Miko: I promise I'll update P & P. I wrote this for the dn_contest community on lj.


Bells

L did not indulge his irrational side often. He knew the difference between real and fake. He knew that there were no bells. There never were any bells. He knew the fact that he was hearing them probably indicated a buildup of fluid in his ears. He knew the medical term for it was Tinnitus. He could list all the causes and statistics of the condition. If he felt nauseous or unbalanced, it was possible he was suffering from Meniere Disease. But those symptoms had never presented, so it was highly unlikely he suffered from that disease. Rational L could explain the bells away if he wanted to.

For once, though, L just stood in the rain and indulged the auditory hallucination. He closed his eyes and turned his face up to the sky, counting the slow ringing of the bells that existed only in his own imagination. Or perhaps they existed in his past. That day, so many years ago that he couldn't make out images even, had been filled with bells. The church down the road from the house had been ringing their bells. He doesn't remember how many times the bells sounded. Maybe they never stopped. Surely seeing your parents murdered would qualify him for post traumatic stress disorder. But L knew the other symptoms. He did not relive the event. His pulse and respiration did not increase. His insomnia was not induced by any hyper activity.

L turned his thoughts away from that to focus on the bells. They were so…sad. He could almost see himself as a younger child, holding Watari's hand and looking at the huge, towering gate that would separate him from the world. There really had been bells that day…At least, L remembers there being bells. He should ask Watari if he gets a chance. Maybe there weren't bells on that day. Maybe they were the bells in his head again. It would be fitting – the bells ringing every time someone close to him died. He had died that day, so many years ago. L Lawliet had died and had been replaced with Ryuzaki, Eraldo Coil, Deneuve.

L tried to stop his thoughts. He didn't want to remember facts. He just wanted to look up at the rain and enjoy the bells. The slow, melancholy bells that seemed to vibrate through his entire body. They almost drowned out Raito and Kira and the Death Note. They almost covered the fact that he was living his last moments. Perhaps he would die standing there. Perhaps he would die hearing the one thing in the world that did not exist. How oddly fitting, he thought. How oddly fitting that L, a rationalist, would die while he was hearing bells that had no foundation in reality.

Hours later – or maybe it was only minutes, he heard the bells again. This time, they drown out everything in the world except two points of light. He recognized Raito's eyes, contorted in hatred and sick triumph. Unable to bear the reality, he closed his eyes and let the bells consume him. They were, he decided, infinitely preferable to reality. They are all he needs now. And even though they don't exist, L listens to the bells.