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I sat on that rock and gazed down into my bondmate's face for quite awhile. At first, it appeared serene to me, as if he had found some kind of peace in his choice to leave us. But when I studied it further, I began to see the signs of strain: yellow shadows under his eyes, an unnatural green flush to his cheeks. Signs that I had put there. I sighed.

My sigh made the shield inside our heads tremble. Not wanting to cause it any more strain, I froze. 'It's breaking. I can't stop it.' I whispered, hoping you could hear me. I was afraid to move or to speak any louder. If I did, I was sure the bond would crumble to dust.

'Does he know?' I heard Bones whisper. I looked up, startled, when he whispered it a second time.

'Does he know what?'

'That you actually give a shit whether he lives or dies.'

I shook my head. 'Probably not.' The truth hurt, but I needed to face it. I had turned away from Spock when he needed me. I had acted like a fool.

'This might be a good time to say it. You might not get another chance.' Bones caught my eye. I could see the worry on his face.

I shook my head, then looked past Bones as something caught my attention. Savid had arrived. I buried my face in my hands. I couldn't face my bondmate's older self. How the hell was I supposed to explain this disaster that I had created?

I nearly fell over in shock when, instead of berating me, the old Vulcan laid a gentle hand on my hair. 'Listen to McCoy,' he said softly. 'He knows more than even he is aware of.'

I looked up into that wizened face. A small smile greeted and comforted me. 'Was it this bad for you?'

'Worse.' Savid said gently. 'I had only McCoy's grandson to guide me when our bond began to fracture. Steven did what he could, but he was not privy to the information Leonard has.'

'In other words, Bones knows us too well to let us get away with any bullshit.' I looked to you. Your grin and nod toward me let me know I had a chance of getting through this...somehow.

As Bones was running most of his scans on Spock's chest and abdomen, I felt okay reaching out to touch his hair. I smoothed out the messed up silky locks into a more tidy order. It made me feel better to have Spock look more like...Spock.

'How is he?' I asked softly, afraid to raise my voice, afraid to disturb the peace surrounding Spock, that peace he so desperately needed.

'He lost a lot of blood,' Bones replied just as quietly. 'That dagger went straight into his heart. Luckily, JT was able to pull him into one of those damned healing trances by the time we got here. If he had lost any more blood, I'm not sure I could have done anything.'

I nodded, then shifted myself off the rock that you had perched me on on onto the dirt near Spock's head. 'Can I...' Looking to Bones, I motioned towards Spock's body.

McCoy nodded, and with your help, we were able to shift Spock so his head was laying on my thighs. 'Be careful. If he wakes up, don't let him make any sudden moves.' Bones said quietly as he took my place on the rock.

'Should we beam up instead?' I looked at your face, needing guidance. But Savid replied instead. 'Physically, he has begun to heal. But the two of you need time to repair the bond. This is best done in some semblance of solitude.'

I saw you put your hand on Bones' shoulder as he was about to get up. 'Not that much solitude. They'll need you to help them come back to reality.'

'What about you?' I raised my eyebrow in imitation of our better halves. Your chuckle pulled a grin from me. After the race down here, anything that let me relax a little was welcome.

'We'll make sure you get the space you need. Don't worry, we'll be nearby in case things get out of hand. But this is your bond, not ours. You two need to find your own way.'

I nodded with a sigh and watched the two of you walk towards a stone bench near the base of the mountain. I couldn't take my eyes off your joined hands until you had sat down. Dragging my gaze back to my lap, I realized I wanted what you had. But I had no idea how to get it.

Well, I might as well see what kind of shape the bond was in, I decided. I closed my eyes and reached towards that spot in my mind where the shield separated me from Spock.

The area looked like a war zone. As I looked around me, I could see pieces of the bond at my feet. They looked like shards of glass. I knew the bond was actually created from our combined mental energies, so I supposed those shards were just my mind's representations of the havoc I wrought.

Turning my attention to the shield, I gasped. It had been cracking badly while we tried to stabilize Spock, but now it looked like there was a fist-sized hole punched through it.

I wanted to call to Spock, but I wasn't sure it was a good idea. That healing trance had been the only thing holding him together, if the blood all over you had been any indication. I was reluctant to disturb it.

So instead, I tried an exercise one of my academy teachers had shown us as a way to have some control over psy phenomena, even without being psychic yourself. The last time I had used it, I had been trying to seduce a female Betazoid. But I tried not to think about that as I turned my attention to the being who had been willing to take a chance on me, despite my reputation.

I imagined a scene around me. Because the broken shield was the only thing connecting me to my bondmate, I made it the center of my image. Then, around it, I created sand under my feet, harsh sun shining in my face, winds whipping past me that were strong enough to strip skin off. In other words, I created an image of Vulcan. Of course that particular choice was meant to comfort the Vulcan that was present somewhere in my mind. I could only hope that it was enough.

When I finished creating my landscape, I carefully gathered up the shield in my 'hands' and moved it to the cave I created a small distance away. I expected carrying the shield would be easy, because its image in my mind had always been one of thin glass plating. But when I hefted it, it felt heavy and strangely, much softer than glass.

I blinked, and the shape of what I held in my hands changed. Instead of the cracked and broken shield, I now held an unconscious Spock in my arms. For a minute, I just gazed into his relaxed face and hoped I was doing the right thing. I was psy-null. I could screw this up badly without really knowing how I did it.

But my instincts said Spock needed me on this mental plane. If he didn't, his mind would have never let me create the meld. So, shifting to accomodate him, I cradled him in my arms. Carefully standing, I realized that if this were real space, I could not support my bondmate this way. But here, in this mental world, I could be, and was, the strong one.

I carried Spock into the cave that I had created. Once there, I sat down and shifted him to lie in my arms. For some time, I just held him. It was a new experience for me, giving comfort this way. In fact, I didn't normally comfort anyone. I had expected the people around me to just adapt, to ignore any problems. That was how I coped with the problems in my life. I just figured that was the way everyone handled them.

So suffice it to say, I didn't get to hold Spock during our days in the rec room. Or to be more correct, I guess you can say I didn't want to. That step felt too...intimate to me. It would have meant communicating feelings to Spock, and I hadn't been sure I wanted to communicate such things to an unemotional Vulcan.

But I had no qualms now. He had shown me his emotional depths and I found myself inadequate in comparison. Hell, I almost let him commit suicide rather than tell him I cared. I hadn't been much of a friend, let alone a good lover.

I couldn't make that mistake a second time. Not wanting to wake Spock, but needing to do something, I gently cradled him to my chest. 'I'm sorry, t'hy'la,' I said softly, trying the word out on my tongue. I felt awkward saying the word that others had told me was sacred to many Vulcans. I felt like I didn't deserve the honor of saying it.

I searched my mind for a word that suited what I wanted to convey. But this was an unfamiliar situation for me. I didn't know how to translate what I was feeling into Standard or any other language. It was easier to communicate using touch. So I laid my hand on my bondmate's cheek, letting his warm skin heat my hand.

Amazingly, as his heat seeped into me, I could hear the wind begin to whip outside our cave. I raised my head to look out and saw the sand swirling. For a moment I was frightened for our safety, but then I remembered where we were. We weren't actually on Vulcan. We were in a meld, a meld that I had initiated somehow. But I didn't cause the sandstorm that was beginning to grow before my eyes.

There was only one other possible culprit. He was unconscious in my arms, or so I thought.

Apparently not all of Spock was unaware. I watched with fascination as the whirling sand began to converge into a form. A rope began to emerge from the sand, a rope of green and red. Vulcan and human, blood to blood, soul to soul. I knew without being told that this was an offering from Spock's unconscious mind. I wouldn't get another chance to be a part of him.

So I put my mental representation of Spock down onto the dirt floor of the cave. As I did, it shattered. It startled me for a moment until I realized I had been holding the only part of the bond I knew had still existed: the shield. But Spock's mind chose to give me a second chance, so the shield was no longer necessary. I could hold so much more of my bondmate if I dared to ask him for it.

And I so wanted to. Knowing that Spock now had control of the things I saw and felt, I stepped out of the cave and back out into the Vulcan sunlight.

'I'm here, Spock! I'm here!' I shouted into the wind.

The reply, when it came, wasn't a voice. It was an action.

The rope that Spock had created lay at my feet, shining in the bright sun, at the same time human red and Vulcan green. I looked at it, trying to see where the ends of it were. Some instinct told me those ends were important.

I could see the end nearest me, but the other end seemed to vanish into the rock about a meter away. That shocked me at first, but somehow I knew that it was supposed to be there. Since this was a mental plane, the place the rope made its connection probably had some significance, but it was eluding me at the moment.

Then the rope began to move. Slowly at first, as I watched, it coiled around my feet. I smiled. Even though I couldn't see him, I could feel Spock's presence in the rope. 'Go ahead.' I said softly. 'I'm here for you.'

The rope moved faster now, coiling around my legs, my chest, my arms...until it had covered all of my body except my head. When the end of the rope faced me like it was a snake, I suddenly realized what the rope was. Spock was recreating the bond.

But apparently he was afraid to enter my mind a second time. The end of the rope faced me, hovering, but not touching my face.

After a few minutes of this, I began to grow frustrated. I wanted this. I wanted him. I had almost lost him to my own stupidity. I wasn't going to let that happen a second time.

'Spock, t'hy'la, please!' I yelled. 'I want to be with you. I want to know you. I can't do that if you won't let me be with you!'

As if deciding that I was worth the risk, the end of the rope rapidly aimed and attached itself to my forehead. I sighed in relief as I felt it begin to burrow into me once again, sending out those branches to gather my memories and feelings. I let it, and in reward, I was given a sense of peace and a growing feeling that Spock was with me in my mind.

The next thing I knew, I was opening my eyes to see my bondmate laying in my arms and watching me with a small smile.

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end part 6