Author Notes: Hey! Sorry this is a little delayed - I moved back home for the summer today. Who knew I had accumulated so much stuff? I appreciate all your reviews!
Warning: Okay, sorry to disappoint those of you who didn't want this, but there will now be a secondary Daniel/Vala thread to this story. It seemed to be the natural progression of dynamics. I can say, however, that this will generally remain secondary, with the main plotline always coming first.
Chapter 9
Jonas blinked fuzzily, pinching the bridge of his nose, an act that caused Janet to finally step forwards, "Alright, I think that's enough for today, don't you?"
Jonas started, having forgotten that there was anyone else in the room, absorbed only in what he had been reading aloud. It was one of the more alternative 'treatments' that, bizarrely, Jack of all people had suggested both Jonas and Daniel try. It involved them both trying to read aloud passages in different languages that they had known before. The pair of them had been making progress, although the same idea had fallen flat with the others. "I'm fine, really, just a little tired."
"Exactly. Jonas, what have we discussed about you pushing yourself?"
"Sorry." He smiled sheepishly at the petite doctor, before rising to his feet, suddenly surprised to see that at some point while he had been reading, Daniel, Vala and Renn had all ended up in the room waiting for him, their respective doctors obviously having released them for the day.
It had been nearly six weeks since Jack's little outburst revelation, five since they had all been able to vaguely grasp what they would begin to undergo now that they were finally free of Neith. Sometimes, Jonas still had to kick himself when he woke up in the mornings. Nevertheless, with his and Daniel's coaxing, the others had slowly come around to the idea; it was undeniable that the SGC was a far cry from their last two residences.
As predicted by Doctor Fraiser, Jonas had adapted much faster than the others; in the second week alone, he had accidentally ended up in his old office, having not been paying attention to where he was walking. Sam, who had been accompanying him at the time, had been overjoyed.
But it was not all good things. It seemed that each of them was recovering their memories in different ways. It was not uncommon for Daniel, Renn or Kera to be doing something completely inane, before suddenly experiencing very vivid flashbacks, from memories of their youngest childhoods to completely random happy instances in their pasts. When Daniel had remembered the death of his parents, it had scared the wits out of Vala, who had been the only one with him at the time, and was completely unused to Daniel being out of control of his emotions. It had taken Jack an hour to get through to Daniel that time. Apparently, Daniel had been forced to relive that memory in his adult life as well, and that was why SG-1 all thought it had been a particularly powerful recall.
In contrast, Jonas, Beren and Vala didn't exactly have memories, per se, more accidental displays of personality or knowledge. That was unless you counted their recall of their times with Neith. While the other three only seemed to have flashes of their time before, they couldn't seem to go five minutes without remembering a rather sickening detail from their time there during those little daytime training sessions.
And then there were the nightmares. It didn't take long for Jonas' dreams to branch out beyond Nirrti, and it seemed Daniel and Vala had an equal abundance of material for their minds to draw upon in the vulnerability of sleep. It didn't help that for a week now, they had all been sleeping in separate rooms on the same corridor; now that had been a fight and a half on the part of the doctors of the SGC to get the group of six to agree. And yet, as their memories began to surface more and more, there was equally an awkwardness about the way they sometimes interacted with each other.
The four were soon joined by Kera and Beren, and as a group they headed for the cafeteria. It had also been a week now that they were given much more freedom in the base. It came from the increasingly rapid surfacing of the memories of Daniel and Jonas, as well as the final victory against the IOA's demands. SG-1 and General Hammond had fought hard to get them seen as more than just a threat, or worse, an experiment.
"So, how's it going?" Daniel opened with what had become customary in their evening meals over the weeks, and soon their table was filled with discussion. This was only punctuated mid-meal by a well-concealed kick under the table at Daniel's leg, courtesy of Kera, shortly followed by a sharp but subtle nod of her head in Vala's direction, where the woman was being unusually quiet. For a fleeting moment he seemed confused, before he responded with a barely perceptible nod. It did not escape his notice that the interaction between the pair of them had been missed by the other four. Six weeks ago, such an exchange would have been impossible to hide, and for what seemed like the millionth time of late, Daniel had to repress a sigh. As he gained more of an idea of what his old life used to be like, the more he began to have the unsettling certainty that he could not have both lives; that none of them could.
Of course, there were many things he would quite happily leave in the dark recesses of his mind; Neith, the training sessions, the people he had thought he was killing for the good of his group. He knew he would never forgive himself for the blood on his hands. But at the same time? What about the family he had gained? They were losing the closeness they had once had, and while Daniel was all too eager to regain the family he was beginning to remember from his time at the SGC, he hated the idea of having to choose.
He would not voice these doubts, of course, not even to that infernal mind-doctor they all saw three times a week. It was not his place to show fear and worry in front of these people; they relied on him. And yet, it did worry him how more and more he wanted to talk to someone about this dilemma he had found himself in, and with Jack O'Neill of all people. The man never gave off the aura of someone to confide in, to take advice from, especially to someone like Daniel, who would only ever usually voice his doubts quietly to Renn in the dead of night. The fact remained, however, that the unconscious shifts in trust he was experiencing kept prodding him to go to Jack.
In essence, it was all pretty confusing. And that was just him, let alone how he was supposed to help the others through this.
Damned snakeheads.
The importance of his mental use of the curse was, as usual, completely lost on Daniel.
A light knock on Vala's door made her jerk out of her thoughts. She sighed, registering with an increasing sense of melancholy that it must be one of her group, as the SFs were never quiet. A few weeks ago, there would have been no need to knock on a separate door, and even if there had been, she knew that whoever was on the other side wouldn't have bothered, "Come in." She knew before she saw who it was that it was one of the heavier-footed men, but no longer had the ability to distinguish between them, such was a side-effect of their separation. She pulled a forced smile on her face when she saw who it was, "Daniel. What brings you to my corner of this corridor?"
Any light expression on his face was altogether ruined by the serious, deep-coloured eyes that regarded her. He closed the door behind him, "You were very quiet at dinner."
Vala raised an eyebrow, "And apparently, Kera was not." At Daniel's confused expression, she elaborated, "She's been following me around for the past few days, attending all my sessions. It wasn't until this afternoon when Fraiser threatened to take the issue to Renn that she relented."
"I didn't know." Daniel murmured softly.
Vala snorted in dismissal, turning to busy herself with some scrap pieces of paper on the table in the corner, "Of course you didn't, Daniel, why would you have?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Vala felt an unnamed entity well up in her throat, but she viciously swallowed it back, forcing her voice to remain impassive, "Nothing. I was just simply stating a fact. You're not expected to notice these things anymore, none of us are. You all need to focus on remembering your pasts."
"What do you mean 'you'? Don't you want to include yourself in that?"
"Slip of the tongue." Vala kept the sneer out of her tone, but only just.
Daniel strode forwards, concern bleeding from his movements, "Vala..." She nimbly sidestepped his attempt to take her arm. She turned to face him, letting a mask fall into place, staring him directly in the eye. Daniel was unnerved, but managed to keep it from his tone, "Please, tell me what's wrong."
She smiled easily, "Nothing is wrong. Kera is just having more trouble letting go of the group dynamics than the rest of us."
"You can't lie to me, Vala." Daniel's face was infuriatingly calm.
Her eyes blazed, "Why? It's been working for the past week. Who knew I was so talented at lying, at pretending?" She spat each word as a foul poison from her tongue, "Because, apparently? I've got a really good knack for it. Even when it comes to you."
"That's not true." Daniel tried to placate her, but it was clear her temper had already surpassed the stage where that would have been possible.
"No? These separate rooms, they were just one more step apart, weren't they? One step closer for you to return to your happy, warm life. You know what is happening as well as I do, Daniel, you know what we are all becoming. We are losing each other, one by one, in a way worse than anything Neith could have done."
"You're wrong. Okay, I'll admit, we might be losing some of the innate nuances of our interactions that come with living in permanent close quarters for so long, but we will never lose each other." He realised as he spoke that he was as much trying to persuade Vala as himself. "You will not lose us, you will not lose me. One fails, we all fail. I told you before, Vala, we are in this together, whatever happens."
Vala flinched when Daniel repeated that hated phrase, and she found herself unable to meet his eyes when she spoke once more, "But maybe you will lose me."
The sudden soft tone of her voice took Daniel by surprise, so much so that he was only able to muster a rather ineloquent, "What?"
Vala let out a small breathy laugh that verged on the side of hysterical, "Look, I can handle getting the flashbacks, the nightmares, the ghosts of the needles against my skin. That's fine. I can cope. But what if I don't like the rest? What if my before isn't all full of nice warm, fuzzy memories? And before you say it, yes, I know we all have our dark-spots, but what if the person those memories made me into, the Vala from before, is not the kind of person Renn will want near Kera? Or Jonas and Beren will be able to look at? Or you-"
"That's absurd, Vala!" Daniel cut across her before she could continue, "Your memories cannot be mutually exclusive! You cannot return to the person you were before, because you will always have your new experiences, and trust me, you cannot just wipe them under the carpet."
"But it's still happening! That's my point, Daniel!" Vala snapped in frustration, "We can't have it both ways – you and Jonas are expected to return to how you were, but woe betide the rest of us if we should do the same, lest we fail to conform to the SGC's expectations! Because that is exactly what is happening to me! And I don't think I can stop it."
Daniel regarded her in silence as she stared at a fixed point in the floor, her shuddering breathing the only sound in the room, "Do you want to stop it?"
There was barely a pause before Vala answered, the anger bled dry from her voice, leaving only honesty, a tone she had thought to be lost in the tide of her returning memories, "I don't want to lose the first true family I've ever had. Whatever we say about Neith, in a sick, roundabout way, she gave me something I don't think I can give up. I can't lose Kera, or these brothers I seem to be stuck with." She threw Daniel a poor attempt at a smile to couple her weak humour, before cleansing herself with a sigh, letting her honesty turn brutal, "Or you."
Daniel stood there in silenced shock, only jolted out of his state by Vala's derisive snort, as she turned away, "Hey." He really did grab her arm this time, forcing her to look at him. The air pressed down on them, and then it was Vala's turned to be shocked as Daniel's lips pressed down on hers, with her able to do nothing but respond. When they finally parted, she could only stare up at him, and his infuriatingly calm, assured gaze, "You don't seem to want to believe me on anything right now, so fine. Ignore what you think you know of yourself from before, ignore Neith, ignore the masks. We're all walking into something new here, and I know you're scared – I sure as hell am. But I can promise you, whether you will accept it or not, that I will do all in my power to keep us all together as we are now. And if that fails, and we do lose the others, then I promise you will not lose me."
Vala took a shaky breath, her mind and body together just so, so tired. But there was a reason Daniel had always been the one they turned to, and she found herself leaning forwards to rest her head in his shoulder, subconsciously mirroring an act of trust made so long ago.
Daniel felt the tension seep from her body, and on instinct kissed the top of her head, all the while fervently hoping his words would not prove empty.
To Be Continued...
Author Notes: So what do you think? Hope it wasn't too much, and you're still enjoying reading!
