Disclaimer: We sadly do not own Criminal Minds.
Garcia had had a wonderful time that night and had felt truly spoiled by Morgan, "Just as she should." He had told her as he hugged her goodbye moments before outside her door. She sighed happily as she locked up, dropping her keys on the table next to the door and heading in to go for a shower, ready to just sink into bed once she was done.
She was reaching for the shampoo to do her hair, squeezing some out into her hand when the smell hit her nostrils, it was strong and masculine compared to her usually fruity cocktail of shampoo. It wasn't hers. It was Kevin's. She dropped the bottle suddenly, all the feelings of happiness at her night washing away with the drop of shampoo on her hand.
Kevin's shampoo. Kevin's. Kevin's....I just don't love you anymore.
Her head began to pound, tears forming behind her eyes as those words assaulted her heart once more. It gouged open the only butterfly stitched wound and she felt the pain of inadequacy all over again. She just hadn't been enough. She was too much and then not enough all in the same breath.
She let the tears fall as she turned the shower off, forgetting about her hair, not caring about it right at that moment. She grabbed a towel as the tears poured and half heartedly tried to dry herself off as she tried in vain to keep it together.
She collapsed, water droplets still clinging to her skin, in her bed, not caring that she was somewhat cold or that the water was going to soak her bed clothes. She just wanted to curl up and let the emotions take her. The crying was the only way she could get rid of the feelings; it was no use trying to keep the tears at bay, not when her heart was re-breaking.
Her mind replayed the break up conversation hundreds of times that night and it tortured her already tortured soul more. Morgan's first step on his way to wooing his Baby Girl had now been eclipsed by the sadness that she felt, the insecurities she had managed to keep at bay for tonight coming back to the surface, and with increased vigour too. Each and every insecurity that she had ever had, ranging from deep seated to minimal, was pushing its way to the surface:
Her nose was too big, her glasses made her look like a bug, she weighed too much, her clothes were not for adults but children, her voice was too deep, her eyes too far apart, her breasts made her look like a hooker, her butt was too big – and not just in those jeans, her personality was too 'in your face', her braces hadn't done their job, she was too loud, too overbearing, too flirty, too mouthy, not pretty enough, too crass, a bad dancer, second best...
She continued to sob as the insecurities raged through her brain, poisoning every inch of it, sucking the happiness of the night she had just had from her, taking it away, crushing it with the sheer amount of negative words that had been flung at her throughout her life.
She had finally cried herself out of tears and had fallen asleep, exhausted, waking up shivering the next morning. She wanted nothing more than to just roll back over and lock the world out but she knew that she had to go to work today. She had been off for far too long already.
Getting herself out of bed she flung her as-yet-unwashed curls up into a messy bun, as long as she was at work and semi decent she didn't care much at all. She applied her make-up mechanically before she put on her navy blue suit with a bright green top underneath and her usual assortment of eclectic jewellery. Every move was mechanical that morning; she just needed to look normal so that she could pretend everything was fine.
She made it into the BAU and was in her office well before the others arrived in an attempt to avoid them, knowing that each and every one of them would know that something was wrong within a few seconds, her still somewhat puffy eyes and her smile being forced were dead giveaways, and it didn't help that they were profilers. It never did, that's why as much as she loved her super heroes, she hated profilers. You had no secrets from profilers, never. And she didn't want them to know that she was breaking because of something Kevin Lynch had said, no matter how much it hurt. They all thought she was over it; they didn't need her sob story again.
However, she should have betted on Morgan paying her a visit that morning.
"Morning Baby Girl." He said happily as he entered her lair. "I come bearing gifts." He said, bowing theatrically with a coffee cup in one hand and another rose in the other. When he didn't get a laugh out of her he looked over at her with concern, which grew when he realised she wasn't looking at him.
"Garcia, what's wrong?" He asked softly, stepping towards her.
"Nothing." She said quickly, turning with a smile on her face that didn't reach her eyes. "What gifts do you bring to me oh mere mortal?" She quipped, trying to make him believe she was fine. But she knew he would know better.
"I bring coffee and another one of these." He said, holding forward the rose with a flourish. It was a pink one thins time. "This one is so you have one here, to remind you that not all guys suck." He said with a smile as she took it from him and placed it in the vase of flowers she had already.
"Thanks handsome." She said softly turning away from him on her spiny chair, trying to hide her wobbling bottom lip.
"Baby Girl, what's the matter?" He asked concern driving him forward so that he was turning her chair around to face him as he knelt in front of her. "Hey, hey." He said softly as he wiped tears from her cheeks before tilting her head to face him. "Don't cry Baby Girl, what's wrong? Please tell me?"
"No-Nothing." She said as more tears spilled down her cheeks and she bit her lip to stop it from trembling any more.
"Pen, baby, you can't say that when you're spilling those crocodile tears, what's wrong? What happened between when I dropped you off and now? What's that bastard said?" He asked, his voice hardening as the thought that Lynch may have done something to leave his Baby Girl so upset hit him.
"No Derek, he- he didn't do anything. It's stupid, really. Just- just forget about it." She said, wiping away the remainder of her tears and trying to turn her chair away from him.
"No. I won't. What happened Pen? I don't mind if it's stupid." He said softly, looking her in the eyes as he rubbed his thumb over her hand softly. "You can tell me." He prodded when he felt she was about to tell him something.
"I- I almost washed my hair with his shampoo last night okay?!" She blurted it out.
"And it smelt...bad?" He asked, trying to make her laugh. She did, almost. She snorted through her tears.
"No, and I remembered all that he said, remembered why he broke us off and it all just hit me again..."
"Any guy who would take a job over a woman is crazy, baby." He said, "And especially over you. You hear."
"He- he didn't leave to take a job..." She said and he knew what she was going to tell him, but he was going to pretend he didn't, this was her choice to tell him. "He just...fell out of love with me."
"Oh Baby Girl." He said, his voice full of sadness for her. "C'mere." He said, opening his arms to hug her and she entered them willingly. He kissed her head softly, squeezing her tightly before letting her go and looking her in the eyes and speaking once again: "Baby Girl, you are one in a million, beautiful, smart, kind, funny, caring...and flirty as hell." He said with a smile. "Any guy would be lucky to have you." He said it with such feeling that she took his words in and for now they chased Kevin's away, keeping those insecurities at bay.
"I don't know what I'd do without you handsome." She said with a smile, wiping her cheeks once more to rid them of any residual tears.
"You'd live one heck of a boring life, that's for sure." He teased with a laugh.
"Don't get the two of us mixed up now Morgan." She shot back with a smile. And although it was still a little shaky it was reaching her eyes.
"See you at lunch Baby Girl?" He asked as he began to back out of her office.
"Sure thing Handsome, but bring your wallet, mamma wants a big 'ole slab of chocolate cake." She said and he laughed.
"I'm sure that can be arranged." He said, leaving with a smile glad that he had managed to cheer her up and already had the second of their 'dates' planned. Every single time it was just the two of them he fully intended to spoil the woman, show her just how desirable, beautiful and special she truly was.
