Chapter 8; A Bitter Truth
Perhaps an hour later, Remus returned to the manor. He arrived dragging a trunk behind him and a brown paper bag filled with takeout food in his hand. Both of them were hesitant around each other at first, but gradually started to loosen up. The matter of getting into the basement was easily solved. With an almost negligent wave of his wand, Remus transfigured the bricks into a simple wooden doorway. As they sat in the comfortable chairs around the basement's kitchen table, Harry couldn't help but feel more comfortable and secure. He knew that with the fidelius broken, there was no particular reason to be restricted to the basement, but Harry had spent most of his short life there. He considered it home. As they ate, Charlus filled Remus in on how they came to be living there and some of the highlights in Harry's education and training. Remus listened to it all with a look of wonder on his face. At one point in the story, he turned to Harry.
"You brewed polyjuice potion at the age of five?" he asked.
Harry nodded his head and Lupin just looked at him in awe. "You know that is a NEWT level potion, right?"
"What's a NEWT level?" Harry asked.
"Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Levels. It's the standardized test for the upper forms. For you to be doing that level work is really….."
"Extraordinary?" Harry supplied. Charlus huffed in the background.
"Depressing, more like. I was lucky to brew that successfully in my sixth year. 'Course I was pants at potions. Still, at your age its is quite extraordinary."
Harry smirked at Charlus.
"Don't lavish praise on the whelp," Charlus complained. "He's no prodigy. He blew up five different cauldron's before he ever succeeded. If anything, he's a bit of a duffer."
Remus and Harry just looked at each other, then they both broke out in laughs. Not soon after dinner, Harry trundled off to bed. Remus couldn't help but get up and check on him every so often, just to make sure he was real. He and Charlus talked long into the night, discussing events in the wizarding world and making plans for Harry's education. Remus at first voiced his concern that Harry was living such a sheltered life. But, a quick reminder of the fate of Harry's parents and the unknown status of Voldemort quickly turned him around. When the topic invariably turned to Sirius, Remus argued strongly that they should go to Dumbledore with their suspicions, but Charlus would not be swayed. Remus didn't believe that the great wizard had knowingly sent an innocent man to prison. But, he did allow that he didn't put up much resistance, either. Remus also felt guilty, because he too had believed Sirius guilty. Why did Sirius confess, if he wasn't guilty? Even if he didn't betray the Potters, why did he kill all those muggles when he went to confront Peter? He had so many questions that needed answers and he knew that there was only one way to get them. He would have to pay Sirius a visit. Remus would have to go to Azkaban.
Azkaban Prison was set on a lonely, desolate chunk of rock carved out of the frigid waters of the North Sea. Worse still was the malevolence that hung about it like a cloud. Standing on the shore looking up at it, Remus couldn't believe anyone would survive in that awful place. It broke his heart to consider Sirius holed up in some dank, dark cell under the cruel ministrations of the dementor guards. Remus knew that few people could stay there for long with their sanity intact. He hoped Sirius was one of those rare few.
Though Azkaban was a stone fortress, that was possibly the least of its formidable defenses. The first line of defense was just getting access to the island. The Ministry of Magic required all visitors to the prison to first receive a pass. This pass required a background check and sometimes it took weeks to clear the bureaucratic hurdles.
The second barrier was that it could only be approached in one of the three boats that anchored across the harbor. Before you could enter the boats, you had to show your pass and were exhaustively searched for charmed or enchanted objects. Carrying potions into the prison was also strictly forbidden.
The third defense were the impenetrable wards that surrounded the entire island. Though Remus didn't know for sure all the different wards on the place, he did know from his readings that there were wards that prevented apparation or portkeys and apparently dispelled active glamours or transfigurations.
The last protection was perhaps the most formidable; the dementors themselves. A dementor was one of the most foul creatures that you could find this side of hell itself. A soul sucking monster that could drain you of all happiness and leave you nothing more than a soulless husk. Dementors were very resistant to magic, all but impossible to kill and the only defense against them was the Patronus charm, a notoriously difficult spell to master. Though Remus could do it, it did him little good as his wand was confiscated before he ever reached the boat.
Now he stood on the shore, looking up at the nightmarish edifice, knowing he was all but defenseless against the creatures and about to enter their domain. He was a brave man, but he couldn't help the shiver than ran up his spine. Remus gathered his courage and strode purposefully to the front gate where he was immediately accosted by two burly guards.
"Here now! What're yer after?" One of the guards asked in a thick cockney drawl. Both guards fixed him with identical disapproving looks. Remus reached into the pocket of his robes, keeping his eyes on the two guards who kept their wands pointed at him. He handed the papers to the guard who had spoken and waited silently for them to let him pass.
"Says here yer to see Sirius Black," the guard sneered. "What's a little mite like you got ter see 'im for?" he asked.
Remus knew well how to deal with disapproving looks. As a werewolf he got them all the time. "I fail to see how that is any concern of yours," he said, giving a sneer of his own. "I have my business and it is none of yours."
If they had any reaction at all to Remus' words, they didn't show it. These were hardened men. If dementors didn't drive them from their job, then Remus wasn't about to get to them.
"Seems like everythin's in order. Make yer way through the gates and take yer first left. That there's the visitor's desk and they'll get ya' processed. Keep them papers on you at all times and stick with yer escort. The dementors won't brook no nonesense, so mind you watch yer step."
"That I'll do." Remus said. "Good day."
Remus followed their instructions and signed in at the visitor's desk. Unlike muggle prisons, the prisoners of Azkaban were never allowed outside their cells. Visitors were escorted to the cells by red robed aurors and their paths were cleared ahead of time to avoid civilian contact with the demonic guards. For this, Remus was very thankful. Since entering the prison, the aura of hopelessness that surrounded this place had increased tenfold. It was barely helped by the shining silver badger that the guard had conjured. The little Patroni barely made a dent in the oppressive atmosphere.
They walked through a warren of twisting, turning corridors that held innumerable small cells. Remus could tell that these were low-security prisoners. They were healthy and boisterous as he passed, calling out either obscenities or requests to the guard. One fellow who had long, greasy hair and an eyepatch even tried to make a grab for Remus through the bars of his door, but he was repelled by the quick stinging hex the Auror sent his way. At last they arrived at some stone steps that led downward into the dungeons that housed their most infamous criminals.
Going down several flights, they arrived at the high-security wing. The corridor itself was dimly lit, seemingly in agreement with the character of the people within. Here were the likes of Bellatrix Lestrange and Barty Crouch Jr. Murderers and rapists the lot of them. When Remus had served in the Order of the Phoenix, he had had the misfortune of meeting several of these fiends. Remus expected these prisoners, more than most, to react to his presence. He was surpised however, when no faces appeared in the small windows in the cell doors as he passed. Remus guessed that the dementors had drained most of the energy out of these miserable bastards.
Towards the end of the corridor, they came to a stop. The guard took a key out of his robes and turned to Remus.
"You sure you want to go in?" he asked. "Most of these folks would kill you just as soon as look at you." He gave Remus an inquiring look.
"Yes, I'm sure. Thank you for your concern." Remus replied never removing his gaze from the cell door.
"Don't say I didn't warn you. Just stay on your toes, I'll be just down the hall if you need me."
Remus nodded and the guard placed the key in the lock and turned it. Remus steadied himself and approached the door. With a deep breath, Remus looked through the small window to the man inside. Through the dim light, he could just make out the outline of a man with dark, matted hair laying curled up on his bunk. Just the sight of Sirius in such a pitiable state made Remus' heart ache for his friend. Without further thought he yanked open the door and stepped inside.
Hearing the noise, Sirius Black sat up and squinted his eyes against the light. When Remus stepped forward into the darkness, Sirius' eyes lit up with surprise.
"Moony?" he croaked. "Is that you?"
"It's me." Remus choked out.
"MOONY!" Sirius yelled, stumbling towards his longtime friend. Sirius grabbed Remus by the shoulders and then drew him into a joyful hug. As Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius he wept openly at how frail and thin Sirius was under his dirty robes.
"Merlin's balls, Moony! I can't believe you came!" He said excitedly. "I mean I hoped and prayed…, but I never really thought…."
Whatever he was going to say was swallowed up by the sob that escaped Sirius' as he hugged his friend.
Remus helped an obviously weak and frail Sirius back over to his cot and sat down beside him. He couldn't take his eyes off him. He noticed his gaunt cheeks, dark, sunken eyes and wild, matted hair. This was obviously not the dashing and somewhat arrogant young aristocrat that he had grown up beside. There was no mischievous sparkle dancing behind his eyes. Remus hoped it wasn't gone for good. Sirius too seemed mesmerized by his companion, sitting silently with his mouth slightly opened as if he were eyeing a precious artifact. After some moments the spell was broken when he voiced the obvious question.
"Why did you come now, after all this time?" he asked.
Remus looked down at his feet. He knew what Sirius was asking, even if he was too good to say it. Why did you abandon me in this hell. Why didn't you come to see me sooner? Remus didn't have a good answer.
He couldn't say that there at the end, just before James and Lilly went into hiding, the inseparable quartet of friends were nearly torn apart from suspicion and recrimination. James and Lilly were increasingly distancing themselves from Remus and couldn't or wouldn't give him any explanation. Now, knowing about the Fidelius, he could understand their reasons. But, at the time, it hurt him to think that he had lost their faith and trust.
When James and Lilly were killed and Sirius was arrested, he simply existed in a state of shock. Even Dumbledore, the wise and all powerful Mugwump seemed convinced of Sirius' guilt. Remus hadn't had the legal standing or the presence of mind to contest the arrest. Afterward, he just hadn't wanted to think of it. He had almost immediately set out on an extended sabbatical, bouncing like a leaf on the wind from one tedious, menial job to the next. Looking at his friend now he felt ashamed for his weakness.
"I'm sorry, Sirius. I should have come sooner, but I just…..I couldn't….damn it all!" he yelled, punching his fists into his legs. He took a breath.
"I should have come to see you. Hear your side of the story. I've got no excuse." He said, his shoulders slumping in defeat.
Surprisingly, it was Sirius who offered the comfort. He draped his scrawny arm around Remus' shoulders and gave him a gently squeeze.
"Easy, Remus. I understand. Believe me, if I ever get out of here, you can bet your arse I wouldn't come back. Not for anything. I don't blame you at all. Especially not after what I did!" he said.
Remus looked up. "What did you do?" Remus asked, turning his gaze back to his friends haunted face. "I know what the ministry said, but I don't believe it. What really happened?"
So Sirius gave Remus a halting and tear streaked account of the events following James and Lilly's death. He told him about switching with Peter as secret keeper and about how he had found out about their betrayal and murder. He told him how he had been so enraged that he had gone out searching for vengeance against Pettigrew and about cornering him in a muggle market. He ended with a description of the firefight that had ensued and about how Peter had cut off his own finger and transformed into his animagus form to escape into the sewers as a rat.
So maddened with grief and guilt was Sirius, that he blamed himself for their deaths. It was his idea, after all, to switch with Peter as secret keeper, convinced that the meek Peter would be above suspicion. Ironically, he was right about one thing. Peter was above suspicion. No one in law enforcement or at the ministry would credit Peter with the crimes he had committed, slaughtering more than a dozen muggles in a fiery explosion to cover his escape.
"The Prophet claimed that you confessed killing James and Lilly when they confronted you on the scene. Did that really happen?" Remus asked, wide eyed at the harrowing tale.
"I did kill them!" Sirius exclaimed, "or as good as, anyway. If I hadn't switched with the little coward, they would still be alive!"
Remus grabbed Sirius by the shoulders and shook him. "Don't say that!" he yelled. "You did nothing wrong. You couldn't have known Peter would betray them like that!"
"Maybe…" Sirius responded.
"Maybe my arse! Nobody ever suspected Peter of anything. That's why we were able to get away with so many pranks at school. Instant alibi, remember?"
"Yeah," Sirius sniffed. "I still remember that prank we pulled on Slughorn. Got caught nearly red-handed after we charmed all the chalk in his classroom. McGonagall caught us trying to sneak back into the common room and Peter told her we were out trying to catch his pet rat that had escaped. I still can't believe she swallowed that!"
"I know." Remus chuckled. "Whatever else you say, Peter is an accomplished liar."
"Yeah, he is." Sirius said. "I wish I could get my hands on that little snake!"
Remus jumped up and peeked out the little window on the cell door, checking to see if the guard had returned. When he satisfied himself that the coast was clear, he turned to face a confused looking Sirius.
"About that," he said. "We've got some ideas about how we can get you out of here. It might take us a little while to get it together, but we're working on it, alright?"
"Who's we?" Sirius asked with a gleam of hope in his eye. "The Order?"
"No. I can't go into it now, but trust me, we'll get you out. Okay?" Remus said.
"Sure, Moony. If anyone can do it, it's you. You always were the brains of the Marauders." Sirius smiled.
"Well, someone had to be. Merlin knows you guys didn't have a whole brain between you!" Remus laughed.
"Hey!" Sirius objected.
Remus gave him a knowing look.
"Well, you may be right, at that. Doesn't mean you're not an arrogant berk…" Sirius said.
"Of course not! One of my better qualities." Remus replied. "Anyway, give us some time. In the mean time, we got you little present."
Remus sat back down on the bunk and grabbed the heel of his boot and gave it a gentle twist. The boot heel pivoted around revealing a hidden compartment and a small vial hidden within. Remus removed the vial and passed it to Sirius. He then repeated the process on the other boot and produced another vial.
"What's this then?" he asked with a look of wonder on his face.
"It's a strengthening solution. Pretty simple really, but be careful. It's concentrated. The other one is dreamless sleep. Take a sip of the strengthening solution with your meal every couple of days. It should help you get your strength back. We even managed to infuse it with chocolate extract so it should lessen the effect of the dementors. Same with the dreamless sleep. It's addicting, so it can only be taken every third day. I know it's not much, but it should help you get some peaceful sleep."
Sirius' eyes filled with grateful tears. He grabbed Remus in another hug. "Thanks mate, I really appreciate it!" He said.
"S' nothing," Remus sobbed. "You just take care of yourself, okay!"
"I will."
With that, Remus gave him a final pat on the back stood at the door, motioning for the guard to let him out. He gave Sirius a final wave and he and the guard made their way down the dark and forbidding corridors. Soon after, Remus was again aboard a small boat heading for shore. He scrubbed a hand through his windswept hair and tried to shake off the chilling effects of Azkaban prison. Even being there for so short a time had taken a toll on him. He couldn't imagine spending years there like Sirius had. He vowed again to get his friend out of that hell. The sooner the better.
