Ah hah! I'm BACK! I really hope you all like this one… and I apologize for that last story with Jacob and Emmett, but… I had to!
Depthmon: (with a marshmallow in his mouth) I thought that was hysterical, to tell the truth.
BG: I thought so too. Reading slash fics and Yaoi fics isn't really my style unless it's like a parody or something and it's Harry/Draco. My friend missbigbex13 actually wrote one about the young James Potter and Scorpius. It was GREAT!!
Depthmon: (cocks an eyebrow) Really, now?
BG: Yeah!
Kenny: (comes out of nowhere… again) Can I do the disclaimer?
BG: Sure.
Kenny: (grinning) Ahem… BandGeek doesn't own the Cullens. If she did, Jasper would be hers. Not Alice's, hers. And Seth Clearwater would be hers, too. ;o)
BG: Okay, now on with the story!
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This chapter is dedicated to my friend Nick. Nick, you may be crazy. You may have a rather… interesting dance to "Every Time We Touch". And yes, you may be incredibly adorable. But that's okay cuz… "YOU MAKE MY HEART SING!" and you make me laugh hysterically and smile like no tomorrow when you start singing every possible harmony on "Video Killed the Radio Star". Just… don't steal my phone and make me chase you again. I don't want my baby getting hurt… (strokes phone like a kitty)
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"Never again," Bella said, shaking her head. "Make sure you don't click anything that says 'slash' or 'yaoi' or 'shounen-ai', kay Edward?"
He nodded. "That was so incredibly creepy."
Emmett still had his face buried in Rose's shoulder and Jacob was throwing up in the bathroom.
Carlisle squinted at the screen and said, "Hey, look at that one. 'My Boy'."
"It doesn't say… those words," Quil said, trying to sound knowledgeable. "Clicky clicky!"
Edward consented and began to read a horribly written fic.
Alise sat in her room cryin dry teers. Teh onli boi she luved didnt luv her bak. "O, edwurd!" she said 2 noone "wont u ever no that I luv u? wont u ever luv me bak?"
"alise!" he cryed, flingin open da door of da room. i do luv you!"
she ran 2 him. "Reely Edwurd"
"ya, reely."
"but wat abut Bela?'
"bela hoo?"
By now Bella was twitching. Alice's fists were balled up and her spiky hair seemed to stand up on end. Her topaz eyes flickered with fire. "That son of a banshee…" she hissed.
Jasper was on the ground, sobbing. "No… nooo… NO! Make it stop! No! ALICE!"
"Jeez, it's just a story," Jacob said as he emerged from the bathroom. "Don't take it too seriously.
Carlisle let out a chuckle and Esme cracked a smile. This was better than cable.
The pack laughed as one. The whole making-fun-of-vampires thing was hysterical.
"Sucks to be you, ey, Edward?" Embry said, nudging the vamp with his elbow.
"Shut up."
"Aw, come on," Jacob laughed.
"Shut up, you gay dog!"
Jacob's laughter immediately died. "You take that back you son of a-"
"Now, now, boys, if you can't play nice you can't play together," Sam said sternly, trying to keep peace between the two species.
Carlisle got over his small fit of mirth and nodded. "True. I'll have to ground you, Edward, and Jacob…" He smiled a small, menacing smile.
Jacob shuddered, as did the rest of the pack.
"New story, okay sweetie?" Esme said, ruffling Edward's hair.
He nodded and hit the back button.
"Now one of the pack gets to pick!" Bella declared and rested her chin on Edward's head.
"That one," Paul said, gently pressing a finger up against the HP laptop, so as not to hurt the screen.
Edward looked at the title. "The Cullens Get A Little Stranger" read the title.
"I don't know if I like the look of this one," he murmured before reading aloud.
Bella trekked up the stairs to her room and waited for Edward to climb in through the window. She was so scared… What would he think of her now?
A tuft of orangey hair poked up from the window and seconds later, Edward was climbing up from the floor. "Hey, Bells," he said with that dazzling smile of his.
She bit her lower lip and waved before collapsing at the desk in the corner. How was she going to say this to him?
"What's up?" he asked, kissing her on the forehead and sitting on her bed.
"Well, um…" she looked out the window at the green-ness, twirling her hair around her index finger.
"What is it?" Edward's face suddenly became serious and concerned.
No turning back now. She couldn't anyways, not even if she moved to Nebraska and changed her name to Gertrude McFerrin. He'd find out. She took a deep breath. "Edward…" she began slowly. "I'm… pregnant."
"WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!" Jacob and Edward screamed at once.
"BWAAAAAAA!" Emmett yelled. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Edward, you're in deep trouble!"
"I didn't do anything, I swear!" Edward said, looking at his parents with a pleading look.
"Edward, we are so disappointed in you," Esme said, shaking her head.
"I thought we taught you better," Carlisle added.
Bella was on the floor in hysterics. "That's rich… oh, oh, oh, it hurts to laugh… Ah hah hah hah!"
"How could you, you bloodsucker?! Deflowering the flower!" Jacob screeched, enraged.
"Guys…" Bella said from her little ball on the floor. "You're taking this too seriously!"
"He deflowered the flower, Bella!" Jacob shouted, his face turning a nice burgundy shade.
The others in the pack and the rest of the Cullens looked rather amused. This was, like, the best comedy show ever.
"Not really, Jake," Bella said, getting over the laughing fit and standing up. "The fan author decided he did. He didn't in real life!"
Edward let out a puff of air. "Oh, thank God. I was so scared there."
Jacob blushed and glared at Edward, as if it was his entire fault that he messed up the facts.
"Just read another," Jasper said with a sigh and a smile. This was just too funny.
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There you have it. I felt the need to put in a pregnancy story (boy that feels weird to type…) cuz I see it all the time in Twilight. Now that I think about it, I don't see them much anywhere besides Twilight… Huh… I wonder what would happen if someone wrote a Taiora one.
TDCFH: Are you gonna write it, oh so profound one?
BG: Hell, no! I don't have that kind of seriousness. I can barely write a chapter of my crossover with Fruits Basket that has Akito in it, let alone a whole story like that!
Skipper713: (walks in) Sorry I'm late. What did I miss?
Depthmon: Don't make us go over it again! Show up on time, jeez!
BG: (ignores the fight) I need ideas for bad fan fictions. If you have any, let me know, cuz otherwise I won't update terribly quickly.
Skipper: Whatever happened to that 20 Ways to Annoy fic?
TDCFH: Yeah, the one you ripped off of me?
BG: First of all, Mr. Smarty-Pants, I did not "rip it off" of your fic. Your fic merely inspired mine. Mine is, like, a bazillion times better. Secondly, I can't think of any ideas for Jasper, so if any of you people have ways to annoy Jasper Hale, let me know!!
Depthmon: Well… so long till next chapter, I guess.
Skipper: Yep! Bye-bye!
BG: Reviews will make my day. I'll give you an EMMETT hug!! Yeah!
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