It's All Geek to Me
"So, what're we watching?"
"I don't care." Daniel flopped down on the couch, already shoving a handful of popcorn into his mouth. He chewed exactly once before adding, "As long as it's funny."
"It does not matter to me which film we view." Teal'c stood near the couch, holding a bottle of apple juice. "As long as it contains no animals speaking in the voices of humans."
The team had long ago learned that the one thing that creeped out the big scary Jaffa was talking animals. Blood, gore, guts, and every other vice Teal'c could handle. Bambi—not so much.
"We don't have to watch anything like that, Teal'c." Sam opened up her cabinet. "I have a bunch of DVDs to choose from."
"From which to choose." The Colonel appeared next to the couch, opening a can of soda. "I have a bunch of DVDs from which to choose."
Sam looked back over her shoulder at him, frowning. "What's the difference?"
Jack motioned to her with the can of Pepsi. "One should never end one's sentences with a preposition."
"Why not?" Her frown deepened.
"Do you really want to know, or do you just think that I don't know?"
"I'd heard that was a false grammar rule." Daniel said from around another mouthful of popcorn.
"False?" O'Neill shook his head. "I'd say—underappreciated."
"Are any grammar rules appreciated?"
The Colonel paused with the can midway to his mouth. "Yes." He nodded. "Some of us appreciate all of them."
Daniel swallowed and then groaned dramatically. "Here we go."
"Watch it, Daniel." Jack's voice reflected a gentle warning.
"What?" Sam looked between the two men. "What are you two talking about?"
The Colonel plopped himself down on the couch. "Just because the two of you are science geeks—it doesn't mean that you know everything about everything. Let's leave it at that."
Daniel glared across the couch. "Jack—Sam and I aren't geeks."
"Uh—yeah, you are."
"I beg to differ." Daniel's eyebrows crept ever closer to his hairline. "We're just as tough as you and Teal'c are."
Teal'c snorted.
"What was that, T?" O'Neill broke into his signature smart-ass grin. He pointed at Daniel. "See Daniel? Teal'c agrees with me. Geek."
"Sam's not a geek."
"Yes, she is." O'Neill replied automatically. He had returned his attention to his can of Pepsi. "She just tempers her geekiness with hotness."
Daniel peered at Jack over the top of his glasses. "You know, you actually just said that out loud."
Sam, smiling to herself, rifled through some of the movies in her case. "Okay, you guys, if you're not going to help, I'll just pick one."
"Uh oh." O'Neill grimaced. "We can't let the girl pick."
"I wouldn't make you watch a chick flick." Still at the cabinet, Sam threw the comment over her shoulder. "I already know how you all feel about those."
"How about 'Airplane'?" O'Neill queried.
"'The Mummy'." Daniel called out.
"'Star Wars'." Teal'c always suggested the same movie.
But Sam had already extracted a DVD from her collection and removed it from the case.
"Please don't make me watch 'Star Wars' again." This from a man who wasn't afraid to make fun of a System Lord.
"Nope." Sam slid the DVD into the player and stood.
"Is it 'Airplane'?"
"No, sir."
"Then what is it?" O'Neill shoved over as Sam approached with the remote control. They always sat in the same places. Sam in the middle of the couch, Daniel on her right, and the Colonel on her left, and Teal'c sitting on the floor with his back against the big arm chair to the left of the couch.
They'd started movie nights right after Daniel had died the first time—kind of a bonding thing. When he didn't stay dead, they had just continued the gatherings. The location varied—sometimes at Jack's house, sometimes at Sam's, even once in Teal'c's quarters on base—but their seating configuration never shifted.
"You'll see, sir." She settled in, shoulder to shoulder with two of her three favorite men in the world. Her couch was slightly smaller than the Colonel's. Maybe that's why she'd suggested they meet at her house that evening. It was—cozier.
She pushed 'play'. Within a few seconds, the credits started flashing on the screen. O'Neill let out a bark of laughter, accompanied by his reaching a hand behind Sam to poke Daniel in the side of the head.
"This one's for you, buddy."
Daniel read the title on the screen. "Monty Python and the Holy Grail?"
"You said you'd never seen it."
"And I'm still not going to see it." Daniel held the popcorn out for Sam to take some. "We never actually watch these movies. You end up distracting us to the point where we can't."
"You wound me." Jack stole a piece of popcorn out of Sam's hand and threw it Daniel. He managed to hit Daniel in the forehead, and the popcorn dropped down into the recess between the archaeologist's glasses and his eye.
"Oh yeah." Daniel fished the kernel out with two fingers. "I'm so off on that one. You're not annoying at all."
Just for good measure, Jack did it again.
"Jack—couldya stop?"
O'Neill grinned again. "I don't think so."
"Okay." Carter held out two hands to either side of her. "Boys—play nice. Let's watch the movie."
When Carter used her "mom" voice, people normally listened. Unfortunately, the Colonel wasn't normal people. He leaned into her, shoving against her shoulder with his own. "I didn't know you liked Monty Python."
"I don't, really." Sam looked over at him.
"Then why did you buy this DVD?"
She shrugged. It was a non answer, but he grinned anyway. His voice low, he quirked a brow. "Because you know I like it?"
Sam shook her head and rolled her eyes. "I can't imagine what you mean, sir."
Daniel leaned forward so that he could see them both. "I'm never going to be able to watch this if the two of you keep canoodling over there."
"Canoodling?" Jack leaned forward and fixed Daniel with a glare. "Colonels don't canoodle. Do Majors canoodle?"
Sam smiled. "I don't think so, sir." Her smile deepened into a wide grin. "At least, not without a direct order."
Daniel sat back, muttering.
Sam cast a chastising look at O'Neill, while patting Daniel's leg supportively. "Come on, guys. This is supposed to be a funny movie."
She felt O'Neill relax into the couch next to her. He stretched his long, jeans-encased legs out in front of him and, toeing his shoes off, rested his feet on her coffee table. He clasped his arms behind his head, totally relaxed.
If anything, Daniel became more tense. Just as the guy with the cart began shouting, 'Bring out your dead!' he leaned forward again. "Jack, why do you do that?"
"What?" There couldn't have been a more unconvincing picture of innocence.
"That."
"What?"
"Why do you make it your own personal quest to annoy me?" Daniel was completely serious.
Jack didn't answer immediately, but Teal'c inserted his own opinion. "I believe that O'Neill thinks that it is humorous and entertaining to make fun of and belittle you, Daniel Jackson."
Jack took umbrage. "Hey! That's not true."
Sam looked at him, a vague expression on her face. "Teal'c kind of has a point, sir."
"You, too, Carter?" O'Neill looked appalled.
Her expression said apologetic, but her nod said, "Kind of."
"You think I belittle Daniel?"
"You do call him a geek. Frequently."
O'Neill thrust a hand, palm up, in Daniel's direction. "Do I lie?"
"He's a scientist, sir, not a geek."
"I've called you a geek, too."
"Yes, but you also said I was hot." She blessed him with one of her more intimate smiles. "That kinda takes the sting out."
"I didn't call you hot."
"Uh—" Sam widened her eyes and inclined her head towards her commanding officer. "No disrespect intended, but I think you did, actually."
"I'm not allowed to call you hot."
"No, sir, you're not." But she wasn't too upset about it.
"Well then, being the ultra-obedient and rule conscious man that I am, I would not have, therefore, referred to you thusly."
"Yes, Jack. Yes, you did." Daniel had his face in his hands, shaking it wearily from side to side. Suddenly, he lifted his head and pointed at the Colonel. "You called her hot. Not like it's a big surprise that you think so."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Exactly what you think it means."
"Watch it, Geek."
"Jack, have you forgotten that I know things about you?" Daniel had finally pulled out his big gun. "Things that you don't want everyone else to know?" He surreptitiously indicated Sam.
"Daniel—you promised." The Colonel stilled, suddenly wary.
"I did." Daniel nodded slowly. "But that doesn't mean I can't do it anyway."
Sam stood. "Look, guys. This is supposed to be a friendly get together. What is your problem?"
"Thin-skin over here needs to man up." Jack indicated Daniel with a flourish of his hand.
"Yeah? Well you need to respect me!" Daniel leapt to his feet. "I'm kind of tired of always being made fun of!"
"I make fun of everyone, Daniel! That's just how I am!" O'Neill rose as well. "Deal with it!"
Daniel shook his head. With a quick motion of one hand, he pushed his glasses as far up on his nose as they would go. He breathed in and out rapidly—he'd finally gotten truly angry.
"Oh yeah, Jack? Well, deal with this." He turned to Sam. "You know how he's always twitting us about being geeks or nerds or whatever?"
"Daniel." Jack's warning was clear, concise.
"Did you know that this man—this tough military bad-ass—did you know that he has a Master's Degree in Grammar?"
Sam, still sitting on the couch, looked up at the Colonel in shock. Her blue eyes, already huge with concern, widened even further. She absorbed the information in around a nanosecond, though, and then erupted into laughter like a volcano explodes into flame. She looked from Daniel, white-faced and livid, to the Colonel, whose neck had flushed red, and laughed even louder.
She folded her hands over her stomach and fell over sideways on the couch, wiping tears away from her eyes. "Grammar!" She actually snorted. "That's the funniest thing I've ever heard!"
"For the record, Major, it was actually Literary Theory and Composition."
"Literary—" She snorted again, doubling over. "And this from a guy who refuses to write mission reports!"
Jack and Daniel stared at her as if she'd lost her mind. Daniel bit his lip. Jack ran a hand down his face. They looked at each other, and then back at her. She was turning pink from her hysterics—tears poured down her face. It looked like it hurt.
And still she laughed.
"You're a bigger geek than either of us! Grammar—that's what—apostrophes and which verb tense to use? And here you are traipsing around the universe spouting strategy and killing aliens? And you actually spent time in school—no, even better—in graduate school—studying Grammar?" Eventually her cackling subsided into minor guffaws, and then giggles, and then she lay, exhausted and spent, on the sofa.
"Oh man." She breathed out a chuckle. "That's the funniest thing I've ever heard."
"It's really—uh—not that entertaining." The Colonel raised a hand to scratch absently at his ear. "And it was interesting." His voice was plaintive.
"How'd you find out, Daniel?" She wiped her eyes on the back of her hand, then brought her hand back to clean up mascara with the pad of her thumb.
The archaeologist pursed his lip and shot a look sideways at the Colonel. "After Abydos, I stayed with Jack. He was on base one day—he'd gone without me—and I happened to find his thesis."
"He was snooping." Jack pointed out.
"You have one book shelf, Jack, it was out in plain sight."
"What was the topic?" Sam just had to know.
"Oh yes—Jack—tell her. Maybe she'll wig out again." Daniel grinned. Looking at Sam, he widened his eyes. "This is good—just wait for it."
The Colonel clammed up. His lips thinned to the point of non-existence.
"Jack. Come on. Spill." Daniel fixed a look on the older man. "Jack."
"I'm not saying."
"Come on. You owe me. For how many years have you made fun of me?"
"Obviously not many enough."
"Jack."
"Daniel."
Daniel turned to Sam. "His thesis was entitled, 'Inherent Strategy: Analyzing Innate Militaristic Ability in the Wizard of Oz." He used finger quotes and a huge grin, and waited for her to blow up again.
To Daniel's shock, Sam sat herself up on the couch. "That actually sounds kind of intriguing." She furrowed her brows in thought. "Innate militaristic ability as in—that of Dorothy and her friends?"
Jack raised his head and speared Daniel with a look of such gloating that Daniel threw his hands up in the air and turned in a circle.
"Oh, come on!"
"No Daniel—did you read it? It sounds really interesting. I never would have thought about it that way. They go through much more in the book than they do in the movie. What did you cite?"
"Patton."
"Of course."
"Clausewitz, a little Churchill—you know, this and that." He shoved his hands into his pockets, shifting his weight to stand more comfortably.
"Did it get psychiatric?"
"Not so much. Mostly referenced other similar works to find models and archetypes. Other characters in circumstances that lead them to engage their own inherent or latent strategic ability."
"Wow." Carter was looking at him like she'd never done before—he felt kind of smart. "Well, sir. Never let it be said that you aren't a man of many facets."
"Faucets? I'm not a plumber." He caught Daniel's eye and winked. Daniel rolled his back at the Colonel, who simply returned to his previous position on the couch—triumph in every move he made. "Just a lowly old military man."
Daniel pointed. "Just a lowly Geeky old military man." He raised his eyebrows. "Face it, Jack, you're like us. Me and Sam. You're one of us."
Jack shrugged. "Whatever."
Teal'c had been watching the entire exchange with an expression of mollified sufferance on his face. He stood, holding his empty apple juice bottle in front of him like a shield.
"Indeed, you are all three alike in many ways, Daniel Jackson."
"Oh? What are you saying, Teal'c?"
"I believe that you have already expressed my sentiments adequately. The three of you are in many ways similar. I appear to be the one who is different in more than just race and ancestry."
"Oh, come on, T. You're part of the team." O'Neill waved off his statement impatiently. "Whatcha talking about?"
"I am part of the team, O'Neill. However, I seem to be set apart from you three in a way that is insurmountable."
Teal'c enjoyed the pregnant pause briefly before drawing himself up to his full height and canting one brow upward.
"I seem to be the only one here who is not a Geek."
