A/N Just want to thank you all for reading and commenting. It means a lot and keeps me going! I'm keeping this "story" true to the events on the show. Writing here is sort of a warmup exercise for the chapters I submit to the other story I'm currently writing, Dante's Skin, which, if you've read it, is more of a stretch of the imagination. :) So eventhough the two stories aren't related in any obvious way, they seem to be feeding into each other in some way. Anyway, enough about my writing process. I'm just having a lot of fun getting inside Morgan's head and I hope you are too!

So we managed to make it to the christening in time and it was a good ceremony as far as christenings go. Mom looked really pretty standing up at the altar and smiling at all the people she loves the most: Jax and Josie and Jason and Lulu. Everyone looked really nice. Michael was even nice for a change, but he got inexplicably irritated by the tree that Lady Jane brought as a gift for Josie. Have no idea what that was about. And he made some rude comment about Dominic again. I think he has a hard time relaxing and having fun. I know there are a lot of deep serious things to think about in life, but sometimes you gotta just be happy, just for the sake of being happy, you know?

Anyway, so, yeah, the ceremony went well, but for some reason Dad and Dominic never showed up. Some business thing probably came up and since Jason absolutely had to be at the ceremony, Dad must have needed Dominic's help. Don't really know what business thing would be important enough to miss Josie's christening, though. With Dominic helping my dad, I'm sure whatever business they had to deal with worked out fine. I know that my dad's work is important, but I'm still kind of mad at him for standing up my little sister on her special day. And I know Dominic would have wanted to be here too to see Lulu becoming Josie's godmother. I know Josie's not going to remember, but I will and Michael will and so will Mom, I bet.

I know you're supposed to respect your elders but I have to say my dad can be kind of selfish sometimes. I know he loves all of us a lot and I know he loves me especially a lot because I'm his only biological son. Don't get me wrong, he loves Michael a lot too and Michael is Dad's son in all the ways that count. But I can tell the way he looks at me sometimes, he's proud of the way I'm turning out, and kind of surprised by it too. Like he doesn't expect anyone who has his blood to be a decent kid.

I don't know, it seems to be there are two kinds of love. One kind is the kind that's shown to the world. Like the kind of love that's about stuff and food and a warm house. Dad provides all of that in spades. In fact, between Jax and my dad, I'm totally covered for video games for the rest of my life. I can have pretty much any material thing I want. The second kind of love is the kind that's about feelings. Wait; scratch that, maybe there are three kinds of love. Stuff, feelings spoken, and feelings felt. There's one about spoken feelings and then there's a love about feelings, well, that you just...feel. Dad tells me all the time how much he loves me. But then I go to his house and he asks me if I've grown a few inches since the last time I saw him. Granted I am going through a growth spurt, but a parent who's around their kid everyday wouldn't really notice a couple inches growth here and there would they? A parent who really knows their kid would just know their kid, like they know their own face. So my dad shows me he loves me and tells me he loves me but that love that comes from familiarity, from spending day to day with someone, that's not really there. At least I don't feel it all the time with him. I don't think things would be different even if I lived with him all the time. He has barriers up around him that keep that kind of love from reaching him.

I wonder if all of this has to do with him being so sad most of the time. Don't get me wrong, it's not like he walks around crying all the time. In fact I don't remember ever seeing him cry. (And that's something a kid remembers: when one of their parents cry.) Even when he smiles, though, I've noticed that persistent sadness there, like things are never quite right with him. Most of the time he's barking orders at Max or Milo or Bernie or Diane. Diane is pretty smart though and she can give as good as she gets. And, of course, my dad barks a lot at Jason. He tries not to let us hear him when he's like that but I've heard him a few times. There's this cold anger there. Solid like the face of a cliff that nothing can penetrate. I know his mind has somehow transformed the sadness he can't seem to do anything about into anger and a need to have control over everything all the time. But does barking orders and being cold really give you any real control? Does it earn you any real respect in the world? I don't know.

My dad always seems to think that everyone is after him. Even the people who love him and have shown him over and over again that they love him. According to my dad, even those people are capable of betrayal at the drop of a hat. He almost expects it. In fact, he has this tendency to treat people like they've already betrayed him. The whole cycle becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, as Molly would say.

Does sadness always lead to anger? I don't know. I don't think it always has to. There are lots of people who deal with sadness and loss and never get angry about it. It seems that anger is a really selfish response to being sad. It's like you want to hold on to the bad feelings and not allow anything good in. That makes you selfish, right? I think it makes my dad selfish.