Winkie Blinkies

"So, Carter," O'Neill pushed off from the lab table where he'd been leaning.

They'd been back from M8T-wherever for nearly three hours, and he'd already exhausted his list of things that interested him. So he'd come into the lab to 'help' Carter.

"Do you actually know what all these things do?"

"What things, sir?"

"All this—stuff." He threw a hand out and indicated the instruments scattered around her lab. "It looks like Lite Brite spawned in here."

Major Carter sat up in her chair and looked around. She scowled. "You know, I have never really thought about it, but yeah. There are a lot of different things in here."

"See? Like for example—what does this one do?" The Colonel pointed at a machine attached to a wall. "It's just a big box with winkie light bulbs all over it."

"That one monitors the power outgo to the 'Gate and incoming levels of radiation."

"Radiation?"

"Well, yeah. Every time the 'Gate opens, there's the possibility of varying degrees of radiation spreading throughout the base." She pointed at the lower set of lights. "See how there are 20 red lights in this bank?"

He looked around her shoulder. "Yeah."

"Well, if the radiation levels are low, then only two or four of the lights will light up. If a more moderate lever is detected, then there will be 10 or twelve lights on. It varies. Suffice it to say, sir, that the more lights are on, the worse the radiation is inside the SGC."

"And if we're on radiation over load?"

"Then anywhere from sixteen to twenty lights will be lit."

O'Neill glared at the twin rows of lights. "And how much is too much?"

"Enough to have carcinogenic properties—and that's often enough to kill." Carter turned away from him and resituated herself at her microscope. "But you don't have to worry about it, sir, because those lights will tell us when it's time to evacuate."

She fit her face to the eyepiece again, rearranging the slide on the stage. O'Neill watched her fiddle with the various knobs of the device, making the arm lower towards the slide. She breathed shallowly, her intense focus on the slide, making slight adjustments as needed.

O'Neill turned back around to look at the box of lights.

"Don't you think that there are better places for this kind of an important machine? Say—in the control room?"

Carter looked up from her microscope again. "There are some in there, too, sir. But those monitors are merely the sensors—these machines in here actually calculate the levels and send out alert signals to the monitors if necessary."

He looked at the lights again, as if he could assess their value.

"What do those do?" He pointed at another bank of lights, which was accompanied by a display of some sort that kept spitting out numbers. "That one's got a screen."

"Uh—" Sam turned around to see which one he was indicating. "That one measures electromagnetic pulses. See? The low number there means that the pulses aren't strong anywhere on base. They surge every once in a while, though, and then we can know when to give extra protection to various key systems on the base."

"Protection."

"Yes, sir. Electronic devices, such as the dialing computer and the monitors in the infirmary, don't perform well, or sometimes at all, when hit by an EM pulse. We monitor those, as well, so that we can protect key systems."

"Oh. Wow." The Colonel tapped the screen with his finger. "Good thing."

"Yes, sir."

"That's important, then"

"Yes, sir." She smiled. "Okay, sir? Anything else? Because if not, I really wanted to get a better look at this."

"Go ahead." His voice reeked of indifference.

He moved over to another bank of lights. This one was set into an identical machine. It looked just like the other bank of lights, except that it was multicolored instead of all red. "What do these lights do?"

Sam looked up. "Uh—those." She thought for a moment. "The ones on the left measure detectable sound waves coming out of the 'Gateroom. It's basically a super radio receiver, capable of retrieving large amounts of data from all matter of radio waves."

"What kind of data?"

"Well, seeing that radio waves are part of the electromagnetic spectrum, they can contain information that can be used for navigation, communication, and computer networking. Again, sensors in the 'Gateroom have been set up so that we can monitor any and all radio waves coming in through the wormhole and this machine sorts them out and saves them to computer files so that we can try to decipher them and figure out what they are saying."

"Interstellar FM?"

"Kind of." She smiled indulgently, fighting the urge to roll her eyes.

"Kind of what?" Daniel walked in, carrying his usual stack of books. Looking from the uncharacteristically interested look on the Colonel's face to the equally odd expression of annoyance on Sam's, he repeated his question. "Kind of what?"

"Carter here's telling me all about these machines."

Daniel narrowed his eyes and peered at her from over the top of his frames. "What are you telling him?"

"Well." Sam sighed and shoved herself away from the microscope again. "We've talked about the radiation sensors and the radio wave decoding system."

The Colonel whacked Daniel on the shoulder with the back of his hand. "You know, like Little Orphan Annie's decoder pin."

"What?"

The Colonel turned towards Daniel. "You know—that movie—the Christmas one where the little kid wants the BB gun."

"A Christmas Story?" Sam shook her head, her face a picture of confusion. "What does—"

"Yeah—great flick. Anyway, so this kid has been drinking Tang—"

"Ovaltine." Sam corrected.

"Yeah—Ovaltine—whatever—and he's been saving labels or something, so he sends away for this Little Orphan Annie decoder pin. And it finally arrives, and he goes into the bathroom to decipher the code and it's just a commercial—you know that movie, right?"

"I thought you said that the kid wanted a BB gun." Daniel shook his head. "Does he get the gun for drinking the Tang?"

"Ovaltine." Sam corrected again.

"Whatever."

"No, his dad gets it for him at the end. He shoots his eye out."

"Way to ruin the movie for him, sir."

"What? Oh—yeah." O'Neill shrugged and tried to look apologetic. "Sorry about that."

"For what are you remorseful, O'Neill?" Teal'c spoke from the open door of the laboratory, holding a bunch of bananas.

"I told Daniel the end of a movie that he hasn't seen."

"On Chulak, that would, indeed, be reason for a battle to the death."

Three set of eyes stared at the Jaffa. Blithely, he rounded the table and found Sam's extra chair where she hid it behind yet another cabinet full of seemingly random lights. He pulled it out with one hand while setting his bananas on the lab table top with the other. Sitting, he removed a banana from the bunch and peeled it.

"You know, Teal'c—I still can't figure out when you're trying to be sarcastic and when you're being serious."

Teal'c looked at the Colonel, frankly appraising. "Indeed." And then he actually kind of smiled before decapitating the banana.

Jack turned to Daniel. "What did that mean?"

Daniel shrugged. "Not a clue."

"Ancient Jaffa saying?"

"Could be." Daniel shrugged. "But somehow, I think not."

Sam looked at the men in her lab. With a patience she didn't feel, she asked, "Guys, what are you doing here? I mean, don't you all have things that you need to be doing? Other things—things not involving my lab?"

"Apparently, Carter wants us to go somewhere else to play." The Colonel leaned back down over the table, resting his forearms on a pile of papers.

"It's not that, sir," Sam grimaced. It's just that I really need to get these slides analyzed for Dr. Lee."

"I'm sorry." Daniel ran a hand through his hair. "I'm still stuck on Little Orphan Annie."

"Oh—the pin." The Colonel fingered some of the papers he was leaning on. "Well, it's a decoder pin. It's got numbers assigned to letters—and then some guy on the radio would read out a list of numbers with a clue, and the kids could decipher the code."

Daniel stared at Jack for a long, wondering minute. "What did that have to do with anything?"

"Well," O'Neill indicated Carter with a jab of his thumb. "She said 'decoder'."

"So I had to listen to that whole story about this Kool-Aid drinking kid wanting a weapon for Christmas because Sam said, 'decoder'?" His fingers formed quote marks.

"Pretty much." The Colonel shrugged. "And it was Tang."

"Ovaltine." Sam muttered from behind her microscope.

Teal'c had finished his first banana and was starting on a second. Before he brought the fruit to his mouth, however, he cocked a brow. "I believe the child's desire for a weapon to be a positive one. Every young person should strive to be self-defensive. Especially those living in a world where so many are orphaned so young, as was Little Annie."

"Yes, well. Tough times." Jack stood upright again. "So, Daniel, what are you in here for?"

"I found something pertinent to Sam's research." Daniel held up his pile of books. "What are you in here for?"

"I was bored."

"I figured." Daniel scooched past the Colonel to stand by Sam's side. "I brought the books you asked for, Sam."

"Thanks. Can you put them over there?" Sam motioned towards a less crowded table behind her. Daniel crossed to it and set the pile down, steadying it briefly before returning to the lab table.

He watched Teal'c consume another banana practically whole, and then reach for one of the remaining bananas on the stalk. "You know, Teal'c, I have to ask why you're eating bananas by the dozen."

"Because their taste is very pleasing to me, and their texture interesting on my tongue." The resident Jaffa broke open the peel. "One needs no other reason to consume anything."

"Okay then." Daniel turned his attention back to Sam, who had multiplied the magnification on her scope. "What exactly are you looking at?"

"Pieces of the 'Gate."

"The 'Gate's falling apart?" O'Neill rounded her, then peered over her shoulder at the slide on the little table. "Is that dangerous?"

Sam lifted her head once again from her microscope. "No, sir." She said, visibly forcing herself to un-tense her shoulders. "The 'Gate isn't falling apart."

"Then why are there pieces of it on your doohickey there?"

"They're only microscopic pieces, and they've sloughed off because of the slight contact that the iris has with the 'Gate. We're trying to figure out exactly how much of this residue is 'Gate and how much is iris."

"Oh." He didn't sound even remotely satisfied with the answer.

"The real question is, Jack, why are you so interested in all this? Normally, if someone mentions something having to do with science, you start foaming at the mouth and a hump sprouts from your back." Daniel rested one hand on the lab table and stared at the Colonel.

"I just figured it was time to take an interest in this kind of stuff."

"Why?" Daniel persisted.

"Because."

"Because why?"

"I don't know, Daniel. I just wanted to know."

Daniel grinned and pointed at the Colonel. "You're tired of not understanding what we're talking about."

"I understand every word."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do."

"Then tell me what that does." He crossed to a specific light bank and jabbed his finger at it. "Go on."

"I told you I understood words, not all these winkie blinkie lights that are in here."

"Winkie blinkie?"

"Yes, Daniel." Jack threw his hands out towards the various and sundry lights. "They wink, they blink. Ergo, winkie blinkies."

Sam looked up yet again. "Guys—sir. I really do have to get this analysis done. If you want to argue, you're welcome to do it in Daniel's lab. Or in the gym. Or in the mess. Or anywhere other than here."

"Great, Daniel, now you got us kicked out."

"You're the one denigrating the integrity of Sam's equipment."

"I'm not immigrating anything!"

"Denigrating, not immigrating! I thought you said you could understand whatever we said."

"I said understand, Daniel, not repeat."

Teal'c rose suddenly, gathered up his banana peels, and threw them unceremoniously into the garbage can at the end of the table. "If you are finished annoying Major Carter, Colonel O'Neill, I would be happy to join you in the game room for a rousing bout of ping-pong."

Jack glared at Daniel, then cast a lingering look around the lab. "Okay, T. That sounds better than staying in here being bored to death."

As the Colonel preceded Teal'c out of the lab, Sam looked up at the Jaffa with gratitude. "Thanks, Teal'c."

The big man inclined his head and smiled slightly. "Indeed you are most welcome, Major Carter."

Daniel waved as they disappeared into the hall.

Silence fell through the lab for a few more minutes, until Daniel finally spoke. "So, what does all this stuff really do?"

"Just what I told the Colonel it does."

"Really?" Daniel canted his head, peering out at her from narrowed eyes. His skeptical face, O'Neill called it. "They actually do stuff, huh?"

"Yes, Daniel. The lights and monitors actually do stuff."

"Sam," Daniel grinned and caught her eye. "Really?"

"Well, mostly." Her eyes widened as she perused all the lights and flashing things surrounding her. "Those ones I said—those are real. They really do what I said."

"And the rest?"

"Honestly?" Sam caught Daniel's gaze. "Promise you won't tell?"

"Why would I tell, Sam?"

"I don't know." She tilted her head to one side. "Sometimes guys just want to stick together."

"Jack's not a guy—he's an overgrown kid with a P-90."

Sam smiled at that and stood, crossing to a large box that hung on one wall. "Well, we've been doing this for a few years now. It's kind of a secret between me, Teal'c, and Janet."

"Conspiracy. Oooh."

"Not like that, Daniel. Self preservation." Sam reached under the box and felt for the release, triggered it, and then opened the box like a refrigerator.

Daniel had joined her. When she stepped away from the opening, he peered in.

"You're kidding." He laughed and shook his head.

"We call it The Vault."

Daniel perused the sheer quantity of yo-yos, koosh balls, trick pens, fake flowers, decks of cards, and other toys. There were plastic glasses with fake noses attached, juggling balls, and even a few hacky sacks. "You know, he will find out about this some day."

"I know, but in the mean time, we'll just keep taking them when the opportunity arises, and then we have a few more minutes of sanity before he gets himself something new and we want to strangle him with his own yo-yo string again."

"Win win." Daniel could totally see the value in the Vault.

Sam grinned and closed the door back up. "Definitely win win."

Daniel grinned and raised a hand to the glowing box in the corner. "All hail the Winkie blinkie Vault of SGC Sanity."

Sam smiled even more widely. "Winkie blinkies, indeed."