"Shrek was one of the highest-grossing animated movies of all time. It starred an anti-social ogre of the same name, who must bring a princess to an evil ruler in order to get a bunch of fairy-tale characters out of his swamp. But things change when he and the princess begin to fall in love. This movie was very popular among people of all ages. It spent five years in the making. They started the project in 1996 and finally finished the movie in 2001. So, since it was so popular, a sequel was made. It was more child-friendly and featured a lot more human characters in it. Soon, another film was made, and then a TV Christmas special. Shrek was so popular, he had a lot of merchandise, even a few games. Most of them…VERY FUCKING SHITTY!"

The nerd was going on talking about Shrek. The slide show stops and it shows the nerd with green face paint all over his face and fake ogre ears.

"These games are uglier than Shrek himself!" he yelled. "It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it. I'm gonna play these shitty games one after the other!"

The nerd picks up his first game.

"Shrek Treasure Hunt on Playstation." he says. He shudders. "Oh, sweet Jesus."

He puts the game in his Playstation and the game starts.

"So Shrek prepares a surprise picnic for Princess Fiona, but the three blind mice fucked around with the supplies or something, so now they've disappeared." says the nerd. "So, now you have to track down each supply one by one by playing some mini-games or something."

The nerd gets his first look of the graphics and is not happy.

"What the fuck?!" askes the nerd.

The nerd runs out of the room and vomits profusely.

15 Minutes Later…

The nerd finally returns, his mouth covered in green vomit.

"These are the shittiest, most disgustingly horrible graphics I've ever set my eyes on! What were they thinking?! I know this is the PS1 after all, but there are games on this system that have way better graphics than this! Holy shit! They look like fucking origami structures with glitter covered all over them! I've seen steaming puddles of diarrhea that look more beautiful than this!"

The nerd drinks a Rolling Rock and finally relaxes. "But enough of that. Anyway, so you go around looking for the items while collecting cakes. What's the point of this? Oh, and that stepping noise every time you move Shrek really brings my piss to a boil. Oh, and that fucking timer, too. It pisses me off, and this game should be destroyed."

The nerd takes the game out.

"Shrek Treasure Hunt! More like Shrek Pleasure Cunt! This game belong in Shrek's Swamp, for him to crap on!"

The nerd walks out of his house and goes over to a nearby swamp with a hut similar to Shrek's. He drops it in there and pisses on it. Then, he goes back to his house.

"Okay. Next game. Shrek Super Party on Xbox." said the nerd as he took out the copy of the game. "More like Shrek Super Shit!"

The nerd popped it in.

"Once upon a time, in a kingdom just down the road…" said the game's narrator.

"Yeah…" says the nerd. "The narrator tells you the story. All the Shrek characters have different wishes, and they compete in some sort of mini-game tournament in order to get their wish fulfilled. One question…why the hell are their heads so big? They're twice as large as their actual bodies. So are they bobbleheads? I don't get it!"

"Anyway, the gameplay is a blatent rip-off of Mario Party. It has the mini-games. Except that instead of die, the number of spaces you move depends on what hole you roll a ball in or some shit like that. And also, there are several starting points that you can choose from. The mini-games are bland and unoriginal and the controls suck old people f**k. Next game. But first, gotta throw it in the swamp."

The nerd goes back to Shrek's Swamp and drops it in.

The nerd then comes back to review his next game.

"Shrek 2 on GameCube." said the nerd as he popped it in.

"This game was made by Activision, who went on to make Call of Duty 4 and the Guitar Hero games. But this game isn't one of their best. It's not bad enough to take a piss on, yet it's not good enough to make out with. It's just your average Action-RPG. But at least it has four-player co-op. That's pretty cool. It's an okay game. Whether you buy it or rent it is up to you."

The nerd takes out his next game.

"Shrek: Hassle in the Castle on Game Boy Advance."

The nerd puts it in and is quite surprised.

"This is a pretty good game. The controls are pretty decent, and it's fun to punch bad guys." says the nerd. In the game, Shrek punches one of the merry men. "Beat the shit outta 'em!"

The nerd takes out Shrek's Carnival Craze for DS.

"Oh, f**k. We really saved the shittiest for last." says the nerd. "Shrek's Carnival Craze for the DS."

The nerd puts the game into his DS.

"The game starts with a cinematic cutscene where Donkey, Puss-In-Boots, Gingerbread Man, and Fiona try to persuade Shrek to go to a carnival, despite Shrek's dislike for carnivals." says the nerd. "He ends up going anyway and Prince Charming challenges him to a duel, the winner becoming the king of the carnival. Shrek gladly accepts, but we fearfully shudder because this is where the ass-inine gameplay comes in."

The nerd selects his first mini-game, the Gingerbread Man Conveyor Belt mini-game.

"God, this game sucks! And the music and voices are annoying, too!"

The nerd then plays the Dunk the Cyclops mini-game. The nerd starts getting pissed. "God! I can't even hit the target!" he throws the apple and finally hits the target, dunking the Cyclops in the mud. His score is now 24. Then, before the Cyclops rises up again, time runs out.

"Okay. That's it for that mini-game." says the nerd.

A sign comes up that says that he needs 25 points to win.

"What?!" shouts the nerd. "Are you shitting me? I needed one more point?! What a shitload of fuck!"

Eventually, the nerd reaches the end. "So after all that, I finally reach the last mini-game. It's probably gonna end with a final duel of Shrek Vs. Charming. This is it! Hold on tight! The ultimate mini-game is about to begin!"

The name of the final mini-game turns out to be Mud Slide Madness."Okay." says the nerd. "It should still be a pretty good climax, right?"

It turns out to be quite a boring mini-game. "What? This is it?" asks the nerd. "This is the best they could come up with? That's bullshit!"

The ceremony is shown after the mini-game and Shrek is crowned King of the Carnival. The ending turns out to be decent.

"This is a good ending. Shrek and Fiona are about to kiss when Donkey stops them and charges money for his kissing booth." says the nerd. "Then, the Dragon, Donkey's new girlfriend for those who haven't seen the first Shrek film, flies in and Donkey kisses her. There. That's it. The end."

Then, the nerd has a thought.

"Hmm…I wonder. Since you can play as four characters, let's see if each have a different ending. That would be pretty cool for a party game." says the nerd. "Multiple endings. The Mario Party games never had that, except for the board endings."

The nerd plays all the way through Donkey's story and has great anticipation for the ending.

"Alright." says the nerd. "So, after going through all that again, I finally get to see Donkey's ending."

The ending turns out to be the same. The nerd is speechless for a moment. Then, he bursts out.

"WHAT THE F**K??!!!" yells the nerd. "You mean to tell me that after all that, it turns out to be the same ending?! What a shitty ass load of m*********ing bullf**k!! Shrek's Carnival Craze! More like Shrek's Crap Craze! F**k this game! And f**k it to the depths of…wherever the hell the economy is right now."

Silence."TO THE SWAMP!"The nerd tosses it violently into the swamp. Then, takes a dump on it.

"CHEW ON THIS, YOU ROTTEN PUDDLE OF DONKEY DIARRHEA!" he yells.

The nerd returns and drinks his Rolling Rock.

"That's it." says the nerd. "No more shitty Shrek games. Thanks for watching and have a good night. Let's hope the upcoming film 'Shrek Goes Fourth' lives up to its predecessor. 'Til next episode, good night! And stay away from these assy games!"

The nerd drinks his Rolling Rock as the screen fades to black.