Lulu whipped around, the drink carrier crashing to the ground. Johnny tried to catch it before he really knew what was going on.
"Mommy!" the voice called again. Lulu couldn't bring herself to move. It was as if everything had suddenly become slow-motion.
"No!" she heard herself yell. She saw her daughter coming towards her. And she saw Johnny following her gaze. "No."
Amelia raced up to them, breathless. "Mommy," she said again, not paying attention to anyone but her mother. "Josslyn and I are hungry. We want a pretzel."
Lulu couldn't hear the request. Her blood was rushing in her ears. Everything in her life as it was now was changed, she thought wildly. She knelt down, ignoring Johnny for a moment. "Amelia."
"Amelia!" Maxie called as she raced up to them. And came to a skidding stop when she saw the scene. "Amelia, you can't go running off like that." She glanced between Johnny, who was staring intently at Amelia and Lulu who wore a horrified look on her face.
"Come on, sweetie. Let's go back to the bench. We'll go to Kelly's and get some food in a little while," Maxie put her hands on Amelia's shoulders and steered her away from the wreckage scene.
Johnny felt like he was in a dream. He knew that child, he thought wildly. He didn't even know what to think, let alone what to say. He couldn't even comprehend what had just unfolded in front of him. It was too much. He could only stare after that perfect little human being in disbelief.
Lulu took a breath, turned her head and stared at the dark haired man in front of her. "Johnny—"
He cut her off with a shake of his head. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I—"
"No. Don't make any more excuses. Just tell me one thing." He raised his head to stare her hard in the face. "She's mine, isn't she?"
Lulu could do nothing but nod. She felt the tears burn at the back of her eyes as she tried to pick up the pieces of her perfectly crafted life.
"I have a daughter," Johnny said as if he still couldn't believe it. His eyes narrowed, shot daggers at Lulu. "Why didn't you tell me? Damn it, why?" His voice rose in anger.
Lulu glanced around at the busy scene in front of her. "This isn't the place," she said dully. "I don't want to discuss this here."
He thinned his lips. "No. You are not running away from this. Not now. Not after what I just saw. I want an answer, Lulu. I want to know why you ran away with my child."
Her breath hitched. "Okay, I'll tell you. But please, can we go somewhere else?"
He grabbed her arm, more roughly then he'd intended. But at that moment he didn't care. All he could think about what the dark-eyed little girl. His little girl. He pulled out of the park, walking quickly to his shop which, fortunately, was just down the street.
Lulu struggled to keep up with Johnny's quick stride. But she didn't complain. At this point, he owned her nothing. Not after what she'd done to him.
Pushing open the door, he pulled her inside. "Okay, so talk," he said, his voice short and clipped. "Why did you leave and not tell me that you were pregnant? I'm assuming that it was that last time."
She nodded. "Johnny, I panicked. I didn't want to be pregnant. But I couldn't make that choice to have an abortion. Not again," she whispered, knowing that he was aware of her past.
"You should have told me. I had a right to know. She's mine, too," he shot back, pacing the small office.
"I didn't tell you because I knew that you would do the honorable thing."
"Oh and that would have been so bad," he replied sarcastically. He couldn't even look at her; all he saw was a haze of anger.
She shook her head, hating the tears that fell. She felt weak, knowing that Johnny wouldn't—no, he couldn't—feel any pity. "No. It's not. But we couldn't be together. The fact that I was pregnant changed nothing of the fact that we didn't have a future."
"You were pregnant. With my child. I don't care if you think we never had a future. That doesn't matter. What matters is that you kept my child away from me for five years."
She didn't even bother to fight the tear now. It was no use. "I know that you don't believe it, but I'm sorry. I want you to know that I struggled with my decision from day one. But then years passed and not telling you just seemed easier. Then we could both go on with our lives."
He looked at her, not really seeing the woman he loved. All he could think of was how she had betrayed him. "You could go one with your life. I searched for you, everyday for more than three years. I hired people to search. I questioned your family. But there was nothing. It was as if you had disappeared off the edge of the Earth."
She closed her eyes, suddenly tired. It was as if all the weight she'd been carrying on her shoulders for so many years was bearing down even harder. It was as if she couldn't breathe. "I understand if you hate me. I hate myself right now. I made a mistake. But all I wanted was for my daughter to have a life that didn't involve paying for my mistakes." She turned away and for a moment Johnny was afraid that she was going to bolt out the door. But then she turned back, her eyes rimmed in red. "I'm sorry Johnny. I-I can't go on with this façade any longer. If you want to be a part of Amelia's life, you can. But I can't deal with this right now."
"Lulu—"
She held up a hand, stopped him midstream. "I'm not going to run away. I'm going to back to the park, go to lunch with our daughter. I need time to think. Everything I know has been radically changed. I'm known that this day could come, but I never expected it now." She gave him a long look and walked toward the door. But as she opened it, she turned back. "For the record, I never stopped loving you. Every time I look at Amelia, I see you."
Johnny watched her trudge back toward the park. Everything was whirling now. He didn't know what to do next. It was all so surreal. One minute he was mourning the loss of the love of his life and the next he was finding out that he had a daughter.
One thing was for sure, he still loved Lulu. And at this point, he would do just about anything to prove it to her.
GH*GH*GH*GH*GH
Lulu was almost to the park when she heard her cell phone ring from inside her purse. Stopping, she fished it out just in time to answer. "Hello?"
"Lulu, it's Maxie. I just wanted to tell you that we're at Kelly's now. The girls were hungry and we weren't sure how long you'd be."
"Okay, thanks. I'll walk over there now," Lulu replied, glancing at her watch. It was almost one in the afternoon.
There was a long pause and Lulu was sure that Maxie had hung up. But then her friend's voice spoke again, "Are you okay, Lulu?"
Lulu took a breath, still feeling constricted. She wasn't quite sure how to answer the question. "I don't know. It's still so surreal. How's Mel?"
"She's fine. She didn't even realize what she'd walked into. Right now she's digging into a hamburger. I swear, you are going to have to either get an American-born chef or just move back to PC because this girl certainly loves hamburgers."
Lulu laughed despite herself. She knew that right now, she needed to laugh. "We'll see. My entire life just shattered so I'm not sure what my next move is. I'm almost to Kelly's. See you."
She clicked the phone shut before Maxie could answer. She still felt hollow inside. Her eyes were scratchy and her body felt heavy. All she wanted to do was climb in bed, pull the covers over her head and pretend that nothing had happened.
But the realist in her knew that that just wasn't possible. Sighing, she willed herself to be steady as she reached for the door of Port Charles' mainstay diner.
"Mommy!"
Lulu looked up, smiled at the sight of her daughter stuffing her face. "Slow down, Sweet Pea. That hamburger isn't going anywhere." She forced the emotion out of her voice. There was no use upsetting Amelia.
Amelia grinned as she scooped up ketchup with a French Fry. "It's so good, Mama."
"I can see that. Do you have enough ketchup?" She failed to suppress the weary sigh as she sank into a vacant chair.
"She's used practically the whole bottle," Carly commented, studying her cousin. She could see that Lulu was forcing herself to stay together, but that the breaking point was near.
"Mr. Mike brought me my own bottle," Amelia said solemnly, taking a sip of her soda.
Lulu laid a hand on Amelia's shoulder, smiling tiredly. "I'm glad that you are enjoying it, sweetheart."
"Aunt Carly said that I get to play with Josslyn again today," the little girl said brightly, flashing a grin at her cousin. Josslyn matched it as she took a dainty bite of her own hamburger.
Frowning, Lulu glanced at Carly then back at Amelia. "Oh no, you and I—"
"Viola will be by to pick up the girls any minute," Carly said, stopping Lulu in midsentence. She sent her a look that dared her to contradict.
Lulu sighed, painting on another smile for Amelia's benefit. "That sounds perfect. I'm sure that you will have a wonderful time."
"And there she is," Carly said loudly as the bell above the door jingled when the Nanny stepped inside. "Are you two finished?"
Josslyn nodded and dropped the rest of her burger on her plate. Maxie handed her a napkin and she cleaned off her face. Amelia did the same but not before taking one last bite. "That was so good," she said with relish.
Maxie laughed and pulled a moist wipe out of her purse to wipe off her god-daughter's face. "You certainly enjoyed it. And I know that you are going to have a great time with Viola and Josslyn. Why don't you give your mother a hug?"
Amelia jumped up and threw herself into Lulu's arms. Lulu caught her little girl, squeezing her tightly as her cheek brushed the wispiness of Mel's hair. She wanted to believe that she still had her daughter to herself, but knew that everything was different now.
"I love you baby-girl," she whispered as Amelia squirmed to get free.
When she let go, Amelia rushed to get her coat and gloves. With a last grin to her mother, she gripped Viola's hand as they walked out of the restaurant toward Carly's house.
When the door was closed and the children out of sight, Carly and Maxie turned to Lulu. "You are going back to the hotel and you are going to get into bed and sleep for a little while. You are exhausted. I won't have you arguing with me," Carly added as she slipped into her own coat.
For the first time in her life, Lulu had nothing to say. She only nodded and rose, allowing herself to be bundled into Carly's car for the short ride back to the hotel.
GH*GH*GH*GH*GH
Lulu let herself be babied as Carly and Maxie propelled her to her suite. Carly went to ready the bed as Maxie drew off Lulu's coat. It scared Maxie to see how exhausted Lulu was. She'd never seen her that submissive before.
Johnny broke more than her heart, Maxie realized as she helped Lulu into the bedroom and into the bed. No, he'd basically shattered her whole world. Everything Lulu knew to be true was different.
Lulu sighed as she lay back against the pillows. Carly had drawn the shades so that the winter sun stayed out. It was better that way, Lulu thought, because right now all she wanted to do was be in the dark.
Her whole body ached, as though she'd been through an accident or a war. It was a war of sorts, she thought wearily. It may not have been a physical battle, but the emotional battle had cost her a great deal. She was beginning to wonder if she'd be able to salvage any little piece.
"Turn off, Lulu," Carly said softly.
Lulu glanced up at her cousin's worried face. She knew that both Maxie and Carly were worried about it. Hell, she was worried about herself. She still felt as if she was outside her body looking in.
All she could do was nod because she was afraid that if she said anything, the tears would fall and that they wouldn't stop.
"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," Maxie said quietly, running a hand down Lulu's hair. She gave a small smile before disappearing out of the room.
"Sleep now. Forget everything. You'll feel better if you just forget for a while," Carly replied as she bent down to lay a cheek to Lulu's. "I love you, Cousin. I'm here, if you need me."
And then she too disappeared out of the room, shutting the door behind her.
Lulu closed her eyes. They felt gritty, as though they were filled with sand. She knew that she needed to follow Carly's advice and just forget for a while. This bed was the closest to a hole in the ground that she would ever find, she thought ruefully as sleep began to claim her.
She allowed herself just fade away, knowing that she would think more clearly when she was rested.
But even then, she didn't get the mindless sleep she wanted as her dreams were plagued with memories of every choice she'd made.
GH*GH*GH*GH*GH
So I will admit that this chapter had me tearing up at some points. I hope that you enjoyed it. All I can say is that everything is looking up from this point on.
Even though I'm not a huge fan of Lulu and Johnny, this particular story will have a happy ending. Now that Johnny knows why Lulu spent the last few weeks pushing him away, he will do anything to convince her that now more than ever, they love each other.
As always, please review! Reviews brighten my day. Tell me what you liked, what you didn't like, etc. But please, tell me something!
