Chapter 9
A/N: I don't own Glee.
As always you guys are amazing. I really appreciate all the reviews. I hope you like this chapter.
PuckPOV:
"Berry please talk to me. Don't shut me out!!" I say completely frustrated by her. "You're ashamed of me, that's what it is. Why do you care so much what other people say?" She yells at me. "I don't care what anyone says. Why won't you just admit how you feel about me? Why keep pretending we are in a relationship if we can just have a real one?" I plead with her. "What is wrong with how things are? Why do we have to define it? Dose wearing that promise ring really matter? It won't make me care about you any more than I already do." She replies annoyed.
It's been two weeks since we moved in our new place, two weeks since I told her that I loved her and she didn't say anything in return. I know she heard me and it's also been two days since I gave her a promise ring. It's not like I'm asking her to marry me. I just thought it would be nice to give her something to prove that no matter what I'll always be there for her and our son. I know deep down she feels the same about me but it's like she's afraid to say the words out loud.
I sigh heavily not really wanting to have this fight again. "I'm already yours." She says pleadingly. I know she says the words but sometimes I feel like she is only half of mine. There is a part of her I can't touch. A part she won't share with me. "Are you?" I say bitterly. "What is that suppose to mean?" She retorts. "You keep apart of yourself hidden from me. You won't let me in all the way. What are you so afraid of?" I say wearily. "Honestly I don't know Noah. I've given you all I can. Either you take it or leave it." She says and stomps away.
I punch the wall in frustration. She is the only one that has ever pushed me to be this angry. I lie in our bed and close my eyes just trying to calm myself. Suddenly I feel her next to me. "I'm sorry." She says softly. I turn my head and look into her eyes and I see so much love shining back at me. I don't know why she can't just say the words. "I'm sorry too." I say softly. I pull her close and let her tantalizing scent take over me. I don't know why this can't be enough for me. It's like I need to have a claim on her to make her mine. Like I need to mark her to prove she belongs to me. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle but I don't want to give up.
"The party is tonight. I bet we get some badass gifts." I say trying to lighten the tension between us. "Yeah that would be nice. Noah you know I care about you more than anything. You know that right?" She says concern filling her eyes. "Of course I do. I love you." I say and kiss her pouty lips. She pulls me closer to deepen the kiss. I groan in pleasure and frustration. It's seems lately all we do is fight and make up. There is hardly ever a balance anymore.
I pull away from her and grab her hand. I drag her up off the bed and walk with her to the living room. The house is not fancy or new but it's clean and decent enough for us. It has three bedrooms and one bathroom. The living room is large but the kitchen is on the small side. Rachel decided that she wanted to rooms to be painted a soft mossy green with white trim. Our son's room is a powder blue with more white accents and the kitchen is a warm yellow. I get the feeling like we are living near a beach with all the soft muted tones of the house.
We silently start to get the house ready for the party. Tina, Kurt, and Mercedes stop by early to set up the baby shower stuff. Rachel for the moment looks happy and excited. I smile and laugh with them but I hate feeling like everything is an act between Rachel and I. I want to be there for her and our son but sometimes I feel like she only wants me around because of the baby and not because she cares about me. I know I have no right to be upset. I should be content that she is letting me help her with our son, especially after all the shit I did to her. I still can't believe I treated the mother of my child like that. I'm such a fucking jack ass.
I push those thoughts back for another time. The doorbell rings and I answer it. My mom and sister come in bringing with them a ton of food and some gifts. We invited Rachel's dads but they politely declined. Instead they sent a few gifts. Slowly everyone else starts showing up. I watch as Rachel and the girls and Kurt laugh and play some stupid baby shower games. We guys have taken refuge in the kitchen with the food. Matt, Mike, Artie and even Finn sit around the table with me joking and talking about guy stuff. It feels good to act like a regular kid again.
I go to the bathroom and as I'm walking out Quinn is waiting in the hall. I move aside to let her in but she doesn't move. "What do you want Quinn?" I ask impatiently. "I just wanted to talk to you." She says softly running her hand down my chest coyly. I narrow my eyes at her. "What are you playing at Quinn? You hate me so keep your hands off of me." I say sharply pushing her hands from my chest roughly. "Puck, I know you. I know you can't possibly like being Berry's bitch. What happened to you? You use to be a stud but now you're a joke." She says giving me a wicked grin. I glare at her but deep down a small part of me agrees with her.
Rachel has me so shook up I don't know whether I'm coming or going. I love her but I'm also tired of feeling rejected by her. I'm just a seventeen year old guy. There is only so much I can take from a girl before I reach my breaking point. I push past her as she grabs my arm. "You know I still think about all those times we had sex. Even when Finn and I are doing it I think about how you touched me. He can never make me cum the way you do." She says seductively and places a light kiss on my lips. I swallow hard and I can feel a tightening in my lower abs. I need to get away from her before I do something I'm not proud of.
I shrug off her hand and rush to the living room. I walk over to Rachel and pull her into my arms. I relax a little. She always feels like home to me. She gives me a small smile asks me what's wrong. I tell her it's nothing but she glances over my shoulder and looks at Quinn then back to me. Quinn just smirks and sits next to Brittany. "What was that all about?" Rachel asks her eyes pleading with me to tell her the truth. "It's nothing. She's just being an ice bitch like always." I say halfheartedly. She just nods her head but the look on her face tells me this is not over. The party flies by as Rachel and I open gifts for our son.
The guys chipped in and got a small Yankees jersey with a matching hat, glove and ball. I can totally picture myself playing catch with my son in the back yard. The girls and Kurt bought the baby a ton of clothes. He'll be the most well dressed kid in all of Ohio. Rachel's dads got her a baby book, blanket and stuffed bear. She broke down in tears when she saw it. Miss Pillsbury bought us a stack of parenting books which I made a mental note to check those out later. What can I say I want to be as prepared as I can be. Mr. Shue gave us a bunch of classical cd's that are supposed to help make your kid a genius. That would be totally awesome. He could be like some super spy for the C.I.A. But that's just me getting ahead of myself. My mom went over bored even when I told her not too. She bought us a white crib and changing table with blue bedding. All in all Rachel and I got lucky with all the baby loot we got.
The party wound down and my mom and sister Abby stayed to help clean up. When they finally left I dropped down on the large beige sofa wanting to just relax. Rachel walks in the living room looking very pissed. Fuck!! I was hoping she would just let it go. "So are you going to tell me now what happened or do I have to wait?" She asks her small hand settling on the small of her back. "There is nothing to tell." I say annoyed for some reason. "I saw the way she was looking at you all night Noah. I'm not blind or stupid." She snaps at me. Uhh…it's going to be one of those nights.
"What do you want me to say Berry? She came on to me and kissed me but I didn't kiss her back. I walked away from her." I say standing up and stomping towards our bedroom. She waddles after me and I try not to lose my cool. She gives me a look that makes my blood boil. "What? You don't believe me." I say harshly. "I…I…uhh…I didn't say that." She stammers. "You didn't have too. I saw the look on your face." I say my voice full of hurt. She just shakes her head starts to say something. "Don't Rach. No wonder why you won't tell me you love me. I'm still that Lima loser man whore that's only useful for a good lay." I say bitterly. She winces at my words.
"No Noah that's not who you are." She says softly the tears rising in her doe eyes. "Really? Because I'm not good enough for you to have a real relationship with, but I'm good enough when you need someone to fuck you." I say acidly. She recoils from the tone of my voice. "It's not like that and you know that. It's not just sex between us. It's so much more." She says pleadingly. "I think you have to be in love with someone to consider it making love and not just fucking." I say dryly and walk past her back into the living room.
She follows me again as I grab my jacket and keys to the truck. "Where are you going?" She asks worriedly. "Out." Is all I say sounding like Puck. "But...you can't go." She says moving to stand in front of me. I look down at her and I can feel a part of me soften at the sight of her tear streaked face. "Why?" I ask simply. "Because…I…I...I…umm…" She says taking a deep breath. I just walk around her and grab the door knob and pull the front door open. "Wait!! I love you." She says breathlessly. I freeze for a moment and look over my shoulder at her.
I want to hold her and tell her I love her and kiss her but I feel numb. The Noah part of me is hurting too much and like a person with multiple personalities Puck is coming out so I can protect what's left of my heart. "Don't bother to wait up." I say flatly and walk out the door. I can hear her start to sob and it takes everything I have just to make it to the truck and not turn around. I hop in and speed away before I lose my nerve. I drive around aimlessly for a few hours. I got a text from Quinn telling me to meet her at her bedroom window but I just erase it. That bitch must be crazy if she thinks I'm going anywhere near her. Finn can deal with her.
I don't even remember the drive to the shop. I park the truck and jump out. I grab the keys and push the code in for the alarm system. Jared my boss trusts me enough to close the shop on my own. I go to his office and dig around his desk. Finally I find what I'm looking for. He keeps a large bottle of Patron tequila in the bottom drawer of his desk for some reason. Tonight I don't care why I'm just glad it's here. I sit on the floor by his desk take a big swig straight from the bottle. It goes down smooth with just a little burn. I want to drink myself into sweet numbness. I know I'm being an ass but there is just so much stress I can take before I lose my mind. I want to forget everything. Forget Quinn, forget glee, forget the baby, forget how pissed my mom will be and most of all I wanna forget Rachel's tear streaked face.
A/N: Please Review. Next up Puck and Rachel have a heart to heart...
