Vespertine

Chapter Eleven: The Surrender


See who I am

Break through the surface

Reach for my hand


Sakura slept through most of the next day, waking late in the afternoon to the rumble of distant thunder. She lay on her back, idly listening; the intermittent pattering of the first drops of rain on the tiled roof, the fire crackling and hissing softly. These sounds had become so familiar that she wondered how she would ever get used to their absence when she left this place. It was otherwise silent, and after a moment's concentration she faintly sensed Itachi's chakra outside nearby. He'd probably been training all day while she slept.

The memory of the previous night came back to her then, and she pulled the covers over her head with an embarrassed groan. She couldn't believe she'd thrown herself at him like that! Her mind had been so tangled and overwhelmed by everything that had happened recently that rationality had abandoned her and she'd acted without thinking. While in Konoha she'd remained strong, putting responsibility before emotion. There hadn't been time to absorb it all. But one concerned look from Itachi and the dam had broken, though she hadn't expected things to turn in that direction, and he clearly hadn't, either.

Of course he turned her down. She had been an awkward, fumbling mess. It was hardly sexy. What did she know about that kind of thing anyway? And Itachi had been so understanding about it, so…exactly what she really needed. She hoped he wouldn't judge her for her moment of weakness.

Another faraway rumble echoed through the stillness. The country certainly earned its name, though she would have thought the air would be too cold for it now. Lowering the covers and looking out the window, she saw that most of the snow had melted overnight. What a weird climate.

Oversleeping always left her feeling even more drained than before, but emotionally she felt stronger, more focused, determined to move forward. That determination helped to pull her out of bed, and absently rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she plodded into the washroom to clean up.

A long, relaxing shower and Naruto's well-worn navy hoodie helped lift her spirits further, and after dressing she curled back up in bed with a book and a steaming cup of tea. But try as she might, she couldn't take in more than a few paragraphs of each page. The rain was picking up and it was getting dark, meaning Itachi would be back anytime, and she was preoccupied with determining what to say to him, with figuring out how they would work around the knowledge of what could have happened last night. What she had tried to initiate.

The perfect explanation was still eluding her when she heard the door handle turn. Inwardly cursing his silent footsteps, panicked embarrassment ruling her judgment, Sakura dropped beneath the covers and pretended to be asleep.

Itachi entered, dripping rainwater from the ends of his hair. His gaze fell on Sakura almost immediately, noting her perfect stillness, her deep, even breathing. The half empty teacup. He smirked; she probably could have fooled almost anyone but him. He went to her side, gently brushed a strand of hair from her brow. "How are you feeling?" he asked her quietly.

Jade eyes opened, her cheeks pinking as she looked up. "Better," she mumbled, and slowly sat up. Perhaps it was the uncertain tension between them, or maybe the particular exchange of words, but she felt like they'd been in this exact moment before, only their roles were reversed. She was now the one recovering from a trying ordeal, and he was the one concerned for her well-being. Her eyes traveled over everything but him, then locked on the window as a flash in the darkening sky preceded another rolling boom. "Have you ever heard of a thunderstorm in midwinter?" she asked, with a little wisp of reflexive laughter.

It was easy to see that Sakura felt awkward around him, though whether it was from embarrassment or anger, Itachi wasn't sure. Likely the former; if she was angry for any reason she wouldn't restrain it behind nervous pretense as she was doing now. "It's because of this country's abundance of lakes and hot springs," he explained, equally nonchalant. "The warm air rises and mixes with the cold coming down from the mountains. In this part of the world it's even been known to snow and thunder simultaneously."

Sakura looked back to him, surprised and amused. "That's weird…though it would be cool to watch. Have you ever seen it?"

He wasn't quite sure what she was doing, but he wasn't about to demand an explanation from her. Though it annoyed him for reasons he didn't care to identify, he continued to play along. "Once."

Sakura nodded and, having run out of small talk, fell quiet. Silence stretched between them for long moments, until she worked up the courage to address the source of tension.

"Um…I'm sorry," she murmured. Having to say it aloud doubled her discomfort, and she fidgeted with a frayed spot on the edge of the quilt. "Last night…" she clarified, as if there were any doubt about what she could mean. "I don't know what I was thinking. I've never…" She forced herself to meet his eyes. "I hope you don't think I'm—"

"I think you were very understandably upset," he interjected quietly. It bothered him that she would even vaguely think less of herself, or worry that he would.

Sakura searched his face and a small, reassured smile curled her lips. "Thanks," she said softly. "For being so…nice."

Itachi just stared at her. It was quite probable that he'd never been called 'nice' in his entire life, and certainly not in over a decade. When he thought of 'nice' people he imagined kind, smiling faces and generous deeds. He was nothing like that. He had only acted with honor, done what he felt was right. At a loss for an appropriate response, he gave a barely perceptible nod and headed to the washroom.

When he'd gone, Sakura smiled to herself. She had a feeling she'd flustered him a little, and she couldn't help but find it adorable when he was caught off-guard. Mostly though, she felt relieved; he wasn't put off about the night before, and he didn't judge her. Things could go back to normal between them.

The storm picked up and she continued to watch it from the window, though it was nearly too dark to see by now.

After a few minutes her empty stomach demanded attention, and she went to the kitchen. Itachi must have already eaten, for there was a pot of lukewarm soup on the stove. A stew of leftovers: sausage, vegetables, rice, a few other things she couldn't identify, but she had faith in Itachi's cooking skills even if he had only thrown together whatever was left of their food supply. She clicked on the burner and reminded herself to go into town tomorrow, or the day after at latest.

Sakura ate while absently listening to the muted rush of the running shower, and wondered how she had managed to sleep the entire day away. She might have suspected Itachi of knocking her out with his Sharingan if not for the hazy, half-formed memory of him holding her close as she drifted away. Sakura smiled warmly, and then laughed quietly to herself. Months ago she never would have thought it possible to have warm and fuzzy thoughts about Uchiha Itachi.

When finished, she rinsed her bowl then rebuilt the fire, and was straightening the bed when Itachi came out of the washroom. She glanced his way, intending to tell him something which completely escaped her mind the moment she laid eyes on him. Once again, he'd emerged wearing only dark pants and a towel draped around his shoulders to catch the water from his hair.

Of course, she realized. Of course he would be fit again. He'd undoubtedly been training all day, every day since she left three weeks ago. She'd been such a wreck last night that she hadn't even registered the changes, for all that she'd been molded to him in her clumsy attempt at seduction. He'd even lifted her from his lap effortlessly, and she hadn't noticed. After weeks of physical rehabilitation he was strong and robust, his aura filled with renewed vitality. The lithely muscled build of an elite shinobi had mostly returned—his shoulders, arms, and chest tight and defined. He was still naturally lean though, and without the use of a belt his waistband rode low, exposing his lower abdomen and hipbones. Sakura had to make a conscious effort to keep her mouth closed.

Itachi stared right back, though her eyes were far south of his. There was a subtle challenge in his gaze as he watched her watch him, and a different kind of tension filled the space between them. Unwilling to look at him anymore lest she continue ogling and embarrass herself, Sakura blinked hard and began zealously fluffing the pillows.

Clearing her throat softly, she said, "I'd like to do a checkup and make sure everything's still okay…you know, since I was gone for so long."

Itachi nodded, dropped his dirty clothes and towel in the basket in the corner, and then sat on the newly made bed and tied his long, damp hair back. Sakura slowly lowered herself next to him, unable to keep from watching his shoulders and biceps flex with his movements. She needed to get a grip, but he certainly wasn't helping.

"You should, uh…maybe put a shirt on," she muttered, eyes dropping to her lap.

Itachi stilled, vaguely bemused. "Why?"

"It's…distracting," she admitted reluctantly.

A comprehending smirk tugged at one corner of his mouth. "Strange," he remarked smoothly, "considering you've already seen me naked."

Sakura couldn't believe he'd actually brought that up and was teasing her with it. "That doesn't count!" she huffed.

"Doesn't it?"

He was messing with her now. "No, because at the time I didn't think of you like—" She cut off before she said something embarrassing.

Itachi closed in on her, bracing one hand beside her thigh. He raised a dark eyebrow. "Like…?"

Sakura had intended a clever retort, but his nearness rapidly dissolved her ability to think properly. She could smell his clean skin, still slightly damp from the shower, could feel his breath on her face and the warmth of his body. She tilted her head slightly, aligning her mouth with his. "Like this," she breathed, and closed the distance.

The slow, easy kiss sparked an unexpected wildfire between them. The hand not bracing his weight grasped the back of her head, his fingers twining tightly in her hair as he deepened the kiss. Before she knew it Sakura was on her back, pinned beneath his larger form. His heat and solidity felt welcoming, not intimidating; she felt the restrained power in him, the tension of his muscles as he held most of his weight from her. He definitely hadn't been this strong before she left. His mouth teased overher throat, though the high collar of her sweatshirt prevented him from going far. Her hands roamed his bare, smooth back, and when he nibbled a spot just beneath her ear that she'd had no idea was so sensitive, she gasped and dug her short nails into his shoulder blades. His reaction was instinctive; with a muted sound he pushed his body against hers, nudging her thighs apart with his as he settled more fully over her. The extremely intimate contact that resulted made her pulse quicken with nervous excitement.

The events of the night before had changed something. A door had been opened that wouldn't close again. The concept had almost become a reality; the conclusion was inevitable. Something larger than either of them was driving them to it. The only questions were when, how, who would make the first move? Sakura had felt confident and safe in the theory that it would be her, but Itachi had surprised her just now, whether he'd intended to or not. It was overwhelming and a little scary, being the object of such strong desire. Though a very insistent part of her didn't want to, this time it was she who stopped him.

"See what I mean about distracting me?" she sighed teasingly, and very subtly applied pressure to his shoulders. Itachi looked up; there was a heat in his dark eyes that made her want to give up and sink back into pleasure, but there was also amusement there, and it gave her the will to continue her playful escape. "I'm supposed to be examining you. You could be dying right this minute and we wouldn't know."

"I think I would know," he returned wryly, but backed away to allow her to sit up. He got up and fetched a mesh undershirt from the dresser and pulled it on, then returned to the bed.

Sakura felt hot and flushed inside and out, but suspected that removing any articles of clothing would only provoke the very urges she was trying to suppress. Indeed, she was glad Itachi had taken her advice and covered up more. She wound her hair in a knot on top of her head and situated herself at an angle to him.

Curious as she was about his medical progress, he was still distracting. It was unprofessional of her to be so easily sidetracked, especially by something as superficial as a beautiful man…but their situation had left the professional realm a long time ago. She took a long, calming breath, a habit she'd unconsciously picked up from Itachi, and began to collect herself. Looking deliberately away from the contours of his chest, away from the smooth pale lines of his sculpted features and his long, dark lashes cast downward as he sat calm and waiting, she focused on his upper arm, nearest to her.

Slowly, she reached out and traced her fingertip over the swirl of the long-faded tattoo that marked him as a member of the elite black ops. She needed something to focus her mind away from the carnal if she was going to put her hands on him and do her job properly. There were things about the accounts he'd given her weeks ago that had never fully satisfied her, and since she was feeling so relaxed and comfortable, and sensed that he was as well, she quietly dared to ask; "What happened that night, Itachi?"

There was a long moment of tense silence. Finally, in a low, wary voice he replied, "I already told you."

"You told me the facts," she argued gently. "I want to hear it from your point of view."

"Why does that matter?"

"It does matter. What happened to you matters, as much as any of it. I want to understand."

"There's nothing to understand," he said tightly. "You know what happened, Sakura. I assassinated my entire clan, young and old. I tortured Sasuke to keep him from following me, and then I fled Konoha."

Sakura flinched slightly at his savage words. He was trying to deter her with the brutal facts on the surface of the issue. She knew she was asking a lot of him, and was prepared for his reticence, but the harsh defensiveness was unexpected. "If you don't want to talk about it, that's okay. I completely understand. But don't sit there and pretend to be so callous about it," she said reproachfully. A muscle in his jaw tightened, and he looked away. "When we talked about it before you wanted me see your point of view, to understand your reasons for why you felt it had to be done. I was too shocked to listen then, but now I want to know."

Silence fell as she studied his profile, but he did nothing to discourage her further. In fact, he seemed to be waiting, so after a moment she cautiously continued, finding a specific place from which to guide the conversation rather than expect him to just start talking.

"Before, you said you agreed to do it because 'the alternative was unacceptable.' What did you mean by that?"

"…I meant that if I hadn't been the one to do it, then the entire clan would truly have been eliminated, including Sasuke," he answered slowly, still unsure if he wanted to be talking about this.

"And yourself," Sakura amended softly. With a trace of frustrated sadness, she added almost inaudibly, "You never consider yourself." Of course he didn't reply to that, and after a moment she went on. "I've read your file. It's oddly thin for someone so highly revered, meaning most of it is so classified Konoha won't even admit to it. Which must mean most of your missions were horrible and very hard on you."

Itachi was silent. He didn't know if he could tell her the things he'd never told anyone, things that had kept him from sleeping at night for weeks and months at a time. He trusted her, but knew that once told she would never be able to forget, nor would he be able to forget that she knew. She would be haunted by the knowledge of what he was capable of, just as he was haunted by the memories of his deeds.

What eventually decided him was the promise he'd made to himself last night. With her, at least, he would try to be an honest man. Very quietly, and with some difficulty, he finally spoke.

"I was six years old the first time I killed a man."

Sakura stared mutely, too appalled to even form a response. It wasn't the kind of thing one ever expects to hear come out of someone's mouth. Itachi continued without looking at her.

"Konoha was a very different place back then. It was the middle of the Third Ninja War, and we were losing. With so many dying every day, there weren't enough shinobi left to fight. Waiting for children to grow up and gain experience through petty assignments was not an option. Occasionally those with exceptional talent would be taken right out of the Academy, graduated early and sent into battle. And I was the best. I could succeed where others would fail, and Konoha wanted to make use of that as soon as possible."

Once again his statement, which for most would have been said with pride, sounded like a curse. After talking for only a minute, Sakura already wanted him to stop. One wouldn't think it could get much worse than child assassins, but she knew that it would. To truly understand him and how he had come to be the person he was, she needed to know, and so she remained silent. She had asked for this.

Itachi faltered a moment, hindered by the surfacing of memories he'd always kept suppressed in the darkest corners of his mind. "I saw things…did things that no child should ever have to experience. Those early years were filled with battles and blood and corpses. Everyone around me was dying; enemies, comrades, civilians in the wrong place at the wrong time. By the time the war ended I had seen more violence and death than you will probably ever see in your lifetime. I didn't want to join ANBU and be part of more violence, but it suited the ambitions of my clan, and I had been raised to put duty to the clan before all else. It hadn't yet occurred to me to question that.

"When my father brought me into the clan council's plans for revolution, I knew if they succeeded there would be more violence and death, and Konoha would be destroyed from the inside. Another war would begin, so soon after the last one ended, and innocent people who had nothing to do with it would find battles taking place in the streets outside their homes. You've seen what that's like."

Sakura nodded sadly. She could still hear the panicked screams and feel the quaking heat of explosions, still see the helpless villagers bleeding and dying around her in the chaotic lobby of an unprepared hospital. She took a slow, deep breath and quietly replied, "I understand, as much as someone who's never been faced with such a difficult decision can. Of course you had to do something to prevent it. You couldn't have known and done nothing." What she didn't say was that she still didn't understand how he could deny his sense of self so thoroughly as to carry out the order with his own hands, how he could separate his sense of duty so completely from his personal feelings. Her emotionally driven nature would probably never be able to grasp that part.

"It wasn't as simple as that," Itachi countered. "There were other factors and events leading to it that I didn't tell you about." He sighed quietly. "It wasn't a decision I felt had to be made, Sakura. It wasn't my decision at all. I was very much against it. They were traitors, but hadn't I betrayed them as well? I knew they had to be stopped, but I didn't believe they deserved to die. There were people in the clan who didn't agree with or even know about the intended coup. But it didn't matter how I felt about it. I was a soldier. Merely a tool. A pawn.

"It was Danzou's idea to eradicate the threat entirely. He believed that if only the conspirators were punished, those who were left would take up their place. The Sandaime opposed him, and they argued over it for weeks. It wasn't until the incident with Shisui that a decision was made."

"Shisui...there was only a passing mention of that in your file."

"It was contained internally by the clan. They were required to report it to the Hokage, but they insisted the investigation be left to the Military Police."

"And the investigation never concluded," Sakura murmured. "Who was Shisui?"

"My cousin. The pride and joy of the Uchiha, more so than I was. Shisui was outgoing and popular, and I was…not. He was also cruel and ambitious, which were not considered negative traits among my clan. We were constantly compared to each other, and that made us rivals…but he was also the closest I had to a friend.

"In those last few weeks he had acted strangely toward me, and I later learned it was because the council had ordered him to watch me; they were suspicious because I had become distant, and no longer reported information on Konoha to them. I didn't know this at the time, and I was unprepared for what happened."

He paused, leaving Sakura in suspense as his expression darkened. "Shisui and I trained often together," he finally continued, speaking slowly as the incident replayed itself in his mind. "One evening we were sparring by the Nagano River, when he began putting lethal intent behind his moves. I demanded to know what he was doing, and he confronted me then, said he knew I was a double agent, that I had betrayed the Uchiha. I had no idea how he found out, but I knew I couldn't let him expose me. However, he had no intention of running, or even of capturing me. He wanted to kill me so that he could take my place; as clan heir, as the spearpoint in the rebellion, as the one to assassinate the Hokage. He said I was only heir by an accident of birth, that it should have been him.

"Shisui was a match for me, and it was probably the only time I've ever truly had to fight for my life. It was brutal, and I nearly lost. Somehow we fell into the river, and it was only because he was a poor swimmer that I was able to defeat him. Afterward, as I sat on the bank in shock of what had happened, my eyes began to bleed. I could feel the shift in my vision, and I knew what was happening."

"The Mangekyo," Sakura half whispered.

Itachi nodded, but it was another moment before he went on. "I left him in the water, where it would look like he drowned. No one had seen us by the river, and I knew he hadn't told anyone we were meeting because he'd planned to kill me. I went to the Hokage and explained what happened. He had a medic secretly heal my wounds, and said he would provide an alibi if I needed one. It didn't feel right to cover up what happened, but there was no other option that wouldn't ruin everything.

"The next day I was confronted by the Military Police. They had found Shisui's body…along with a suicide note that neither of us had written. Shisui wasn't the suicidal type and everyone knew it, and what would have been seen as an accident now looked like murder. That was when I realized that someone had told Shisui about me, and that person had also forged the note and somehow implicated me as a suspect. We had both been played."

"Do you know who did it?" Sakura asked.

"When I told the Hokage what happened with the police, Danzou was there and argued for immediate action against the Uchiha, saying it was no longer safe to wait. I began to suspect him then, but I had no proof. Though in retrospect, it could just as likely have been Madara. They both had motive for escalating the situation.

"But I'm getting ahead of myself. When they came to me with that note and I realized how much of a pawn I really was, I lost my temper." His expression darkened further, nearly a scowl. "In that moment I hated them and their ideals, and told them so. I didn't care. They attacked me, and I nearly killed them then and there. I wanted to tell them that their foolish ambitions had doomed them, that I had betrayed them and they were all going to die. But Sasuke was there, watching me like I was a stranger. He called out to me with fear in his voice, and that was when I remembered myself. I begged forgiveness from my father and uncles, though it sickened me to do it."

"They didn't arrest you?"

"They had no proof," he said. "They wanted me to know I was a suspect, but they wouldn't take action against the clan leader's son unless they had irrefutable evidence. I'm sure my reaction condemned me in their eyes, but it wouldn't matter. That night I was summoned by the Hokage and given the order to eliminate the threat to Konoha. I had expected it by that point, but I thought it would only be the guilty who were condemned...I never thought it would be the entire clan. The Sandaime seemed like a very different person to me then, cold and ruthless. I wasn't allowed to argue. I had gotten myself involved, and it was too late to back out."

His next words were quiet and weary, almost pained, his dark eyes fixed unseeing on the fire. "If I hadn't been trained and raised to be so unfailingly loyal and obedient, I might have taken Sasuke and run. I could have left the assassination for someone else and spared our lives in more ways than one. But it didn't occur to me as I was then; it seemed cowardly and dishonorable. In the end I did my duty as I had always done."

"It's the most screwed up thing I've ever heard," Sakura declared bluntly, and then sighed. "It's hard to believe Konoha was ever like that, but it's good that it seems unfamiliar now because it means things have changed for the better. Though, there is still a lot that needs work…. I guess the first thing to do is put that snake Danzou back under a rock where he belongs." She watched him a moment, then realized she had mostly been talking to herself because Itachi seemed to be lost in his thoughts and memories and was oblivious to her scrutiny.

After a minute she decided that while he was being so candid, there was something else she wanted to know, something that had bothered her for some time.

"When I read your file, there was one thing about the account of that night that didn't make sense to me." Itachi finally looked at her then, and she held his gaze intently. "Roughly a third of the Uchiha were jounin and part of the Konoha Military Police, every one of them possessing the Sharingan. The Mangekyo is vastly superior, but I know it takes time to master and you'd only had it a few days. Even now, you wouldn't be able to fight dozens of jounin while simultaneously preventing even one person from escaping past the compound walls. It's strategically impossible. So the only conclusion I can come to…is that you didn't do it alone. You had help, didn't you?"

Itachi regarded her silently, once again impressed by her sharp intellect. "Yes," he finally said. "It was Madara."

Sakura had suspected as much. Who else could it have been?

"I had no plan," he admitted. "I didn't know how I could succeed, or if I could even bring myself to do it. I was…afraid. Then the day before it was to happen Madara came to me. He explained that he'd been watching Konoha, specifically the Uchiha clan, for many years. He said that I needed help, and offered his skills. Of course I knew who he was, though like everyone else I believed him long dead. I didn't trust him, but I accepted because he was right; I couldn't do it alone."

Itachi went quiet again. Sakura watched him silently, patient and understanding, until he was able to continue.

"That night…I asked Madara to cast a genjutsu over the compound that put nearly everyone to sleep. Only the strongest were resistant—the ones most capable of defending themselves. He laughed and called me a coward…I suppose in a way he was right. At the time, it was my way of being merciful." He faltered again, unable to speak of the details. His subconscious mind was so eager to shove those thoughts and memories back into their dark corners that he couldn't even recall it entirely. He was only able to offer a summary. "In the end, Madara did most of it. I hesitated too much, and he was fast and ruthless. Gleeful, even. He revealed himself as the monster he is, but I felt no different from him that night.

"My parents were the last," he said, voice carefully measured. "I had come that far already, and I needed the insanity of the situation for that final strike. But…I didn't hesitate with my father. I hated him intensely; for causing it all, for forcing me into that situation. The last word he spoke was 'traitor.'"

He closed his eyes. "It was only moments after that Sasuke came in," he continued mutedly. "He wasn't supposed to come home early. That was the one thing I had planned. I heard him outside and knew he'd already seen so much that he was never meant to see. I told him not to enter, but he didn't listen. I wasn't prepared to handle that moment, to see the horrified and confused look in his eyes. He ran from me, toward the far end of the compound where Madara was. I knew Madara would kill him without hesitation. I chased after him, and not knowing what else to do, I used the Mangekyo on him. I planted an altered memory of that night in his mind, one in which I tried to kill him, in which I was the only evil. I thought he would be rendered unconscious, but I wasn't proficient with the Mangekyo yet and he recovered enough to chase me through the compound. When I turned to see him one last time, his eyes were red with hatred. Shock had activated his Sharingan, but it was too much for him and he lost consciousness a moment later. That was the last I saw of him for many years.

"I fled after that. I ran and ran until I couldn't run anymore and when I finally stopped, I had…somewhat of a breakdown," he admitted with difficulty. "Madara came upon me in that state and offered me a place in Akatsuki. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to die. But I knew if I died there would be no one to protect Sasuke. No one to keep tabs on Madara and his schemes. I accepted on the terms that he would do nothing further against Konoha. The next night I returned to the village in secret and begged the Hokage to let Sasuke live. I promised to provide information on Akatsuki. Then I left and began my life as a missing-nin."

The way he described it, as if it was burned into his mind's eye forever...Sakura could almost picture herself there. It was all so tragic, she didn't know what to say. He wasn't at fault for what happened, nor was he blameless. All she knew was that, like Sasuke, he suffered endlessly for it, and it pained her because she cared so much for him. She reached for his hand. His fingers remained lax under hers and his expression confused her; he seemed troubled, bewildered, even a little lost. She became worried when he didn't respond to her light squeeze of his hand. "Itachi…?"

Itachi blinked at the soft sound of her voice, and shook his head faintly. "I've never been this open with anyone before…about anything," he murmured. He was surprised at himself, and at how relieving it felt to share his burdens with another soul. Once he'd begun he just couldn't seem to stop. Now she knew everything…and strangely, he didn't regret telling her.

Sakura smiled tremulously and laid her head on his shoulder. "Thank you for trusting me," she whispered. She threaded her fingers through his, and this time he returned the gesture.

For a long while they didn't move or speak, until Itachi was taken aback by a quiet sniffle from Sakura. When he looked down and saw that her eyes were red and wet, he shifted and held her chin in his free hand, gently forcing her to meet his gaze. "Don't cry for me," he said, catching the moisture below her eye with his thumb.

Sakura straightened abruptly, frowning. "Someone should!" she cried. "You can't, and Sasuke can't, and the dead can't. So I will. Someone should rage and scream and cry about it because it's so unbelievably wrong!"

Itachi just stared at her, stunned. After everything she knew, everything he'd just told her, how could she still look at him with such tenderness in her eyes? How could someone like her truly exist, and what cosmic fluke had brought her into his dark life and made her care for him? He tried to think of something to say, but it wouldn't come, and so he simply grasped her head in his hands and kissed her.

The remnants of her tears dampened his face, as if he were the one crying, though she had been right in saying he couldn't. The physical reactions of pain and grief had been lost to him long ago, but the uncomfortable tightening in his chest and throat made it clear that time and suppression hadn't taken his ability to feel them. Speaking of it, reliving those moments in his mind, Sakura's tears of sadness and compassion for his sake…they had dredged up what he'd long buried, exposing the raw, unhealed wounds he'd carefully kept hidden even from himself.

He broke from her lips and exhaled a slow, deliberate breath, trying to gain some control over the confusing, tormenting flood happening inside of him. He let his head drop forward, rested his forehead against her shoulder, and closed his eyes.

Sakura gently wrapped her arms around him, deeply moved by his trust in her and by what seemed like an action of acceptance and release, amazed by how he could convey so much with such a small gesture. She was sorry to have caused him pain in bringing it up, forcing him to face the demons of his past…but while the past could not be changed, bringing these feelings into the open light of the present, here, together, would cause their dark power to fade and allow him to move forward. She sat silently with him, softly smoothing her fingers through the long ends of his hair.

How long they stayed suspended in time was unclear. Itachi remained still and quiet against her, and eventually she began very slowly trailing her hands over him, fingertips brushing across his shoulders, down his arms. She eased chakra through her touch and into him, at last beginning the healing session originally planned when they sat down together.

The warm, vaguely tingly sensation under his skin finally made Itachi raise his head and he watched her actions intently, like the first time she'd touched him in that clinic, only where before he was tense and wary, his gaze hostile, now he exuded nothing but ease and pleasant familiarity, tinged with a calm weariness that had nothing to do with physical strain.

It wasn't necessary to move her hands while healing; she could access and examine every part of her patient simply by sitting still and concentrating. Itachi probably knew that as well, for she hadn't always done it this way. Her tender caresses were personal and affectionate, meant to have a soothing effect, strengthening the feeling of closeness between them.

The longer her glowing hands made contact with his skin, the more apparent it became that something was different: there was no charged, zinging sensation between her skin and his. The chakra connection that had been such a strange, often provocative issue between them for weeks was completely gone. With his return to health, his own chakra was strong and abundant, and there was no longer any trace of her energy in him aside from that which she currently applied. Their eyes met in silent acknowledgement of the fact, but neither said anything, unsure whether to be pleased or disappointed.

It didn't matter, Sakura decided. The chakra link had been a superficial anomaly that in reality meant nothing. It had never been the source of their connection, she now realized. She had never felt closer to him than in this moment.

As the examination continued another difference sharply caught her notice. Initially thinking she was mistaken or that her focused was off, she pushed her chakra outward through his cells and pathways with more caution and concentration than before. The result was the same. Brow furrowed, she checked again to be absolutely certain. Itachi had taken notice and his eyes searched her face, intently curious. At the end of the third thorough pass through his system, a triumphant, glowing smile lit her face.

"It's gone…" she declared with quiet excitement. "It's completely gone. You're healed."

For a long moment Itachi just stared, eyes widened slightly. This had been the intended outcome from the beginning, and over weeks and months of healing he had felt the changes within himself, felt his strength returning with every untainted breath, every day without the debilitating cough and searing pain. Sakura had always been confident, and he had even begun to tentatively hope, but he realized now that he had never truly believed he would be cured. Not completely and permanently, not in a way that enabled him to think of the future not as a possibility, but as an inevitable fact. 'The rest of his life' now had a completely new meaning. Very slowly, a small smile curved his lips.

Sakura had never seen him truly smile, and was delightedly amazed. It was an awkward smile, faltering and almost shy, like he'd forgotten how. The idea that he hadn't had anything to be happy about in so long saddened her, but her exhilaration over their victory dominated everything else and she sprang on him with a gleeful little laugh, linking her arms around his neck.

Strange, how altered a person's perceptions can become, how drastically opinions and feelings can change. When she'd grudgingly agreed to heal him she really hadn't cared whether it was permanent or temporary, whether he lived or died, as long as he lasted long enough to keep his word. She'd despised him and wouldn't have batted an eyelash if the Hokage ordered his execution the moment their deal was concluded. That was all before she'd come to know who he really was, before she'd seen the man behind the infamy, behind the mask. Before he'd let her see. She had grown to care about him, and then her feelings had deepened even further. Now she cared about him more than she was willing to admit, even to herself. They had both come a long way since that strange, accidental encounter.

She was still grinning when she sat back, jade eyes gleaming in the low light. "We should celebrate," she declared excitedly. Jumping up, she moved to the kitchen, opened the far cupboard and hoisted herself onto the counter to reach the top shelf. Itachi watched her bemusedly as she pulled down a half empty bottle of dark amber liquid. She grabbed two small glasses before hopping down and making her way back to him with a beaming smile. "I found this when I first cleaned the place," she supplied.

It was whiskey, he saw. The cheap kind, from the nondescript label. "I don't drink," he said blandly.

"This is a special occasion," Sakura insisted as she opened the bottle. She poured a small amount into each glass and handed him one. He took it resignedly and stared at the swishing liquid, his nose twitching just slightly as the pungent, fermented aroma hit his nostrils. Sakura had smelled—and tasted—far stronger from her shishou's private stash, and she grinned amusedly as she held her glass up for a toast.

"To the future," she said warmly. Itachi lightly clinked his glass against hers, and they both drank. A bitter burn filled the back of her throat and she made a gasping face. Itachi did a good job of hiding his own grimace, but the tightening around his eyes and the slight hard press of his lips gave away his distaste, and Sakura giggled at the silliness of them both. For good measure she drained the rest, making another face. Itachi had fulfilled his obligation and clearly had no intention of touching the remaining contents of his glass.

"Come with me into town tomorrow," she said cheerfully after a moment, once the second burn had dissipated. She took his glass and set them both on the floor along with the bottle. "There isn't anything fun to do there, but the fact that you can is really the point, right?"

Itachi agreed readily; after two months of confinement to this cabin and its little clearing, he was restless and eager for any change, no matter how mundane.

Sakura exhaled heavily, puffing out her cheeks. The heat of the fire against her back had become uncomfortable, and the fuzzy warmth of the liquor made it worse. She finally gave in to the need to take off her sweatshirt. Underneath she wore a snug black tank top, and as her face was lost beneath the hoodie when she pulled it over her head, she missed Itachi's dark eyes focusing intently on her, roving over her exposed arms and collarbones and the beginning swell of feminine curves beneath the low-cut neckline. Her actions caused her precariously held bun to come loose and her hair spilled around her shoulders as she tossed the discarded article over the back of a chair.

A warm wave of her scent washed over him, infinitely more appealing than the harsh odor of the whiskey. A pleasant warmth spread through his limbs that was only partially related to the alcohol. He wanted to pull her to him and inhale her sweet, feminine scent, to touch the softness of her curves and replace the bitter taste in his mouth with the silky sweetness of her lips, her skin.

She looked back to him and her heart gave a little thump at the hungry expression in his dark eyes. She was drawn in, caught by the same primitive pull. It wasn't clear which of them moved first, but Itachi's hand slipped round the back of her neck with purposeful intent and Sakura let herself be drawn forward as his mouth descended on hers.

Sakura met him fervently, a tiny sound escaping her as his fingers threaded into her hair and he rose onto his knees to lean over her. The wildfire flared within them again, now fueled by raw emotions to a state of nearly uncontrolled passion. Her back arched as she moved with him, hands clenching in the material of his shirt. Their tongues met and glided together, their actions filled with a hunger and need that had, until now, always lingered just below the surface. This time it controlled them. This time something was different, and instinctively Sakura knew: they weren't going to stop. She had wanted this for some time, and welcomed it with nervous excitement.

Her intent was made clear as she began to pull his mesh shirt upward. Itachi paused only long enough to raise his arms and let her take it off, and then his mouth descended on her neck and the smooth ridge of her collarbone. His hands moved under her shirt, caressing her lower back and ribcage.

Finally allowing himself to give in to his desires overwhelmed him to the point that his head felt hazy, a little dizzy even, like he was drunk. Maybe he was—drunk on her. His thoughts were filled with nothing but the need to be with her, to be part of her. Somehow he had stumbled upon this unexpected happiness and he wanted to take it within himself, absorb as much as he could and store it away before it slipped from his grasp, as it was surely meant to do.

Sakura sighed and shivered beneath his touch. The sensation his hands under her shirt caused was unique; tingly and tickly and arousing all at once. Her nails grazed up his spine and she gasped as he bit down on her neck in return. He liked the pleasure-pain, she realized, and experimented further by grasping the nape of his ponytail and pulling his head up so she could kiss him again. A low rumble vibrated in his chest and he drove her backward, pressed her down into the bed. She smirked against his mouth, pleased with her findings. Itachi settled his weight, hips pressing down upon hers. She wrapped her legs around him, and the full contact elicited soft gasps from them both.

Unhurriedly, he slid the hem of her shirt upward, revealing her smooth stomach inch by inch, continuing up and up until her simple black bra was exposed. His gaze swept appreciatively over the clean lines of her undergarment; it was practical, unfrilled, but still alluring—a perfect fit to its owner. He couldn't help but wonder if the other half matched. Sakura lifted her arms as slowly as he lifted her shirt, her eyes cast to the side as it was removed.

His lips brushed a tentative but heated trail from her shoulder to her collarbone, then down the plane of her chest and between the soft rise of her breasts. His fingertips followed where his mouth had been, streaking the moisture left by his tongue over her skin. Itachi had no real idea what he was doing, he simply followed whatever urge came to him, wanting to explore and learn her. His hands memorized the slight dip just below her ribcage, the curve of her slender waist and the swell of her hips. He kissed her lips again, slipped one arm around her waist and she readily molded herself to him.

When Itachi's hands moved over her hips and edged beneath her waistband, Sakura finally began to feel self-conscious. Now that the clothes were actually coming off, would he be disappointed with what he saw? She had nothing to judge by but her own rather unforgiving opinions of herself; no man had ever seen her naked before. Not wanting him to notice her unease—shyness was unsexy—she shifted at his guidance and lifted her hips as the cloth slid over and down her legs.

Itachi couldn't help but smirk at the revelation that her panties didn't match; they were purple, with a lacy edge that cut low across her hipbones. He decided the combination was more tantalizing than a perfect set. Her skin was pale and smooth, her figure lithely feminine, and he was tempted to activate his bloodline limit to study every inch of her, but other ideas presented themselves as more enticing. However, when his gaze traveled to her face he saw that her eyes were downcast, her cheeks flushed with pink, and then he noticed the slight tension in her, how her toned thighs were nearly crossed, the way her fingers fidgeted with the pillow beside her head. She looked as anxious, almost uncomfortable. The truth of the situation hit him then, and with a sharp exhale he drew back onto his knees.

Thinking she'd done something to put him off, Sakura sat up halfway with a worried frown. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head minutely, noting the way she half attempted to cover herself with one hand without realizing. "You…haven't done this before..."

Her eyes widened slightly as she wondered what gave her away. Was it that obvious? "No…" she admitted hesitantly. "So what?"

"Sakura…we can't." His voice was tightly strained, though it was impossible to tell if it was his reluctance to say the words, or the truth behind them. "You don't want to give me this."

For a moment she could only stare at him. "What?" she laughed incredulously. Insecurities fading beneath her resolve, she moved toward him until their knees touched and reached up to cup his face in her hands. "Is that all?" she demanded lightly. "Are you trying to say I deserve someone better? Because I don't want to hear it." She could see he was about to argue again, and shook her head reprovingly. "Itachi, last night…I was a wreck and my motives were all wrong, but I knew what I was doing," she assured softly. "I wanted to…. I still do. Don't you want me too?"

She had no idea how much, especially with the way she was looking at him right now. His hands had made a tousled mess of her hair, and his kisses had left her lips deep pink and slightly swollen. Her eyes glowed with desire and affection and trust. She was so beautiful and unknowingly seductive that he forgot what he was about to say. It was difficult to even think at the moment. She had been made to break him, he was sure of it now. Slowly, he reached up and twirled a lock of her hair, then let it fall and trailed his fingertips along her collarbone to the smooth dip at the base of her throat. "Yes," he rasped.

"Then shut up and kiss me again."

Itachi couldn't help the small tug at the corner of his lips, before he leaned in and did just that.

The fire rose up again, more tempered now, their actions more cautious and purposeful. Sakura ran her palms over the expanse of his lean torso, relishing the feel of firm muscle beneath smooth skin. His dark eyes smoldered, burning her with their intensity. His long, midnight hair spilled over his shoulder in sharp contrast against his paleness. He was so impossibly gorgeous. Closing the small distance between them, she pressed her lips to his neck, tasted his skin with her tongue. His hands slipped from her waist to tentatively caress her bare thighs as she moved lower, kissing his collarbone, his shoulder, his chest.

She could sense the slight awkward tension in him, mirroring her own. It somehow made him even more attractive, and it really wasn't fair that she was in her underwear, almost fully exposed, and he was still half dressed. Hesitating only a moment, she reached for the button of his pants. The mechanics from that angle proved more difficult than she anticipated; she put a little too much force into it and it flew open unexpectedly. He hissed sharply as her thumbnail scratched him just below his navel.

"Sorry," she laughed contritely. "I only know how this goes in theory."

"Likewise," he murmured.

Sakura blinked and drew back in surprise. "Wha? …you mean you're…you've never done this before either?"

He gave her an odd look. "Why are you surprised?"

"Well," she stammered, "because you're so…have you seen yourself?" When she thought about it, though, she supposed it made sense. Yes, he was very attractive, but he was also reticent and aloof and didn't let anyone under his guard. It had taken saving his life and months of constant proximity for him to be this comfortable with her.

"I could say the same about you," he said simply, his eyes caressing her nearly naked figure.

Sakura flushed. "Oh. Well okay then," she murmured happily, and raised her face to be kissed. Emboldened by his desire for her, she continued the removal of his pants, sliding them down over his narrow hips. He assisted her the rest of the way, until he wore only a pair of dark boxer briefs. Sakura had picked them out herself with the rest of his clothes, but had obviously never seen him in them. It had been a very good choice.

She wound her arms round his neck and pressed herself against him. His hands found her waist and slowly moved around, traveling upward until his fingers hooked under the clasp of her bra. With a somewhat fumbling twist it was open, and Sakura lowered her arms to let the straps fall away. Itachi's lips brushed the sensitive skin of her throat and her head fell to the side encouragingly. He pulled back just slightly so that she was fully revealed to him. The backs of his fingers teased, feather-light against the outsides of her breasts, and a long moment of electric tension passed between them before he finally curved his hands around the soft mounds. No one had ever touched her like this before, and she hadn't known her body could be so responsive. Moving forward, trapping his hands between them, she hungrily sought his kiss.

His tongue swept against hers at the same moment his thumb brushed across the hardened peak of her nipple, and Sakura moaned into his mouth. A jolt of desire shot through him at that sound and he impatiently wrapped his arms around her and lowered her back onto the bed. This time when the silken texture of her inner thighs glided over his hips he pushed forward against her. With such flimsy barriers between them the sensation was intense, the heat and softness of her dizzyingly erotic.

Sakura's breaths quickened in anticipation and she threaded her fingers through his hair as he worked his way lower again. His lips brushed her nipple and her breath caught. The second his mouth closed over the hard peak her back arched sharply and a shaky gasp escaped her as her fingers tightened in his hair. She knew the feeling of arousal, but this was on a whole new level! The hot wetness of his mouth on her was beyond amazing, the movements of his tongue sending sharp waves of pleasure straight to her lower regions where every time he moved she could feel the pressure of his erection against her, stimulating her further. He switched to her other breast, paying it equal attention. It was hard to believe he'd never done this before. Her heart was racing. Her blood was on fire, pounding through her veins in an ancient rhythm that urged her to act with more confidence than she felt. She raked her nails down his back, knowing what his reaction would be, arching wantonly when he groaned and thrust hard against her barely clothed center. His teeth scraped her nipple and she moaned at the shocking pleasure of it.

"Itachi…" she nearly whimpered, pleading with him to understand her need, knowing he shared it. Nearly all of her inexperienced nervousness was gone, dissolved in the wake of overpowering lust. All she wanted was for him to keep touching her and kissing her, to feel every contour of his body against hers, desperate to relieve the burning ache between her thighs.

Itachi raised his head and met her gaze fuzzily, as intoxicated with lust as the woman beneath him. Her luminous eyes were darkened with passion, commanding him to take the next step, and at this point he was more than eager to obey. He moved back from that entrancing heat and slid his fingers under the lacy strap of her panties, slowly worked them down until she was beautifully naked before him. He dealt with his own next, removing the last barrier between them. As he settled against her again Sakura rolled her hips slightly upward, and his eyes snapped closed. It was vastly different with nothing between them. He didn't know how he was going to make it through this entire thing if he already felt this way. He didn't know how anybody made it through if it felt like this.

Sakura felt much the same thing at that moment. The hot, hard pressure against her was exactly what she craved, and her body moved of its own will, arching and writhing upward. Itachi groaned softly and pressed his mouth firmly to her throat. For an agonizingly long moment nothing happened. Finally, he shifted and their bodies aligned perfectly, and then he carefully eased forward little by little until he was buried inside of her.

There was no significant pain, and she hadn't really expected any. It was rare for kunoichi to feel pain their first time; after a lifetime of strenuous activity there was nothing left to tear. What she felt instead was a mild stinging and an uncomfortable stretching sensation. It lessened after a moment as her body adjusted to the intrusion, and she was left with a strange feeling of fullness that she suspected would start to feel good once they began to move.

Other sensations overcame her as the discomfort vanished, beyond physical and almost indescribable, something very close to pure joy. They were as close as two people could possibly get, in every possible way. The power of such intimacy was so overwhelming it nearly brought tears to her eyes. She clung to him tightly, hoping he felt it too.

Itachi was frozen, the muscles of his arms and shoulders straining as he held himself perfectly still, forehead pressed to her collarbone as he fought for control of himself. He hadn't been prepared for the intense heat and tight, velvety wetness, and the flood of sensation that bombarded his body nearly swept him away. It was the most shockingly powerful thing he'd ever experienced. To be so completely connected to her, to feel her small form beneath him, all around him, trusting, wanting, welcoming…it was almost frightening in its profundity. He raised his head and kissed her, and she encouraged him to continue by lifting her thighs over his, grinding against him. It was almost too much, but slowly and shallowly, he thrust forward.

It was admittedly awkward and clumsy at first, as they couldn't seem to find an angle or rhythm that worked for both for them. Sakura thought Itachi was too slow and cautious, but she also knew that if he wasn't, this would probably be over a lot sooner than either of them wanted. She discovered an angle of her hips that made it feel incredibly good, but then he moved just slightly different and it suddenly hurt. When that happened she dug her nails a little too hard into his shoulders, breaking skin. At one point he rested his weight badly and the point of his elbow bruised the inside of her arm.

But after a while they found it—that perfect harmony of movement that changed discomfort to pleasure and frustration to ecstasy. Sakura clung to him tightly, rolled her hips upward to meet him as he began to move with more confidence and control. She discovered that she found pleasure not only in the movement inside her, but also in the feel of his weight against her, his powerful, muscular body sliding over hers, their hot, heavy breaths mingling as his parted lips hovered a fraction above her own.

Sakura hadn't realized sex would be so strenuous; they weren't even moving all that much, yet were both panting and slightly sweaty. It was surprisingly sexy, that together they created such heat and passion, and when her tongue glided over his adam's apple she didn't mind the taste of salt on his skin. Her mouth moved everywhere it could reach, kissing, tasting and teasingly nipping his neck, his shoulder, his jaw, the underside of his chin, his forearm beside her head. Itachi responded by dipping his tongue into the hollow of her throat, tracing the ridge of her collarbone with the same sensual, teasing attentions.

Eventually his fingers dug painfully into her thigh and his thrusts became faster, deeper, his rhythm breaking apart as he neared release. The primal, animalistic nature of it excited her and she felt a building pressure deep within, like a tightening coil of heat in her core. Itachi buried his face against her neck, and the muscles in his back tensed and convulsed under her hands. A moment later a broken groan escaped him and he thrust hard against her once, then again…the force of it felt so unexpectedly good that Sakura cried out sharply in surprised rapture, and on the third time she fell over the edge as well. Again it was a sensation she knew, only powerfully, infinitely amplified by sharing it with another person. Incoherent sounds of ecstasy were forced from her throat and she trembled and writhed against him until the waves of heat and pleasure slowly faded.

They remained locked together, motionless as their pounding hearts slowed and their breathing evened. Sakura lowered her shaky thighs from around his hips and lightly ran her hands down his back, turned her face into his neck. Itachi finally stirred, released his bruising grip on her hip and lifted his weight from her. When he began to slowly pull out she felt an entirely different sort of ache between her legs and knew she would be sore tomorrow. With that connection gone she also felt strangely empty, as if being joined with him was the natural state of being, and now she was missing something vital.

Itachi settled beside her, keeping one arm locked around her waist. Sakura's soft hands smoothed over his shoulders and touched his face, gently urging him to look at her. When he did her full lips curved in a soft, sweet smile, and something strange and almost frightening surged in his chest. He kissed her slowly, tenderly, more than a little overcome by the whole experience. When he pulled back she smiled again, more fully, and whether it was due to her infectious charm or his own awed happiness, he couldn't help but smile back.

Sakura had already come to adore that shy, hesitant smile, even if she'd only seen it once before. She felt giddily happy, even more so because he was happy too. How could he have doubts when being together like this was so obviously what they both wanted? She pulled the blankets over them, then curled against him and pressed her face to the warm smoothness of his chest, sighing softly when his arms closed around her.

The thunderstorm had long since rolled away, but the rain still continued to beat a steady tempo on the roof above, and they listened to the soothing sound as they lay quietly together. The sluggish movements of his fingers in her hair and his slow, even breathing told her he was on the verge of sleep. She'd only woken a few hours ago, but there was no way she was getting out of the warm coziness of this bed and the comfort of his embrace, and soon enough, blissful contentment lulled her into drowsiness and she drifted away with a smile on her lips.


Next chapter: The Wakeup Call