, you're going to have to deal with it. Every few weeks a female's body cleans itself out so as to be ready to get pregnant."

"Why do you need to be ready to be pregnant?" Alucard questioned in a disbelieving tone.

"Well, I don't necessarily, but all girls get it," Seras blushed, "Anyway, you need to apply a tampon and keep that area clean."

Alucard looked as if she told him he was to be on Death Row and couldn't regenerate. "I will not 'apply a tampon'. I want to see as little of your body as possible."

"It'll only last for three to five days," she consoled him. Alucard did not seem consoled. If anything he looked even more frightened.

"Three to five days?! This can't be happening!!! NO!!!!!!!" he ran to a nearby wall and began to smack his head on the stone.

"Alucard, don't!" exclaimed Seras and she ran over and easily stopped his antics. Wow, She thought, being in his body could really have some perks. Look how strong I am now! When she realized Alucard was crying she turned her attention back to him. "Its' really not that bad," she soothed, "Just do what I said and you might even forget you have it."

Alucard looked at her with a slight hope shining trough his tears. "Really?" Seras nodded. "Ok then!" he said his cheerfulness slightly disturbing. "Now, what's a tampon?" Seras took him to the bathroom to show him just what a tampon was.

Meanwhile, Integra was rubbing her temples and staring at her desk. What have I done? she thought, I just took my two best agents and turned them into each other. What are they going to do? Alucard can't survive as Seras…he just can't. And Seras can't be Alucard, she groaned softly, and what'll I do if Iscariot ever finds out?

After about half an hour, Alucard emerged from the bathroom looking slightly shaken, but a bit proud of himself as well. He had done everything Seras had told him to. He managed to take a shower without throwing up to much (mostly due to having to 'keep the area clean') and successfully applied a tampon. Now he felt like he could conquer the world. Seras stopped pacing when she heard the door open and smiled when she saw Alucard's face.

"So, how'd it go?" she questioned once the steam cleared away.

"After, the first five minutes it wasn't too bad until, I had to clean…down there."

Seras shuddered slightly at the thought but was pleased that her charge seemed to have grasped the period quite quickly. "Well, then," she pointed out, "that wasn't so bad after all."

"Ya, ya, alright," Alucard acknowledged, "You were right. I survived."

"Yup I was right," her eyes widened, "Oh, no."

"What?"

"I have to go to the bathroom….." Seras Victoria stared with a horrified expression at Alucard. This could not be happening.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed the first chapter! Any ideas for what misfortunes can befall them are appreciated. R&R, please.