Disclaimer: I don't own FFVII. I own Cocoa and the blatant Mary Sue. HAR, HAR, HAR! 'Dragonmaster' comes from Lunar Silver Star Story Complete (Dragonmaster Dyne, Dragonmaster Alex, and now it's Dragonmaster Joe). And sorry that Dragonmaster Joe is such a jerk in this, but…I never liked him in the game anyway. Oh, and Rufus' middle name really ISN'T Allen, but I have a street in my neighborhood called 'Rufus Allen,' so I thought it was kind of cool. …Never mind.
A/N: Thanks to my reviewers! I'll post the rest of this eventually. Only if you really care.
So from now on, I'll be writing my stories in order of importance. If you want to see more of this story, please review and tell me so, or vote in the poll on my author's page. Thanks much!
\/\/\/
Chapter Five
Congratulating Failures
\/\/\/
"Long, long ago…" a deep voice narrated, "an evil shadow appeared over the peaceful kingdom of Galdia…" There was a soft clearing of the throat and the narrator continued on, "Princess Rosa was just kidnapped by the Evil Dragon King, Valvados. What will become of her? Just then, the legendary hero, Alfred, appears!"
Bradley, dressed in a suit of armor, dashed upon the stage, brandishing his sword to the audience. Then he took a gallant bow, to which he received much applause. Afterwards, another knight pranced onto the stage and approached Bradley. He got down on bended knee and held his arms out to the rich boy.
"Oh…you must be the legendary hero…Alfred!"
"Aye, it is me!" Bradley confessed in a deep, heroic voice. There was another round of applause.
"I know in my soul," the knight continued. "Please…please save Princess Rosa! Now…Please talk…to the King…!" The knight fell to the back of the stage, making room for a short, fat man dressed in a blue and white robe with a large, gold crown. Bradley obediently approached him.
"Oh, legendary hero, Alfred. You have come to save my beloved Rosa…On the peak of a dangerous mountain dwells the Evil Dragon King, Valvados, who has kidnapped Princess Rosa." The king paused and then looked to the audience. "But…you can't beat the Evil Dragon King now! Talk to the one who can help you…"
From behind, a wizard with a pointy green hat appeared on the stage and Bradley turned to face him.
"Ah, it's the wizard!" Bradley exclaimed, rushing towards him.
"I am the great wizard, Vorman. What do you wish to know?"
As Bradley was about to answer, another voice boomed on the stage.
"The Princess' measurements!"
The actor of Alfred took a step, mouth gaping.
"I didn't say that!" Bradley said in a hoarse whisper, eyes widening in terror..
There was a stir of commotion from within the audience, and the narrator made a hasty intervention to calm them.
"What is going to happen next!? Oh…Legendary hero…Look!"
There was a sudden grunt, a crash, followed by an "OUCH!" Abruptly afterwards, a large dragon, wired from above, was hurled out onto the stage, carrying Shera. The two toppled forward, and the dragon quickly got to its feet, still holding her.
"W-What ho! You dare ignore the Evil Dragon King!?" The dragon threw its head back and arms up, "Gaaaaaaaaah—DAMMIT!"
The dragon staggered forward as a large helmet was thrown at the back of its head from offstage. The dragon gave a quick jerk in the direction of whatever it was that was offstage, but saw nothing.
"Line!" hissed the wizard, "Line!"
"Oh, uh…" the dragon turned back around. "I am the Evil Dragon King…Valvados! I have not harmed the Princess…I have been expecting…you!"
"P-Please help me…Legendary Hero!" Shera stammered, obviously nervous about speaking on stage. She looked back to the dragon and whispered, "Was that good?"
"Who is your enemy!?" the dragon ignored Shera. "Say it!"
Bradley was just about to say something else when a man in a Sephiroth costume jumped out onto the stage.
"It's that damn wizard!" the Sephiroth man shouted, swinging his plastic Masamune blade.
"W-What?" the wizard stammered.
"No, wait! It's that stupid king!" Sephiroth lunged forward, pushing Bradley out of the way, and sent a kick flying in the King's direction. The fatter man was hurled offstage, followed by loud crashes and breaking objects, until silence overtook the auditorium. Then, footsteps were heard and the King limped back onto the stage, the crown down around his face.
"S-Stop it!" the knight cried, stomping a foot. "This is all wrong!"
Suddenly, Sephiroth slammed the sword into the side of the knight's helmet, causing a reverberating echo, and the knight fell backwards, clutching his head.
"Now, fer the finale…" Sephiroth tossed the Masamune away and reached for the wizard. He effortlessly chucked him off the stage and out into the audience, who immediately began to voice their "boos" and beat the poor man with soda bottles and popcorn.
"I…I…" Bradley stepped backwards, looking to Shera, who was equally puzzled.
"I'll destroy you!" The knight was back on his feet and racing towards Sephiroth. Sephiroth sidestepped and the knight crashed into the dragon. The audience watched as he bounced off of the costume and tumbled backwards, resulting in several sloppy backward rolls.
"Gaaaaaaah! What now…Legendary Hero!?" the Dragon guffawed.
"D-Damn…" Bradley whispered and glanced to the audience. "Uh…" Suddenly, he dashed over to the Evil Dragon King, withdrawing his sword.
"C'mon, rich boy, we all know you've been carrying on with the dragon for quite some time! Let it show!" Sephiroth pushed Bradley into the dragon's arms.
"Gah!"
"What…?" the Evil Dragon King breathed and then pushed Bradley to the floor. He threw his arms up, screaming, "Urrrrrgh! The power of love has defeated me!"
Sephiroth stood above the fallen knight Bradley, foot in the air to smash his face with. He looked back to the attention-hungry dragon, who was jealous that no one was listening to him.
"Ho, ho! You dare ignore the Evil Dragon—OOF!"
Sephiroth's knee was in between the legs of the dragon. Major nutcrunch. When the dragon crumpled to the ground, Sephiroth turned to Bradley and Shera.
"I'm king of this ship, now. Anyone wanna argue with me and dey'll find themselves with my hands 'round their neck!"
"Uh…Uh…" the narrator was confused. Evidently, everyone in the play had died or had been captured by Sephiroth. "And the land has been saved by the great knight, Sephir—"
"Shut the hell up!" Sephiroth grabbed the crown from off the King's head, who had been blindly wandering around the stage while all of the commotion was going on, and heaved it to the side panel where the narrator was, striking him in the face. There was a loud scream and then the sound of a falling body.
"S-Security!" the king screamed, running off the stage.
Sephiroth exited through the crowd, darting past them and the angry employees, until he had finally disappeared through the door. Shera was by Bradley's side, helping him to his feet.
"Bradley, are you all right!?"
"Ugh…they…they need to fire that guy…He's a terrible actor and a poor sport…" Bradley adjusted the helmet on his head.
Shera looked away, lost in thought. "He…sounded familiar…Almost as though I knew him…"
\/\/\/
Cid tossed the Sephiroth wig into a well tucked corner, and then lit a cigarette. He didn't feel guilty about ruining the play at all. Earlier, as he had been walking out to the stage in costume, he found a script of that night's act.
There was a kissing scene between Prince Alfred and Princess Rosa.
\/\/\/
"Yuffie!" Cloud met up with the Materia hunter and Red XIII at the entrance. He doubled over, out of breath. "Cait Sith…some…something's happening!"
"What?" Red cut in, surprised. "What do you mean?"
"I saw Cait Sith near Speed Square and he said that everyone's in trouble, but he didn't mention who it was or where they were." Cloud sighed, "And on top of finding Cid and Shera…"
Yuffie and Red looked at each other and then back to their leader.
"Cloud, what if you go looking for the others while we look for Cid?" Red suggested. Cloud looked uncomfortable.
"I don't know if that's such a good idea. I think you two are the last people he wants to see right now. Just keep looking for Shera and her boyfriend, all right?"
Yuffie pouted in disgust. "You're never going to let me live that down, are you? I didn't know he was borrowing your villa for a reason!"
"Not me," Cloud said. "Cid won't let you live it down. Anyway, you two look for Shera and I'll try to find the others. I'll give you a call if I find them."
"Same here," Red nodded. "And be careful. Things seem like they're getting out of hand."
"Yeah, you be careful too."
\/\/\/
Reno tripped over Rude's feet multiple times on the way back to the hotel. Caught with a limp, Rude still helped carry his friend, despite the agonizing pain. Once Reno started to sing "Dead Puppies," the other drunken Turk couldn't help but hum along. Upon coming back to the hotel, the two staggered into one of the tombstones. Reno nearly took a tumble, but Rude pulled them both back to what little balance they had left.
The duo laughed and diagonally moved past the tombstones, Reno slurring something about good times and beer, and Rude using the tombstone in front of him for support.
He thought that something may have happened after that, but he couldn't remember.
When the dust cleared and the commotion was silenced, Rude could hear the familiar voice of an old enemy and the voice of a former crush. His best friend, lying on his back in a daze, was dragged away by a large, red blob. Then he, too, lost all consciousness, forgetting entirely about the pain he felt from falling through the ceiling.
\/\/\/
Cloud was running around in circles. He had heard something about "Turks," but he figured it to be some kind of sandwich, since the Turks were already gone and all of that good stuff. He couldn't find Cait's stuffed body for the life of him, and that left him back at square one. He went back to the hotel to see if maybe Cid had come back.
\/\/\/
"Three's a crowd, but four's a party! Bring a friend!" The Don jerked his head back, laughing uncontrollably.
"Dammit, Rude," Reno moaned from the chair he was tied to. "Remember when I said all that stuff about being a Turk and enjoying it even through the bad times? Well I still mean it…Even now. Three cheers to good times!"
Rude was too busy staring at his binds and the chair that was seated next to Reno's to be cheerful. Then he gazed at the black fishnet shirt with a blue jean vest, accompanied by black leather assless pants. His glasses were gone, and he didn't much enjoy the bandana looped around his head.
Reno was about as worse off. Well…that's only if he didn't mind a button down with palm trees on it. At least the redhead had gotten a snazzy looking belt with "sexy" written on it. Rude couldn't complain about that. But gold was definitely not Reno's color. The glittery gold pants just had to go.
The large set of beads around his neck weren't any better.
Rude looked across the way where Tifa, Reeve, and the one he thought named "Barret" were sitting on a comfy red couch. To his left was a man in a large wheelchair that looked as though it could fit two in it. He was dressed in all white with a sheet over his head.
"M-Mr. President!?" Rude choked.
Rufus Allen Shinra said nothing, which concerned Rude. Then the Turk saw why.
If there was any need for a self-insertion Mary Sue, now would be the time, he thought. There was a blonde crawling up the arm of the wheelchair, arms slithering over the side of it, until she finally sat herself beside him.
"Mind if I sit here?" she asked.
Rufus said nothing.
"Good, good." Then the girl faked a yawn, placing an arm over the back end of the wheelchair.
Still, Rufus said nothing.
She removed her arm from around the back of the wheelchair and set her hands in her lap.
"Can I put my hand here…?" her fingers were twitching, "OR HERE!?"
"GAAAAH!"
Rude couldn't see what was going on after that. The only thing he knew was that the President was screaming and the blonde was on top of him, attacking Rufus. His sheet was torn from his head and so was part of his coat. "No one can resist my charm!" she gloated as he struggled to get away. Once that failed, the blonde easily overpowered him.
"LET'S MAKE LOVE!" she cried and Rude quickly turned away.
The Don was standing over him.
"Kinky, isn't it?" he asked, licking his lips. "I'd figure he'd like that. She begged me for a part here, and how could I refuse?"
"Jus' cuz' I think the President of Shinra deserves this dun make it right!" Barret argued. "Dat's just crazy!"
"Oh?" the Don wandered over to him, rubbing a hand along the burly man's cheek. "Would you rather I gave you some attention first?"
"Get yo' hand offa me, Foo'!"
"Better do what the big man tells ya," Reno interrupted. The Don turned around.
"Mmmm, the Turks…" Don Corneo seemed pleased. Rude sank further back into his chair, afraid of the snaky smile. "I'll bet you're wondering how I survived that fall from Wutai, aren't you?"
Reno's boldness quickly vanished. "I…uh…"
"What was the last thing you said to me?" the perverted ex-mayor of Sector 6 tapped a finger against his chin and looked to the ceiling. "Ah, yes! I remember now." Arms on Reno's shoulders, he leaned forward so that he was evenly face to face with the Turk. "It's your job, right? Well, it's my job to get down, baby! Right down your pants!"
"Aaaaaaaah! Quit it! Quit it, I say!" The chair toppled over, taking Reno, the Don, and all.
Rude would've helped Reno escape the Don's clutches…
…but he was in the same predicament, too.
\/\/\/
Cloud heard it all. So, it was the Don who was behind all of this! Who knew that the man had still survived and was now living underneath the Gold Saucer! The blonde ex-mercenary wasn't sure who all had been captured, but Cloud was bound and determined to right the wrong.
"My chance to be a hero!"
Running back inside of the hotel, Cloud stole Mr. Hangman's rope, despite the angry protests coming from the dead man, and dashed back outside. He tied one end around the tombstone leading to the Don's lair and the other around his waist. Kicking the tombstone, Cloud was flown in, arms outstretched as though he were flying. He swung through the air, laughing with heroism, and saw the Don's pale face as he approached all of them.
Now was the time to right all the wrongs and prove to everyone that he was his own person and not just a spoof off of his best friend, Zack.
And with all that positive thinking, he hadn't even seen the wall coming. The sharp pain that followed after quickly subsided over the bruising of his ego. There was a moment of silence, congratulating his failure, before the Don peeled him off of the wall.
\/\/\/
Cid followed Shera and Bradshaw to the Chocobo races. Much to his surprise, both had recovered rather well after the play incident, as though none of it had ever happened. The rich man was talking about Chocobos and how he was a connoisseur of the races.
"I've never lost a bet once," he bragged. "Here, I'll win something for you."
"Bradley," Shera flushed, "they all look so expensive…"
"Nonsense!" He wandered over to the booth with Shera behind him, straightened his tie, and gazed at the receptionist with pride. "I would like to make a bet on the next race, please."
"Which class?"
"S class, of course," he smiled. The lady nodded.
"And your bet?"
"S class!?" Shera gaped. "That's…that's so extreme!"
Cid waited in the shadows of the room, silently agreeing.
"No matter," Bradley replied, glancing at all of the participating birds. "I think…I will place my money on 3-5." He shared another smile, "The prize is a Megalixir if we win."
"That's…that's so…!"
"Perfect," the rich man finished Shera's sentence. "It's very perfect. It's the least I can do for you coming with me on this fantastic trip."
"But…Bradley…It's your money. I wouldn't feel right about taking it."
He chuckled and drew her into a hug. "Let's just say that I want to make up for all the lost years between us."
There was a trail of smoke Cid left behind as he stormed up to a woman on the other side of the room with heavy make-up on her face, as though she had just come from a circus.
"Ester! I want you to register a Chocobo fer me!" the pilot demanded, causing the older woman to shrink back a bit in surprise.
"M-Mr. Highwind, was it? I've seen you with Cloud a few times."
"That's right," Cid whistled. "So you do remember me. I want you to register one of his Chocobos and let me ride it."
She looked at him in disbelief. It was almost as though she was thinking what a stupid idiot he was for even asking for something like that. Of course he couldn't just take Cloud's Chocobo without asking and use it!
"…What?" he asked, blinking. "Somethin' on my face?"
"Mr. Highwind…" the words came out slowly, hesitant about arguing with him. "You don't have a registered account here."
"Yeah, I know…"
"And Cloud's Chocobos belong solely to him."
"I know that, woman! I wasn't born yesterday!"
"Well…" her eyes read 'so you know what that means, right? You can't ride them.' Cid wouldn't take "no" for an answer.
"Dammit! You gotta let me on a Chocobo! You've seen me ride before, Ester! You know that Cloud'd give me permission if he was 'ere right now!"
"Mr. Highwind, rules are rules."
The pilot wanted to stab himself with his spear. This woman was unreasonable!
"Fuck the rules! I want on a Chocobo!" He stopped himself to see her stagger back into her corner. Snapping his mouth shut, he scratched his head. "Lissen, Ester, sorry 'bout screaming. I just…I need to ride one is all. Something important is hanging on the balance of this."
Once he was certain that her fear had subsided, he forced himself to smile. She returned it, but it was much wider than his.
"Aww! Mr. Highwind, why didn't you just say it was for love?" She clapped her hands together like a little girl. He frowned.
"W-What? Love? No, woman, that ain't what it's fer!"
Ester didn't seem to hear anything else he was saying. She was caught up in her own little world of an illusionary love that was false. Cid grunted in dismay as she turned to register him, babbling on about her first love and how childhood crushes were the most adorable thing she had ever seen. When she had her back turned to him, he pretended to gag with a finger stuck down his throat, and then quickly stood up straight when she looked back to him.
"So, who is she, Mr. Highwind?"
He wanted to deny any such relations to this woman, but he saw the pen and paper in her hand and quickly thought better of it.
"Uh…my secretary," he lied. "I promised that while I was 'ere in Gold Saucer, I'd compete in the Chocobo Races."
"How cute!" she chirped again.
He cleared his throat, "But it's gotta be in this race."
"This race?" she quirked an eyebrow.
"That's right. This one."
"But, Mr. Highwind, the race starts in three minutes. You won't have enough time to prepare a Chocobo and change into a jockey's attire before then."
"I gotta!" he cried. "It has ta be now!"
She bit her lip, but saw the desperate look in his eyes. He tried his hardest to win over her sympathy, and thanked the stars she was an older lady—or just the fact that she was a lady. Emotional dingbat.
"All right, Mr. Highwind, but you'd better hurry to the back. The race isn't going to wait for you, you know…"
"Thank you, Ester!" he grabbed her hand, shook it, and quickly dashed off into the back.
While his Chocobo was being prepared, the pilot was handed a black jockey uniform, and he was relieved that he had some form of disguise in front of Shera and rich man Buttley. He smirked and wrenched his goggles down around his eyes, smirk becoming a full-fledged grin. Pulling down on his gloves to remove any loose space from within, he turned at the sound of the bell being alarmed.
"Mr. Highwind," Ester stepped into the room.
"'Sup?" he asked. "My Chocobo ready?"
"We…we have a problem," she announced, biting her nails.
"…What would that be?"
"Well…" She cleared her throat, "You registered for the Class S races, right?" At his nod, she continued, "Cloud doesn't have anything above C Class."
"WHAT!?"
"I'm…I'm sorry, Mr. Highwind, but regulation clearly states that…"
Damn that Cloud and his no brain spiky self! After all that bragging that he had done about breeding the legendary Gold Chocobo, Cid should've known it had been a lie when no one had been privileged to see it. The pilot swore to kick Cloud in the nuts when this was all over.
"I don't give a damn 'bout the rules!" Cid shouted. "I'm gonna compete in this race with a Class C Chocobo or my name ain't Cid Highwind!"
"B-But Mr. Highwind!"
He brushed past her, grunting. "I'm racin' and that's that!"
"Mr. Highwind!" she called after him, hand outstretched to grab him.
But he was already out the door.
\/\/\/
Cocoa…Why the bloody hell did he have to name the Chocobo Cocoa!? Sounds so damn stupid.
Cid was gripping the reins of the Chocobo much more fiercely, knowing that the very balance of this race determined Bradley's win. And I dun care if it's a C Class Chocobo or a dead one. I'm gonna beat all these punks even it if kills me.
He looked around at all of the other jockeys. Most were cocky and stupid in Cid's view. Some were still pampering themselves or their Chocobos, using mirrors to tidy up any unwanted lint on their uniforms or the feathers of the birds. The pilot scoffed. One even had a comb handy, brushing his hair before the race. The Chocobos were squawking in anticipation, ready to win a victory.
Except Cid's. The Chocobo was poor and acted as though it were already dead…or defeated. Not that the Chocobo itself was bad. It was just inexperienced. A great C Class Chocobo, really…or at least Cid thought it was a great Chocobo. Not a great Chocobo, but a great Chocobo caught near the plains of Rocket Town… Wait, why do I even care what kind of Chocobo it is!? It ain't gonna help me win the race any easier! So maybe it was a great Chocobo. He wasn't really sure anymore after the bombing of a huge lie from Cloud hit him. He made a mental note to make Cloud pay dearly for it.
Cid knew something about riding Chocobos. Hell, he had ridden them more times than Cloud had when they visited Gold Saucer. There was something different about riding them than, say, flying the skies…not that he'd ever give that up for anything. He thanked his adequate experience now, and felt his palms become sweaty from within the leather of his gloves.
Then there was Dragonmaster Joe. He had given himself the title after winning over one hundred races. The name seemed strange to Cid, and the pilot thought it would've been better to have named himself Chocobomaster Joe instead. But, hey, whatever floated his boat. The man was brutal. And he was in this race. Cid cursed himself for not having seen him sooner. If there was any obvious way the foulmouthed man could lose, it would be because of Joe.
The master Chocobo racer sat on the far end of the line, giving a smug grin and tipping his black and yellow hat back presumptuously. Joe straightened his bright red jacket and looked over his white pants to make sure they were clean…as always. It made Cid gag. All of 'em. They're so damn arrogant. …Sounds kind of like me then? I should fit right in… Then he shook his head angrily. What the hell am I thinkin'!? I'm in this race to keep another man from winnin'! This don't have nothin' to do with being better than these numbskulls! He leaned forward, rear in the air, and readied himself for the countdown. I ain't gonna let Joe intimidate me. He's no better than the rest of 'em. Even if this is the long course, I'll make the Chocobo hold out.
The long course…With a C Class Chocobo going against S Classes, Cid had immediately wanted to race in the short run. When he had found out that Bradley wanted to show off exactly how precise his betting expertise was, the pilot could feel the morning's hangover begin all over again. There was the sound of the blender, Cloud's poison, the thought of thirteen drinks the night before, and then the unremitting vomiting.
"Go!" The gun was fired and the Chocobos warked a bit in fright, dashing ahead.
It wasn't long before Cid found himself competing for last place. Well ain't that a way to put it. But I'm not gonna be last for long.
"C'mon ya freakin' Chocobo!" Cid shouted at the bird, kicking at its sides. Cocoa warked and sprinted forward. Cid edged the Chocobo to the inner track of the farm-like scenery, cutting off three of the riders.
"Hey!" he could hear them shout, and the pilot chuckled a bit before turning around to show off his middle finger.
Cocoa was still sprinting when it had passed Joe and Cid gave him a privileged glance as he went by. Teioh, Joe's Chocobo, was trotting along, not minding that others had gained the place ahead of her. It made the pilot nervous. He had competed in races with Teioh and Joe before—most in which Joe won—and knew the jockey's tactics. He waited until everyone else had worn their birds down beyond the state of winning before using Teioh's incredible speed to sprint to the finish line.
Cid hated Joe.
If I lose now, it'll be all over! The Captain found himself in first before he came across the winding bridge, but Cocoa's condition was weakening. This bird's sprint is their run! Damn you Cloud! How embarrassing is that!? "C'mon Cocoa," Cid forced an encouragement and stroked the bird's neck. "We gotta win this race."
"Yoo-hoo!" The pilot turned to see Joe riding alongside him, nearly knocking Cocoa and its jockey off of the track. "You don't really think you can win with such a terrible bird, right? That's just foolish."
Cid frowned. "Da hell would you know 'bout—"
Joe kicked the pilot's Chocobo in the side, causing the injured bird to crash into the side of the rope that held the bridge together as Dragonmaster Joe laughed and continued through the waterfall and into the oceanic cave. Cid was on the ground for a moment, several Chocobos quickly catching up behind him. He looked over the side to see a thirty to forty foot straight drop, haziness overtaking the sky.
"That son of a…" he quit as he heard a passing jockey shout "HA HA!" and Cid was back on his feet in a hurry. "Cheatin' prick!" He looked to the dazed Chocobo, who was favoring its side with its long tongue. "Are we gonna just take that, Cocoa!?"
The bird stared at him, blinking, and Cid felt foolish for trying to have a conversation with a bird that didn't have a clue as to what he was saying. He glanced back to the track where all of the other jockeys had passed him earlier. The pilot felt discouraged. Damn it all! That filthy cheater!
He was distracted by a soft coo and he turned his attention back to Cocoa, who had lowered itself to Cid's level, allowing him upon the Chocobo's back.
"Well I'll be damned," Cid laughed. "He really does understand what I'm sayin'! All right, Cocoa! Let's win this race and kick Joe out of the game!" He mounted the Chocobo again, dusting off his uniform, and gave the bird a gentle kick, accompanied with a "Hyah!"
Cocoa warked and plunged into the waterfall, forcing itself across the track without slowing. Cid held a hand over his face and held his breath. He watched a shark swim by above them. I don't even see where the rest of 'em punks went. Cocoa, you'd better make a speedy recovery if we wanna win…
Even so, Cid was proud of the bird. It wasn't meant to go against hard types like these and still Cid had forced it into such a situation. He felt guilty, but the bird seemed determined to win for the both of them. Its legs were being pushed harder against the current of the water, and the pilot tapped Cocoa on its side to encourage it to go faster.
The blonde man wasn't sure how much more the bird could endure, but his hopes slowly began to rise again once Cocoa made a big splash from the other side and continued up the steep track, still sprinting.
"Go easy on yerself, Cocoa," Cid told the bird. "We gotta have enough strength left to make it to the finish line."
The bird warked again, as though it understood, but it didn't slow its pace. Cid was nervous, but it was all lost once he saw the tail end of another Chocobo as he came around the corner and up onto the bridge.
"You bastards!" the Captain called out as Cocoa closed in. The pilot withdrew a cigarette, carefully lit it so that the wind wouldn't bounce the flame, and took a puff before reaching over and jabbing one Chocobo in the butt with it.
He laughed without an ounce of remorse when the bird squawked and jumped to the side, tumbling onto two other Chocobos and toppling them out of the race. Cid looked back to see the crumpled heap, eyes bright with mischievous thinking. By this time, Cocoa had slowed a bit, but there was still plenty of time to catch up to everyone else.
As he rounded the next corner, fire torches alit and acting as a railing on both sides, and continued into the cave, Cid saw the last opponent in his way aside from Dragonmaster Joe.
"Heh heh…" the foulmouthed blonde nudged Cocoa off to one side, plucked one of the torches from the ground, and tapped the Chocobo to go a bit faster. "I know yer tired, Cocoa, but jus' a little further and we've got this thing in the bag!"
"Wark!" Cocoa lowered its head, pushing itself to immense speed. Cid leaned over the bird's head as they neared the next Chocobo and began to swing the giant flame stick into the face of the racer.
"Dear Lord!" the jockey cried, swerving off to the left with an abrupt jerk, and the pilot urged Cocoa to keep going after the poor rider.
"I'm gettin' that prize!" Cid vowed as he continued to torment the man with the fire torch. Screaming, the rider wasn't prepared for the sudden bright lights and the large scale models of several pyramids until after he had collided with them, Chocobo and master crashing off of the track.
There was a loud eruption of destruction followed by despair and sacrilege towards the hanging props, and Cid could imagine the fatality that was put into his devious act. As he passed the model buildings sticking sideways from the wall above him, he heard a long whistle and smiled.
"Cocoa, that's our last man! We gotta get 'im back for messin' with us! Ya with me!?"
The bird squawked and pushed its trot again. The Captain looked ahead to the flaming bridge with leaping dragons and could feel the sweat pouring from each side of his head. This is it. Joe's about ta cross the finish line and I'm gonna lose this race! How can I stop him? How!?
Joe was up ahead, guffawing like he had won the Nobel Prize. Cocoa was tired, and the poor bird's head had begun to droop. Cid felt even guiltier. If I don't win this, then I pushed this poor bird all fer nothin'! It wouldn't be right… Patting the Chocobo's head, he said, "You've done all ya could for us, Cocoa. Now it's my turn to finish the rest of it."
Dragonmaster Joe was hugging the icy corner, dancing penguins welcoming his victory.
"Kiss my ass!" Cid sat up as best he could on the Chocobo, putting his lit cigarette into his mouth and pulling a set of red sticks from his back pocket. "I knew this would come in handy for a cheater like you!" Lighting the stick of dynamite with his cigarette, the foulmouthed blonde watched it ignite with a blazing glory. He jerked his arm back and sent the explosive soaring through the air at incredible speed.
Joe looked back at the sound of the pilot's angry voice, Teioh slowing slightly, and watched as a red blur came twirling in his direction. He had been just moments away from exiting the ice cave and blazing a path to victory by the time the dynamite exploded into the wall of the cavern, hurling Joe and his precious Chocobo into the far back, trampling over the small penguins. The ground shook vehemently, the very earth torn asunder. Then there was the long stream of fire, the intensifying heat, and the blinding light. Altogether the sight was more spectacular than any of Dio's fireworks…at least Cid thought so.
The pilot slowed his bird down a bit until the blast had subsided, though the Chocobo seemed less than frightened. It was strange, really. But, then again, the birds were pretty damn smart. At least this one was. And it hadn't been scared at all by the blast. Well, not that the Captain had been nervous. The dynamite was his, after all. It wasn't like he hadn't thrown it at other punks time and time again. He wondered if his thoughts were coming along on account of the fact that he had just cheated his whole way through the race and that he was more than likely going to get chewed out by Ester, Dio, and all of the other chumps of Gold Saucer.
"Wark!" Cocoa trotted by, ignoring the explosion and the aftermath of tumbling icicles and tremors. Cid slapped his rump in Joe's direction as he went by, giving a "HA!" along the way. Joe's legs were sticking straight up in the snow bank, and Teioh was nowhere to be seen as a ring of fire surrounded the snow hills.
"And here come our winners!" the announcer called out as Cid and Cocoa made a final sprint to the finish line, as though everything the audience had just seen didn't bothered them at all.
\/\/\/
Lol…how anticlimactic. But I hate Joe. Every time I'd race against him with Cid, I always imagined the dynamite attack. Oh well. Go Cocoa. Please RnR (don't flame me. I already KNOW that this story is on crack…or meth…or something like that.) and I hope you liked it!
ML
