these two last chapters will give me the ending that I want. Not the one you might, so, if you liked how chapet four ended, I advice you to stop reading there.
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Part 5
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I don't know what I should call our relationship.
Other than fake.
Whenever we're around other people, it's just as it used to be. We bitch and fight but, the moment we enter a closed room his whole personality changes.
His arms would hug me from behind. He would swiftly move us towards the bed, all the while undressing us both. We would fall on top of the mattress and he... he would consume me.
But for some reason it all seems fake. Like he's just acting, trying to make me happy.
And somewhere someone drops a piano down a well.
He thinks that because I'm human I can't handle the relationship that he wants. It's like he's pretending to like me, even though it's been clear from the start that all he wants is... fucking. I don't really know why, I mean, why me? Sure, I have quite a good physic, it's not like I'm ugly or anything, I do have pretty decent eyes, straight nose... pretty sharp jaw too... and clean eyebrows...
Okay, I do look quite good. But he's Renji! He has everything I have and more!
I'm sure he could get anyone he wants.
Maybe it's the weird hair colour?
There's not so many with orange hair in Soul Society after all. Must be the hair colour.
Still, he dosn't have to act like that all the time. I can handle just a fuck from time to time. Sure, I couldn't when this all started, but I can now. I finally have a hold of my energy. What he's doing now is way worse. The small smiles, the glances, the way his hand wanders. He's tearing down all my walls. I don't like it, especially when I know that this whole thing will be over in a few months, if not sooner. He will move on, not having the will to act anymore, his desires faded.
And somewhere far far down it lands with a big crash.
Why did I even get into this?
You know the answer to that question pretty well, don't you?
I do. But he shouldn't demand something like this from me?! He should know... I've told him about my mum, he was with me under the rescue of Rukia, and of Inoue. He should know that if he left, I would chase him down.
It shouldn't be like this. This is just what I don't need. But still, if I could freeze time and stay in one place, in one moment, I have a bad feeling I would stop and live in these days forever.
And it breaks into so many pieces that it'll be impossible to fix it.
Maybe it's cause I'm a substitute shinigami. I'm like some rare item, like his glasses, like his hair, like his tattoos. One of a kind.
Maybe he's fucked every ass in Soul Society and needed something new.
Does it really mater?
No, not really. But it'd be nice to know. If I have something to base my facts on, they'll be easier to remember. Like math, just teaching yourself a random equation can be quite hard, but if you know all the reasons for all the letters and signs - then there's no problem.
If I don't know the reason for why he wants me as a fuck-buddy, then I might forget that that's all he wants. I might forget and end up falling for him. I might end up being pulled into a mess that I don't want to be in. That I never want to be in.
It shouldn't be like this.
Shit, I don't ever want to fall in love.
"Ichigo." I look up from the paper that's laying spread out on my legs, the page hasn't changed since I opened it. The sound of his voice, I know what he's gonna say. I knew from the start, from the first morning after the first night, that this was how it would end.
Not that anyone would ever find it. Not that anyone would ever want to try.
I'm okay with it, cause it dosn't mater. It never did. Our relationship is based only on sex-drive. There is nothing else to it. Never was, never will be. The sooner this happens, the better.
I don't ever want to fall in love.
"Let's break up."
But it's nothing that I have within my control.
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You'r comments still means more than your favs. Not that I'm expecting more favs from this xD
