Happy New Year
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages! 2008 is almost officially upon us, and it is time to hear some new year resolutions!" Phil shoved his fake microphone right in Stephanie's face. "Let's hear from you first, Ms. McMahon. What are your resolutions going to be?"
She gave him an annoyed look. He had been doing this crap for the past two hours now and she was getting really tired of it. "My resolution will be to make your death even more painful than my family's was if you don't stop this shit right now."
He sighed and gave her a sad puppy dog face. "Oh come on Stephanie! I'm just trying to have some fun! You don't need to be a gigantic bitch."
"Yeah Stephanie," Mickie agreed. She and Maria were sitting together on the couch, going through their third bottle of wine. "Don't be a gigantic bitch. It's supposed to be happy new year after all.
Phil grinned and dropped his microphone. "It's going to be a happy new year!" he sang very loudly and very off key. He picked up Maria and started swinging her around. "Happy new year!"
"It's not the new year yet you idiot!" Maria squealed. She tried to fight her way free from Phil's iron grip. "Now put me down!"
"Happy new year! It's going to be a happy new year!"
Hunter came storming into the room. "You know, it's really hard to think of ways to destroy the Saw franchise for ripping me off when you people refuse to SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
Stephanie sighed and rolled her eyes. His little yell had been like five times louder than they had just been. "Calm down sweetie and give that little plan of yours a rest," she said soothingly. "You're only going to piss yourself off if you keep yelling."
Hunter grumbled incoherently under his breath and sat down in his chair. "Where the hell are the two psycho brothers?" he asked.
Everyone shook their head. "We don't know," they answered at the same time.
He glared at all of them. "What do you mean by that?"
"We haven't seen either of them in hours," Mickie clarified. She pulled Maria away from Phil and placed the younger girl on her lap. "Jeff said something about making a boom and then Matt went chasing after him as he ran out the front door."
Stephanie, who hadn't known that part of it, winced as Hunter's eye started to twitch. "Oh come on honey, it's a holiday! Let the kids run free and have some fun."
"Oh yeah, I'm sure they're going to have a lot of fun," Hunter said sarcastically. "Having them bring a lynch mob to our front door is the way I want to usher in 2008."
"Okay, so they brought one little mob to our front door like six months ago and you still can't get over it?" Maria said incredulously. "Isn't it time to let that go Hunter?"
"Hey, I got stabbed in the ass with a pitchfork! I didn't even know people still carried pitchforks! My ass was completely traumatized!"
Stephanie snorted. "It's no worse than the things James used to do to you before we met."
He glared at her. "What did you just say to me?"
She glared right back at him. "You heard me."
Phil just looked uncomfortable. "Wow, I actually kind of wish I was with Matt and Jeff right now. They are probably having more fun than we are right now."
XXXXXX
"Damn it Jeff, it's cold out here!" Matt whined. "It's snowing and I don't have a coat! I want to go home!"
Jeff rolled his eyes and did his best to ignore his older brother. He was seriously thinking about ditching Matt completely until he found some fireworks. That was the whole reason he was out in the freezing cold in the first place. What kind of New Years Eve would it be without fireworks? It would be like Halloween without candy, Christmas without presents, and a day in his life without killing someone. It just wouldn't be right.
He could hear fireworks going off, but their location was eluding him. It was starting to piss him off. "Come on Matt!" he whined as he started going even faster. "I want the boom booms! We need to find the fire boom booms!"
"No we do not," Matt snapped. His teeth were chattering so hard that his words could barely be understood. "You are the only person who needs to find the boom booms and I am two seconds away from turning around and going the hell home!"
Jeff stopped in his tracks and turned around so he could glare at his older brother. "You do that, and I'll kill you to your DEAD!" He stopped and thought about what he had just said. "And that's worse!"
Matt shook his head. "I don't fucking care, you damn psycho. We're going to freeze to death out here anyway so--"
Jeff stopped listening as more fireworks started going off. They sounded really close now. "Fire go boom!" he exclaimed as he took off running again. He could hear Matt complaining and cussing behind him, but that wasn't what was important at the moment. He jumped over several fences and ran through several backyards before he got to the source of the fireworks. Two teenage boys were setting them off, and they were startled by Jeff's sudden appearance. But that didn't even begin to compare to how startled they were when Jeff took out his knife and slashed their throats before they could even get a word out of their mouths.
"The boom booms are mine infidels!" Jeff cackled. He started gathering up the fireworks (which mostly consisted of Roman candles and firecrackers) and he had them all in his arms by the time Matt caught up with him.
"I fucking hate climbing fences," Matt said breathlessly. "I fucking suck at it." He glared at Jeff. "Did you get what you needed?"
Jeff nodded. "Yup. Now we can party!"
XXXXXXXXX
Despite his earlier grumblings, Hunter felt himself cheering up as 2007 started coming to a close. Everyone was gathered around the TV to watch the ball drop in Times Square, and Jeff and Matt walked in during the last thirty seconds. "Where the hell have you two been?" Hunter asked without really turning around.
"Nothing," they replied at the same time, which was just creepy.
Stephanie kissed him on the cheek. "So about what we were discussing a few days ago…"
"We're not going to Europe Steph. I had a bad experience there once."
Phil frowned. "What happened?"
"I said I had a bad experience," Hunter growled very slowly. "What more do you want me to say?"
Mickie and Maria squealed. "The countdown is starting!" Maria said happily.
Hunter wrapped his arm around Stephanie as Phil, Mickie and Maria counted backwards from ten. He was so focused on the television that he didn't know anything was wrong until…
"JEFF DON'T! NOT IN THE HOUSE!"
Colored fireballs started flying everywhere, causing the girls to scream and Hunter jump off the couch. He spun around and found that Jeff had lit a Roman candle right there in the living room. Fire was going everywhere, and it didn't take long for the curtains to be set on fire.
"DAMN IT!" Hunter roared. He ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fire extinguisher, and ran back in the living room so he could put out the fire before the whole house went up in flames. After ten fireballs, the Roman candle went out, and that meant everyone could start going near Jeff to strangle him without being set on fire.
"What the hell was that for?" Hunter snarled. "Why in the hell would you even begin to think that was a good idea?"
Jeff looked startled by everyone's reaction. "Uh…happy new year?"
Hunter sighed. Jeff was definitely the cause of the ulcers forming in his stomach, there was no doubt about that. "That's it, you are not allowed near fireworks again. Do you understand me?"
"Nope!" Jeff replied. "Why don't you explain it to me Hunter?"
"Boys, let's not--" Mickie tried to say as Hunter started chasing Jeff around the house. That went on for about an hour before Hunter had to stop and he just made the decision that Jeff wasn't allowed near fireworks again. And as far as they all knew, he didn't go near them again.
But what they knew and what Jeff did were COMPLETELY different things…
