Columbus's story here is semi-autobiographical. I think his character makes a lot of sense in these terms, which is a major reason why I like "Zombieland".
The Doctor introduced himself as Stanford. He was perhaps forty, and reminded Tal of Niles from Frasier. "I was here for a convention, when things went wrong," he said by way of explanation. "In fact, I was making a presentation, when the infected broke into the ground floor of the Sky Rise tower. We barred the door, held a vote, and then mounted an offensive, with nothing but briefcases, chairs and a fire extinguisher... They, the people of the community, call us the Thirty, after the 300 Spartans at Thermopylae. Almost embarrassing, to talk about it now."
"Well, any spit* that can kill zombies with a chair is worth listening to in my book," said Tal. Stanford made a note.
"Now, first I will explain my technique," he said. "I specialize in counseling for families, and other groups. It has been my observation that problems in the family as a whole most often start with a dysfunction in the relationship between just two of the members. In your `family', there are four people, but six potential pairs: Columbus and Tallahassee; Columbus and Wichita; Columbus and Little Rock; Wichita and Little Rock; Wichita and Tallahassee; and Tallahassee and Little Rock. What I would like to do is hold a series of interviews, with two of you at a time. But for our first session, as a baseline, I will be talking to you as a group." As the session went on, he took notes:
Patient Columbus Ohio: Clear case of Asperger's Syndrome, with OCD tendencies... No history of diagnosis or age-appropriate intervention... Uses avoidance or control to compensate for environmental sensitivities and low social competence...
"I mean, lots of kids don't like clowns. There's a phobia named after it, for chrissakes. But it started with me for a different reason: I'm pretty sure it was the face paint. I puked the first time they tried to make me fingerpaint. I couldn't stand having it on my skin. Just seeing other kids do it could make me gag. I reacted the same way the first time I saw a clown, and it always seemed to me that anyone who would put paint on their face for a living has to be messed up."
Patient Tallahassee Florida: Arrested development and ADD tendencies... Conceals high degree of sensitivity and empathy toward feelings of others... Underlying issues with depression, possible suicidal tendencies... Acts out homicidal fantasies against "zombies" by dissociation of the infected from humanity... Obsessive, borderline delusional fixation with Hostess products...
"I remember having my first Twinkie when I was three. I loved 'em ever since. The Cupcakes are good; Ding-Dongs are okay; but there's nothing I like better than a G-D Twinkie."
Patient Little Rock Arkansas: History of childhood abuse... Strong relationship with (foster) sister... Negative aspect is possessiveness, bordering on codependency... Also developing strong attachment to Tallahassee, which may evolve into Oedipal issues... Very repressed attitudes toward sexuality...
"We have one room, two beds. I sleep on the bed with Tal... Yeah, of course I'm okay with that, it's not like he's a freak or something... But my sister and him, they're messed up. They do it every night, whether I'm awake or not."
Patient Wichita Kansas: Controlling and codependent tendencies, with extreme fear of abandonment... Relates to others through role playing... Can invent past experiences in a short time, deceiving self as well as others... High potential for physical and/or emotional abuse...
"Yeah, I think my husband's hot! I wanted him as soon as I saw him..."
