'Spock.' I smiled down at my bondmate. 'How do you feel?' I made sure not to shift him much. I didn't want the bleeding to restart. But when I listened to that spot inside my head where he was, I didn't hear any signs of pain.
Score one for the home team. Boy, was I glad Bones knew how to work miracles.
Spock confirmed my assessment as he tried to sit up. 'I am recovering adequately, Captain.'
I wouldn't allow him to rise, not even if I wasn't worried about Bones looking over my shoulder. I pushed him back down onto my lap. 'You need rest, t'hy'la.'
Spock's eyes widened as he heard me use that honorific. 'Jim...' He tried to sit up again, probably to protest.
'You can say whatever you want, Spock. I shouldn't be using that word, I know. I don't deserve to...' I pushed him back onto my lap again. 'You can scold me, berate me, whatever. But stay down before your wound starts to bleed again! You need to stay still. We almost didn't get here on time...' I was rambling, but I couldn't seem to stop myself.
'It was not logical for you to come after me, Captain.' Spock protested. 'You should have let me die. I had become a burden to you.'
I shook my head. 'I was the burden, Spock. I was weighing you down. I didn't mean to hurt you like this. I just didn't...want you to hate me.' I sighed. 'I'm lousy at relationships. I should have told you that before I let JT drag us into that room.'
'I am aware of your reputation, Jim.' Spock replied, reaching up to brush my hair off my forehead. 'I was prepared to guide you in the Vulcan way.'
'But I didn't let you. I pushed you away instead.' I bowed my head, expecting to be scolded for my lack of insight.
But Spock surprised me yet again. 'Perhaps you were correct in doing so. The bond was not growing correctly. We were overburdening it. I...made a mistake that almost cost us everything.' He took my hand. 'I placed the bond upon another.'
'Another what? Another bond?' I stared at him as he nodded. 'What bond?!'
'The one that was created by our new friendship.' Spock caressed my hand gently. 'I should have used that bond as the foundation for the mating bond. I should have known we could be ni'var. The two that are one.'
'The rope...' I thought. 'That's why the rope has two parts.'
Spock nodded. 'I have attempted to compensate for the strength of our...desire for contact by weaving the two elements together, human and Vulcan. Friends and mates.' Spock examining my face carefully as he waited for my reaction.
'But I pushed you away...' I didn't understand. How did our friendship become a bond? Especially when I was acting like an idiot?
I quickly found that this new bond was already stronger than the first, even though it was brand new. Spock could hear my confusion very clearly. 'Have you forgotten our chess games?' Spock raised an eyebrow.
'Oh.' I blinked as I realized what he meant. Our discussions over the chessboard had started to bond us before the psychic link was created. 'No wonder it wasn't growing correctly. We had already covered the ground the mating bond was trying to pull from my head.'
'Precisely.' Spock smiled. It so transformed him that it had me growing hard in an instant. But I pushed my arousal to the back of my mind. He had almost died, for God's sake, I told myself. At least wait until he's recovered.
I sighed and thought about what he just told me. The weave meant we were equal participants in the bond. Psy-null or not, I could now control the bond as easily as Spock could.
Trying to figure out what to do with this new knowledge, I looked over at Bones, who had fallen asleep waiting for us to come out of the meld. Poor McCoy. The last few months had been as rough on him as it had for us. It's not everyday your best friend goes from trying to kill a person to trying to climb inside him. Normally I would have reprimanded him for being lax. He was supposed to be watching us. But when I looked toward you and Savid, I saw a glint of metal in Savid's hand. A hypo.
Your wink confirmed that McCoy's nap was no accident. Looking to the spot you pointed at, I grinned. I should have known you'd be monitoring us. I don't know how you slipped that tricorder under the rock without Bones seeing, but I'm glad you took the risk and put it there.
As for the message you left on it...you were right. Bones hadn't been getting enough sleep. None of us had since Spock's return to New Vulcan.
Because of the age difference between us, I sometimes forget that you are me...until you pull a trick like that.
By the way, I honestly appreciate the privacy that you gave us by knocking Bones out. But next time, warn me before you do that. I had to listen to him bitch about it for three days straight!
I chose not to tell Spock what you did, though. I wasn't sure he was ready to know why Bones actually needed that hypo. And then there was the problem of how to explain the concept of 'worrying oneself to death.
'We should let him sleep. He's probably worn out from that heart attack you nearly gave him.' I looked around to see if we could move him someplace more comfortable, but since Spock and I seemed to occupy the only grassy patch around, I just shrugged and let him be.
'I did not wish to cause anyone distress.' Spock said quietly.
'I hate to tell you this, Spock, but you have been causing me distress since you left. And your death...would have completely destroyed me.' I laid my cheek against Spock's hair. 'Don't ever do that again. Please.'
Spock reached up to caress my cheek. 'I no longer have a reason to pursue that course of action.'
'Good.' I sighed in relief.
After a few minutes of just being with Spock, I decided it was time to bite the bullet and face our problems. 'So now what do we do?'
'We should discuss our future.'
I nodded, but I knew we weren't quite ready for the future yet. We needed to face the past and the present first.
I shifted a little and leaned Spock back against me. As I did, it felt like the bond shifted as well and fell exactly into the spot the old bond had been. The connection then sealed itself into place with a nearly audible 'snap'.
I heard Spock chuckle in my mind as the bond shifted into place. He sounded...relieved. Yeah, I was too. That snap reminded me of an old jigsaw puzzle and the sound the pieces made when you fit them together. It was a reassuring sound. But I didn't let Spock know that. I wanted to tease him a little.
'What?' I turned my head to smile at my bondmate.
'You are...happy?' He sounded hesitant, like he wasn't sure how to interpret the signals he was getting from me.
'Duh. Why wouldn't I be?' I was tempted to string him along and tell him I was only mildly amused, but I knew it wasn't a good idea. He misinterpreted my thoughts when the bond formed the first time, and he nearly paid for that mistake with his life.
'I do not understand your happiness, Jim. You did not want the bond earlier. Why should having it back make you happy?' Spock looked at me critically. For a moment, I felt like a bug under a microscope. It made me squirm.
'I'm sorry about that. It wasn't you. It was me. I...didn't want to hurt you because...well, because I'm a bit messed up.' I looked out into the lake. 'In fact, I hoped pulling away would make it easier on you.'
'It did not.' Spock accused softly, but without malice. In fact, his presence reached out to me, trying to reassure me that he was no longer angry.
I laid my arm across Spock's chest. 'Yeah. I figured that out.'
I smiled when Spock's hand traced the length of that arm. Before that moment, I didn't realize how much comfort you could get from a simple touch. And comfort is one thing we needed in spades. We laid there together quietly for what felt like a half-hour or so before we were startled by a figure coming toward us.
Damn, just when things were starting to look good for me, Sarek had to show up. And if I was reading that Vulcan face correctly, he was rather annoyed.
Now before I continue, you do need to know some things about our Sarek. Savid told me that he and his father had a rather..strained relationship. Spock was lucky in that regard. Although I would have never wished his mother's death on him in a million years, it did have one good result: her men started talking to each other.
So it was a shock to see the Ambassador look towards us with that I-know-better-than-you look that Vulcans do so well. But Spock must have been expecting trouble, because he stiffened in my arms. I tried to calm him through the bond, but as his father came closer, his agitation just seemed to grow.
'Spock? What?' I asked softly.
'I will not let him take you away from me.' Spock's voice was a low growl. His hand gripped the arm I had laid across his chest as if it were a shield to keep his father at bay.
'What?' I asked again in confusion.
'Sarek does not approve of my bond with you. You are male. An illogical choice, as I will be unable to produce children.' Spock sighed in frustration. I could tell he didn't want to fight with his father.
'What happened to that warrior bond that I saw in the database that Starfleet has?' I asked, letting him know that I had done some research. Spock learned rather quickly that when I research things, I am committed to using the information I find constructively.
Hey, even he had to admit my solution to the Kobayashi Maru was constructive. It was the reason Starfleet constructed safeguards against other people getting access to the program.
But in this case, the information I had found wasn't enough to get his father off our backs. 'That was long ago, Jim. And now, we are so few. Many people are saying that even the Kohlinar should give up their seclusion so our race can continue.'
'Dammit.' I sighed as Sarek continued heading towards us. 'Why can't you just...hand over some DNA?'
'Vulcans cannot become pregnant by insemination.' Spock replied softly.
Sarek moved even closer to us. I was starting to fume as I watched him walk past your bench. How could he accuse Spock of making an illogical choice when even I could see that this was what Spock *needed*?
I don't know how long our doctor had been awake at that point, but by looking at his face, I could tell he had heard Spock explain Sarek's reasoning. I'm glad he did, because if I had gotten up at that point, I probably would have went after Sarek with my fists.
Of course, McCoy probably knew that from the the set of my shoulders. So it was no surprise when he stood up before I could move. 'You two stay there,' he said quietly. 'Spock should stay off his feet for right now.'
My bondmate looked like he was ready to stand anyway, so I tightened the arm I had around him. 'Bones will talk to your father. He can handle it. He's a father himself.'
Spock nodded sympathetically. 'He misses his daughter. He does not often talk about her but when she is mentioned, he becomes rather solemn.'
'You noticed that too, huh?' I said softly as I watched McCoy intercept Sarek at the edge of the lake.
'I wish to speak to my son.' Sarek said, trying to walk around Bones.
But the good doctor suddenly got this rather snarky look on his face and wouldn't let the Ambassador past him. 'Spock is busy at the moment, sorry.'
'Doctor, please.' Sarek tried to walk around Bones.
'Not until you tell me why you would hurt your own son like this!' I could see the anger in McCoy's eyes. He thought Sarek's 'choice' for Spock was hypocritical, considering the fact that Sarek married a human. I couldn't agree more.
'I did nothing, Doctor.' Sarek raised an eyebrow.
'Of course not. That wouldn't be logical. Spock nearly *killed* himself because he didn't know how deal with a human *male* for a mate. But you couldn't advise him. Helping him would have meant accepting his choice!' Bones had to put his arms behind his back to keep from defending Spock with his fists.
Oh yeah, I'm continually amazed at the fierce loyalty Spock encourages just by being himself. Of course, Bones would never admit to that fact.
Sarek must have known he didnt have a leg to stand on because he suddenly looked very weary. For a moment, I could see the loving father underneath that stoic exterior. But in the next moment, the Ambassador became the voice of logic once more. 'Spock did not come to me, Doctor McCoy. If he had, I would have done my best to advise him.'
A human father would not have let a small thing like not being asked stop him from dispensing marriage advice, but Vulcans tend to avoid all discussion of the subject unless asked directly. So why didn't Spock seek Sarek's advice? Logic would dictate that even if Sarek disapproved of his choice of *male*, he would have at least been able to help Spock deal with the *human*. I prodded the bond in search of a reason for Spock's complete avoidance of his father.
'I knew I would not be able to do so without Sarek attempting to find a healer who would remove you from my mind completely. He then would have tried to bond me to a female. Although I was willing to give you your freedom, once I failed the Kohlinar, I was not willing to live free of your presence.' Spock told me softly.
I tried to surpress the shiver that his declaration caused, but Spock must have felt it. His hand tightened its grip on my arm, reminding me that I was able to get to him before he could act upon that choice.
Without being told, Bones seemed to pick up on that fact that Sarek thought Spock was neglecting his duty to his people. 'I heard from Uhura that you didn't want Spock marrying a man. She said that you planned to disown him for his choice of mates.'
Now, her knowledge of the situation was a newsflash to me. I made a mental note to start listening to my communications officer more often, especially after she's had contact with New Vulcan.
Sarek said nothing to Bones' accusation. But I could see the truth on his face. He would have disowned Spock for his 'illogical' decision if it wasn't for the fact that both Spock and I were considered heroes. Damn him.
In my anger, I accidentally tightened my arm around my bondmate until he grunted in pain. 'Sorry,' I whispered, but didn't let go. Spock needed comfort at that moment, not stress. I wasn't about to let Sarek finish the job that the damned dagger started.
Of course, Bones saw the condescending look on Sarek's face. And as I expected, it made him see red. 'You bastard!'
He wasn't the only one having trouble controlling his anger. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that Savid had you by the collar. You looked like you wanted to choke Sarek. Oh, I'm sure I did too.
Surprisingly, Spock seemed to be the only one unaffected by the insult his father just gave him. I think the fact that I was holding him took the sting out of Sarek's words.
Bones, however, was not so easily mollified. 'He needed you!'
'He sought the Kohlinar.' Sarek countered. 'He did not seek my aid.'
'Because he knew you'd turn him away!' Bones reached for Sarek as if to shake him, but I saw Savid bat his hand away with a scowl. Damn, that old Vulcan could move fast when he wanted to.
Spock tried to hide his agreement with this statement, but without shielding the bond, he couldn't.
Just then, Sarek pushed past Bones and strode over to us. I glared up at the Ambassador, ready to defend myself and my mate.
Sarek's eyes bored through me, ready to defend the welfare of his people.
But Spock, my bondmate, stopped the fight before it began by saying one sentence.
'I love him, Father.'
-
end part 7
