Wow, so there has been quite some time between the last time I put out a chapter and this one. I do apologize for that. For one I am incredibly busy and to be quite honest I just was not feeling like writing another chapter.
But here we go. It's very short, I know, but I do expect to be putting out another chapter very soon.
A few people wrote me and urged me to continue and that really made me feel like getting back into it so I hope I don't disappoint too badly.
-Caitlin
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EPOV:
I did everything one could do. I gave her everything I could give her.
They said to give her room, give her time; I gave her that and more.
It's been weeks and she has made no progress. Not once have I laid a hand on her since that day, I've slept in the guest bedroom, I refrained from making her do chores, she hasn't even had to leave the room if she wishes not too, Jaspers not even allowed in the same room as her and yet nothing.
She moves so rarely you'd think she was stone, her eyes are unresponsive and she doesn't even flinch if you speak to her. It's like she is completely dead to the world, perhaps even inside.
I have no idea what to do with her; I can hardly take it anymore.
BPOV:
Time it completely meaningless.
I don't know how long it's been since he touched me, and may have only been hours ago for all I know. I can still feel the heat from his fingers on my skin, though; I swear I can smell the flesh burning. His voice is still echoing in my head, his sighs and grunts are as loud as they could be, overpowering everything else around me. I have become a prisoner to my own body.
Sometimes I can hear my name being said "Bella….Bella, please", it sounds so sad and so far away. I want to run to whoever was calling my name but I don't know what directions it's coming from, I can't see whose saying it; it's all so unclear.
EPOV:
"Carlisle, I need her back" I sobbed into my hands. "She's not who she was, she's only a shell of Bella. I don't know what else I can do…I've done everything".
"Edward, the most reasonable thing to assume is she is suffering from PTSD, it really wouldn't be far fetched", he said looking at me through sympathetic eyes.
"I don't understand Carlisle" I said in my hands.
"Post traumatic syndrome, Edward. It's common for those who have had a terribly frightening, life-threatening, or otherwise highly unsafe experience, and that's exactly what Bella has been through".
Carlisle knew how to be comforting when he needed to be, he knew how to be hard, sympathetic or anything else you needed him to be at the right times.
"She seems very detached and emotionally numb, Edward, and I wish I could give you a fix. Time is all I can recommend".
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Time; she has had so much time.
'Were not helping her', I thought to myself. Were allowing her to fall deeper into this, were giving her permission to give up and I wont allow that. Were being too gentle with her, were all so afraid of breaking her were not willing to try to help her.
They want me to give her time; well I don't have any time left to give.
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Her body was still twisted in the sheets as she lay on the bed; still as if stone.
The bed gave a little where I began to crawl onto it but she made no indication she knew I was there, I wasn't sure if she knew where she was.
I allowed my finger tips to reach closer to her until they lingered above where her ankle laid beneath the sheets. I lightly traced my fingertips from her ankle following up her legs to rest on her thigh.
I stayed there feeling the soft rises and falls of her breath.
They never hitched as I touched her so I allowed myself to continue.
I remembered the scared little girl I had brought here only a short time ago and now here lies that same girl destroyed by the life I forced upon her.
I inched further up the bed until she rested up against my chest. I held her there against me stroking her hair and twirling it in between my fingers; she was like a little doll.
I backed a little from her and rolled her onto her back so I could look at her face. Her eyes were closed and she had a serine look on her face though I knew her thoughts were tortured.
I stroked her cheek and whispered her name, "Bella. Bella, my pet. Wake up for me. Open your eyes and look at me".
She didn't respond and each time I tried I grew angrier that she would not listen to me. I found my fingers grabbing her chin forcing her face to look at me.
I found my voice growing stronger and more heated as I spoke to her, demanding she wake up and look at me. "BELLA! You will look at me! I won't stand for this anymore"! I was shaking her, praying it would rouse her from her comatose state.
I don't know what forced me to slap her but I did. I had only come in here to look upon her face, and to whisper my pleas to her but now here I was slapping her across the face.
Her cheek was becoming red with color and for a split second I could have sworn I saw her eyes move. My heart skipped a beat.
Her hand rose from her side and she placed it upon her cheek. Once again she scrunched her eyes closed a little tighter and I saw a tear slip from beneath her eyelashes.
Her eyes fluttered open.
She didn't look at me straight away but instead looked around the room as if getting accustomed to her sight once again.
I placed my hand on her shoulder so that she would know I was there and she ever so slowly turned her head to meet my eyes.
"Bella..." I whispered lower than I thought she could hear.
Her eyes grew big and I saw the tears swell in her eyes, any moment the dam would break and they would be streaming down her face.
"Edward..I…I..". She was at a loss for words but I allowed her to take the time she needed to form her sentence.
She threw her arms around my neck and I could feel her forehead resting on my shoulder. My arms embraced her tightly, as if to never let her go.
"I don't know what to say to you. I am so sorry. I didn't know, it was all so fast and I didn't want it and I..I.. I couldn't stop it". She was crying full force now, that dam had broken.
I 'shhhed' her, rubbing slow circles on her back not wanting to overwhelm her to badly.
She released me and pulled back, still sitting on the bed, her face was now buried in her hands.
"I don't know if I can look at you", she said.
"I am so embarrassed and I understand that you must be disgusted with me. I do. I am disgusted with myself. I swear you should have just left me out there. You wouldn't have had to deal with me and now I can understand if you wish for me to be out of your sight".
I stared at her stunned at the words that she was choking out. Disgusted with her.. Leave her out there…deal with her? I couldn't imagine any of those things.
"Bella", I said sternly so she would know that I was not being light with my words.
"I chose you for myself. I could have had anyone I wanted but I chose to have you. To hear you say that I should have left you out there disturbs me. You are my and always will be mine and I will not ever wish for you to be out of my sight".
Her swollen eyes lifted slowly to meet mine and that twinkle in her eye I loved was still there even if it was dimmer then before.
"You don't wish for me to leave"? I could hear the pleading in her voice. It confused me, though. I had taken her here from everything and forced her to live here. I had also taken her innocence from her at my own will and yet here she was pleading with me when I should be the one pleading with her.
"Never".
