Disclaimer : I do not own Saiunkoku Monogatari. It belongs to Sai Yukino.

Rating : M

Genre : Angst/Humour

Warning : Yaoi

Pairing : Li Koyu/Ran Shuei

Summary : The issues of fidelity, misogyny, and parental love are brought out for an airing.

Notes : The beginning of this chapter takes place around the time of Shurei and Eigetsu's celebration of their examination results in episode 14.

PLEASE REVIEW. EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT A MEMBER, I APPRECIATE YOUR NOT-LOGGED-IN COMMENTS (MY RESPONSE WILL BE ON THE REVIEW PAGE IF I CAN'T SEND YOU A PM).


Chapter 6 : ISSUES

Reishin was in the midst of re-decorating Secretary Ko's Manor in preparation for spring. He came into Koyu's office, armed with fabric samples. Koyu knew that Kijin had no interest nor patience when it came to such things. He tried his best to be attentive. However, his responses were never very far from YES or NO.

Koyu was glancing at his pile of work wistfully when Shuei walked into his office. To Koyu's surprise, Shuei bundled Reishin, and the fabric samples, to the small table and chairs at the side of Koyu's office. Koyu watched in amazement as Shuei held his own in the animated discussion on colours and textures. Grateful to be let off, Koyu returned to his work.

Reishin squealed. Koyu looked up to see Reishin, flushed with excitement, clutching two strips of fabric.
"Perfect match! Why didn't I think of that? I could just kiss you for this, General Ran!"

"Be careful, Lord Reishin, I will hold you to that promise some day!"

Reishin laughed and preened in delight. Shuei grinned appreciatively. Reishin thanked Shuei again and rose to leave.

Shuei moved to block Reishin's exit with his own body.
"I want more than just thanks, Lord Reishin. How about satisfying my curiousity? Why DUMPLING, Lord Reishin?"

Reishin started, blushed, then tittered.

Koyu froze.
That's Lord Kijin's pet name for Lord Reishin! Shuei, what are you doing?

"Hmm, Lord Reishin? Where did the inspiration come from? The front, or the rear?"

Reishin's eyes opened wide. His jaw, and his fan, dropped.

Koyu held his breath.
Shuei, have you gone mad?

Reishin recovered himself. He bent to pick up his fan, displaying his voluptuous behind. Reishin gave Shuei's head a smart tap with his fan.
"If you want to know that, General Ran, you are a hundred years too early!"

Reishin minced out of the offlce, his court robes swishing.

Koyu watched the exchange with a sense of unease. Shuei's flirting with Reishin had become increasingly outrageuous. Fortunately Shuei still had the sense to limit it to just Koyu and Shoka's presence.
"Shuei, I don't think you should be flirting with Lord Reishin."

"You're not jealous, are you?"
Shuei was genuinely surprised.

Koyu snorted.
"If I were to get jealous every time you flirted, Ran Shuei, I would be dead from exhaustion by now."

Shuei took Koyu's hand, opened it, and planted a kiss on the palm.
"Koyu, I'm forever grateful to Lord Reishin for, well, for YOU. And Lord Reishin thrives on teasing."

"I can see that."
Koyu said drily.
"You DO know that Lord Kijin is a renowned swordsman, AND insanely jealous, don't you?"

"Not of me."

Koyu raised his brows in a silent question.

"I asked him. Lord Kijin has given his blessing."

"You WHAT?"
At that very moment, Koyu was certain that his lover was insane.

Shuei laughed.
"I didn't want to be on the wrong end of Lord Kijin's sword, General of the Left Army not withstanding! Seriously, Koyu, Lord Kijin thanked me for doing what he is unable to do. He said he was not clever with words, was hopeless at flirting, and couldn't tell one shade of lip-colour from another. He said, 'Make my Dumpling happy, General Ran, but be discreet about it'."

Koyu wasn't sure what to feel about Shuei's easy rapport with Reishin. He was happy that the two most important people in his life got along so well. But he couldn't help being just a little bit jealous. From the time he was adopted, Koyu had applied himself at his studies and work to obtain Reishin's approval. Reishin's manner towards him, however, was always aloof, somewhat mocking, and generally disapproving. Koyu sighed.

"Shuei, if only you could teach me how to please Lord Reishin."

"Don't be an idiot, Koyu, Lord Reishin is already pleased with you."

Koyu looked at Shuei doubtfully, his large eyes serious and thoughtful.

"In any case, it's hardly appropriate for a son to flirt with his father, adopted or otherwise."
Shuei's tone was half in jest, and half in sympathy.


Shuei sat in Koyu's office, waiting to pick Koyu up and make their way to Shoka's Manor for dinner. Shurei would be cooking up a storm to celebrate Eigetsu and her examination results.

Shuei's brow was wet with sweat. He put down the book he was holding to wipe his brow on his sleeve. Shuei had not seen Koyu the whole day. The two times he had popped into Koyu's office, Koyu was not at his desk. That was highly unusual.
Has he been avoiding me? Does he know? Did he hear something from the grapevine?

Koyu walked into his office in total silence. Shuei studied Koyu's face in the long rays of the evening light. Shuei's stomach knotted.
He knows.

Shuei was in a panic. His mind seemed to have become separated from his body. He heard his own voice speaking, bright, chirpy, nonchalant.
"Did you get lost again trying to find your way here?"

"Give it a rest. And besides, there's been rumours of you frequenting that Koga brothel again, Shuei."
Koyu's voice was calm, but Shuei saw his lower lip tremble.

"Don't be jealous. I'm a young and energetic young man."
I didn't mean it to sound like that! Koyu, I'm sorry.

"Instead of a brothel, you should visit a doctor and have that brain of yours examined!"
Koyu was sweating, his young face contorted with pain.

"I told you, it's all in a day's work."
I really did go to Koga House as part of my work. It just happened, Koyu.

Shuei heard himself deftly change the subject. Koyu, to his surprise, allowed it and made no furthur mention of Koga House.

Koyu had decided not to pursue the matter for the moment. Shurei was expecting them for dinner.


Shuei and Koyu thanked Shoka and Shurei for the dinner. They walked back to Ran's Manor in total silence. Back in their bedroom, they waited in silence as the maid brought a pot of hot chrysanthemum tea, as was the routine. When the maid left, Koyu poured two cups of tea, and indicated to Shuei to sit.

"How long has it been going on for, Shuei?"

"Last night was the first and only time, Koyu, I swear."

"I didn't mean the sex act itself. How long have you been tempted to stray?"

"I'm not sure."

"You started asking me to accompany you to Koga House for your meetings with Sister Kocho two months ago. So it's at least that long, isn't it?"

"You knew? Then why didn't you come with me?"

"I'm not your chastity belt, Shuei."

Shuei stared at Koyu in disbelief.
"How could you just sit back, watch me struggle, and wait for me to fall?"

"So it's my fault then? How convenient for you."
Koyu smiled. The smile was ugly, twisted.

Shuei flinched.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply that."

Shuei fell silent. He didn't know what to do or say next. All throughout dinner at Shoka's Manor, Shuei had run through all possible scenarios for this inevitable confrontation. He had anticipated tears, anger, recriminations, threats even, but nothing could have prepared him for this.

"So. Shuei, all those times we had sex in the past two months, did you have to fantasize about Sister Kocho to achieve orgasm?"
Koyu's tone was conversational, chummy even. Shuei was terrified.

Koyu laughed. The sound was brittle.
"Oh, come now, Shuei, don't look like that! Afterall, you told me that's what you did before, isn't it? In reverse, of course. You fantasized about me while having sex with Sister Kocho, remember? Really, Shuei, you need to do something about this mind-body-split issue you seem to be having."

Shuei stared at Koyu. Koyu was sitting ramrod straight on the rosewood stool. His face was a deathly white. This was not his Koyu, his Koyu was warm, open, trusting, naive. And it was all his fault. He had done this to Koyu. Shuei was scared, scared for Koyu. He could see the tension building up in Koyu, spiralling, tightening. He looked at Koyu's clenched fists. There was a trickle of blood flowing from the centre of the palms. He HAD to break Koyu out of this.

Shuei moved behind Koyu and embraced him, bracing himself for Koyu's resistance. Koyu fought to free himself. The rosewood stool toppled. The rosewood table fell on its side. The teapot and teacups flew across the room. Inspite of his slight frame, Koyu was surprisingly strong. Shuei struggled to hold on to him.

Exhausted, they both fell on their knees, with Shuei still holding Koyu. Shuei looked at Koyu's face. The colour had returned. And the tension had left Koyu's body. Slowly, Shuei released Koyu. Koyu sank to the floor, still breathing hard.

"Answer the question, Ran Shuei."
Koyu turned to face Shuei, looking directly into his eyes. He repeated the question.
"Did you fantasize about Sister Kocho while having sex with me?"

"No. Not even once."

"Not even on those nights after Koga House, when we would be at each other even before you take a bath?"

"Koyu. Although I come home already aroused, the moment I touch you, everything else disappears. Then it becomes just you. That's the truth, Koyu."

Koyu held the gaze for a long time, his eyes searching. Finally, he broke the gaze, nodding slightly.
"Thank you for not inflicting that indignity on me, Shuei. And Shuei, I didn't know at the time you started asking me to accompany you to Koga House. The significance only sank in at Lord Shoka's dinner tonight. It also became clear why you changed the meeting room and took to entering by the side entrance. You were trying to avoid seeing the women, weren't you? You are such an idiot, Shuei. Sister Kocho, the one you go to meet, is more alluring than all the other women put together. And you can't possibly avoid seeing her, can you?"

Koyu sighed.
"In any case, even if I HAD known, I still wouldn't have gone with you."

"Why not?"

Koyu shrugged.
"It's pointless to hold on to something that is already breaking up, isn't it? Why did you struggle so hard, Shuei? If you had already tired of me, why didn't you just end it?"

"I'm not tired of you, Koyu! I've never been happier in my life!"

"If you are so happy with me, why are you tempted? Do you miss sex with women that much, Shuei?"

There was a long silence.

"I don't know, Koyu. Never when I'm with you. But when I'm at Koga House, yes."

Koyu stood up. He sighed.
"Shuei, I can't see that there is any difference, as far as commitment is concerned, between sex with men and sex with women. I mean, it's not like SEX WITH WOMEN is some sort of homogenous, non-differentiated experience. Surely every woman is different? What I'm trying to say is, I don't think your lack of commitment to me is because I'm a man, and therefore you have an unfulfilled need to have sex with women. I think you are just not able to commit yourself to anyone, man or woman."

Koyu paused.
"Of course, since I have no interest in women, I'm not really in a position to comment, am I? I'm going back to Secretary Ko's Manor now. I'll send for my stuff another day."

Koyu walked out the front gate of the Ran Manor, then remembered the jade ornament hanging off his hip. That was Shuei's gift to him, a love token. The day after Shuei and Koyu saw the twin irises formed by their strands of hair, they have gone together to have their love tokens made. Koyu's gift to Shuei was a sword with a golden hilt engraved with the Twin Irises. Koyu looked at the jade ornament in his hand, Twin Irises carved on a disc of green jade. Koyu turned back to return the love token to Shuei.

Koyu entered the bedroom to see Shuei still kneeling in the same position on the floor where Koyu had left him. Shuei looked up on hearing Koyu's entrance.

Koyu couldn't bear to see the tentative hope in the voilet eyes. He spoke quickly.
"I came back to return this to you."

Koyu held out the jade disc. The voilet eyes dulled. Shuei nodded, took the disc from Koyu, and, turned away.

Koyu gently touched Shuei's shaking shoulder.
"Shuei, I'm not angry with you. And I'm still keeping the dog tag."

Koyu walked out of the Ran Manor's front gate a second time, and made his way down the street.

"Koyu! Wait up!"

Koyu turned to see Shuei slipping into position on his left. It was too dark to see Shuei's face.

"It's late. I'll walk you."

They walked in silence, falling into step with each other.


Koyu sat at his desk. He regretted, once again, taking back the jade disc. On the walk from the Ran Manor to Secretary Ko's Manor that night, Shuei had asked for a month. Koyu had remonstrated that nothing was going to change within that time. Finally, Koyu had agreed to take back the disc, for a month.

The next day, Koyu had been surprised and moved by Shuei's effort to appear normal. Except for the pallor, Shuei appeared to be the same Shuei as always, smiling, joking, attentive. By the end of the first day, they had more or less reverted to 'best friends' mode.

On one occasion, however, the pretense had slipped. Koyu had been sitting alone in the Archives, worried about Shurei and Eigetsu's ill-treatment by Official Ro. Shuei had come up close behind him and said, "That dour expression of yours does turn me on." Koyu had reponded in irritation, "There's a limit even to jokes. I'm in a bad mood right now." Shuei had pulled back, and, for just a fleeting moment, he had looked lost and terrified.

Koyu had wanted to jump out of his chair and hug him, and tell him that it's all alright. But he didn't, because it wasn't all alright. So he had looked away, and made some comment on Lord Reishin. By the time Shuei had sat down opposite Koyu, he was again the smiling Shuei.

Recalling Shuei's expression that day, Koyu dreaded having to return the Twin Irises jade disc to Shuei again when the one month was up.

"Koyu, we need to talk."

Koyu looked up to see Reishin standing in front of his desk. Reishin turned and sat down at one of the chairs flanking the small table at the side of Koyu's office. Koyu got up and joined Reishin, sitting on the other chair. Koyu glanced at Reishin. For the first time ever, Koyu saw Reishin struggling to find the right words.

"Fifteen years ago, I came very very near to being unfaithful to Kijin. I was guilt-ridden and terrified. I realised that I was too susceptible to flirtation. I asked Kijin for help."
Reishin paused for breath, fanning himself vigorously.
"Kijin's insane jealousy is an act. It works well to keep ill-intentioned men from flirting with me."

Koyu was at a loss as to the purpose of this confidence.

"Koyu, Kijin accepted my weakness and protected me against myself. Can you not do the same for Shuei?"

"How did you know ... "

"I have my spies."

"I don't believe this. Shuei is the one that's unfaithful and he's all that you care about! And what do you mean by doing the same for Shuei? Do you expect me to accompany him to Koga House like a fool?"

"Kijin has made himself a laughing stock for the past fifteen years, Koyu. And he is not even able to understand my weakness. He has never been tempted to stray. I guess people are just made different, and Ran Shuei and I are perhaps more similar."

"That's not true. You came to your senses in time."

"I did nothing of that sort! The only reason the rice was not cooked was because the man got too excited and came prematurely, and was too humiliated to try again!"

They glared at each other across the small table, both too upset to be embarrassed. Reishin sighed and continued.

"And Koyu, it's not true that Shuei is all that I care about. I do care for him now, but have you forgotten that I went to talk to Shuei concerning the two of you before? At that time I didn't know him and couldn't have cared for him. You choose to ignore that fact. Just like you are now ignoring what Brother Shoka said to you last night."

Koyu looked away.
"So. Lord Shoka told you."

"Yes, he did. Brother Shoka told me that he got through to you, that you understood the meaning behind your name, that you finally know your parent's heart. And yet you are now sitting here accusing me of not caring for you. What do you need from me to convince you otherwise?"

Koyu said nothing. Reishin sighed again.

"In any case, I digress. I come here with information given to me by Physician Ho. Do you know who he is?"

"Palace physician? In charge of palace maids?"

"Not quite. In charge of eunuchs, of castration and after-care. Ran Shuei has engaged his services. The operation is scheduled for tomorrow, to coincide with Shuei's one-week leave."

Reishin allowed the information to sink in before going on.
"You are pushing Shuei into a corner, Koyu. If this is what you need to accept him, then I have nothing more to say. If you will not accept him regardless, please make it clear to him fast. Shuei is not yet 30, Koyu, don't let him lose his balls for nothing."

Reishin stood up and quietly left Koyu's office.


Koyu walked into the Armoury. Shuei was seated at the table, lost in thought.

"Shuei."

Shuei started. He looked at Koyu, then at the evening light streaming in through the high window.
"Oh. Is it time to knock off? Sorry, I lost track of time. Come, let's go."
Shuei stood up to walk Koyu home.

"Sit down, Shuei, I need to talk to you."

They both sat down.

"Shuei, if you go through with the castration, I will do the same to myself."

Shuei opened his mouth, found nothing to say, and closed it again.

"What are you trying to do, Shuei, make me come back to you out of guilt?"

In the harsh evening light, Shuei looked old and exhausted.
"That was never the intention, Koyu. After my leave, I was going to suggest this solution to you. If you didn't accept it, you needn't ever know that it was done."

"Then why do it before asking?"

Koyu gasped, and answered his own question.
"Because you are superstitious!"

Shuei closed his eyes and nodded. Koyu recalled the first night at the Ran Manor, the bath oils, the dog tag, and Shuei's child-like superstition that if he wanted something badly enough, he had to make the preparation before the asking.

"Oh my god, Shuei, and what would you do with yourself then?"

Eyes still closed, Shuei shrugged.

Koyu started to sob. Painful, violent sobs that shook his slender frame. Shuei watched from his side of the table, unmoving. When the sobs finally subsided, Shuei said gently,
"Come on, Koyu, let's get you home."

They walked in silence to Secretary Ko's Manor. Koyu stopped a few metres short of the main gate.

"Shuei ... "

"I got it, Koyu. I will cancel the appointment and my leave when I get in tomorrow."

"Thank you. Shuei, I'm sorry."

"I think I should be the one to say that."
Shuei paused.
"Koyu, tell me what to do. Is there anything I can do to make things right again?"

Koyu looked like he was about to cry again.

"Think about it, alright?"

Koyu nodded. Shuei turned and walked down the street.


Reishin was already in the carriage. Koyu got in and sat opposite Reishin. Reishin stuck his head out the window and indicated to the driver to take off.

Koyu was surprised.
"Lord Kijin is not taking the carriage?"

"No, Kijin will walk to work today. Koyu, we are going for a drive. I want to talk to you."

Koyu's headache got worse.

"I was on the other side of the garden wall when Shuei walked you home last night. Have you thought about what Shuei asked you to?"

Koyu nodded.

"Come up with anything?"

Koyu shook his head, eyes tearing. Reishin reached into his sleeve, took out a silk hankerchief, and handed it to Koyu. He watched as Koyu destroyed the hankerchief.

"Koyu, talk to me. My spies tell me only the facts. I only know that Shuei slept with Kocho the night before Shurei and Eigetsu's celebration dinner. Then the next night you came home to stay. Tell me what happened, Koyu, every word that was said."

Reishin said that knowing Koyu literally could do that. Koyu had a photographic memory when it came to words, either heard or read. Koyu, to his own surprise, talked, and for a long time.

Koyu leaned back against the plush upholstery. Unburdening was a new experience to him. He felt strangely lighter, even without a solution in sight. Allowing his body to relax, he studied the man seated opposite him in the carriage.

Reishin was holding his head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees. He wore a slight frown, his eyes were closed, and his lips were pressed together in thought. Koyu realised he had never seen his adopted father this way. The Lord Reishin he was familiar with was that of the arched brows, mocking eyes, and lips lifted in a delicate sneer. Or the other Lord Reishin, flirtatious and pouting. Over the last 13 years, Reishin had become, if it's even possible, more beautiful. And definitely more feminine. Koyu smiled thinking about how outrageously Kijin pampers his dumpling. And they feed each other during meals! Koyu felt a pang of envy that brought him back to his immediate concern.

"Koyu, bear with some random questions."

Koyu nodded.

"When did you meet Kocho?"

Koyu related the time when Shuei and himself accompanied the emperor to Koga House to meet To Eigetsu. Reishin watched Koyu closely throughout Koyu's narration.

"How did Kocho offend you?"

Koyu started.
"I wasn't offended!"

Reishin raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, alright. Maybe a little. Both His Highness and I were new to Sister Kocho. She fawned over His Highness and totally ignored me. I just thought it was very rude."

"Hmm. Did you desire Kocho's attention?"

Koyu stared at Reishin.
"What are you getting at, Lord Reishin?"

Reishin leaned forward, eyes narrowing.
"Were you attracted to Kocho?"

"I don't like women!"
A flush spread across his features.

"Koyu, you are blushing."

Koyu put a hand to his cheek, felt the undeniable heat, and stammered.
"I ... I... but that's impossible!"

Reishin leaned back in his seat.
"I think, Koyu, you have always been denying your attraction to women. You are rather too vehement about your dislike of women. You make a very public announcement every year that you do not like women. I have no interest in women, Koyu, but I don't feel the need to publicize it."

"But... but... that's to turn down stupid, politically-motivated marriage proposals! You don't have that problem, Lord Reishin, because you don't exactly look like a ... I'm sorry, Lord Reishin."

"It's alright. I don't mind."

Reishin re-settled himself in the seat.
"My point is, Koyu, you can turn down marriage proposals without giving any reason. People do that all the time. Think about it, Koyu. About Kocho. I watched you when you were talking about her. The signs are all there, Koyu. Also, you said to Shuei, 'Sister Kocho is more alluring than all of the other women put together'. And how would you know that, if you were so impervious to feminine charms? And there was that which you said, something about Kocho's perfume lingering on Shuei after their meetings. What exactly did you say?"

Koyu closed his eyes, repeating his words said earlier.
"... and the humiliation! Every week, after Koga House, the moment Shuei steps into the bedroom, we would have sex, even before Shuei takes a bath, with Sister Kocho's perfume still lingering on him. And Shuei would always be impatient. The irony is that I seem to be just as desparate as him, somehow."

Koyu opened his eyes and looked at Reishin questioningly.

"Shuei's impatience, right, I get that. But why were YOU desparate, Koyu? Could it be Kocho's perfume? Was that what got you excited, Koyu?"

Reishin saw Koyu jump. Then Koyu, always honest, gave the matter serious consideration.

Koyu groaned, holding his head between his knees.
"Ohh! Ohh! I'm a TOTAL hypocrite! I'm worse than what I accuse Shuei of! What am I going to do now, Lord Reishin?"

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Koyu. And it's pointless to compare who is more guilty. The point is for you to realize that even though you love your partner, being attracted to other people is normal. In Shuei's case, and maybe yours too, there is the other thing about gender, about the need to sleep with women. I am at a loss here, Koyu, I have only ever lusted after men. Shuei and you need to figure out how to deal with all this."

Koyu sat up straight, thought for a while, and sighed.
"Any suggestions, Lord Reishin?"

"You could just accept the risk that Shuei would lose control every now and then."

".........."

"Or, you could accompany him to Koga House."

"WHAT? You mean, both of us, with Sister Kocho? That's perverted!"

Reishin raised one eyebrow.
"Actually, I wasn't thinking along those lines, but obviously you were. In any case, nothing is perverted among consenting adults, Koyu."

Reishin's face became thoughtful.
"Except that, Koyu, I suspect you may not be able to do it with a woman."

"Oh, this is just great, Lord Reishin! First, you force me to realize that I DO desire women, then you tell me that I am not able to have sex with them! Why ever not? I am not impotent!"

"Calm down, Koyu!"

Koyu composed himself.

"I have a notion about why not. Are you sure you want to get into this, Koyu?"

Koyu nodded, biting his lip and frowning.

"Alright then. I need you to fantasize about Kocho. And take it all the way to the finish."

"WHAT? Now? Here? You want me to masturbate in front of you?"

Reishin rolled his eyes.
"I do not! It most likely won't come to that, anyway. But if it does, I will stop the carriage and step out. Deal?"

"Ok, deal."
Koyu laughed.
"The image of your delicate skin blistering in the sun should be enough to deflate me, Lord Reishin."

"Very funny, Koyu. Now get on with it."

Koyu flushed. He obediently closed his eyes and visualised Kocho. Reishin kept his eyes fixed on Koyu. In the morning light that streamed in from the carriage window, Reishin saw Koyu's flush deepen, his breath quicken, his lips part. The bulge in Koyu's tunic was obvious.

Reishin waited, holding his breath. Then it came. Koyu's breathing became frantic, his body shrank into the upholstery, his eyes flew open but were unseeing. Koyu writhed and whimpered.

"Mother, please. I don't want to. Please don't."

Reishin slapped Koyu.

Koyu kept his eyes averted from Reishin's. Reishin was himself lost in thought.

[Flashback]

Reishin saw, from his carriage, a young boy selling lottery at a roadside stall. He sensed something different about the boy. Reishin alighted and looked at the contents of the stall. The words "lottery" on the box were beautifully written. The script was bold, handsome, unpretentious, fluid. The boy was not only literate, but had great potential. Reishin examined the boy's features. Very handsome, strong features, but yet vulnerable.

"This is pretty good business. Your parents came up with the idea?"

"I don't have parents."

The boy averted his eyes. But before he turned away, Reishin saw in the boy's pale grey eyes confusion and loss.

All these 13 years Koyu had never talked about his past. Reishin had asked, just once. Koyu had said that he remembered nothing, that his first memory was of waking up hungry and dehydrated in a haystack. He didn't know his own name nor age. Reishin was unsure if Koyu really did have amnesia, or if he was hiding his past. Reishin never brought up the topic again.

Looking at Koyu seated opposite him, Reishin finally knew the answer. Reishin didn't know what to say. What can you say to a young man whose unpleasant past had just crowded into his memory?

"Lord Reishin, I was 8 years old. I ran away from home after my mother, my mother..."
Koyu forced himself to go on.
"After my mother tried to rape me. She didn't succeed. I was too young."
Koyu paused.
"Lord Reishin, is it alright if I never tell you my name?"

"Your name has always been, and will always be, Li Koyu."

"Thank you, Lord Reishin. For everything."

"You are more than welcome, Koyu. Shall we go to work now?"

"Can I ask two favours? Can we go home to pick up something? Can we make a stop at Koga House?"

Reishin looked at his adopted son quizzically.

Koyu blushed.
"It's not what you think, Lord Reishin! I owe Sister Kocho an apology. She called at my office last week but I refused to see her."

"Very well, then. I'll drop you off at Koga House, go home to pick up your love token, and come by Koga House to pick you up. Where did you put it?"

Koyu looked surprised, shook his head slightly, then laughed.
"Under my pillow."

"By the way, Koyu, my guess is that Kocho ignored you under Shuei's instructions. Shuei probably thought to save you embarrassment since you were allergic to women. A professional like Kocho is not likely to ignore anyone otherwise."

"Makes sense."

Reishin arched his brows.
"Don't I always?"

Koyu snorted, then grinned as he turned to look out the window. Reishin laughed, his scarlet ear studs sparkling in the morning sun.


Shuei's heart was pounding. On the way to Koyu's office he had met Reishin. Reishin had a strange expression on his face, expectant, almost congratulatory. Shuei composed himself, then strolled into Koyu's office.

Koyu was busy writing. As was his habit, Shuei leaned against the windows, crossed his arms and waited. He observed Koyu. Koyu seemed tense. His frown of concentration excessive. Shuei couldn't take the tension. He walked towards the stacks of gift boxes and paper scrolls lined up against the bookcases. Shuei picked up one of the scrolls. It was a marriage proposal from Secretary Sai. Shuei stole a glance at Koyu. Still no sign of anything. Nervous, Shuei rambled on.

"So. What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Ah, that's right."
Shuei was grateful that he DID have something to tell Koyu. He told Koyu that Ro Ensei and Korin were on their way to Kyo from the Sa province. Koyu frowned at the mention of Korin.

Shuei continued.
"What now? Shurei doesn't know the real reason for Korin's sudden departure. We never told her. And that, Korin, in order to assist Guardian Sa, tried to poison Shurei and made an attempt on her life."

Koyu placed his right hand on the table, and just before pushing himself up from the chair, he looked directly at Shuei.

Shuei's heart skipped a beat. Koyu's grey eyes were clear and bright, a far cry from the troubled eyes the night before.
What was that look?

Shuei's gaze fixed upon Koyu's waist, willing him to walk out from behind his desk.
Is he wearing the Twin Irises ornament?

Koyu walked towards the window.
"I don't see what the problem is. Things have changed now, and Shurei has become an official. There will be things that she has to learn to accept."

Shuei's heart leapt. There, swinging against Koyu's thigh, was the love token! Delirious, Shuei caught the words "learn to accept".
What is he saying? That he has learnt to accept? To accept me? It must be! The Twin Irises token says so!

Smiling broadly, Shuei agreed.
"You're right. I think so too."

Koyu turned his head from the window and returned the smile. He half-expected Shuei to rush into his embrace.

"Well, I'll take my leave then. You see, I'll be pretty busy with some other matters myself."

Koyu was taken aback.
"Other matters?"

Still holding the marriage proposal from Secretary Sai, Shuei grinned, his eyes forming crescents.
"Yes."
He turned to replace the scroll on the stack of gift boxes.

Koyu was stumped. This was NOT the reconciliation he had envisioned!

"Shuei, wait!"

Shuei turned to see Koyu biting his lip.

"Shuei, aren't you going to take me home tonight?"
Koyu's wide eyes were bewildered and a little hurt.

Shuei closed the distance between them and looked into the pale grey eyes. He brushed his lips lightly against Koyu's. Shuei shuddered at the touch. It's been so long! Shuei had to bite down on his own tongue to stop it from snaking its way into Koyu's yielding mouth. If he started, he knew he couldn't stop.

Shuei wanted to do it right this time. He wanted to bring Koyu home in style. He needed time to make the necessary preparations.
"Koyu, I'll bring you home in two weeks' time. Properly this time, with Lord Reishin and Lord Kijin's blessings. And not just with the offer of a nice warm bed to have sex in."

Koyu smiled his understanding and appreciation into the warm voilet eyes.

[Flashback 1]

"Won't you change your mind about moving in with me, Koyu? Can't we do this in a nice warm bed?"

[Flashback 2]

"On the other hand, you seem to be going around quite a bit without my knowledge, aren't you? I'll deal with you later."

Reishin's snake eyes glaring at Koyu above his fan were sharp and not too pleased. Koyu fidgeted and looked upset.

Shuei waited for a time when he was alone with Koyu (which was difficult, as they were visiting the sick Shurei, and everyone they knew seemed to be doing the same thing!) before asking Koyu about it.

"Koyu, you seem upset about Lord Reishin's admonishment earlier."

Koyu, who was always direct in his gaze, couldn't meet Shuei's eyes. Shuei became really concerned.

"Koyu, what's wrong?"

Koyu groaned.
"I am a terrible son! I moved in with you without a word to Lord Reishin and Lord Kijin! I just didn't go home! And it's been a week already!"


Reishin was straining to hear the conversation next door. Shuei's been in there a while now. Reishin was dying of curiousity, but he dared not go next door for fear of finding Shuei and Koyu in any of the possible compromising positions. Reishin was therefore surprised to see Shuei and Koyu walk into his office looking, well, looking chaste!

Shuei took Reishin's hand, the one not holding the fan, brought it to his lips and kissed the back of the hand warmly.
"Whatever am I going to do, Lord Reishin? I am getting deeper and deeper into your debt!"

Koyu came to stand in front of Reishin.
"Lord Resihin, you asked me before what I needed from you to convince me that you do care for me. I have the answer now."

Reishin looked at Koyu sharply. He wasn't expecting this.
"What is it, Koyu?"

"Touch me, Lord Reishin."

"Pardon?"

"Since the day you adopted me, you have never touched me."

Reshin scrutinized Koyu's face, trying to ascertain if this was a prank. Reishin lifted his fan to Koyu's chin. Shuei grabbed the fan and forced it down.

"Skin on skin, Lord Reishin."
Grinning broadly, Shuei moved behind Reishin.

Reishin turned back to seek help from Shuei.
"Shuei, where should I touch him?"

Shuei curled his fingers on his chin and frowned, giving it serious thought.
"Well, Lord Reishin, the places I want to touch are hardly appropriate."

Blushing, Reishin gave Shuei a side-long glare. He then turned to Koyu, braced himself, and gingerly stroked Koyu's cheek with the back of his hand. Shuei gave Reishin a shove from the back. Reishin fell against Koyu. Koyu's arms curled round Reishin in a warm embrace. After many stunned, then embarrassed seconds, Reishin returned the embrace. As Reishin and Koyu were the same height, they held each other, cheek on cheek.

Koyu moved to plant a kiss on Reishin's cheek. Reishin, feeling Koyu's cheek lift from his own, turned. Koyu's kiss landed fully on Reishin's lips. They sprang apart so violently that, Reishin, being the less athletic of the two, landed on the floor.

The only person amused was Shuei. Koyu was making gagging sounds and frantically wiping his lips with the back of both hands. Reishin, Sitting on the floor, was dazed and dishevelled. His left hand was holding on to his hat that was threatening to slide off, his right hand touching his flushed cheek. The starched collar of his court robes had fallen open, and his skirt had hiked up to his knees. Looking at him, Shuei thought,
Good grief! If Lord Kijin sees him like this ...

"Dumpling!"

Shuei heard the hotly whispered endearment and spun around. Standing at the door to Reishin's office was Kijin. Shuei had the fanciful notion that the painted features of Kijin's mask had taken on a lustful look. Shuei grabbed the still gagging Koyu and dragged him out of Reishin's office.


"Shuei! You can't be serious!"

Koyu was trying, without much success, to dig his heels into the pavement.

"I am perfectly serious! It is a very normal practice for a man's best friend to arrange a stag party the night before the wedding."

"Yes, but ... "

"ESPECIALLY as when the man in question is a virgin."

''I'm NOT a virgin!"

"You are as good as one, in so far as women are concerned."

They were almost at the entrance of Koga House.

"Shuei! Stop this!"

"You SAID in no uncertain terms that you desire Kocho. And she has made the whole night free for you. Do you know just how busy her schedule is?'

"But, what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to watch."

"WHAT?"

Shuei grinned.
"Only if you don't mind, Koyu. Kocho has given her ok."

Koyu sputtered.

Kocho came out of the front entrance of Koga House to greet her special guest.

"Master Koyu! General Ran has told me all about your package. I am looking forward to a treat tonight! "

"SHUEI!"

[Time lapse]

"General Ran, you can do whatever you want OUTSIDE of this carpet, got it?"

"Yes, Kocho. Koyu, last chance to chase me out. Want me to leave?"

Koyu turned luminous eyes to Shuei.
"No, don't leave, Shuei."

Kocho led Koyu onto the carpet. In the middle of the carpet was a huge bed on a raised platform. The lighting was such that anything outside of the carpet was in shadows. In the shadows, Shuei watched Kocho's caresses with a mixture of emotions. He was jealous. He was aroused. He was laughing.

Koyu, in trying to undo his belt, lost his grip on the fabric. His arm flung backwards, hit Kocho in the chest, and sent her flying. Kocho was dazed, but she recovered quickly and picked herself up. Koyu, rushing to help her, tripped over a fold in the carpet and knocked Kocho down again. As Koyu was scrambling to find his feet, Kocho, still seated on the carpet, shot Shuei a comical look that said, "How do YOU survive sex with this man?"

Shuei wasn't sure if speaking from the shadows was allowed, but he did it anyway.
"Hang in there, Kocho. Koyu's clumsiness vanishes when he is fully aroused. And Koyu, just sit still till you get it up!"

Kocho's mouth fell open. She turned to look at Koyu. Mortified, Koyu had crawled to the bed. He sat there fully-clothed, red-faced and smiling at her shyly. Kocho returned the smile, feeling a genuine affection for this klutz. Indeed, she was looking forward to a treat that night.

[Time Lapse]

Shuei supported Koyu with his left arm as he hailed a carriage to take Koyu back to Secretary Ko's Manor. Koyu was in no state to walk. Kocho had outdone herself.

Inside the carriage, Koyu cuddled up to Shuei. He felt Shuei harden. Shuei gently pushed Koyu a little away.

"Sorry. Shuei, why didn't you join in when Kocho invited you to? I wanted you to."

"Not tonight, Koyu. Tonight is your initiation into sex with women. It would defeat the purpose if I were humping you, don't you think?"

Shuei looked at the drowsy-eyed Koyu smiling at him.
Damn, he's just too sexy! Tomorrow night, Li Koyu, I'm not going to let you sleep at all!

[CHAPTER END]


Note : one more chapter to go