Chapter Six:
Bella was breathing hard, and she realised that she was in a cold sweat. She felt terrible, and decided to cool herself off and clean herself up. She found a pair of red underpants lying on the floor. She used them to mop her forehead. Hmm. They seemed old. And used. Oh well.
Staring out of the window, she looked at the full moon. Once, at her old school, she had bent over in the cafeteria to pick up an apple core (she had forgotten her lunch that day, you see) and her pants seemed to move ever so slightly south. One of the teachers had called out:
'It's a full moon today!' This had been met by uproarious laughter, mingled with one girl gagging on her dumplings.
Bella sighed as she stared at the silvery moon. She was truly beautiful. If her behind could look like that, well…Forks today, Milan and Paris tomorrow!
Catching sight of movement behind some bushes in her front garden, Bella gasped. She thought she saw something! Somebody must be out there! Grabbing her paintball gun, she decided to show the intruder a thing or two.
Stalking her prey, Bella quietly moved outside. She called out.
'Whooooo, balloooooo! GADANASH!' If your definition of moving quietly is the same as Bella's, then you won't consider shouting nonsensical words as you walk at all noisy or disruptive. Several dogs in the neighbourhood woke up and started barking.
Bella moved closer to the rustling bushes.
'En guard!' She brandished her paintball gun.
Not believing her eyes, she saw a bin emerge from the bushes. It was a bin with legs! It had two circular cut-outs for eyes, but no arms. The bin looked at Bella (or at least, she guessed it did) and then started to tiptoe away. Bella was going to have none of this.
She tore the lid off the bin, only to find the head of…Edward?
'Edward…' Bella could not believe it. Her beloved was a true master of disguise. He had managed to render himself invisible by hiding in a bin! There was definitely something magical about Edward Cullen. First, though, Bella decided that she must figure out what he was doing at her house at exactly 1:14AM.
'What are you doing here, now, at this time, at my house, behind my bushes?'
Edward was clearly nervous. He kept moving his head from side to side, slowly, and rhythmically opening and closing his mouth, looking much like one of those moving clowns at a fair.
'I was, just, admiring your beautiful flowers,' he replied.
'There are no flowers!'
'No?' Edward started to laugh nervously. Bella could see the whites of his eyes. 'Oops, my mistake. Must have been a bit of litter. I never realised how shocking my eyesight was until this day, er, night. My name is actually Lach-ah, it doesn't matter anymore. '
If it were anybody else, Bella would have advised them to build a bridge and get over themselves, but with him, she just couldn't. She couldn't point and laugh at him, she couldn't sit on him and let one rip, she couldn't run off with his wallet. These were all things which she had done to so many others. With Edward, however, things were vey, very different and in more ways than one.
Now was Bella's chance to shine. She would expose Edward for what he was.
'I know what you are,' she said, feeling a rush of lactic acid fill her legs. Walking and carrying a paintball gun proved to be very draining work indeed.
'Say it,' Edward growled, moving closer to Bella in the moonlight.
Bella's voice caught in her throat.
'Stalker!'
Edward threw back his head, dropped to his knees, and howled.
'How cooouuuuld you knooooow?'
Bella dropped to her knees, trying to calm her love down.
'No, no! It's okay,' she purred. 'I'm absolutely fine with simple-obsessional stalking. It's nothing to be ashamed of.
'Are you scared?'
'No.'
'I'll explain everything, I swear. After lunch at school today, I just thought you were weird, dancing up to me like that. I took a walk to clear my head, and spotted a piece of chewing gum on the floor. It kind of reminded me of one of your teeth, you know, the greenish one with-never mind!- and I stomped on it, because I didn't want to see anything that reminded me of you at that point in time. However, the gum stuck to the bottom of my left shoe. It hindered my walking for the rest of the afternoon! It was only after I finally ate it that I realised that you, Bella Swan, are stuck to my heart in much the same manner that that piece of gum was stuck to my shoe! I've only ever had one epiphany in my life, and that was it! I didn't mean to show up like this tonight. I already have a few priors for stalking that hot, I mean, ugly guy Jacob Black!'
Bella let this entire information sink in. She was more in love than ever. She would treasure the sight of Edward, at this exact moment, still in the rubbish bin with his legs sticking out, forever.
She understood three major things in that moment of bliss. First, she would have a date with Edward tomorrow, at school. Second, there was a part of Edward-and she didn't know how dominant that part might be-that thirsted for this Jacob Black. And third. Because Bella was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Edward, she would eliminate the competition by making Jacob Black fall in love with her. Who was Jacob Black?
