Chapter 8

Author's note: :D


Working hard to get my fill
Everybody wants a thrill
Paying anything to roll the dice
Just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on

Journey


Memories are funny things. Often, they are chapters of a story yet to be told. Often, they are pages of a tale yet to be finished.

They can also, I realise a little belatedly, give you- the protagonist, perspective.

Perspective. This was something else that amused me now. Because memories –like chapters in a story- they're experiences we share and learn from, right?

Right. You would've thought so, and assumed as much. You would've thought I'd learnt by now to let go. To understand and get over it.

***

His words were still echoing in my mind as I began to slowly recover from the overwhelming feeling of nostalgia. It was staggering how much I could recall in such a brief amount of time.

"Ness?"

My mind, my unmoving body- they remained trained on Jacob's last words from so long ago and so, I desperately clung to them like my life depended on it. I remained fixed, still swathing from the last remnants of that brief stroll down memory lane.

"Renesmee?"

I realised a long time ago that time appears to work a little differently for my thought processes. Unlike normal humans, I was simply too fast. And at times, that very fact discomforted me because it was yet another factor differentiating me from normal girls, reminding me of just how inhuman I was.

"You think she's okay?"

"She's still breathing if that's what you mean."

"Barely."

No longer could I hold on to the memory, because it was then that I realised something else was more important than a memory. Something else I had to do, had to find. Immediately, my eyes snapped open and my mind had once more returned to the present. Through my periphery, the guys were still there, looking expectant, looking hopeful.

"Ness?" A face continued to call. It was the same worrying voice from just a moment ago, disturbing my need to hold onto the feeling of Jake.

I absently met Seth's concerned eyes for the third time that night. He tried unsuccessfully to stop himself from eyeing me with trepidation. Embry stood to his left, arms crossed, waiting patiently. His strong jaws, I noticed, clenched once more, looking determined yet quietly eager. Worried for his best friend as well, his already strong jaw appeared more defined as he did this. It reminded me so much of Jake's chiselled jaws.

Jacob. Oh God, Jacob.

The mere name in my mind promptly sobered me up and I shook my head to shake away the nerves. Even in the past, Jacob was convinced of this clairvoyance. Contradicting any rational thought and absurd to realists, I considered that my whole world was devoted to mythology and folklore that anyone would deem lies- something belonging in a warped, illusory world. How wrong they would be. I live in a world where the supernatural was the norm. So why then, should I be so sceptical and close-minded now? Why, when I knew Jacob's life was on the line? The answer was simple, I wouldn't be. My very being, my existence, is fundamentally an unheard of fact was and is it not?

In some cultures, some would dub me a Dhampir. An ultimate warrior for man, an inborn vampire slayer. The latter of course was purely fictitious myth, born from vivid imaginations- totally untrue. Despite this, why did I doubt myself now?

"So all I have to do it look for him? In my mind?" It was a question more to myself than anything. For the third time tonight, my mind was simply swimming with questions, with unwanted, worrying imagery and thoughts I didn't want to think about.

"Yup." Embry nodded. "Trust me, you'll know what to do… it's not something you learn."

Feeling vacant, I nodded. What was that supposed to even mean? Again, for the briefest of moments, I wondered why me, then? Why could I do this and no one else?

"Right." I blurted unthinkingly. Again, this was more so for me. Again, I noticed they all looked so expectantly at me. Even Nahuel, I observed through my peripheral, stood still, looking mildly intrigued now.

"I can do this." I breathed, more to myself again. "I can do this." I've done weirder things in the past, I thought hopefully. "It can happen..."

And pigs can fly, a sceptical voice I couldn't quite silence retorted back, unbidden.

"Sure it can." Seth encouraged softly. I wasn't quite sure if his response was a sign, indeed directed at my last thoughts about weird pigs defying the laws of simple physics or whether it was over my last spoken words. I had the inclination it was in response to the latter, as, even in my dazed and disorientated state, I didn't think I projected that last doubtful reflection into anyone's mind.

Seth continued to smile sweetly, encouragingly. God, I felt terrible. I was choosing now to have a mental breakdown and yet he still had faith in me? Me, of all the unreliable creatures in the world? Me?

I'm convinced there's no one else quite like Seth Clearwater. And I truly loved him for this very fact. There was something unique about my only Werewolf uncle, that as a child, I adored and still do. An innocence, a virtue but an undeniable strength that I couldn't help feeling magnetically drawn to. I saw something in him that was truly fascinating, and would often leave my father raising a curious brow observing Seth through my eyes. Unlike my paternal uncles, Seth had a strange glow, a fathomless light in him that apparently –according to my father- only I could see. At the time, I didn't think much of this detail and to this day, I don't know what to make of it. He of course, was aware of what I saw, but would often shrug it off, mussing my already dishevelled hair instead. At the time, it was nothing I had every encountered and with my young eyes, I was simply floored and concurrently in awe. I would gush over him unabashedly, every time he visited his stepsister, my mother, and her husband's family and this very detail didn't go unnoticed by Jacob who, I'd notice on occasion, didn't miss any opportunity to tag along with Seth. Indeed, reading the many stories in my grandfather's mammoth library in Hanover, I'd time and again stumble upon legends, stories of King Arthur and his noble Knights at the round table. It was a little girl's fantasy, of history and myths merging into one glorious fairytale. A specific knight I came across in my readings, reminded me frequently of Seth. Galahad, the incorruptible knight, surpassing his father, Lancelot, in valour. With a heart so pure and good, he fought like a lion in his quest for justice and peace. Blatantly hero worshipping, that screamed Seth to me.

Right now though, as I took note of him, the incorruptible knight held such hope in his eyes, that I couldn't quite hide the undeniable shame I was feeling. How wrong it was to feel the doubts in my own capabilities, considering it was only wasting precious time. Indeed, it was because of this, that I shoved the last remnants of doubt, the pieces of scepticism at the back of my mind, and wired my eyes shut tightly: trying to concentrate, desperate to see him…

Those words I'd fleshed out from so long ago once more flashed through my mind. "Just concentrate….look for me…and I'll be there." The idiot words were a whisper, but his confidence in me, his faith were there, unwavering. No mistaking that. And I couldn't help loving him for it that I ached. I ached all over for him, to be with him right now, to be wrapped safely in his arms. It was insane.

I tried to hold onto some semblance of sense; to get a grip and even fought the irrational need to snivel. Easier said than done, I thought dryly in response to his words. It was strange how it sounded almost as if I were resenting his faith in me.

Perhaps I was. I wasn't even sure anymore.

I was just so angry with him for getting into this situation in the first place. A part of me hadn't even registered just how dangerous things really were for him until now. Newly formed tears threatened to spill over as I silently asked myself exactly how could he think I could be okay with any of this? How could that nimrod think I'd move on so easily with the mere comforts of Seth's consoling words? How could he think his last words would hold any meaning for me when he went ahead and ended both our lives- because essentially he was ending both our lives by turning himself in like this?

Yes, I was aware at the back of my mind, the sensible, the logical Renesmee was telling me he did this for you, for the pack. Do you honestly think he'd have done it if he had a choice?

She was right, and I knew it, but did I care? No. Inside, I was livid now; I was Ren-freaking-Cullen. I graduated from med-school at the age of ten. I'm a freaking child prodigy. I was badass. And he had absolutely no right to fight for me. He had no right to sacrifice himself like this. To assume I'd live on and simply forget? His idiotic assumptions simply infuriated me further and now, I wanted to find him to give him a piece of my mind. When before, emotionally, I was coasting nicely on neutral, being simply numb and dazed, white rage was slowly boiling up to the surface. Actually, the gradualism was a lie: first he wants to send me away, now he wants to go kill himself, sacrifice himself and assume we'd all be okay with that? That I'd be okay with that and just live on?

I was full to the brim almost immediately with these newfound realisations. It awoke something feral in me, and I wasn't about to let this Nayha control and take away everything I loved in my life. It was then that I abruptly broke out of my spiralling stupor, and it was also then, in my place of raw, determined odium, I knew absolutely nothing could stop me in that immeasurable moment.

Indeed, with an effort so concerted, I began searching urgently. My eyes were wired shut so tightly, I noticed the red veining underneath my eyelids, branching out and meeting at the edges where they disappeared completely. I noticed the brief flashes of what appeared to be lightening and strange shapes in the dark, when really it was my retina adjusting to the complete blindness.

It was naïve of me to think with simple, sheer determination; I'd be able to locate him. Life can't be that straightforward. And this wasn't one of Claire's Disney movies… Oh, how did that one chant go? 'Faith, trust, and just a bit of pixie dust!'

No. It occurred to me that that'd just be too easy. Too simple and uncomplicated.

But I refused to give up. And my thoughts were once again, focused on what I was doing.

Jacob, Jacob, Jacob, Jacob, Jacob…..where are you? I thought desperately, reaching blindly in this thick, fathomless darkness. You said to think of you, and you'd be there. Well, I am and I'm not gonna lie: I feel stupid for doing this. But I am. I'm trying.. And you know why? I'm doing this because you said I could.

Only the bellowing silence filled me. There was nothing- simply infinite darkness in my mind's eye. Again, more than once tonight, I fought back the tears threatening to break free and release themselves, like a floodgate. You said I could find you whenever I needed you. And...I need you right now, Jake. So where are you? Why can't I see you? Why can't I feel you? The voice in my mind, the one attempting to reach for him, was wobbling, thick with embarassing emotions. You said I could do this. You said to concentrate and look for you, and you'd be there.

Still nothing.

I felt my thick lashes interleaf and saturate with the lingering, ruthless tears escaping through my closed lids now. I'm an emotional wreck because of you. At work, I had this weird, sinking feeling that, for the life of me, I couldn't ignore. It was so bad, granddad sent me home. Home. My family, they're treating me like I'm some kind of fragile porcelain doll. Easily breakable…I felt my face crumple. I know I'm weak, but I'm not completely defenceless.

No one's saying you are, honey… that's what he would say if he could hear me whining. And FYI, you're not weak.

My face furrowed further still, in a pain I hadn't ever anticipated on. Pain that overwhelmed me to the point where I almost pried my eyes open. But I didn't want to lose this…whatever this was.

His voice…I was simply imagining this. Of course I was. His reply, it was my mind's way of coping. Just a manifestation of my desperate subconscious.

Is it? He began, more amused now.

I tried not to panic. It was a totally subconscious need, an unconscious attempt to appease myself, to maintain some semblance of hope, before completely losing it. Losing myself.

That sinking feeling I felt at the hospital, I couldn't shake it off. I couldn't ignore it, Jake. I continued, needing to hear his voice again, despite knowing full well it wasn't him.

I didn't expect you would. His voice replied softly again. But listen, Ness, go home. You shouldn't be out here…

And then I mewled like a three year old. Why can't I see you? Why… Jake, where are you?

I could hear Jake's soft chuckled. A part of me found this funny?

Don't worry about me. Take Nahuel, and go home, Nessie.

No.

Renesmee, he began with an annoying, authoritative air now. Be reasonable…

Be reasonable? I was painfully aware the only unreasonable thing I committed was slipping out of the house, surprisingly going unnoticed. He however, went rogue and lone wolf on us. I'm not in your pack Jacob Black, so don't even go there.

He sighed. You realise you're arguing with yourself here, right? I'm not real.

It was strange, but my stomach lurched uncomfortably with his words. My stomach lurched despite me coming to these conclusions just a moment ago. Of course this wasn't real. It didn't explain the sinking feeling of disappointment I was now experiencing in knowing this though.

Honey, the best place for you right now, is home. He said more softly again. And it occurred to me that I knew what this was. I knew exactly what this was: self-preservation. It was my mind's final way of urgently trying to communicate to me, to notify me what I was currently doing, could possibly lead me to my death. That it was a suicide mission. For obvious reasons, I didn't want to dwell too much on that though.It's not safe for batboy to escort you either, babe. I mean, really, we tell you there's a vamp out there that can control guys and is targeting you specifically, and what do you go and do? You go and surround yourself with my pack and South America's answer to Enrique?

I resented Nahuel being compared to Enrique. Your point?

Be smart, and go home, baby…

You said to concentrate, and I'd find you.

I did, he conceded, more reluctantly than anything.

Right now, all I seem to be doing is arguing with an alter ego that sounds suspiciously like Jacob. Can you help me out here please?

He didn't say anything.

I panicked.

Jake?! I shrieked helplessly.

Sorry, I'm here. His voice, so sombre now.

Don't do that! I snapped, letting the relief sweep over me only briefly. I wasn't afraid to admit the silence scared me. That was obvious. But how ridiculous. Not only was I now talking to an imaginary Jacob, but the mere silence of him rendered me unnerved.

Sorry. I just-

Jake, we don't have much time.

Everything in me is telling me, you need to go home, so excuse me if I'm having a little trouble aiding and abetting you to your would- be-attacker.

I stifled an eye roll. Jake…

I thought it'd scare you into going home… he admitted. Don't suppose it worked?

Jacob.

Fine, he said stiffly.

There was silence in my mind once more, but I felt him ticking. It was a surreal experience.

Take your time. It's not like you're in a potentially life threatening situation or anything…

I felt him grin. Again, a strange feeling considering it was in my head. I think I will, thanks.

I pursed my lips. Will you please help me? And by help me, I mean hurrying the fugg up.

You know what they say, patience, is a virtue…

Not right now it isn't! And since when do you listen to what other people say?I snapped back, my desperation instantly evaporating into irritation now. You're my subconscious right? Another twisted coping mechanism I've resorted to? You want what's best for me? Finding Jake- finding you- is what's best for me right now.

And then as if suddenly, flickers of the impeding darkness haunted every nook and cranny, every shadow. It was a surreal experience, as if I were flying. Infrequent flickerings of images- of locations assaulted my mind, overwhelming my senses and capturing my sight. Flashes of familiar places. Places, I got the impression, he was thinking about…

First Beach…Neah Bay… Cullen land…the main house… the cottage…

I was in a familiar, country-like atmosphere.

Lake Pleasant?

Lake Pleasant, I heard his voice answer resolutely.

In my mind, it was as clear as day. The darkness drew me in deeper and new images began to flicker through my mind, like an overactive slideshow. It was a remote place. A beautiful place not far from where we stood now. Motionless black mass of distant lake, reflecting the silvery white of the moon was to my left. I could hear the distant rustlings of nightlife scourging in the dense woods behind me. It was so real, I could taste the night air there. That said however, I refused to let him go, to let this connection go. They were scattered glimpses of the present. I saw things as scenes illuminated but the slit of moon casting a silvery veil on anything it touched.

Without being aware of a conscious decision to do so, I found myself moving.

"Woah. Ness, hold up." Embry called, grabbing my left shoulder. Reluctantly I opened my eyes to regard the curious Quiluete faces and Nahuel. I had completely forgotten they were there.

Nahuel. Oh God. Nahuel.

Grief stricken and horrified, only now was I aware of just how dangerous and absolutely selfish it was for me to drag him into this, to literally haul him out with me. It was wrong of me. Why hadn't I thought this through to conclusion? I had to think on my feet quickly, and figure out how to get him to go back willingly, hoping he'd bump into my family. I wanted him safe again.

He looked at more quizzically now, as I'm sure he took in my pained, conflicting expression. "Nahuel, I need you to get my family. Can you do that for me?" I lied, my voice unwavering.

Confusion washed over his gorgeous eyes as he took in my request. "What? No! I'm not leaving your side."

Several, long moments had passed. Moments mainly consisting of Nahuel and I at loggerheads.

"Please, don't argue with me on this." I said desperately. I knew I was acting strange, being unreasonable, but I just couldn't risk him getting hurt either. This worry was a little on the late side, I know, but my mind hasn't been working to its full capacity for three days now.

"Great." He shrugged in nonchalance, "You'll find there's no argument my end. I'm just not leaving you on your own. Your family would never forgive me."

"I won't be alone. Seth and Embry are coming with me." I lied. There was no way I was taking them with me either, but if this was the only way to appease Nahuel, so be it. I'd deal with Embry, Seth and the pack later.

"Can I ask why them and not me?"

"You can, I just won't answer." I turned to face the pack now, knowing how harsh I sounded. It was for his own good.

"Renesmee, going back to your family -without you- is…how to put this understatedly? Suicide."

"They won't kill you." I assured him. Or at least Rose wouldn't enjoy doing so, I thought more plausibly to myself. "Dad'll see everything I've done in your thoughts. He won't like it. And then he'll want to kill me himself." I said sombrely. "So he'll most likely want to keep you alive long enough for you to help him find me." That was certainly true, I silently conceded.

"Oh, marvellous." Nahuel breathed. "You drag me out here only to order me to fall back?"

I sighed despondently, dredging up another tactic: "Nahuel, I'm surrounded by men right now. I don't think it was clever of me to have brought you along for the ride in the first place…"

He looked hurt by the rejection, but realisation finally washed over his face, momentarily silencing him. "I wouldn't…I wouldn't hurt you, Nessie..."

I was surprised to hear how undeniably hurt he sounded, but I didn't have time to reassure him right now."I know." I replied softly. "Of course you wouldn't. But what she can do, pretty much overrides any free will. You wouldn't know you're doing it." Just a puppet and she's pulling the strings, I thought dejectedly to myself. "Go Nahuel. Go find my mom, my aunts… please?"

For a long moment, we stared each other down. He was unwilling, that was obvious but I was completely serious about him leaving me here. He nodded grimly -reluctantly, before becoming a veritable blur of speed. His departure left a powerful gust of wind, and I wondered briefly, watching the dust settle, if that happened when I did the same thing.

And then my thoughts were briefly back on his safety. I silently speculated if he was going to be okay getting back home on his own. Of course he would be, I thought hopefully. She was with Jake right now.

Jacob. Oh God, Jake.

"What's happening, Ness?"

Embry's voice dragged me out of my nightmarish reverie. "Lake Pleasant." I croaked. It was all I could muster up saying.

***

Her laughter. It echoed in my mind all too clearly, haunting me. For the second time that evening, unaware of a conscious decision to do so, my attention was split and I found myself moving once again.

This time, I didn't wait to be stopped, to explain. I broke into a powerful run.

"Ness! Wait!" A voice called back from behind me.

Dazed and disorientated, I didn't think to notice whether the others were following me, it simply felt like my strong legs were hurling me in no discernable direction and with the cold, night air hitting my sensitive ears- my skin, I was only now awake to the blurring surroundings as I pushed myself further forward.

Without realising, I noticed where I was and came to find I was heading northeast.

Running, ducking and weaving through the forest in an unusually inhuman speed, I was resolute. No more wasting time thinking, or planning. When before I claimed my attention was split, it truly was, because now, with an effort so determined, I didn't think it was in me to begin with, I saw his face this time.

His sweet, beautiful, strong face. It snapped up just as I located him and I got the impression he was momentarily distracted. What was he doing? His deep, fathomless eyes, always so intriguing to me, often secretly holding me captivated, looked so unbearably tired, restless even. His usually warm skin too, appeared almost pasty against the silvery veil of moonlight. It was distracting and simultaneously discomforting. I didn't like it.

Despite my obvious concerns however, sheer relief swept over me then, as I sprinted. He was okay. For now, he was alive. Everything in me jarred to life and I all I wanted to do was to simply wrap my small arms around his neck and hold him to me. This only spurred me to launch myself further forward as I headed north onto South Forks Avenue. I began following the 101 towards west Division Street. It was a long, thick stretch of dual carriageway, and I was distantly conscious of the fact that despite my desperate attempts to get to Jake, I had to be equally vigilant in keeping hidden. We didn't want another reason for a Volturi visit. Darting into the darkness, I shuddered at the mere thought. Thankfully the coat of night acting as a convenient veil, helped with said cause. To the untrained, human eyes, all there was were the indiscernible shadows. With the exception of a few passing logging trucks, the roads too, I noticed were conveniently vacant, naked of any passing vehicles- of witnesses. I lunged at the air, hurling my legs forward, ignoring my protesting lungs that felt like they were on fire.

"This ends now." I heard his distinctively stern, male voice echo in my mind, distracting me once more. The strained control in his voice was marked, boiling so feverishly beneath the surface. And then of course I realised I've never heard Jacob sound so obviously uncompromising. I tried to not let this distract me. Jacob was always so indulgent and sweet with me, so this was a stark, oh-so-sexy contrast. And –dodging another branch- I felt disgusted with myself for even noticing it at a time like this. Now, was not the time.

"But why, Jake? It's me…" Came a shockingly mock innocent calling. I whipped my mind's eye to where I thought the familiar voice was coming from- where Jacob was staring with an understated vehemence, despite the fatigue and withdrawn look. I had to admire his unwavering stance as I leapt a little too enthusiastically over a falling branch.

Peering through the restricting shadows, as if coalescing the darkness stood the voluptuous femme fatale herself. The distorted darkness momentarily concealed her and through the trees, the bleeding slits of moonlight all but caressed her features, eliciting an ethereal glow. With fiery hair- a shocking contrast to her smooth, porcelain skin and full ruby-woo lips, her powerful electric eyes bore into Jake's.

She was Jessica Rabbit in-freaking-carnate.

Nearly uprooting a tree, I was momentarily amazed as I drank in her beauty. As if I didn't have enough reasons to loathe her enough, she had more curves on her than Daytona. Unable to help myself, I peered down despondently at my own comparatively smaller chest, which was now heaving and gasping desperately for air. I sighed, looking back up and swerved dramatically around another tree.

It would be clear to even a blind man that this temptress delivered constant enticement to whomever she came into contact with. Those poor, unsuspecting souls. She was simply breathtaking and I can only imagine a great stimulus to the male eye.

Nayha smiled slowly and exuded a teasing virtue, as she walked closer up to Jacob. So fluid were her motions, it was like she was dancing with gravity. With each careful, liquid movement, her hips persuaded more alluringly than ever, rocking so naturally from side to side. I'm not afraid to concede that if that stupefied me, I could only imagine what that actually did to guys.

All the while, she refused to take her eyes off of him. It irked me a little as I observed her. There was something majestic in the way she met and held his gaze, unwilling to let him go…

I didn't like it. Not one bit.

Jacob, I noticed with furtive approval, didn't look remotely interested however. His dark, dangerous eyes bore into hers, yes, but they were full of intense dislike, loathing and disgust for the stunning creature before him. For reasons unknown to me, this pleased me.

My attention was divided. With her slow, patient advances, he stepped back almost instinctually. The back of his foot, hitting a quiescent log lying on the ground. To my delight, he even looked mildly bored and unimpressed with her. The uncharacteristic bags under his eyes only added to the dangerous presence he radiated in that moment. His aversions didn't go unnoticed with her either it seemed. She smiled sadly. "Don't you want me anymore?"

I nearly tripped over an overgrown root. What? He actually wanted her? Since when?

I didn't know how to feel about that. Actually, that's a lie. Inside, I was dark, dead and silent. I'll admit, whilst she was no Rosalie- aunt Rose exuded class- there was no unquestionable doubt how startling her beauty truly was. And I really hated her.

Jacob laughed wrly, shaking his head. "News flash- I've… never wanted you." he explained, sounding somewhat disturbed, his brows too furrowed in slight confusion. I couldn't doubt the unwavering honesty that came with those words. Or was that more wishful thinking?

"Come now…it's been three years, Jacob. Three years, you've been wanting me…"

Wait. What? This time I did trip, stumbling awkwardly over a fallen branch and landing face first into a pile of wet leaves. Three years? I don't recall her ever being in Jake's life – period, let alone three years? Quickly- desperately, my mind searched for any clues- for any truth to her words.

And…nothing.

I found nothing. The only memorable thing I recall occurring three years prior was me finally hitting full maturity. That was the year, I remember, when things went a little awry for me. The undeniable changes that took place within me, forced me into wanting to stay in Hanover –away from Jake. I dusted myself off, aware of the uncomfortable stickiness- the wet dirt on Rosalie's T-shirt as I got up. It was an important decision I had made on my own. A difficult one. Stupid as it may sound to many, I just didn't want to ruin everything we had. A life time of friendship, destroyed because of a crush I couldn't let go? No. I wouldn't do that. I refused to let that happen.

So that year altered everything. The way I perceived Jake, changed forever. So, whilst I realise I was some distance away from him physically, we visited all the time. I would've noticed if he had another girl in his life. I'll admit, silently, my heart would've been breaking, shattering into a million different, irreparable pieces, but I wouldn't've gotten in the way of him living his life. In theory, I wouldn't've gotten in the way.

So I would've noticed her.

Jacob shook his head vehemently. "That's not true. No. That's just- no."

I couldn't help smirking as I ducked into the shadows, avoiding the headlights of a passing truck. She observed him again, with an unmistakable hunger. I was quite disturbed. So disturbed in fact, it made my stomach churn and I felt physically sick. "Oh Jacob," she sighed reprovingly- indulgently even. Swallowing back the rising bile and repressing the compulsive need to hurl, I stifled an eye roll this time. The creepiness simply elicited a shudder that ran so cold, so deep through my spine, it was like a freight train on speed. "There's absolutely nothing wrong in wanting something you can't have. You're a man after all. A big, strong man with needs…."

My seemingly unwavering sprint faltered then. Strange. That thought had never occurred to me in my years of knowing Jake. Not once in all my life had I seen him with a girl. In my heart, I knew that child-me would most likely, deliberately want to creep the poor chick out, enough for her to go away. Sharing Jacob would've been like sharing a limb. It just couldn't be done for little Nessie, despite how much she knew it was selfish. Showing them how I usually communicate- in my freaky silent way- was a harmless method for making girls disapear without actually hurting them or leaving any lasting damage to their pysche, I thought plausibly to myself.

"…Needs I can supply on demand." Nayha continued, biting her plump bottom lip this time, her eyes aflame.

Now my face crumpled in a mixture of quiet repugnance and incredulity. Supply and Demand? Really? She was bringing principles of economics into this…this…was that really her flirting with him now?

No, I thought, that wasn't flirting. That was something else entirely.

"Ew." I replied out loud to nothing in particular. Actually- a lie- it was a passing Willow tree. "What was that?" I shook my head laughing almost hysterically.

Jacob sighed, losing patience now as disdain washed over his expression. "That's just… I'm fine thanks."

She shook her head slowly- enticingly. "No, darling. You're really not."

Whilst a part of me wanted to rip her throat out for calling Jacob darling, I was deeply uncomfortable by this new development brought so inadvertently to my attention. I'd say an ipod or my phone would equate to a great running friend- a perfect distraction to lose my thoughts to when I pushed myself that extra mile, but this was bizarre. I felt like I was eaves dropping, but on a whole new level. Indeed, this was exactly what this was, and now I couldn't switch it off. Because she spoke with such unwavering truth, that it hurt to think Jacob wasn't happy with his life. I observed now, as Jacob swallowed hard, biting back a horrendous growl.

It was then that I briefly wondered why he was holding back in the first place. And as abruptly as that thought entered my mind, realisation swept forward too. Of course I knew why: she was somehow stopping him. That was what she did.

"It's the most natural thing a man can do, Jacob." No guess, what she was referring to, "You shouldn't have to hide who you are for her…"

I tried to ignore the thwarting feeling of my gagging reflexes being strained once again and being tested to its limits, as I sprinted across, diving into my next left at west Lake Pleasant Road.

Not long now, I thought tentatively to myself.

Jacob mirrored my prior feelings of disgust. "That's just…You're disgusting."

Took the words right outta my mouth, I considered, silently smirking.

She smiled sweetly at that. "Disgusting?" She chuckled. "Hardly." I appreciated Jacob supplying a wry sound to that and I couldn't help doing the same. She chose to ignore this however, and continued: "Frivolous, delectable and honest? Yes." She sang.

And then I snorted, yet again, shaking my head at her sheer nerve.

"Whatever you say…" He shrugged. His words oozed nonchalance, but I could tell his patience was wearing thin.

"I do."

"Sure, sure."

Her lips threatened to curve again. "You like it when she tries to imitate you?"

Again, Jacob eyed her wearily. I didn't understand what she meant by that. Sure, sometimes even I responded with a simple 'sure, sure.' It got on Edward's nerves. "Why are you even doing this?" he asked.

"Doing what, Darling?"

"Twisting everything. Making what I feel for her into something it's not. Something sordid." He shrugged, a blaze attitude. "I mean, none of it's true, but I'm just curious. What's in it for you?"

She frowned then, sweeping a long strand of hair out of her eye. "I'm not twisting anything. I wouldn't do that to you. I see it in you." She protested light-heartedly. "And I thought what I got out of it was pretty clear actually, Mr. Black…"

My pacing faltered once more and I shuddered at that miserable innuendo. She was absurdly attractive, positively oozing sex appeal. Even her voice made whatever she said, seem like an innuendo.

Jacob shook his head, disagreeing. "That's the thing, though: You know nothing about me." He said, crossing his large arms across his exposed torso. "And I'm not gonna lie: What makes you even think I would want anything you had to offer? Everything about you makes my skin crawl."

"Now I know you don't mean that…"

Seething inside, I watched as her starving eyes unabashedly followed his simple movement like glue. Yes, I would imagine the way the casual motion carved out his protruding muscles even more, would make anyone momentarily distracted, but I just didn't like the way they lingered there, shamelessly ogling. Indeed, I couldn't help feeling a burning, conflagrated rage within me, scorching my inside so painfully. It occurred to me on the sidelines that I was one to talk, particularly when it came to wondering eyes, but I knew when to cut it out too. "Really, I do. I hate that you kill for sport. I hate that you think- that you assume- you can be anything like her when you couldn't be farther from the truth. I hate that you assume that apparently the cheap imitation's good enough for me."

A furrowed line appeared between her perfectly threaded brows. "I resent that." She interrupted, sounding mildly amused again.

He ignored her. "And I hate that I can't phase and rip you into shreds right now." As if for added effect, Jacob slowly craned his neck from side to side, stretching out any kinks he may have. This was of course virtually impossible for him, as he didn't simply tire from standing. It occurred to me that this was just an unsubtle way of saying he was getting bored now.

"You're angry." It wasn't a question. More of an observation, granted with humour.

"Really? How can you tell?" He asked, voice thick with unrequited sarcasm. I tried not to laugh.

Again, she ignored his trademark play-along replies and instead, appeared to be lost in her own thoughts for a moment. "You asked earlier why I'm doing this, why I personally think you'd be a little curious as to what I had to offer…"

This should be good.

Instantly, all humour was drained from his features. Jacob ground his teeth, waiting- biding his time. His sharp, determined face was dangerously even despite everything and his mouth, wired carefully shut, squaring his jaws once more in decision.

"And to put it simply," she continued, feigning complete obliviousness to his fermenting hostility, "…a point I've reiterated for some time now: because I can make all your wishes come true…"

For the third time that night, Jacob made a sound that many would construe to be a laugh had there been any humour in it. And there really wasn't. It unnerved me slightly to see the understated resentment, the menace torrid beneath the surface. It was as if I could almost taste the antipathy in the air and honestly, it intimidated me.

"…every want, need, every desire, every dream- I could give that to you. All of it."

Absolute disdain displayed in his eyes, "No. You really can't."

Suddenly, like Rosalie's channel hopping, Nayha's expression immediately changed into one of mock hurt. "But, Jake… I can gi

ve you everything. Don't you love me anymore?"

Jake bit his lips, trying not to snort. With strained amusement harbouring his tenor now, "I like how you still think you're actually her." He visibly shuddered, as if trying to wake up from an unsettling nightmare that was refusing to end. "You really need your head examined, lady…"

With scornful innocence, "Is it a crime to take something I want, Jacob?"

Jacob looked disturbed. "You really have to ask me that?" He asked disbelievingly. Again, I couldn't help laughing at his reaction. This- Jacob's reaction to her advances, his general responses, they were certainly interesting for a totally impartial third party observer, like myself. Humouring her in an obviously superficial way, he then pretended to think about her question for a fixed moment. "Well, I don't know. I suppose it is when you're killing people. Murdering them for your own sick, twisted needs. It's part of the chase for you, isn't it? The game?" Slowly, he began to move around her, circling her. "Innocent men. Husbands. They had families. Kids. Did you even stop to think about that?"

She was quiet, her expression was unreadable. She was simply a blank canvas.

Jacob shook his head, a skewed smile tugged at his lips. "No. Of course you wouldn't." He continued. "I'd say you were a cold blooded killer, but you're dead. You don't have blood running through your veins. Just a killer, preying on those weaker then you. Nice."

"I need to feed, in order to survive –just like your precious little halfling."

He shook his head, his face once more reverting back to resentment. "No excuse. So don't even try to justify it. And she'd never-"

"I won't justify what I've done, but I'm willing to re-evaluate my way of…living. Reconsider how to go about everything…for you. I'd do that, for you." She interrupted.

He didn't know what to say to that. Really, was there anything to say to that? "If you felt any remorse for what you did, you'd end your own life, because there's no way…no way. You're a killer. A monster. And the only reason you're still standing and I haven't done anything about it, is because you're stopping me."

She blinked. It would've been amusing, had the situation not been so very serious. "Ending my own life? For the sake of humans? Don't be ridiculous, Jacob." She began laughing sweetly. She was completely choosing to ignore his concluding thought, his offering to kill her and I briefly considered that she was simply selecting things she wanted to hear. "They are lesser beings than us, Jacob. So basic, with only their mind-numbingly simplistic fight or flight responses. I won't display repentance for simply trying to survive." She replied, indignantly. "I will however, refrain from harming anymore. Well, I'll try. It's very difficult you know. It may take me centuries."

Jacob sighed, as if losing the patience to live now. He stared out at the black mass of lake. "Morph back so I can see your real face."

Darting through the trees, I was confused for a moment. Her real face?

She pretended not to hear him, "I've never met anyone quite like you, Jacob. All that love, the selflessness… it's unique and I've never really felt anything like it in a man." She idly mused. "The fact you deny me, is another matter entirely. Something I've never encountered before."

It was his turn to ignore her now. He exhaled noisily. "Change back. I don't want to have to look at her face when I'm killing you." He added, handily elaborating and instantly dissolving any earlier confusion I may've had over his previous request to regard her 'real face.' Because it came to me then, that she was clearly showing him what he wanted to see. Something he wanted most in this world, confusing his senses, his instinctual responses- him phasing. That would certainly explain why he was having a cosy chat rather than ripping her into tiny shards.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that and just say, don't play dumb, honey-bun. It really doesn't suit you." Not looking away from the motionless black tarn, Jacob laughed scornfully now. "See, that's something she doesn't appreciate about you. She just assumes she knows it all…"

My brows furrowed. Only now was I asking myself the most obvious question: Who on earth are they talking about? I was so engrossed with finding him, fraught with worry, that only now was I asking the obvious.

"You honestly think that's going to work?" Jacob laughed.

With my attention still split, I turned left once more, staying on the same road.

"Doesn't hurt to try…" she shrugged slowly- pleasantly, her glinting eyes an inferno inside.

"Look either kill me, or let me kill you. You're boring me now."

My stomach lurched uncomfortably with his annoying blasé attitude. His absolute willingness to just give himself up was unsettling. But then this was Jake all over: relaxed, unmoved and unconcerned for his own life.

"I love it when you get mad." She all but crooned and shudder of revulsion ran through me with her embarrassingly brazen efforts of flirting with Jacob.

He eyed her with exaggerated dubiousness, "Like everything about you, this makes absolute sense to me."

She grinned, entirely delighted now. "Aw, you're trying to figure me out?"

He scratched his head, all the while shaking it in disbelief. "Sure." He nodded, the humouring blown up to new proportions now. "Of course I am."

"Oh, honey…" she clasped both her hands to her chest, in what I could only imagine to be pure joy. Jacob looked horrified. "Don't think I don't know. That I'm not aware of how you've been looking at me…"

"At you?"

She smiled sweetly.

Jacob laughed then. "Shit." He began, managing to equal the embellished, syrupy flavour in her own voice. "I knew you were crazy, but this is a whole new level of horseshit. You're twisting everything. You're twisting reality."

"Am I? But I see it inside of you-"

"Okay." Jake nodded again, interrupting her. "What does that even mean?" He asked this with a look of absolute scepticism.

She frowned. "Why are you being like this? I sense what you want. In fact, the intensity of it overwhelms me. Like I said before, it's what drew me to you in the first place…"

He opened his mouth to say something, but then immediately closed it. "What I want and what I have are pretty much the same things. Yeah, no- they are the same things." He said, his voice unwavering. "I couldn't ask for more."

She grinned a brilliantly dazzling smile again, "Oh, but au contraire! What the Big Bad Wolf craves the most in this world, and what he has, are two very different things."

"No." He said adamantly, his expression uncompromising now. "And…really?" His face crumpled, as if cringing, "Big Bad Wolf?"

She giggled indulgently at that. A sound that unquestionably made my skin crawl.

"It's not an issue for me. I'll be whatever she needs me to be." He continued, ignoring her, "Nothing more."

"But why wait for little Ren Riding Hood when you know you can have her now?"

Ren Riding Hood?

It didn't take a genius to work out exactly whom she was referring to here. Indeed, as I briefly thought about how I would never look at that story the same way again, strangely however, this didn't annoy me as much as I refused to be dubbed a fictional kid.

She smirked, leaning against a tree now. "She may take another decade of even a century to understand- to grasp what you truly are. Why wait when I can give that to you now, if you'll just have me?" She began trailing a long, lucid finger down her neck, across a large swell of one boob and stopping at her hips.

Pulling out the big guns, huh? Why stop there, hussy? I asked bitterly to myself.

He shuddered in what I hoped to be unmistakable revulsion. It sure looked it. "Lady, hell will freeze over before I poke you with a chest full of stake, let alone actually touch you."

I rejoiced, pirouetting over another fallen branch. Revulsion it is, then. And with that recognition, my heart simply swelled. I was so proud of him.

"Oh, you tease. Are you worried she'll get jealous?" She quite literally sang the latter words in delight.

"Considering she has nothing to be jealous over, I'm not even gonna go there." Jacob turned to leave -to phase.

"Oh, I don't know about that…" Akin to listening into the distance, she cocked her smiling head to one side, relishing the night air. "I can hear them. And I can see her through them."

Hm. Not for the first time in the past few days was I reminded of one of Claire's fairy tales. This time, Snow White came to mind. Who needed a reflective surface, when she had all the men in my life to spy me through? As bizarre of an analogy as it was, it held some truth to it, and that very fact disturbed me enough to want to abruptly shake it off as quickly as that thought had caught me off guard.

Thoroughly kicked in the teeth, Jacob froze and slowly weaved back round, all confidence in his expression, drained completely with her words. "What?" he asked, his voice indifferent -as if trying to sound unmoved.

Her sparkling eyes were once more boring into his and she smirked, realising the fresh panic in his eyes. "I can hear her coming." She sang in a whisper.

Jacob shook his head slowly, struggling to conceal the new worry now. "You're wrong. She's not even in Forks anymore…"

I bit my lip.

Coincidentally, Nayha too, bit her lip. Only, for her, it seemed to be an attempt to hide a precarious smirk. "Oh?" The sound and gesture made her already-protruding-lips, impossibly pout more.

Resembling denial, Jacob was unmoved and didn't say anything, absently blinking now.

No!

Everything about me was contradictory right now. I felt weak, and tired, yet my sight was sharper, I was more attentive. My unique reflexes faster, my inhuman muscles stronger, I silently prayed. I prayed he'd somehow get over this quickly. Don't lose it now, Jake. I'm fine...

Jacob stood still; his response was something I often saw in the psychiatric ward at the hospital. Similar to someone experiencing a breakdown, he was unfeeling and unresponsive to her words, his environment, to his situation. He was barely breathing, and a complete statue of dissent. No, Jake. Snap out of it. She's bluffing.

"She's a stupid little girl…" She started, as if making a casual observation. And again, Jacob was unresponsive, simply frozen with what I could only assume to be shock. "Silly, stupid little girl who didn't listen to her father…"

Without a sound, without so much as looking up at her, his breathing hitched and his handsome face turned impossibly ashen in the stark night light. Only now did it occur to him that it was possible for me to be out here on my own, that I managed to slip out of the house going unnoticed.

"She's a silly, predictable child. Hasn't she read the stories? It never ends well."

With those words, Jacob's eyes finally whipped back up to glare at her then, his jaw, squared in decision.

She smiled slowly. "And you know what they say about lost little children in the woods?"

The implications of what she meant finally donned his troubled features and he swallowed hard, his cheeks blanched with fear.

"They can't find their way back home…"


A/N- Don't Stop Believing- Glee Cast. (originally performed by Journey) ;)

This song, could be the reason why my writing –and hence- Nessie's thoughts are a little funny. I enjoyed writing her commentary on their convo. Again, it was so long, I had to split it into two more manageable segments. The best is yet to come, I think. :D

Just to clarify something that pinkpower brought to my attention. She asked me:

'Are they actually talking in her mind or is Nessie a lunatic?'

Out of absolute desperation, she imagined it. That was literally her subconscious giving her what she wanted in that moment. Hope that's cleared things up. Any questions, lemme know.

Thankies to pinkie-poo. Her judgements, her ideas, her honesty- all of it- they're invaluable to me. She inspires me. So, ta, bud! ;)

And to you, the readers, to those who take the time to review- thank you. Your words of encouragement are just as invaluable to me. Lea, I hope you get this. :)