CHAPTER 4
Changes and Secrets
EDWARD POV
It felt as if I was running in slow motion. I was still far ahead of the others but I felt like I was running at a human speed. I needed to get to her. To save her… Alice was right. I shouldn't of left. What was I thinking! She barely made it through her first few months at Forks, how did I expect her to survive it with out me. I left her to die. This was my fault. It was all my fault.
I had always enjoyed running, the sense of freedom - of peace - always seemed to bring some extra spark of joy to my life, even before Bella. It was always the one thing I liked about being what I am. Yet, some how now… I hated it. The wind hitting my face, blowing my hair was just irritating. Jumping across the deep ditches and streams were frustrating and all mixture of animal and human scents… nauseating. There was only one scent I needed to smell, one smile I need to see… one girl I needed to hold. My Bella.
"Alice" I grumbled. Shouting wasn't necessary. As far behind as she was she could still hear me.
The silence that followed was infuriating. How could Bella just vanish like that, there must have been something more somewhere. She couldn't be dead. I read a few flashes from her mind. Looking for something more but finding nothing that would tell me it was a big joke. Maybe a plan to get me to return so Charlie could shoot me. I was certain he had thought about it and to be honest I deserved it.
"sorry" she mumbled back. Carlisle was gaining speed and had nearly caught up with me now. Was I slowing? I pushed more effort into my run, flinging my whole strength into each move. Carlisle was always the second fastest but even he had trouble keeping up once I really put force into my run… and right now, I was putting in everything I had.
"Edward, what are you going to do if we get there and she is alive? Son, have you thought about that?" I could easily read what he was really asking me. If we got there and she was alive, would I leave again, could I?
"I will not make the same mistake again" I spoke back to him, as I said the words I realised the meaning behind them. No. if she was alive I would hold on to her and I would never ever let her go.
"And if we get there and shes…" he didn't finish, hearing my low growl.
"I will follow her" I growled out to him "I do not want this world if she is not in it"
"No Edward, you cant!" Alice shouted as she envisioned my plan. The Volturi.
The Volturi - the closest thing our race has to royalty - I would go to Italy and beg of them to kill me. I had no other option, I knew Carlisle wouldn't do it, he was a saver not a murderer. I wondered idly if the others would consider it. No. even Rosalie on her worst day, in her worst mood wouldn't actually do it. I would go then… Aro would take pleasure in destroying me, he didn't like to be turned down and I had turned him down on occasion. He had heard about Alice and me, along time ago. He had heard of our powers and word had been sent that he wanted us to join his coven. Carlisle had seen it as an honour but I knew it worried him, even after he knew we wouldn't dream of it.
"Stay out of it Alice!" I let out a loud growl.
"The Volturi Edward, are you insane?" she growled right back. The gasps flew as the rest took in what she really meant. I heard a mixture of comments, yells and pleads from behind me but I tuned them out. I didn't want to be here with out her. If she was gone then I would surely follow her. No matter what.
JACOB POV
It was planned. The game had started and everything was falling into place. Pack members had spread the word about seeing Bella cliff diving on the day she went missing, eventually people started phoning into the sheriff's office about the rumours. Charlie had of course brought in Quill and Embry and begun questioning them with rehearsed lines. It was much easier then we thought it would be. The morning I had told Charlie I didn't know what to expect but I knew the others would lighten up on me for not killing Bells if they saw him, and I hoped that Bells being able to stay with Charlie would bring a positive reaction from her when she awoke. Pushing her into the Cullen's lifestyle. I had to give him credit. Charlie was stronger than I imagined. In one day his whole world was turned upside down and yet he was still standing, the look on his face had been devastating as he first took in Bella, lying still and barely breathing. He had tuned to me and grabbed my shoulder. "She's still going to be Bells?" he asked me and I could hear the fear in his words. Truth was I had no idea. I didn't know anything about this, none of us did. I really wished I had gotten Carlisle's number that day. It really would have come in useful right about now. I had shrugged at him and he had closed his eyes, rubbed his temples and turned back to her - sitting carefully at her side - "Common Bells, I know you can make it" he spoke quietly rubbing her hand in his.
We had noticed her heart racing, her body temperature burning hotter and the hardening of her skin. It was almost as if I was looking at a marble statue of a Greek goddess. Her skin was paler and yet the ashen colour was gone, it didn't seem translucent anymore. Long dark brown waves circles her face and ran down passed her waste. Was her hair still growing? At a speed? The dark on the light was a magnificent sight, the difference was unbelievable. I had searched her face looking for a trace of the Bella I knew and it was there still, but only barely. I hoped when she woke her expressions would be there, her habits. Something that would remind me of her. It was strange, we were never terribly close, we had spent some time together thanks to our dads and I had often thought of her in ways I knew I shouldn't have. I was jealous of that monster she called her boyfriend but it had given me hope. She knew what he was and she didn't judge him for it, I hoped that one day she would show me the same support. After he had left, she was in too much of a state, I was waiting… I wanted her to be stronger before I told her the truth of what I am… and I was afraid. What if I wasn't the right type of monster? Would she still like me? Still want me as a friend? Would she consider me to be something else…ever?
A few hours had passed, we had discussed the rest of our plan. After a short moment of silence after Bells had shifted slightly, Charlie's phone had rung. The troops had searched the near by waters, caves and beach but no body had been found. Younger local kids who had heard the rumours and wanted to be involved in the 'excitement' had claimed they too had seen her jump. Charlie was astounded by that. Knowing they were giving false evidence but not being able to do anything about it had tortured him until Sam had told him that it was a good thing. The more people the stronger the story seems. By six pm the official police report said that it was an accidental death. Charlie had played the grieving father perfectly, too perfectly in fact. It had taken all of us a while to understand that he was grieving. His daughter was gone and he wasn't sure if she would come back to him as her or someone else, and yet, she would never truly come back to him. She wasn't human anymore.
It wasn't long after that phone call that Bella had begun to move, at first it was only slight movements but more violent ones soon replace them. Bella had begun thrashing on the small table we had her lying on.
"Hold her down" Charlie had insisted gripping both the shoulders before Same took over using his extra strength to secure her. "Bella, Bells… Hon… can you hear me? Its dad. Wake up!" he had commanded as her eyes flew open and the trashing stopped. But she didn't look at any of us.
BELLA POV
The burning seemed to becoming to a stop, the feeling of fire drying up like someone had finally put it out, submerged me into a sea of water. I was glad. If I had ever wanted to die before, if the thought had ever crossed my mind it was nothing like what I was feeling and praying for… death. I hadn't known much of the transformation, it wasn't his favourite subject to talk about and so I only knew the few basic details for personal experience and details that he had slipped during other family stories. I knew it was going to hurt … it didn't seem to cover it, the word was pitiful next to what I was after going through. I knew it took approximately three days for the transformation, three days… felt more like one hundred years of torture. If I had known what it was going to feel like maybe then I wouldn't of wanted it in the beginning, back when I had him, back when I thought he wanted me. My body bounced with every final beat of my heart. I tried to control it but it was simply impossible. My body arched and contorted without my permission but I kept my mouth and eyes shut hoping that whoever was watching didn't realise just how painful this was. One final beat my heart pumped out and then nothing. No beat, no burning, no air. Nothing.
I heard Charlie's familiar voice "Bella, Bells… Hon… can you hear me? Its dad. Wake up!" in the distance and I tried to follow his voice back.
My eyes flew open and I watched the space above me, scared to look around the room and dazzled by what I saw in front of me. It was just a ceiling - a dirty water damaged muldy ceiling but it was still just a ceiling - and yet the details were magnificent. Unbelievable. I could see every tiny spot, the way the colours twisted and twinned with one another, the very small movement with every roll of thunder… thunder? My attention was stolen. I focused on the sounds outside, the woosh of the air as it threatened the leafs on the trees, pitter patter as the heavy rain battered the edge of the mountain, the rolls and claps of the angry sky… I could see and hear everything… just like him. 'Distractions' he had said… I didn't really understand at the time quite how easy it was to become distracted.
"Bells" Jacobs husky voice spoke next to me, I took in a breath to answer but the smell stung my nose. It felt like the fire again, the burning sensation hit the back of my throat and launched me off the table.
Immediately, as if without consideration, I threw myself into a fighting crouch in front of the old broken window where the moonlight was struggling to enter from. Around the makeshift bed was large white candles, lighting and flickering as each breath burst through their lips and wooshed the air around them. Charlie stumbled backwards, which caught my attention and I stared at his shocked and torn expression.
I didn't recognise some of the men present and I certainly didn't trust them. I felt a natural instinct to protect myself as soon as I let the first gust of air enter my body. What were they? What was Jake?
I let smaller pockets of air in through my teeth, cringing at every mouthful, tasting the musty woody warm scent as it abused its way down my throat. I had to control my sudden urge to rip them all to shreds as I watched them watching me like the criminal.
"Bella?" Charlie's broken voice whispered to me, the air he spoke with flew swiftly in my direction and before I knew it I could taste the human scent burning me alive from the inside. I suddenly felt a pang of guilt for all the pain I must have caused Edward, for this was still nothing compared to what I must have done to him.
My first instinct was to feed. I could almost see his blood moving around under his skin, could hear his heart pumping it, I could almost taste it… I took a step forward, getting ready to spring at my target. Feed! The monster inside me yelled. The venom coated my mouth and pushed me to go further.
"Bells?" he spoke again, his voice breaking. This time his scent hit me, it felt like a slap. A wake up slap. What was I doing? This is my father! I scolded in my head. Was I insane? No. no I wouldn't! I would have the strength not to. I repeated and repeated.
It had still only been seconds since I awoke but it already seemed longer to me. My brain seemed to work different. I was able to think multiply things at once and not get them mixed, although I had my main priority I never took my sights off of the others, never letting my guard down… never needing too.
I closed my eyes, holding my breathe. I will do this. I can do this. I chanted, feeling the ache in my throat but also feeling the venom wash back down, feeling it take the fire with it. Keeping my eyes shut I took another breath, and hoped beyond belief that I could control myself. The fire didn't hurt this time, at least not the human fire anyway. The other smell was still assaulting me.
I opened my eyes and looked at him. It was Charlie. It was my dad. I couldn't feed from him and I wouldn't. I straightened up out of my hunting crouch and walked slowly towards him pacing myself even slower than a human, keeping an eye on the others. I could see them beginning to move, about the pounce.
"Dad?" I spoke softly and the musical voice was another slap. It still sounded like me but there was something different, something enthralling about it.
"I'm the world's most dangerous predator. Everything about me invites you in. My voice, my face, even my smell." words from along time ago hit me then, a time when everything was just beginning, before I truly understood what to expect.
"my voice…" I repeated so low I wasn't sure if they could hear me. "my face" I suddenly thought and spoke a little louder. But it was Jake who responded.
"Here Bells, just don't freak out!" his eyes were glued to me as he bent down and picked up a small piece of broken glass that lent on the far wall. I watched him move, conscious of the fact that he could attack at any moment. He wasn't the same boy I knew, he looked older, bigger and definitely more graceful than the boy from the prom.
"What are you?" I whispered in amazement, watching his fluid movements, taking in more air. He was in font of me then, holding the mirror. All I had to do was take it from him and look but I was scared. He had told me not to freak out, did that mean I looked… horrible? He seemed to understand my expression.
"Your beautiful Bells, the eyes are a little scary but…" he shrugged. Beautiful? I had to smile at the possibility of his word. He held it up then when I was still struggling with the thoughts of taking it. "Here" he spoke again as I looked into it.
And I was. My hair was thicker, longer, darker. It framed my pale face and made my features stand out. Jake was right, the eyes were a little scary. The long thick dark lashes framed my eyes and the blood red glowed amongst them. "that's…hmmm"
"red?" Jake said and I looked at him. He was trying to lighten the mood, always was something Jake would do. I stared at him taking in his soft smile, it was all just a façade, behind it the fear was emanating. There was always something about being around Jake that made me smile, and here in this moment when I should be freaking out, I was calm. Because of him. I smiled back at him and his smile grew. "There's my girl!" and suddenly I was laughing.
"Whoa Bells, you gave us a fright!" Charlie said walking over to us but still positioned slightly behind Jake. The whole room seemed to be lighter.
"Sorry" I whispered to him and he took a deep breath before walking towards me. That was a mistake. I flung my body back, hitting off the wall and sending the last bit of glass out of the frame and hearing it smash below. I watched him, as he froze. He shared a look with Jake and then they both looked at me. Worry, fear, pain all flittered on their faces. "I'm sorry" I whispered again.
"Its…er… ok Bells" Charlie forced out.
"It's not you but me, I don't exactly know what control I have and I don't want to take chances." my voice broke and I was positive if I could, I would be wearing the brightest blush right now.
"No, Bella don't be sad." Jake spoke patting Charlie on the shoulder - a sign to stay still - and moving towards me. "it's good that you have the control to do that" he smiled at me trying to relax me again "that's control and now we know you don't want to hurt us" he flashed a look at the others.
"No! Jake! Of course not! I wouldn't, I would never, your family, and I just…" I stumbled over my explanation lost in the thought that they would think that of me. I dropped my eyes feeling ashamed.
"Don't be upset Bella." he was right in front of me now.
"Jake" the older man said. I recognised him as the man that found me in the forest that night, the night he… "Step back Jake" he ordered but Jacob ignored him and placed his hand on my cheek. At first it felt like the flames again, the burning. He was so hot but then it became a comfort. It was Jake and to be fair, I was the ice cold one.
"Your safe, your alive and I wont let anything ever happen to you again" he promised.
As soon as I eased up, the rest of the room did as well but I could see that the strangers were keeping formation as I moved, ready to spring at any moment. Jacob explained how he knew and what he was. Who would have guessed that moving to a small town would have been more dangerous than a big city full of crazy people and crimes. Who knew that in one small little town, myths would be reality.
Jacob explained about his pack, about being the alpha and how it all worked. I listened intently but found I didn't need to. Even not paying attention I still understood it as if I was the one thinking it. Clear as day.
They explained my death story and how tomorrow they would be arranging my funeral. I asked them if it was really necessary but they seemed convinced of it so I decided to let them at it. As the night continued more calls came in from the police station but the most important one came after midnight. Apparently a body was found. Just not mine but they weren't sure. The description matched me but apparently after being in the water for a few days and being mangled by the rocks and sea life, there wasn't much left of it. They called Charlie in to identify the body and after a lot of talking between the group they decided to play it as me. Charlie wasn't happy about it, worried about the poor girls family, them in the same state he was but Jacob promised he would help him track down her real family. He sent one of the wolves who I know knew as Paul with Charlie so that he could take in her scent and anything else that helped. As they walked out I overheard the other boys talking, Embry and Quill I had come to know them as. They really didn't like Paul, apparently neither did Jacob which is why he sent him with Charlie. Just to get some peace from him. I couldn't help but laugh. Paul really didn't seem so bad to me, a little angry but nice enough.
Sam was on the phone for a long time in the other room and although I could make out his side of the conversation I found it oddly confusing. Jake must have noticed my stare through the door and out to where Sam was pacing.
"Funeral arrangement"
"Mine? Already?"
"The sooner its sorted the better Bells, the sooner people will move on and you can have peace from it all" he took my hand in his and began tracing lines into my palm as I nodded. After a short few seconds of silence he continued "You know, I thought…" he sighed "I thought you would be different and you are but still the same" I raised an eyebrow at him. "Even with the freaky eyes and being a bloodsucker your still Bells." This time I raised my hand to his face and moved the scruffy hair from his eyes, pushing it back so I could see him better.
"I still feel like me… I didn't expect that either. I thought…" I broke off watching the huge smile spread across his face, I couldn't help but copy. How was he doing this? I thought after Edward left that I would never feel this again, but here it was. This happiness. Not the same as with Edward but different. Edward is my sun, I gravitated towards him and my whole world revolved around him, even now when he's not here. I don't think that will ever change, he brought me to life. But right here, Jacob is my moon. Bringing light to my darkest times and something is telling me that wont change either.
