Fallen Star- Tik Tok
Forks' was just as I had hoped.
The desolate sun shone under ever present clouds of grey as I sat in my room looking out the window reflecting on the past few days.
Charlie of course had been ecstatic since I had arrived and not once had let me feel down about not being home in phoenix. To be completely honest Phoenix wasn't my home, the way everyone fussed and gossiped about me made it feel like hell on earth. You might think I'm over reacting about that but until you have lived through that, I can guarantee you would feel the same.
I would still be incredibly fussed over in Forks but only by a few people, mostly Charlie.
I don't plan in the next 6 months for Forks to become like Phoenix; I couldn't bear it, not now.
I would keep to the image that everyone believed, the chief's only daughter coming to live with him. I would just be my usual quiet and incredibly clumsy self.
Despite what my mom believed Forks was beautiful, I loved the rainy days more than the sunny. Rain was so refreshing and new every time it rained, which is pretty much every day here. The rain gave me a sense of hope, that all things renewed.
It's a few weeks before school starts and Charlie has planned for us to go out to dinner at the dinner, though I offered to do the cooking Charlie refused and said I needed my rest.
It annoyed me every time someone would say no to me because of how I am. Yes I was different but that didn't give them cause to do everything for me, well intentioned or not it made me feel like I couldn't do anything myself and I hated feeling like that.
At least Renee and Charlie had finally agreed to let me go back to school for as long as I was capable, which was a huge thing for me, I hadn't been to regular school for many years.
Horrible or not, it was something I had longed to do for awhile, I wanted to be normal.
Mom once told me that God had made me this way because I'm special to him, I didn't think that was the case. I'm not a big believer in all that is holy but I'm not a disbeliever, I just haven't made up my mind yet.
The one thing that stops me from believing is my pain, why would God make me go through so much pain if he was real. Some would say it's a challenge of my faith but I just don't know.
I'm so confused about a lot of things; I hope they all will become clear before it happens.
No matter how hard I try, I can't stop myself from thinking about it, I'm terrified.
The doctors say I've been lucky so far but I don't believe as they, I know just as much as they do and what they're not willing to tell me. There's nothing that can stop it, all those years of hoping that it'd be alright and here I am in forks, waiting.
I'm not an idiot, I know its coming.
