Fin's P.O.V.
Oh my god what did I just do.
Olivia began to scream.
"Please don't....Please....stop....NO....NO....NO"
People on the street began to stare at us.
"Liv, Olivia....."
God this wasn't good. I let go of her arm. I had just wonted to talk to her. To
Explain why I couldn't promise not to say anything. She was starting to come back from the flashback
"Olivia, can you here me?"
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry............I'm sorry" Olivia whispered
"Its okay.....Its okay.....breathes......relax" I tried to help
"I've got to go home" Olivia said now that she had calmed down. People were still watching us.
"There's nothing to see here."I said flashing my badge at the rubber necking pedestrians.
The bystanders began to go on there way.
"Please just let me go home Fin." Olivia said
"Yea I'll drive you home alright?"there was no way I was going to let her drive home alone not after this
"No its okay I can get my self home" she was being her stubborn self but i wasn't going to give in.
"Listen either I give you a ride or, we go back to the precinct and Elliot drives you home" I knew that Olivia wouldn't let Elliot see her like this.
"Fine let's go" she said walking back to fin's car.
Olivia's apartment*Olivia's apartment*Olivia's apartment*Olivia's apartment*Olivia's apartment
The car ride had a strange silence. As I pulled the car up in front of Olivia's apartment I had to say something. I had broken her trust and
I knew that she needs someone in her life she could trust or she would build walls around her and not let anyone in.
"Listen Olivia I..."he started but Olivia interrupted him
"No Fin... thanks you for the ride" she said as he opened the door. She got out of the car and closed the door leavening a very worried Fin sitting inside.
Fin turned off the car and got
out.
"Olivia, please let me explain."
"What, explain that you don't care, you don't won't to know about it. I shouldn't have told you anything, because now you'll just go tell Cregan and Elliot everything?"
"No....no I would never do that....never. Okay?"
"Then why didn't you promise you wouldn't say anything?"I was worried about her.
"Can I walk you in?"I hope I don't have to explain why this out here. It could turn in to a fight. And that's the last thing we both needed to make public. Olivia's neighbors would call the police to say one off there neighbors was in a fight with some black guy in front of there building.
"I guess" they locked the doors of the car and walked in the building.
when they got to Olivia's door Olivia turned around and leaned against the wall next to the door." what do you wont to say Fin?"
He still didn't want to have this conversation in such a public place.
"not going to invite me in?"He figured he apartment was a mess she spent almost all her time a work and he was having problems .I doubted she cam home and cleaned.
"No"
"Look lets go inside and talk I don't wont to do this in the hall way."
Olivia turned around and pulled out her keys and opened the door.
Olivia's P.O.V.
My apartment was dark as we walked in. I flipped the lights on and dropped my stuff on the counter. I continued in to the living room and took a sit on the couch and offered Fin a seat. My apartment wasn't overly clean but seeing how my mother had keep house I knew how to give the ingestion that I was fine that I had it together.
"You want something to drink?"I asked
"No thanks"
"okay then what did you need to come all the way up here to say to me?"
"Olivia you need to talk to someone I said no I couldn't promise that because I wasn't going to lie to you. I think you need help I'm going to tell someone. You almost shot a man in the head today. And if I feel that you're putting your self or the people around you in danger how can I promise not to say something. You were hurt. you have a right to act like this but if people don't know that it happened then they don't understand why your you're pulling a gun on a guy that is in the middle of a fist fight. Your stressed, your jumpy, it doesn't look like your getting a whole lot of sleep. You need this break and you need to find some help to deal with what happened." fin said
I started crying he was right and I knew it people were going to start noticing how jumpy I was if they haven't already. But what was I supposed to do I couldn't close my eyes with out seeing him with out being in that basement felt sick all the time. And the only thing I could say to Fin was" I know"
I could feel him looking at me but I couldn't look at him. He would see how hurt I real was.
"What should I do?"I didn't know maybe fin had a why it make it all go away.
"I don't know. All you can do is keep working on it."
"Yea I know"
"You look tiered you should get some sleep "If only I could I hadn't had I good nights rest in months. i would either stay up all night working or wake up two seconds after I had fallen a sleep in a cold sweet and wouldn't be able to go back to sleep for the rest of the night. But I was ready to be alone. "Yea your right you look like you should get some sleep too."
"Yea, alright get some sleep I'll see ya later Kay?"
"Yea" I walked to the door with fin and said goodnight and closed the door.
I walked across my apartment to the windows and waited tell he drove off he parked in the same place Elliot always did. So I knew where to look. Once he was gone I walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower locked the door and got into the shower the hot water poured over my skin. I grabbed a bar of soap and a scrub cloth that hung on a hook in my shower and began to scrub at my skin hard washed and washed and still I didn't feel clean. I hadn't felt clean in months my skin was red and i didn't care I just keep scrubbing. I didn't wont to feel him touching me anymore don't now how long I had been in the shower I washed every part of my body when the water started getting cold. So I turned it off and stepped out drying my raw body off and got dressed in a pair of pajama bottoms and a tank top.
I went in to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. Nothing looked good it was just food. I didn't really feel Hungary but I hadn't eaten since yesterday morning. I new that I need to eat, Even if it was just something small. I dropped some bread in the toaster, and grabbed a bear from the refrigerator. I never drank this mush in my life before this happened and I now understood why my mother had drunk so much it takes a little of the edge off of things. But that wasn't an excuse she needed to take care of me and she never did and she was a drunk before I came along. When the toast popped up I grabbed it and walked to the living room i wasn't going to be able to sleep but maybe I could find something on T.V
I put the beer and my toast on the coffee table and sat down. Cuddling up with the blanket I turned the T.V. on and flipped through the channels news and some drama shows. A few sitcoms and some cartoon but nothing sounded good so I tuned it off and reached under the couch where I keep a journal that I had started keeping. It was blue about an inch thick. My shrink had suggested starting one to "express how I was feeling and how I was dealing with what had happened."I thought it was silly to keep a journal I hadn't written in one since I was sixteen.
I flipped it open. Every thing that I had been feeling was written on the pages'. I opened it to an empty page and grabbed a pin from the coffee table. I thought about every thing that had happened today. So I wrote this:
I had a hard day today I think I'm losing it. I held my gun to a man's head. And I completely freaked out on fin. He thinks I need help. I think so too but I don't know what to do anymore. I see his face everywhere I can't talk about it. It hurts to much and I don't wont people to know. It's none of the biasness. I don't think therapy's helping. I'm not going to go back. I can't. I just need to stop thinking about it and just pretend that it never happened. I need to move on with my life now. The Flashbacks are coming more and more often and every time they seem so real. I haven't been eating. And my sleep is still nonexistent. I don't know what
I'm going to do. I'm so scared.
Liv
I closed the journal and leaned back on the couch I needed sleep. I pulled the blanket off and walked to the bathroom and opened the median cabinet above the sink, pulled out a bottle of sleeping pills. I opened the bottle and dumped two into my hand and tossed them in my mouth. They tasted horrible so turned on the water and cupped my hand and took a sip of water out of my hand. Then downed the pills knew it wasn't going to be long before I would start to feel them so I left the bathroom and back into the living room I grabbed the now stall toast and the two empty beer bottles into the kitchen and through then away.
When I got to my room I stared at my bed the place that used to be a place of peace, Where I could relax and the end of the day. Let my mind travel away for the hatefulness that I saw all day, A place where I could just float away. But now it is a place of fear and hate. I was afraid to sleep. I was starting to feel light headed and drowsy. I walked over to the bed. I had no choice now I pulled the cover's back and claimed in. I lay there for a moment my body was stiff. And I slowly fell asleep.
Nightmare*nightmare*nightmare*nightmare*
Harris pined me down on the mattress tried to get away but I was stuck. When he got off of me I jumped up but it was fruitless he grabbed on to me and kissed me I screamed "please stop and then he started to mock me. He through me back down, then he grabbed me and I tried to get away from him but he was to strong and I was still cuffed. He pushed me against the wall and he forced his body up against mine I could feel him hard against me I was screaming at the top of my lungs hoping someone would hear me.
I woke up screaming for help. I was soaking wet. I started to sob. Then could feel my self start to get sick .I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom, thought up in the toilet. But I hadn't eaten in a couple of days so all that came up was stomach bile. Which was worse because it was a taste I wouldn't be able to get out of my mouth no matter how long I brushed my teeth? Now I was now sitting on the floor leaning against the bath tub. And then I herd it. Someone was knocking on my door. I stood up and looked my self in the mirror. My face was ghostly pail .I flushed the toilet and splashed my face with some cold water. Then I went to see who was knocking on my door at this hour.
When I got to the door I
glanced at the clock it was 6am.i looked thought the peephole .there
stood none other my partner for the last 11 years. I opened the door
half way.
"What?"I asked sounding annoyed that he was
standing there
"I thought I would come pick you up for work."
"Oh. Sorry but you wasted a trip I'm taking some personal time"
"Oh is everything okay?"
"Yea I just.....uhhh you want to come in?"
"sure" she opened the door and let him in. he closed the door behind him.
"You're still in your pj's"
"Yea I just woke up ......just have a seat I'm going to going go change Kay"
"Alright" she walked back to her room.
Elliot walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. in front of him sat a blue one inch journal he was usually not the kind to snoop but he was worried about Olivia and maybe this said something about what was going on with her. He picked it up, glanced over his shoulder and then opened the journal…..
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Sorry about the cliffhanger ....marry Christmas!!!!!
