While I was impatiently waiting for Sulu to put the ship in orbit around New Vulcan, I did the one thing I should have done weeks earlier: I called Savid and told about Spock's pon farr and the weak bond that had grown between us.
I took the comm in my quarters because I couldn't face the recriminations from my crewmates, not yet. But I knew I had to face his. I had let the bond languish. I hadn't allowed the bond to send out those branches into our minds that it needed to strengthen itself.
Savid sighed as he listened to me. Looking back, I suppose he was remembering his misteps with you and your bond. But at the time all I could see was his anger with me. It was apparent in his eyes. He knew what was happening. He knew that I had destroyed the connection between me and my bondmate, and he was powerless to stop it from shattering completely.
I knew I couldn't beat around the bush with the old Vulcan, so I didn't even try to. 'I'm killing him.' I moaned softly at the screen. I had started getting physical symptoms of psychic stress about twenty minutes earlier. My hands trembled, my head ached. And I knew I wasn't imagining that I could actually feel the bond beginning to die. The branches that had made their way into my memories were beginning to wither.
I held onto what I could, trying to keep the bond with me, trying to keep Spock with me. But I could feel the bond starting to splinter. I yelled out loud in frustration. I was sure Spock was already dead. The weight of that thought dragged my heavy heart down upon my desk.
I could hear Savid tell Uhura to call for Bones, but I could barely raise my head. By this time my whole body was shaking and I was getting cold sweats. I shivered and clutched my side...the side where Spock's heart would have been.
A few minutes later, I felt McCoy shoot me with a stimulant. As soon as I could lift my head, I looked Savid straight in the eye.
'He is not dead yet.' Savid replied to my unspoken question, his eyes shining with empathy. 'But you do not have much time.'
'Where is he?!' I nearly shouted. I tried to stand up, to glare at the old Vulcan, but my knees wouldn't hold me up.
Bones pushed me down into my chair as Savid answered me. 'Jim...JT found him at the edge of the lake below Mount Surak. Jim is with your bondmate, but Spock is resisting aid.'
'For God's sake, why?!' I yelled. Christine Chapel hid behind McCoy as I reached towards the console with my fists. Bones pulled me back once again and this time he restrained my arms.
'Spock swore the t'zaled to you, the blood oath. He is determined to die to give you your freedom.' Savid sighed. 'I had advised him to not attempt to follow my path.'
I know you heard me swear a blue streak as Savid patched your comm unit into our conversation. 'How would his dying give me freedom?'
'It would break the bond.' Savid said softly as I heard you yell that I needed to beam down *now*. The bond was slipping through my mental fingers. I screamed again.
You yelled again, trying to get my attention. When I finally heard you, I broke free of McCoy's hold and ran to the transporter room with Chekov fast on my heels. For once I was glad Uhura was monitoring my conversations. If she would have called for Kyle in engineering, Spock would have been dead before my feet hit the lake shore.
I had Chekov beam me down as close to the lake as he could without putting me in it. As soon as I materialized, I could see you sitting on a small, flat embankment. A perfect place to kneel and gaze into the water if one was so inclined.
But the images that thought provoked were pushed aside by the one that brought me here. I could see that jewelled dagger at your feet. It brought a moan to my lips. When I looked up into your face, I could see your cheeks shimmering like emeralds. I knew of only one mixture that could cause that effect on human skin: copper-based blood mixed with water. Bile rose in my throat. I had to turn my head from you before I choked on it.
Running to your side felt like it took forever. It was made worse by the fact that I could feel a big crack starting to form the shield that had protected me from Spock's thoughts. I grabbed the barrier with my mental hands, holding it in place. That shield seemed to be the only thing keeping the bond between us.
I skidded on my knees as I approached the spot where you had Spock cradled in your arms.
'Is he..?' I gasped, not able to say those dreaded words, in case articulating them caused them to become reality.
You only had time to shake your head before Bones came running to us with his med equipment, but it was enough of a relief that it allowed me to take my next breath.
Bones didn't waste any time pushing us out of the way to get to his patient. But I was shocked when you pulled me up by my collar and thrust me onto the rock beside Spock's head.
'Sit there and for God's sake don't let go of the bond!' Your growl told me everything I needed to know. Spock could die if I lost my grip and allowed the bond to shatter.
So I held onto the shield between us as if it was my last link to my bondmate.
By the size of the cracks that were beginning to overtake the bond, I guessed it probably was.
-
end part 5
