Part Seven
*~*~*
"Come on, Chief…Come on Blair…I need you."
His world was dark, but he wasn't afraid anymore. He felt like he was waking from a long sleep, body achy and sore, eyes swollen and dry. He tried to run his tongue over his lips, but he didn't even have enough moisture in his mouth for that.
There was heaviness in his arms, so he carefully turned his head to the side, squinting in the dim light to see a figure sitting on a chair beside the bed he was laying in.
And he wasn't quite sure why he was laying in a bed…a memory tickled the back of his mind bringing with it an intense and consuming fear…
And then in a flash it all came back, the fiery pain, the inability to move, to let anyone know…he frantically tried to move his body, but it responded sluggishly, ratcheting up his anxiety level and his heart beat wildly in his chest. He squirmed on the bed, panic surging, feeling things attached to his body pull painfully, but that didn't matter…he had to get up, get out and that's then he found his voice, that's when he started screaming.
The sheets under him bunched up as he frantically swung his legs down, shaking off something that was trying to hold him back, hearing a terrible, weak wailing and then realizing it was him.
He fell a distance to the hard floor with a thump, sending a sear of fire through his belly and up his back, but he still tried to scramble away, knowing only that he didn't want to be wherever here was.
Something still pulled on him, caught his arms and tried to envelop him, like the terrible darkness, the place he was trapped and he knew he didn't want to go back there, so he scratched and clawed at anything that came in striking distance, used his fists to fend off anything that wouldn't let him go…he could hear someone else's voice over the roaring in his head, but he couldn't listen…what if it were the fire people, or David Lash trying to take him back to that place he'd been before…he had to get away, but still something held firm to him, wrapping around him like a blanket and his strength was waning, he tried to pull away again, but it held on tight.
In a part of his mind, he knew that people were all around him, the bright overhead light flipped on and lightened the darkness behind his tightly closed eyes and hurried conversation drifted over his head.
Something bit his hip, stung and dizziness swept through him, a wave of heat engulfed his body, taking away what little strength the brief pulse of adrenaline gave him and he's struggles lessen against whatever was trying to hold him still.
"…Shhhhh….you're okay, you're safe now…shhhhh…"
He laid his head down on something soft, hot tears burning down his cheeks, but his body was rocking, someone was holding him close, he realized and he could feel he was sitting partly on something solid and partly on a cold tile floor.
"…just don't fight it…that's it…"
The rambling noises that tumbled from his lips quieted to tiny whimpers and the rocking slowed, but the arms held on tight and as he leaned against someone's shoulder. The soft fabric of the shirt under his cheek was cool against his heated face and it smelt familiar, good…it smelt like home.
"I gotcha, Chief…I gotcha."
Chief? He was Chief, he was Blair.
A few shuddered breaths caught in his throat, but his breathing slowed down more and his racing heart settled.
"That's it, buddy…you're okay, I gotcha."
Jim? Jim was here in the darkness…or had he'd gone to where Jim was…the assaulting memories ebbed, confused, he didn't know if this was real, but he felt like he could open his eyes to look.
The room was dim again, lit only by the hallway beyond where he sat on the floor and a tiny light shone behind him somewhere, an upturned tray table and scattered bottle lay beside a duffle bag, his duffle bag. He could see white pants and sensible white shoes and when he turned his head a little he could see a hospital bed and then more memories surfaced…his hernia, the surgery, the pain, the place he escaped too…the things he saw there, the loved ones he had lost, his mom's voice…
And Jim's.
Jim was here now, he was practically sitting in the man's lap, but Jim wasn't pushing him away, in fact his hand ran continuously up and down Blair's back, his soft exhalations and whispered words hit the side of Blair's neck, chilling him, but Jim was here so it must be over.
Relieved and overwhelmed…the noise, the lights, the memories, the pain, he turned his head in towards Jim's neck and let more tears fall; softly at first and then harder, shaking…he still hurt, but not like before…was it really over.
The rocking started again and Blair clung to Jim, as if he could be pulled back into the darkness if he didn't hold on tight.
"Shhh…You're okay Blair. You're gonna be okay."
The arms around him tightened, but he shook his head against the body holding him. "No." He cried. "I couldn't stop them, Jim. I tried…but they couldn't hear me."
Jim didn't say anything for awhile, just sat and held him and then. "It's over now, Blair. Whatever it is, it's over."
And Blair wanted to believe him, he really did.
"Come on. Let's get you back in bed. The doctor's on the way to check you over."
Blair froze, still partly in Jim's lap, and dug his fingers into Jim's shoulders, not letting the man rise from the floor. "NO…I can't…I won't…let's just go home." He pulled back and looked into Jim's confused blue eyes; not caring how he sounded or if was even making any sense. "I want to go home now."
"Okay, okay," Jim soothed, but Blair knew from the look Jim was giving his he was only trying to calm him, agreeing just to agree. "I'll take you home; just…we have to make sure your okay first."
Blair shook his head even as Jim got a better hold on him and grabbing him under the knees and shoulders, lifting and walking a few feet to the hospital bed, laying him out on the blood stained sheets.
He grabbed at Jim's arm as he tried to move away. "No, no…I don't want to stay here."
He had to tell Jim, make him understand.
"I promise, Chief. Just as soon as they look you over."
And then Jim moved back and people descended on him; hands invaded his body, touching him, poking him, hurting him.
And yet his eyes grew heavy and for a brief second he panicked, reaching out for a hand that he found immediately, afraid of going back to that place. "I can't…"
"You're safe now, Chief." The words were whispered close to his ear and he nodded. Jim was here now. He could believe him.
*~*~*
Jim had been pacing up and down the hall for the last twenty minutes, waiting for the doctor to come out of Blair's room. "What the hell was that?" He demanded as soon as the man appeared and then lowered his voice because it was late and there were other patients on the ward. "Is he okay?"
The doctor was different then the one that had been in to see Blair earlier, but he carried his friend's chart and seemed to know what he was talking about when he explained that Blair had come out of the catatonic state and that he had a bad reaction to the stimuli of the waking world. "I've giving him another mild sedative, so he's resting comfortably now. His incision was intact, but he managed to pull one of the drains and his IV's. We repaired everything and the nurse is cleaning him up now. You can go in soon."
The one thing the man couldn't answer was why. Why Blair had reacted so violently. "It could be the drugs we used to treat his condition. We'll know more when he's more lucid."
Jim thanked the doctor then slipped back into the room. Two nurses worked around the bed, having changed the bedding and wiped the puddle of blood up from the floor, fitting a new gown over Blair's arms, but not pulling it down, leaving his belly exposed.
One spoke softly to Blair, even though his eyes were partly closed and he seemed to be lightly sleeping with the aid of the drugs the doctor had given him. The other gently wiped a cloth over Blair's skin around his wound and then taped on clean white gauze before wiping up any other specs or spots of blood on Blair's pale and flushed skin.
The tube that carried away extra fluid near the surgery site was reinserted and looked a little redder than the other and Jim was worried about infection.
The other nurse, Shelly worked to find a new vein in Blair's other arm for the IV fluids and medications that were needed to help him heal and as she stuck the needle in, Blair's arm jerked, but he didn't open his eyes.
When they finally left, Jim pulled the chair back over to the bed and took Blair's lax hand. The fingers twitched in his, so he gave them a little gentle squeeze, hoping that Blair would know he was there. "I'm not going anywhere, buddy."
Blair's eyes moved rapidly under closed lids and Jim could only hope his dreams were pleasant.
He sat a few hours, watching every muscle twitch and movement, every sigh and murmur that came from the bed, relieved that Blair wasn't lying so still anymore, praying that whatever had caused the catatonia was gone.
Around seven in the morning he could hear the squeaky wheels on the breakfast cart as it made its way down the hall, stopping at each room.
Nurses had been in and out the past few hours and on the last visit had told him that Blair would be getting a light breakfast this morning and then they would be getting him up and moving with the hopes that he could be released to recover at home in a few days.
Jim looked at Blair, trying to decide if he should wake him.
He lightly touched him on the arm and was surprised when Blair startled awake, looking wildly around the room. "Easy, Chief. Everything is okay."
"Jim…" Blair's voice was rough and low and he licked his dry lips.
Jim reached for the cartons of juice left during the night if Blair awakened, opened and put a straw that bent in the clear liquid and placed it against parched lips, "easy…not so fast."
Blair pulled away when he was done, his eyes roaming the room again before settling on Jim's face. "Can I…can I go home now?"
Jim puzzled at the fear he could clearly see in Blair's eyes and the smell of panic that started to permeate from his skin. "Soon," he finally said. "Breakfast is coming and once they get you up and around the doctor…"
"NO, no doctor."
Jim lunged for Blair as he clumsily tossed off the blanket and nearly rolled off the bed.
What the hell?
Was Blair just remembering his phobia and was confusing things, he still had some heavy duty meds in his system. "Why are you so afraid of the doctor, Chief? They're here to help you. They won't hurt you."
Instead of settling at his words, Blair struggled harder to get away from Jim's grasp and then made a strange little noise, bending awkwardly around Jim's steadying arm, moaning as if he had pulled painfully at his own incisions.
"Easy, Blair…lets get you back in bed."
"No," Blair moaned, but released his grip on Jim's arm. "I can't. I'll die this time, I know I will."
Jim didn't know what to say, so for the moment he didn't say anything.
He rubbed Blair's back and tried to settle him more comfortably on the bed.
After Blair's body uncoiled a bit, he ventured, "Everything is fine, Chief. You had surgery, but they fixed the problem and it's all over. We'll be out of here hopefully by tomorrow." Jim had no idea when they had planned to release Blair, but he wanted to give some timeframe. "Nothing is gonna happen to you."
Blair looked at him with glassy eyes and said, "It already did, man…it already did."
The fine hairs on Jim's arms stood on end at the whispered words and the uneasy feelings he had earlier came rushing back. He was so sure that something was wrong and in a way he had been right…he just didn't know why.
Not sure if it was him that had gotten through to Blair or meds finally doing there job and no one could tell him why it had all happen in the first place.
But then he had never thought to ask Blair.
Blair's eyes were partly closed in fatigue and he was lying so close to the edge of the bed that he was in danger of falling off, but he seemed to have settled down, maybe resigned to his fate.
Jim leaned a little closer and patted his arm, not sure he wanted to hear the answer to the question he was about to ask. "What happened, Blair? What happened to you?"
At first he didn't think Blair would answer, but then he started to speak, softly at first and then a little stronger. "I ah…I remember going to the OR and hearing people talking around me…the mu music on the radio and I thought it was strange, ya know?"
Jim's blood ran cold as ice when he realized where this was going.
"I ah…I could feel them touching me, man…I could fell them…"
Oh god…Blair had somehow been awake during his surgery.
"God, Jim…the pain was so intense…I was sure I was dying." Blair's whole body shuddered at the remembered agony. "They sliced my skin open, man and I could feel it, every tug and pull and god…the burning…How is that even possible?"
Jim didn't know and he didn't know what to say either. So many thoughts swirled through his mind…was it possible? He sure as hell had never heard of anything like this happening before…or was Blair just so wound tight about the procedure that his own mind had imagined that he was feeling things he couldn't possibly feel…but then how could he explain his own feelings and the intense sensation that something was wrong.
Blair still shivered on the bed, watching him, waiting for a response.
"God, Blair…how…I mean…" Jim shook his head, knowing that he needed to pull it together, not wanting to screw this up. He realized that his own bond with Blair ran deeper than even he could comprehend and that he needed to trust what Blair told him to be true, even if only Blair believed it to be and it didn't actually happen. "Okay, okay…I'm gonna get a hold of Dr. Ramanatha and we'll get you outta here. We'll figure this out."
Blair sank back into the pillows as the cart with his breakfast arrived. A woman in blue sat a covered tray on the rolling table and pushed it over Blair's lap, finding and handing the bed control to Blair.
Jim moved to help Blair raise and settle comfortably on the bed. "You just try to eat something and I'll be back in a few minutes…will you be okay until I get back…are you in pain now, I can call…"
"No, just hurry…"
Jim nodded, moving to the door, looking back to see that Blair hadn't removed the lid from his plate, but he looked more relaxed, seemed a little calmer and he realized something important had just happened.
Blair believed that Jim believed him and for now, that was all that was important.
*~*~*
TBC
