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Before you get all bent out of shape about what happened next, you need to understand one thing: although I had seen Savid's feelings for you when I melded with him, it wasn't until you were on that screen in front of me that I put it all together and realized the two of you were *married*.

It was quite a shock. Up to that point, friendship with my first officer still seemed a far-fetched possibility. Marriage? Not a chance.

But when Spock called you bondmates, I suddenly found possibilities whirling around my head, possibilities that heated my insides in ways that none of those academy girls ever did. And that scared the shit out of me. Why? Because this thing between me nd my first officer was moving faster than Scotty's engines.

We were barely friends and yet I could see the potential for forever in his eyes. Forever with one person seemed like a prison sentence to me at the time. I didn't know Dad. All I had known of 'forever' was Frank. Not exactly stellar material.

So when you beamed aboard and started talking about Spock having to choose between marriage and death, I acted stupidly and tried to get out of it.

It's not that I wasn't concerned for him. He *was* my first officer and a damned good teacher. What? I went straight from cadet to captain! I had to learn the ropes from someone. I watched every move Spock made for awhile. I only stopped when he asked me if I was trying to find a reason to transfer him.

Yeah, that's when we started concentrating on really making the command chain work. I owe Pike one for petitioning the higher-ups to give me time to get my act together. It took a month for the Spock and I to quit being afraid to let the other out of his sight. He was afraid I'd screw up. I was afraid he'd stab me in the back *when* I screwed up.

But by the time you and I had that talk in the briefing room, Spock and I had both settled down. I was finding that I liked the bastard. We had more in common then we had realized at first. So your pronouncement, your...ultimatum concerning Spock's fate chilled me.

The attraction between us had always been there in some form, I guess. But I had ignored it because I knew that I was in over my head when it came to my first officer. He was noble, selfless, competent...all the things my Dad had been, but seemed to elude me. To top it off, Spock seemed so cold most of the time. In fact, the only time he seemed to come out of that cold shell was when he was so angry that his father had to stop him from choking me to death. But despite all that, I seemed to find myself liking him too much.

My feelings about my first officer made me rather jumpy. So when you suggested that he would have to join with me...well, you saw how bad my reaction was. You had every right to call me a fool after Spock left the briefing room. Hell, if it wasn't for you and your swift kick to my backside, we would be having a very different conversation right now.

But my thoughts were focussed on myself when I replied, 'You've got to be kidding me! I'm supposed to let my body and mind be invaded because he broke up with his girlfriend?! Isn't this against regulations?'

Your expression told me you knew exactly what I thought about Starfleet regulations. 'You need to get your head on straight. This is his life on the line here!'

'If I do this, it'll change mine too!' Yeah, I know I sounded about five. I have no defense, other than my fears. 'Can't we find him someone else? Another Vulcan? A Deltan?'

Your glare would have made Klingons squeamish. 'There's a compatibility issue here. You'd see that if you got your head out of your ass long enough to notice. He's made his choice. You're lucky he was willing to talk about it. Savid said he had considered death if T'Pring--or I--hadn't come to the Kal-i-fee. Like your Spock, Savid knew who his real choice was. He just wasn't willing to admit it.

'Your Spock gave himself a fighting chance by telling you who he needs. And you reject his honesty like this? Take a good look at what you're doing here. Because I guarantee you will have his blood on your hands if you don't bond with him.'

Did you see my hands shaking after your tirade? You knew how to hit where it hurt the most, even though you were actually hitting on one of the things you never experienced. I guess it was that instinctive ability we have to size up a situation in an instant.

You hit on the one thing I blamed myself for, but could never fix: Dad's death. Frank always told me that if it wasn't for me, my dad would still be alive. I already had blood on my hands, at least in my mind. I didn't need any more.

'All right, all right! I'll do it.' I crossed my arms to try to hide my hands, but then my body started shaking, so I paced in front of you. 'What do I have to do?'

Your amusement had me seeing red for a moment, but I shook it off by the time you replied, 'The one thing we both know you're good at. Have sex with him.'

'He's a Vulcan. Given the secrecy they hide themselves behind at times, I wouldn't be surprised if they had...two sets of genitalia.' I tried to show that I had digested my IDIC lessons, but we both knew what I was thinking.

So I was relieved when you just laughed. 'They have a few anatomical differences, but they're minor. It's no different than adapting to...what was her name, the Orion?'

'Gallia.' I grinned. The fact that you had at least some of the same experiences I had allowed me to relax just a little.

You nodded. 'If you can handle her, this should be easy.'

I sighed as I paced some more. But I knew how to respond to a being who always had sex on her mind. My rather staid first officer...he was going to be a challenge. 'How rough will it be?'

'Treat him like a stallion going after a mare and you should be fine.'

I snorted. 'I've never thought of myself as a mare before.'

My sanity seemed to click back into place as I heard you chuckle. 'You'll be fine, kid. Just make sure you treat him with respect. Stop the bull you were trying to pull in here. This time troubles him enough as it is.'

I nodded thoughtfully. Given that this would take a few days, there were a few others things I needed to consider. 'What about other necessities? Food, drink, that sort of thing?'

'He knows to get enough for you for a few days. He won't be able to eat, but if you can get any water into him, it'll help his recovery afterwards. McCoy will thank you.'

'After he kills me for not telling him about this before it happens.' I ran my fingers through my hair.

'I'll handle him. You make sure Spock survives.'

I sighed as you stood and waved me out the door. I couldn't help but feel like I was walking to my doom as we traversed the few meters to the rec room.

As I stepped inside, Spock's eyes met mine. I swore I could see the madness in him, the drive that was making him lose control.

But I couldn't look away. His magnet was pulling at mine again. I had to apologize for the foolishness in the briefing room. So I tried to speak. 'I, uh...'

You interrupted me before I could think of anything to say. You brought my thoughts back to why I was there. And that shook me. Hell, that lock sliding into place sounded like a torpedo blast to me.

I found my composure after a few minutes of pacing. But I found I couldn't look Spock in the face as I apologized.

It only became easier as I realized he was just as nervous as I was. To make it easier for him, I sat on the exercise mat. I figured if I didn't look like I was commanding him, he'd be able to tell me what he needed.

Given the Vulcan attitude toward sex, though, I should have known he didn't have a clue. How could such a forward thinking race skip over sex-ed? At that moment, I was glad I was the one in that room with him. I didn't want him dying of ignorance.

So I took matters into my own hands and started our time together with the most effective motivator I knew: a kiss. He responded with enthusiasm, more enthusiasm than I thought he had in him. After that, I thought we were well on our way to taking care of this...until the bastard became demanding. Maybe it was those hormone surges, because he started getting snarky. He sounded like a human woman during PMS. So I backed off, quickly.

I let him analyze the situation. I figured it would help him calm down. But when his fears started popping up, I tried to listen. I should have listened better, but I was so caught up in the moment that all I could focus on was the part that he'd rather be dead than ruin the budding...whatever it was between us. So I reminded him that he needed to be alive for it to grow.

Then his biology took over.

I was ready to become passive when those hormones took him over. I had reasoned that it would hurt less that way. So you can imagine my shock as I found myself reaching for Spock and pulling at his clothes as if I was starved and he was a steak dinner. My head swam. It was as if his hormones were flowing through me.

You didn't have that reaction? What was different? Oh, right. Your bond was already in place. Spock said Savid had been pretty screwed up by the time you went to that ceremony. You missed a pretty wild ride when your bond just snapped into place like that.

I could feel his arousal as if it were my own. And it controlled both of us. The result was so hot that I didn't even bother trying to resist it. I just went with it. And I started to understand what the Vulcans mean when they say pon farr makes them burn.

I was surprised to find I wasn't ashes when we came up for air a few hours later. Yeah, he just stopped. He said he felt me get hungry. Yeah, I was kind of shocked myself. But it was nice. I got some water into him, like you requested, and we were able to talk for a bit while I took care of my needs.

And then a few minutes later, just like that, the switch flipped the other way and we were at it again.

Oh, no, nothing bad happened in that room. That's not why Spock came looking for you the day we came out of that room. It was me. I didn't know how to handle what happened. I couldn't deal with feeling him in my head like that.

No, he didn't hurt me through the bond. In fact, it was comforting in a way.

But I was afraid to let it stay there, because I was afraid he'd hate me again when he found out how screwed up I was.

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