"I have a question."
"…and I have an answer."
"What do you think is the meaning of life?"
Ever have that conversation? Just about everyone in the human race has had this very conversation with friends, family, or sometimes even complete strangers. Yet no one knows the answer. Is it really that simple? Can this question be answered with ease or is it something that requires a number of answers all compiled to make complete sense? Before I didn't know how to answer this question and I had had it more then my fair share of times. Now that I look back at this very question I think I've compiled an answer that can not only be attributed to myself but one that every person in the world can say they agree with.
Picture yourself standing in the middle of a New York City street or whatever city you want to choose. Imagine looking around you and all that you can hear is the sound of your own heart beating. You can see everyone and everything around you but they cannot see or hear you. You scream to make your presence known but people continue to walk past you as if you never existed. You feel a twinge of pain in the reality that you are simply one in millions - a single number that can be overlooked, stepped on, and forgotten within the blink of an eye. Imagine all your friends passing you off for the new face that shows up. Imagine all the pain you feel from years of suffering and how much you want that suffering to end. Now picture that same situation sitting amongst a bunch of trees, the smell of flowers, the laughter of children. Picture seeing life being lived by the smallest creatures - from the tiny little ant struggling to get food to the family to the fox carrying it's pups to safety.
What does any of this have to do with the meaning of life? Everything. For the first time in a long time I had the chance to sit down and see with my own eyes things that I overlooked so easily. I felt the peace and serenity of loneliness while also feeling the tinge of pain it caused. I caught the scent of orchids - a flower I would have never recognized in my busy hustle to be just like everyone else, ignoring the world around them. I saw joyful children playing with one another, completely unaware of the struggles and sins of their parents who played with them joyfully.
Life is what we make of it. We can choose to be like the masses and forget everything surrounding us or we can choose to open our eyes to the reality that surrounds us. What life means is what we want it to. Do you want life to be full of fun and no consequences? How about serious and lacking fun and enjoyment? How about mischievous and destructive to others around you? What about it being full of love and hope but sheltering the sorrow till it builds to an explosive point? Maybe you want to live alone with no one by your side only to self destruct? Or how about living a lie only to feel the comfort and affections of another to know your alive?
Half of the world is living life as if they are dead, not exploring the reality of their surroundings or the life they've molded for themselves. Everyone lives sinfully until they suffer the consequences of living that "less-then-savory" lifestyle they are so engulfed in. If you life your life running through the rat race you will never truly have lived.
So how do you truly live? Well, for starters you learn to forgive yourself for your transgressions. You learn to forgive others for the things they did to you, the pain they caused. You acknowledge that you cannot change everything and for those things that you can't change, you accept them as they are. You learn to love people even if you don't remember why, even if they caused you pain because somewhere else in the world someone is deciding to ease the pain of not being loved by another. You accept responsibility of the things you should have done differently and you apologize to those affected by everything you procured. You dream a little bit deeper and realize that having dreams doesn't meant you'll fail, you just need to press on in hopes of achieving them. You need to give yourself purpose because no one else is going to give it to you.
Okay, so some people would disagree with this being the meaning of life for them, but who are the ones that do? They're the sinners and the saints living lies believing they are who they are when in reality they are capable of much more. They are the ones unable to understand that in order to change your life you have to be proactive. They are the individuals who don't believe in themselves and who won't allow others to believe in them as well. And the people who believe they are already living will continue to live without truly seeing life before their eyes.
I hate that you know me so well. I hate that you want me to be by your side. I hate what you've turned me into. I hate how you've brought me to life. I hate that I can feel because of you. I hate how much I hate you. I hate that I care, that I bleed for you, that I want to. I hate…that I love you.
She put the pen down slowly, reading over the last line before closing her eyes and putting a hand to her forehead in frustration. She rubbed at her temples with her head dropped down, unaware of the movement behind her.
