Chapter Five: A Nightmare.
Bella felt so overwhelmed by the revelation that Edward acknowledged her superior dress size that she decided that she needed to sleep it off. When she arrived home, she decided to play the same prank on her father that she had been doing ever since she was six.
Lowering her voice (a remarkable feat, given its usual masculinity), she glared at Charlie and said:
'I know your secret.'
Charlie dropped the maracas he had been dancing with and started to look around anxiously.
'Bella! The dresses in the closet belong to a friend of mine, I swear,' he babbled.
'What dresses?' asked Bella, confused. She always played this prank, where she pretended that she could see into her father's mind. She couldn't believe that her father still fell for it. 'Why do you think I care about dumb dresses?'
'Never mind,' replied Charlie, mopping his forehead. He walked into the kitchen, muttering nonsense like 'must borrow Billy's stilettos', 'spandex tights' and 'better hiding places.'
Bella pointed at her father's retreating figure and gave a fat sort of laugh. She did not find her actions at all obnoxious.
She thumped into her room in a ritualistic and rhythmic manner, as she was fond of scaring away any little animals that might lurk around outside. She had long decided to take proactive measures against the wildlife that might disturb her as she slumbered. A bat was hovering around Bella's window, but upon hearing her approach, dropped dead and fell onto the grass outside. Bella laughed, stomach aquiver, but stopped short when she realised that it reminded her of…Edward.
Oh well. She shrugged off the thought, and her bed groaned as she fell on it. She became excited then, and congratulated herself on having a successful conversation with Edward Cullen. Where most girls might do a crazy little dance after talking to their crush, Bella took a different approach. She lay flat on her back, lifted her legs in the air, and moved them around frantically in a bike-pedalling motion and started to sing Heaven by DJ Sammy.
'Baby you're all that I need,
When you're lying here in my arms
I'm finding it hard to believe,
We're in Heaven!'
Not surprisingly, this uncharacteristic burst of energy was enough to lull Bella into sleep. This was the first night that she dreamed of Edward…
The dream started normally enough. It was just the two of them. They were in Bella's backyard, talking. They were wearing Elizabethan collars, not the type that Shakespearean actors would wear, but the plastic ones that vets put on dogs to stop them pulling at their stitches. Edward was teasing Bella, seductively eating her macaroni necklace, one piece by one piece. He was holding it in his hand, and chomping loudly, never taking his eyes off Bella. He was smiling, too. Most girls would describe it as 'creepy,' Bella found it…spine-chilling. He was so hot.
After marching about the garden in a two-person conga line, Bella screamed. She saw snakes, everywhere! Edward laughed.
'Relax, Bella', he said, trying to reassure her. 'They are only rubber.' He reached down and touched one, to highlight his point.
It was a long black snake, and upon Edwards touch, flipped around and hissed loudly. Another, smaller, rainbow coloured snake launched itself into the air and bit Edward's wrist. Edward spun around in circles like a discus thrower, trying to shake the snake off. It wasn't working.
'THEY'RE NOT RUUUUBBEEEERRR!' He howled.
Bella raced inside to call the snake-catcher. She couldn't find the telephone, so started pressing buttons on the television remote control.
'Good evening, Forks's Snake Removal. How may I help you?' answered the bored receptionist. The remote control had worked!
'Yes, we need someone out here fast!' Bella panted. 'There are snakes. Everywhere. They are eating Edward!'
'Aw, sorry,' replied the receptionist apologetically. 'For the number of snakes that you are claiming to have in your yard, we would have to send out one person for every square metre of your yard. That would be a lot of rangers, and would cost you too much money! I recommend that you grab a can of Mortein fly spray, and start sprayin'! This is a great and effective way to remove snakes. By the way, don't use any other brand, or else the snakes will not die, but become angry. Thank you for your call.'
The line went dead. Bella thanked the heavens above that her father considered Mortein to be a superior brand. She also armed herself with a fly swat, just in case.
She raced outside to rescue Edward, but he had disappeared. The snakes were also gone. All that was left of Edward and the snakes was a tiny piece of macaroni attached to the string that had been Bella'a macaroni necklace…
Bella woke up then. She was terrified.
