Zetsu's White side talking...

Dark side talking..

White side thinking..

Dark side thinking..

Warnings: Language, 'Sexual themes', bits of fluff, failed attempt at humor, and yaoi.


"Hidan....We dare you to...get drunk.." Zetsu says. Hidan looks up at Zetsu with a face showing horror. "B-but you knew w-what happened when I-I got wasted before fuckface.." He stammered. The plant-man raised an eyebrow. "Exactly."

The last time Hidan got drunk at a bar, he killed twenty-six people, slept with nine.... seven were male, and woke up a few towns over, naked in a cops car. The time before that, was a bit worse, but only because he had to lice with these people. Hidan got drunk at the base, and spent Kakuzu's money then raped him before they got together, killed Zetsu's remaining plants, cut Deidara's hair, broke Kisame's sword-thing, hid Itachi's sex-toys, burnt all Konan's paper, and ripped out a few of Pein's piercings. He was a crazy drunk and they all still hated him a bit for that.

"You know you gotta do it Hidan~!" The hyper masked ninja said.

Hidan growled and stormed over to the fridge, and then removing a few beers.

"Aw c'mon Hi-chan~! Loosen up a little man!" Kakuzu purred from the circle on the floor where everyone else was sitting. He apparently didn't care if he got raped.

"Get drunk now, or I'll chop your fucking balls off!" Zetsu warned.

Hidan squealed and took a few more drinks. "Like you would though...motherfucker.." He mumbled.

Twenty minutes later, Hidan was very drunk.

"Hee~hee...! I feel * Hic* pretty..!" The albino said. He then crawled back to the circle and sat in his boyfriends lap with a little: "Oof."

Itachi giggles, and then says, "Your turn to pick someone Hidan." cheerfully.

"A'ight...Deidara! Wear.....This." He slurs and holds up a very short maids dress that he pulled out from underneath the couch.

Deidara turns bright red and huffed. The blond then rips it out of the drunks grip.

"Where did you find this anyway, un?" He says and takes a closer look. If he put it on, it would go around a hands-width down from his waist. Very short. It was all black with white cuffs on the sleeves, laces on the bottom, and around the neck.

"Oh...*Hic * wait fucka..." Hidan slurred and pulled out white gloves, a maids apron, fishnets, and the little matching hat.

Deidara flinched, but then took the other items gingerly.

"Wait..." Hidan mumbled and dragged a pair of white girl panties from under the couch and threw it at Deidara.

He caught it and blushed again.

The blond got up, and stomped to the bathroom down the hall to put them on.

After slamming the door shut, he looks at the clothes again.

Damn...This will be bad...I wonder if they are going to take blackmailing pictures..! Yikes! He thought.

"I'd like to see them try.." He says out-loud.

Deidara growls as he striped all his clothes, and started to get the outfit on.

The panties are a bit tight..And the dress is clingy....He thought and pulled the fishnets up his legs then put the ridiculous hat on. He sighed and looked into the mirror.

"Dear lord!" He screeched and sighed again for the umpteenth time.

"Well let's get this over with.." He grumbled and opened the door, then went into the living room.

The second Deidara stepped foot into the living room all eyes were on him.

Holy shit! He's....Fucking hot! The ruder Zetsu thought.

I'm afraid I have to agree with you for once... His nicer side thought back.

"Ha! Deidara looks weird in lady clothes!" Tobi giggled.

Hidan started laughing drunkenly and fell out of Kakuzu's lap.

"Hahahaha! Bend over for us blondie!" Kisame said.

Deidara turned red again and was about to slap the shark-man, when he noticed Zetsu having a nosebleed.

Said ninja, pulled a tissue from his pocket and blushed.

Deidara smirked and walked in front of his kind-of-secret-boyfriend, then bent down so Zetsu could get a good view of his ass.

Zetsu meeped and blushed harder.

While the greenette gawked at the bomber, he didn't notice the blood spilling on his T-shirt and the bulge in his pants.

None of the ninjas at the base really wore their cloaks anymore so it was showing through his jeans.

Everyone started laughing when they saw Zetsu.

"He's liking that isn't he..!" Itachi said and pointed at Zetsu's pants.

"Indeed he is..!" Kisame agreed with his lover.

"*Hic * Ha...Ha...Eheheheh!" Hidan drunkenly giggled again.

Zetsu twitched and his fly-trap come out of his shoulders, and closed around his head.

Deidara sighed and stood upright.

" C'mon Zetty~! Open upppppp unnnn~!" The blond said sweetly and tried to open the plant jaws.

His answer was a muffled "Screw you.."

"You can if you want, yeah!" Deidara joked.

Zetsu growled and made the fly-trap go into his shoulders. "Don't call us Zetty.." He said and barred his teeth.

"What about Zuzu? Tobi likes that name." The hyper ninja suggested childishly.

"Good idea Tobi.." Deidara purred.

"Cut the s-shit guys just...pick someone Deidaraaaaaaa." The drunk slurred and then paused. "Jashin...*Hic * I'm sooooo horny...!" He said and flung himself at the nearest ninja.

Sadly, that was Tobi since Kakuzu moved away from him.

The masked ninja started to giggle but then got a bit scared when Hidan put his hands down his pants.

"Hi-Hidan s-stop..!" Tobi begged.

Kakuzu dragged the drunk off Tobi and carried him into their shared room. Slamming the door, Kakuzu grinned and started to strip...

The members remaining in the living room waited to see if the banker and Jashinist were coming back, "FASTER.... KUZU! HARDER!" shouts made them think they weren't for a while.

Since the noises went on for around twenty more fucking minutes, the other ninjas were getting bored.

"Let's just start again." Kisame said.

"Yeah...Deidara, your turn." Itachi said.

"Hm. Oh I know--" The blond started but then was interrupted by Kisame jumping on Itachi, and soon they too faced the same fate as Hidan and Kakuzu. That's leaving Zetsu, Deidara, and Tobi in the living room. "Well, do we go on un?" Deidara asked.

"Tobi thinks Deidara should change back into boy clothes." Tobi said stupidly.

"Yeah...Hell no! He's hawt!" Zetsu said and blushed.

Deidara winked at the plant-man. "Don't worry Zuzu, this wont be the last time you see me in this."

Zetsu blushed harder.

Deidara went back into the bathroom and shut the door as he walked in.

"Damn, I didn't know I could be so....Slutty. Oh well, he liked it." Deidara giggled out loud.

Then he stripped the outfit off and put his normal clothes on. After sighing he untied his hair and re-did it. What the hell is wrong with me..! I bet he hates me now for toying with him like that... He thought unhappily and with sudden realization I'm so stupid...! That's what I did to Sasori danna and he almost left me...Before he died that is...Flinging the door open, he ran into his room crying. Dashing to his bed after locking the door, Deidara flung himself on it and started to sob uncontrollably.

(Holy PMS Deidara...)

Zetsu heard Deidara run to his room and being his boyfriend, he got up and stomped to the blonds room. *Knock, knock * "Deidara...?" He called. He got a muffled "What...Un..?".

"Can I come in? Let us in or we will break the fucking door down."

"Whatever...Yeah..."

The bomber trudged over to the door and unlocked it, making a little 'Click' sound. Zetsu opened the door and noticed his boyfriend's shown eye was all red and puffy, from crying.

"Aw...What's the matter...?" He asked caring.

"A-alot un.." The other male said and sniffed. "I was just remembering Danna....A-and thinking a-about some other s-stuff too...Yeah.."

"It's...Okay.." Zetsu said, trying to be comforting, and took Deidara's arm then lead them to the blonds bed. Sitting him down, Zetsu put a lighter colored arm around his boyfriend's neck and started to rub his back with the other. Deidara gave a small smile and turned around to face Zetsu. Then he kissed him lightly on the lips. Zetsu, over course kissed back, and then broke the kiss a little bit after.

Aw, why'd you stop...?

We are trying to be helpful, not turn this into a make-out session.

Says you.

White Zetsu gave a mental snort and eye roll.

"How about we go to dinner..? It's not that late you know." Zetsu suggested.

The blond brightened at that, and nodded happily. The bi-polar ninja grinned and went back to his room to get ready. "Hm...What should we wear...? The place I intend on going to isn't fancy, but it's not frigging' McDonald's...God I sound gay...Well, like really gay.." Zetsu said to himself and paced the room. Then, Tobi popped out of no where and asked where he was going.

"Where are you going Zuzu?"

"None of your business punk...Just...out for a bit Tobi." He answered absentmindedly.

Oh I know what to wear..!

Do tell be-och!

Zetsu then ran to his closet and rummaged around until he found what he was looking for. It was a simple black blazer with a white shirt to go under it. Then he pulled out a pair of dark bluejeans and black sneakers.

"I guess. Next time we are hittin' the club though.." He said to his other half.

"Whatever." He said back and started to strip off his T-shirt that said 'Epic Fail' and pointed to the black side, and took off his pants. Pulling the other clothes on he stepped out of the closet and looked at himself in a full-body mirror. "Not bad...I feel queer..." He mumbled and then Tobi looked over. "Zuzu looks cute~!" Tobi giggled. The black side flipped him the finger and walked into the hallway, waiting outside Deidara's door. Then, he came out as if on cue, and was wearing blue sweater with light brown pants.

My god..! He looks too fucking gay..!

No he doesn't! It's kinda...Cute in it's own way..

"You look nice un!" Deidara chirped, clearly a bit more happy then he was before.

"Thanks, you do to." Zetsu said back and lead them out of the base and into Zetsu's black Ford tuck. Zetsu loved trucks, they were perfect for hiding bodies in the back. Well, his black side thought that.

They climbed in and Zetsu started to drive to the restaurant he was treating his boyfriend to.


Meh, that was a bit short and crappy... Oh well. Hopefully this next one will be a bit better.

~Squee! Reviews!~

Nini-sama- Thanks! :3 I don't really like OCC's either.

Zetsu's rose- Sure. I love Zetsu too :3 Thanks!

Thanks guys~ Next chapter's coming up soon.