A/N: If you are reading this, then thankyou for keeping with me through two Chapters of Roasting Paolini. I know all you loyal fans out there have all got Brisingr by now and I will get around to that soon! Please, read on!

Quick parody: A review of Eldest: "Filled with darkness and evil, excitement and awe, this is a must for lovers of fantasy." Yes, it is a must for lovers of unoriginal, seen-it-before fantasy.

Chapter Three: Paolini's Magic is the Most Derivative Thing

Eragon rushed out of Brom's mansion, chest heaving. Garrow lay wounded on the street. His attackers, the Ra'Zac, were now sneaking away through the bushes at the edge of Carvahall.

"Uncle!" Eragon shrieked in anguish. He knelt beside his uncle, who was like a father to him. "No Uncle! You can't die! You were like a father to me!"

Garrow looked at him and smiled. "Selena would be…"

"What?" Said Eragon, shoving his ear in front of Garrow's mouth. He had recognised the name of his missing mother.

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Eragon has never known his mother, or his father. In fact, the only thing he knows about his parents is his mother's name. This is a much used and typical layout for a conventional epic-fantasy novel. We couldn't have expected much more from Paolini.

----------------- RESUME ----------------

But Garrow's last breath had left his body. Eragon erupted into sobs and bowed his head.

Sorrow breeds here, the voice of Saphira echoed inside Eragon's head. Of course, technology was not this advanced yet in such a stereo-typical medieval setting. What Saphira did expressed a magical telepathic communication which largely resembles Anne McCaffrey's Dragonriders of Pern. Convenient, yeah?

What!

I don't know, said Saphira, Paolini gave me that line. Sorrow can't actually breed

Okay, Okay! Eragon replied. My Uncle has just died!

Fine, said Saphira SMUGLY (doesn't fit does it? Well, Paolini fans across the globe will recognise the great author's continuous use of the word SMUGLY in almost every situation, even if it doesn't make sense). Touching moment, huh?

Eragon felt a rough hand grab his shoulder. He turned around to see Brom.

"What are you going to do now?" He asked, quite at ease.

"I am going to hunt down these murderers!" Eragon stated in a bass tone to emphasise his bravery. "I will kill them!"

"Well," said Brom, "You are very brave indeed. The Ra'zac are now off to Dras Leona; they must have overheard us talking about our mission there for the 1st edition Dragonflight. I suggest you pack your things; we will be leaving within the hour."

Eragon sulked over his uncle's body for a few more minutes, before he was forced to abandon him so he could pack his things and become a Dragon Rider superhero. He got some strips of meat and wrapped them in leather, denying Roran his dinner for that night. Roran was to become a miller in the nearby town of Therinsford, near the Anora River.

---------------- PAUSE ----------------

Anora is derived from the Elven (Yes I said it, Elven. Paolini's elves are strikingly similar to Tolkien's as are his dwarves and nam- well, you get the point) word Aёnora, which means in the Ancient Language. The humans transcribed the word to the simpler "A"nora. This is pretty much an example of Paolini trying to be sophisticated with his primitive language. His useless and multiple accounts of inserting random accented letters is evidence of this.

---------------- RESUME ----------------

He and Brom then hitched some random horses and headed out of the remote town in a meaningless rush. Dragonflight wasn't going anywhere, but the Ra'zac were.

Over the next few days Brom positively sparkled in his role as the wise yet grumpy mentor, who will likely be killed off later in the book. He gave Eragon lessons in swordplay, as he was in dire need of them to survive Brom's sudden fits of rage.

They passed through Therinsford, saw Roran slaving his guts out, and passed on to the deserted town of Yazuac, where the curious reader will find Paolini's evil tools which are his equivalents of orcs – Urgals. In their drunken madness these ferals had killed the whole population of the town and presently assaulted the duo.

Two of the brutes leapt from an alleyway and Eragon instinctively slaughtered them with magic, using a word meaning fire which Brom had muttered once, failing to hide.

"Boy!" Brom roared.

His anger was due to two things. One: that Eragon had used an unauthorised magical energy (in fact it is only authorised in the Earthsea series, but we'll get to that later.) and it had drained his energy. And two (and largely more the cause): the dead Urgals Eragon had killed had fell on Brom's horse in their deaths, therefore disrupting Brom's inner balance and making him drop the VB he'd been sculling.

"You almost killed yourself!" Brom admonished Eragon.

Eragon didn't even bother questioning what Brom meant; he was learning to ignore the majority of the meaningless jargon he spat out.

Brom continued, "We will find another book for you to read in Dras-Leona, it's called the Earthsea series, which, like Dragonflight, began in 1968. It should detail all the particular details of the magic language you just used to burn those Urgals. Ursula Le Guin, its author, created a magic system which operated by saying the true name of something in order to have power over it. Virtually the exact same system which operates in this horribly derivative country. Though here it's just a meaningless garble largely derived from Old Norse. They both sap your strength, and shockingly they were both spoken many centuries ago and are only used today by dragons, their riders and sorcerers. Not to mention the elves, who use it all the time. You have no idea what a mess their forest has become because of their addiction to Tales from Earthsea. Your magic will be channelled through your gedwey ign- pfft, who am I kidding? – the mark of the Orb of Aldur on your palm. "

Eragon then gave a childish display of anger as his defence, as could be expected from his multilayered character, before realising Brom's point of view and saying, "that's pretty cool then! I'm a Dragon Rider, I can use magic!"

"Yes," said Brom dryly, "shame it's from Earthsea – which is an awesome series."

A/N: The Truth of Inheritance is being resolved, with each chapter updated over the course of several months. Was I too harsh? Read Earthsea and you'll see what I mean.