Chapter Three: First Sight.

It was Bella's first day at her new school. Upon stepping outside Charlie's house, a bird dropped its white excrement straight into Bella's dark hair. She decided not to wash it out, as it was considered good luck, and she decided that she wanted her new classmates to be made aware of her extremely good fortune. Besides, she kind of enjoyed the smell. It smelled like egg. Bella liked egg.

Stepping through the gates of the school, Bella was aware of many people checking her out. She had worn her favourite crop top, propeller cap and Oliver Twist-esque pants and suspenders. She wore no shoes because she wanted to make a good impression and give off the aura of being carefree. To complete her look, she wore a macaroni necklace around her neck. If someone forgot their lunch, she could generously offer them her macaroni necklace, thus increasing her chances of making many new friends.

Suddenly, Bella was filled with apprehension. Back in California she had been accustomed to a Special School. This was quite clearly not one of these. Bella worried that her classmates would not be able to understand her genius.

Upon examination of her timetable, Bella realised that biology was her first subject. After breaking two chairs when she sat down on them, Bella blushed and decided to use the floor. Clearly, this place had no special facilities for statuesque goddesses. She decided to be classy, and not point out this fact to the other students, as they would all feel embarrassed.

Bella did, however, object to everybody gawking openly at her. It is a well known fact that supermodels often like to go incognito when they are not working. Bella felt as though she couldn't risk unpopularity amongst the females by gaining the lusty attentions of all the boys just yet. She became saddened as she realised that she was only trying to put off the inevitable, as she had spent a lifetime of boys who loved her but where too scared to talk to her.

The boys in this class laughed and pointed at Bella, confirming her suspicions that they would try the old trick of trying to pretend that they were not into her. The girls giggled, and were muttering nonsense along the lines of 'Oh my god, HUGE wedgie!' and 'bird poo! Ew! Don't go near her!' Bella realised that they were jealous already. The teacher hadn't yet arrived.

After telling the girls to build a bridge and get over themselves (yes, along with the fingers in the mouth stunt, if you must know) Bella looked up in time to see the most magnificent boy walk into the class.

She still had her lips contorted into that leering grin. Her eyes widened. A trickle of bird excrement started to run down the side of her face. Once this registered, Bella could then focus on the most beautiful boy in the world. He was tall and skinny. Bella was reminded instantly of a bean pole. Bella liked beans, especially in soup form. His hair was shiny to the point that Bella inhaled and could swear that she could smell the aroma of Mc Donald's fat. Bella liked Mc Donald's. His eyes were open wide and he wore the expression of a dead fish. What do you know? Bella thought to herself. I love fish and chips!

Bella decided that this mysterious boy was otherworldly, and saw fit to choose a suitable name for him. Actually no, not him, thought Bella dreamily. It.

'Edward,' she whispered, a tender caress carrying her voice not only to Edward, but to the rest of the class, who laughed like mad.

Edward frowned.

'No,' he replied. 'The name's Lachlan.

Bella wasn't listening.

'Edward. Edward Cullen.'

Edward tried to contradict Bella once more.

'No, really,' he insisted in an angry voice. 'I'm Lachlan Mulkitov. You must have the wrong person.'

Bella could forgive Edward for his stupidity. He had, after all, just laid eyes on her, the most beautiful girl in the world. Males couldn't be expected to keep their wits about them when she was around. Bella blushed for Edward's sake. She graciously decided to feel embarrassed for him, so that he might be spared the torment.